A super fast, fun, silly fic based on the random idea of Miroku being forced to go an addiction counselor for nymphomania.

Twelve Steps to You
Step One

It was 2:45 AM, and Miroku was slumped over Inyasha and Kagome's kitchen counter, nursing a strong cup of coffee.

"How do I get myself into these things?"

"Um, because you are a lecher?"

Miroku sighed into his crossed arms and turned his head to stare bleary-eyed up into the face of his ex-roommate's wife.

"She's got you there," Inuyasha snorted before coming into view. "And what the hell happened? I thought the plan was that after we left you had resolved to behave yourself, and were going to head home as soon as Hachi picked you up."

"That was the plan," Miroku groaned, sitting up, head in hands. "But Hachi got the bars mixed up. And never showed."

"So, who was the woman that dropped you off? Didn't get a good look at her; she was driving away too fast."

"No idea," he rubbed his temples. "I know I got into it with a guy at the bar…but I can't remember why. Don't remember leaving, or the ride here."

"That explains the lump on the head," Inuyasha grumbled.

"Miroku, something isn't right," Kagome frowned. "C'mon. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No… no," he shook his head. "I just…I just need to sleep it off." He squinted at her. "Why are there two of you?"

Kagome looked at her husband and he sighed.

"I'll get my keys."

He still felt hungover the next afternoon, and wouldn't have opened the door if Kagome hadn't expressly called to tell him she was coming over with food.

He blinked several times at the toady little man, brow furrowed.

"You're not Kagome."

"I should say not," he huffed. He straightened immediately, stepping aside for another figure.

"He's here, sir – just like I said he would be."

"Yes. I can see that. Thank you, Jaken."

"It is my pleasure, sir," the odd little man preened. "Is there anything else I can-"

"Go wait in the car."

"Yes sir! Of course, sir!"

He hurried away, squeaking some innanties at the bodyguard and driver, Ah and Un before hopping back into the car.

"So," Miroku closed the door behind them. "Why the house call?"

"We have matters to discuss," Sesshomaru handed him a folder before sitting in one of the large, comfortable chairs. "Starting with how I am graciously not firing you after last night's debacle. Provided you comply with my terms."

Miroku swallowed a sigh, sat in the other large chair, and began to read.

Kagome and Inuyasha came over for dinner that night, so that Miroku could give them the bad news.

"You're suspended from work?" Kagome blinked widely. "Why?"

"Sexual harassment. A woman from work is claiming I made a pass at her last night."

"Well did you?" Inuyasha snorted.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome glared at him.

"What? He said it himself – he doesn't remember much about last night, and it's not like he hasn't had his share of leching."

"I couldn't have," Miroku shook his head. "I know her from work; no drug on earth would make me make a pass at her."

"But I thought you said they found drugs in your system," Kagome worried her lip.

"They did," he sighed. "Mushin turned over the in-house security footage. They caught her drugging me on camera."

"Well that's it then, right?" Kagome's face brightened. "They can prove you were drugged."

"Not exactly."

"Then what, 'exactly?'" Inuyasha asked flatly.

"Well, they are pending the investigation at work… turns out I'm not the first victim; she's pulled stunts like this before, and there is evidence that she fabricated those as well…."

"But?"

"But the only way we could buy more time and be sure was to claim that I am under treatment for an addiction, and that my case had to be handled delicately."

"WHAT?" Kagome squealed. "Why? There is proof you are innocent!"

"I had to," Miroku said plaintively. "She drags her victims through lengthy court battles. Eventually, they just give up and settle the cases. She's under investigation, but doesn't know it yet. I'm her latest victim, but I'm not her only one, so I agreed to help."

"So, how does claiming you are a drug addict not ruin your career?" Kagome asked, wild eyed.

"He's in the corporate world," Inuyasha scoffed. "A ton of them are drug addicts."

"They aren't saying I'm a drug addict," he fidgeted uncomfortably.

Inuyasha arched one eyebrow.

"So what exactly are you supposed to be addicted to?"

Miroku took a deep breath.

"Hi. I'm Miroku Hoshisama. I'm twenty-nine, single, and a sex addict."

This one is already complete - so updates will come quick!

- GL