Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, but I do own Doctor What, Doctor Why, and Doctor Wherefore.
It was the last minute of the last hour of the last day of the year 4999 A.D. Aspiring archeologist River Song, eager to rid her mind of disappointments and worries, had brought along on this night of nights a companion who would surely help her to accomplish just that.
A bottle of Jack Daniels.
"10…9…8…" chanted a crowd of revelers near the bottom of the hill where she lay, surrounded by dirt, crabgrass, and frost, feeling despondent when she felt at all. If this millennium's anything like the last one, I hope I die right here and now, she grumbled to herself.
A black cat, its movements fluid, its eyes reflecting the city lights, crept silently to the spot where the drunken student rested against a stone pillar. She could barely make out its silhouette with her faded eyesight. The obsidian critter stopped a few inches from her skirt, regarded her curiously, and asked in a calm male voice, "Are you in need of medical attention?"
The cat's query elicited a moan from River. "Go 'way," she muttered deliriously.
"Please answer yes or no," said the unruffled feline.
I hate it when animals talk back, she thought. "I'm drunk," she managed to mumble. "You'd be drunk too, if you had nobody to kiss on New Year's Eve because your lousy rockpicker of a boyfriend made up his mind that he preferred to be gay."
In the apartment they shared on the 45th floor of the Zamerz Tower complex, River and her beau, Mustang Cloud, were watching the news on their eight-screen-deep 3DHDTV. "Scientists at the University of Boca Raton have initiated clinical studies of a drug they claim will temporarily reverse a person's sexual orientation," stated the highly detailed reporter.
River leaned over, her curly brown locks swinging over her shoulders, and kissed Mustang's cheek playfully. "You'll never take a drug like that, will you?" she said in a jovial tone.
He turned to her with a serious look. "River, I have a confession to make…"
The black cybercat, finding no meaningful input from River's story, raised its tail and sauntered away into the darkness. River, glad to see it gone, tilted the cold bottle in her hand until its neck pressed against her lips. Even oblivion isn't oblivious enough, she mused.
A mere hundred yards away, a frightened-looking stranger hurried through the brush in her direction. The man, kept warm only by a long brown jacket, suggested by his bloodshot eyes and unruly hair that he had enjoyed little opportunity to sleep. With each step he glanced to the left and to the right, as if suspecting that the foe on his trail was not alone.
"Doctor!" A harsh, determined voice cried out to him. "There's no escape. Now that I have your DNA signature, I can track you anywhere."
Must keep moving, the man with the red sneakers urged himself. Can't let myself fall into their hands.
"Just give up, will you?" shouted the other man, the pursuer. "It's late, and we could both use some rest."
A tree root caught the Doctor by the tip of his shoe, causing him to nearly stumble. Righting himself, he forged on through the poplars. If I can just find someone…a pair of young lovers, maybe…someone with a big, empty brain I can borrow…
In his desperate haste, he nearly collided with the boulder against which River was filling herself with whiskey. Their eyes connected. She scarcely registered him as a humanoid life form, while he saw her as a means of deliverance.
"Well, well," said the Time Lord. "You're a bit sozzled, but you'll have to do."
To be continued