I always had to avoid his eyes, as I found myself getting lost in them too easily. He meant everything to me, that boy. It was not hard to understand that I would have given up everything for him, and so I did give up everything for him. I would have done anything for him.
Perhaps that is why I turned myself into a monster.
People believed that the Capitol turned me into a killer, but that was not true.
It was him.
It was me.
His hair was always so fine; his smile always gave me butterflies. Whenever he picked up a weapon, he was able to use it so well. He was perfect in my eyes.
He never asked me to give up everything I had for him.
He never asked me to give up my life to make sure he lived.
Isn't it funny?
I died for him to win, but he died as well.
He had come a minute too late, the day I died. I thought he hadn't heard me calling out his name. It ended with me telling myself he did not love me back, and that was why he hadn't come.
I wished I could have had a few more minutes, to tell him that I truly did love him. That there was a side to me that was not just another killer, and that that side had so many feelings for him.
But I could not.
But I would not.
I was never one to admit my feelings for someone, mostly because I hardly ever had feelings for anyone.
I should have told him I loved him when I still had the chance.
"Cato?" I whispered into the darkness. It was the night before my death. I was on watch, sitting right next to Cato's sleeping form.
"Yeah?" he answered.
"Where do you think we go when we die? Do we just…float around?" I knew he was going to make fun of me for my question. I probably sounded like a small child to him.
"My sister once told me…that we go to a better place. She described it as a place where butterflies never die. We can all live there in peace. We wouldn't even have to worry about the Games," he replied. His reply surprised me, and his voice was so soft. For once, he was not the tribute from District Two who was perfect. He was not another killer Career.
He was Cato.
"I'd like to go there," I told him.
"After you win the Games," he said quietly.
"What about you?" I wondered.
"I'll be meeting you…in the place where butterflies never die."
I was not able to do what he had in mind; I didn't win the Games.
But, maybe…
Just maybe…
The two of us would be able to meet in that place he was talking about that night.
Where butterflies never die.