Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did that would be as the kids call it…awesome enough to make me shit bricks. Unfortunately I do not own Naruto and so bricks are not being shat. I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this disclaimer you poor unfortunate soul.
Sincerely,
Elmer Beckett
Prologue: Having beaten the Akatsuki and faced Madara down in manly ninja combat Naruto thought that everything would be over. Unfortunately, long story short Madara being the sore losing bitch ass that he is sent Naruto back in time with his eternal Mangekyo.
Features: A fed up Naruto with a whole lot of attitude, a ghetto compliant kyuubi, and a whole lot of wholesome man-whoring courtesy of the Kyuubi's questionable influence.
WARNING: The following material contains course language, suggestive dialogue, and many other naughty things that people shouldn't be exposed to. If you are still reading then you are either extremely stupid or extremely brave. Either way, you are probably my type of person.
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Chapter 1: Madara you little bitch ass…
You know looking back on it now he really shouldn't have been all that surprised. Since when had anything in Naruto's life ever gone well or according to plan? Rhetorical question, don't answer that. Naruto sat in the middle of his dingy apartment as he passively observed all the little trinkets that made up his apartment. The door looked just as rickety and plain as it had in his childhood. The frog wallet sitting on his bed staring back at him in his little apartment was still just as adorable as it had always been.
Naruto glanced up at the calendar sitting next to his bed, no matter how many times he had glanced at it in the last week he still couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the idea. He, Naruto Uzumaki, was a man now turned boy who had successfully traveled back in time. He had been here for a week already and had been attending the academy in a daze as he tried to come to terms with his situation. Iruka had been very wary of Naruto's sudden change and had often looked towards him as if baffled by the sudden change in his most rambunctious student. Naruto for all his talent and ability had just sat in class like a mute trying to dispel this elaborate illusion that Madara had somehow managed to trap him in, worse yet, after the third day he had tried to contact the Kyuubi to help shed light on the situation. By the time the weekend had rolled over however, Naruto was forced to accept his situation for what it was.
"I'm so beyond boned right now," stated Naruto as he closed his eyes to concentrate.
Once more he would try to contact the Kyubbi, he could not proceed any further until he knew for sure just what it was that he would be dealing with, plus the knowledge that he wasn't alone in this twisted journey would be comforting. There really is nothing like having the company to share misery with.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
In Naruto's mind:
"YO! BITCH ASS FOX! YEAH I"M TALKING TO YOU DON'T IGNORE ME!" yelled Naruto into the infinite abyss that made up his mind.
"HOLY MONKEY'S SLAPPING MADARA'S OLD DECAYING TESTACLES COULD YOU GET ANY LOUDER?" yelled the Kyuubi with a thundering voice.
"FOX WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT YOU FOR THE PAST WEEK TO MAKE SENSE OF ALL THIS CRAZY SHIT AND YOU"VE HAD ME ON THE BACK BURNER WHAT GIVES?" roared Naruto as he gave the Kyuubi the bird courtesy of his boiling rage.
"WELL EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO GET A LITTLE SHUT EYE OVER HERE AFTER HAVING TO DEAL WITH MADARA'S BROKEN ASS SHARINGAN POWERS THAT SENT US INTO THE PAST! HONESTLY, CAN'T A NIGGA CATCH A COUPLE ZZZ'S?" boomed the kyuubi with equal rage.
"DON'T GIMME THAT CRAP I AM OVER HERE TRYING TO FIT INTO MY PAST LIKE I'M NOT A 21 YEAR OLD MAN TRAPPED IN A BOY'S BODY. I'M BASICALLY STUCK HERE TRYING TO PRETEND AS THOUGH I'M NOT HERE FALLING APART AT THE SEAMS AND YOUR TAKING A LITTLE FOX NAP?"
"WHY ARE WE YELLING AT EACH OTHER TO SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS?!"
"I DON'T KNOW, YOU JUST KEPT YELLING BACK AND I FIGURED I WOULD JUST KEEP DOING IT UNTIL YOU CALMED YOURSELF DOWN!"
"ME TOO!"
"THEN WE SHOULD PROBABLY STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER!"
"Yeah that sounds like a good idea," stated the kyuubi calmly as he eyed his young charge.
"Kyuub, I'm going to be straight with you. There are not many things that can piss me off. When I was humiliated by this village and treated like trash I wasn't pissed off. When the girl I loved wouldn't look my way after all I did to win her affection I wasn't pissed off. When the guy I tried to save because he was my best friend ended up with the girl that I loved and once again basked in glory I wasn't pissed off. When the whole world, a world that has been unfair to me since the beginning and has constantly belittled and ridiculed me, decided to put its weight on my shoulder as the unwilling hero in this ridiculous story that is my life, I wasn't pissed off. But when that bitch ass little Uchiha went and decided to be a prick and sent me back in time...well…it has been a long time since someone has infuriated me in such a way I will tell you that good sir." Stated the blond shinobi as he paced back and forth in his mind.
"Well kid, I'm going to be straight with you. I don't know how he did it but Madara somehow managed to send you into the past. Now I'm guessing that he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing and it was probably a last minute gamble to save himself. To put it simply, Madara is a dumbass and did nothing to save his situation, honestly all he did is prolong his inevitable defeat. You can feel it can't you kid? All your chakra, all your memories, both muscle and otherwise are still there. Knowledge of your techniques…everything is still there. You are basically the Elite badass ninja you were in the future only now you're a little midget with an attitude problem instead of the jaded young man you were before."
"Yes of course, but what to do with this awesome responsibility that has befallen me? What is the best course of action right now? Iruka is worried about me and has been watching me closely lately..FOX ARE FALLING ASLEEP ON ME WHAT THE HELL?!"
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize I was supposed to be paying attention, maybe if you weren't so boring I would have actually listened to what you had to say. Seriously, I'm the strongest of the tailed beasts. I am so awesome that if I whipped it out right now there would be an earthquake in Suna," Kyuubi looked on at Naruto with a deadpan conveying his lack of interest.
"Seriously kid what is there to think about? Who says you have to do everything the same? You could simply cruise your way through doing your best not to stand out too much and then kick ass when you really need to. It isn't that hard, and acting like the punk that you were in your youth isn't that hard either. Have some fun with it, maybe get laid. Seriously, God knows you need some with how high strung you are these days," At this point Kyuubi decided that his words of wisdom had been enough to answer all of Naruto's problems as he got into a comfortable position and closed his eyes.
Naruto sat there contemplating what Kyuubi had just told him and began to toss ideas back and forth in his mind. In a way the Kyuubi was right, what was he so worried about? He was an incredibly skilled shinobi. He was so broken he made just about every other S-rank ninja that had ever lived look like a pussy in comparison. He wasn't even in his prime when he had faced Madara for the final time before being sent into the past and he had been in the process of making Madara his bitch.
Of course, Naruto had to keep in mind that a good amount of ninja had died in his name after that whole fiasco with the ten tailed beast and Tobi who had turned out to be Obito. Obito and Madara had ended up winning that battle even if they had managed to seal away the ten tailed beast. So many competent and powerful ninja had died that day from the shinobi alliance and Naruto had gone into hiding for a couple of years in order to gain the power he would need to defeat the two insane Uchiha. Luckily, the game of cat and mouse had lasted long enough for Naruto to become as powerful as necessary. In the end, it was Team Seven that had managed to come together to save the entire ninja world when they defeated Tobi and sent Madara running. The entire world began to cheer prematurely while Naruto went to chase down Madara to finish the job. In those years that they had been playing cat and mouse Team Seven had become fractured.
It didn't matter anymore though, and to be honest he didn't really want to think about it. Kyuubi was right, he had been so high strung all those years that he ever really gave himself the time to have fun and actually enjoy life. All that had mattered was getting as strong as he possibly could as fast as he possibly could. By the time he was 18 he was so manic in his training that many had whispered that his dedication to ending the war bordered on obsession. He hadn't spent any time with the reformed Sasuke or any of his teammates or peers. He had become so isolated that by the time they had gathered together on that fateful battle it became painfully obvious that Naruto had no coordination with the other members of team seven.
It didn't have to be this way though. He was stronger now, smarter now. He wasn't that boy who craved the attention of all those around him. He wasn't that same boy who wanted to be loved by the girl of his dreams. He wasn't that same boy who wanted to desperately cling on to the only friend he believed he had. He wasn't that same boy who wanted to be acknowledged by his sensei who had written him off as a lost cause. But most of all, he wasn't that same boy that wanted to be Hokage. Naruto didn't feel the slightest bit guilty in admitting it either. After everything he had done, after all that he had endured all Naruto wanted was to become an Elite jounin and spend his time having fun whenever he had the chance. Maybe this time after he defeated all of his enemies and brought some sense of order back to the world he would be able to live out his life normally. He didn't expect that peace would last forever even after the threat of Madara vanished. Such was the nature of man, as time passed it was only too obvious that new conflicts would arise as a new generation began to take old forgetting all of the lessons the past had to teach.
That wasn't Naruto's responsibility. It shouldn't have to be. He would play his role this time but he would do it his way. He would save the village. He would stop Madara. He would save the entire ninja world even. But most of all, Naruto would finally be happy.
"That's the spirit!" Kyuubi roared in approval.
"Dude what the hell you were paying attention this whole time?" Naruto asked.
"That's not the point! The point is that this time you have everything you need to do what you need to do. This time you are the one who controls your fate."
"Yeah your right! I can do it!"
"You can do it!"
"I'm going to do it!"
"They can't stop you!"
"I'm going to save the world!"
"You're going to make those guys your bitches!"
"I'm going to have fun!"
"FUN IS OUR NEW MIDDLE NAME!"
"But most of all I'm going to enjoy my life this time around and be happy!"
"YEAH! FUCK BITCHES GET MONEY!"
"What?"
"What?"
"Kyuubi seriously where did you get such a potty mouth? I know you didn't get that from me."
"Honestly I don't remember but don't act like you weren't thinking it. What could be better than getting rich and finding women to bone? That Hinata girl liked you remember? Why don't you tap that ass? She'd probably get on her knees if you asked her. Or what about that Ino girl with the blonde hair? Tell me you haven't thought about tapping that ass, she filled out pretty nicely or did you forget? Hell, even that pink haired teammate of yours turned into a knock out. Maybe this time you could get to her before the emo one gets to her. She may have been kind of a bitch but so what? Get cozy with her and eventually maybe she'll let you hit it, feel me? Have fun this time around! I mean shit! Maybe you can have fun with all three! Who says you have to settle for just them?! The world is yours to play with! Bitches! Bitches everywhere! Take the world by storm!" Kyuubi roared with enthusiasm and delight at the prospects that this new world had to offer.
Naruto merely shook his head at the display. The Kyuubi was right. Things would be different this time. It may not have been part of his plan but there was nothing he could do about that. The graduation exam was coming up and he would be sure to pass this time and take the Academy and all his peers by storm. The world would never be the same and Naruto was going to light up the elemental countries. Tonight the people of Konoha slept soundly in their beds with no idea of the turn of events that would soon come to shock and awe the world. Naruto Uzumaki, the strongest ninja in history was about to take center stage. One thing was certain, things were never going to be the same.
End of Chapter
So there you have it folks, this is the first chapter (more of a prologue really) of my new up and coming story. I'm not going to have to worry about school or anything pretty soon because I will be graduating so I will have more time to type and stuff. I'll probably be able to make longer chapters too. If you are a fan of my story Problems then don't worry, I'm going to be working on that too.
Read and Review
Or don't, whatever I'm not your dad.
Sincerely,
Elmer Beckett