A/N: If you are reading this, then keep reading. And review, I like reviews.
This is my first fanfiction, so it may not be five star quality. I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it.
Disclaimer: Well, everything that belongs to Eoin Colfer, his publisher, and all of that stuff belongs to them and I claim nothing!
The Exclamatory Argument
"Today we will be discussing happiness."
Said Juliet, with a bright smile.
Artemis looked up at Juliet from his office chair, with a blank expression on his face.
"Happiness . . ."
"Yes!" Said Juliet with a nod,
"Happiness!"
Artemis glared at Juliet with distaste. Ever since his mother, Angeline Fowl, had found out about how 'boring' the school that Artemis went to was, she had insisted upon having someone spend time with Artemis, to help him feel 'happy' and 'creative'. Juliet had gladly taken up the job; she needed some extra cash, and, what's more, this was a good way to annoy Artemis, which was a sort of sport for Juliet. What's more, Butler had agreed to the implementation of these lessons, and had positioned himself in front of the door, reading his romance novels hidden inside that gun & ammo book, so that Artemis couldn't flee. Thus Artemis had to listen to Juliet's rambling sentences, wasting time, and time is money, and money buys gold, and gold is power, therefore Juliet was lessening Artemis's power.
Artemis looked at Juliet with a cold stare, imagining her shrivel under his gaze.
"No, no, no!" She exclaimed,
"If you're going to be happy you must look happy!"
She drew a smiley face on the chalk board, which she had positioned in front of Artemis's desk, to emphasize her point.
"Happy," She said, pointing at the drawing.
Artemis frowned at the horrid little attempt to depict the complex features of the human face.
"You expect me to try to contort my face into something similar to the lines representing the eyes and mouth of that . . . sketch?"
Artemis said, looking at Juliet.
He continued,
"And by doing such, you think that my complicated emotions will arrange themselves in a way that I have a feeling of joy? That is absurd! I refuse—"
Juliet cut him off,
"Artemis! To be happy you must use smaller sentences!"
Artemis stuck his fingernails into the soft fake leather of his office chair as he fumed silently.
Juliet smiled a dazzling smile (Which didn't seem quite so dazzling to Artemis), and said.
"Today, our exercise is, write a happy sentence."
Artemis leaned forward and put his head in his hands,
"Juliet, I have things I need to do, I'm so busy, can't this wait—"
Juliet snatched up two chalkboard erasers and clapped them twice in Artemis's face.
Artemis spluttered and flopped backwards out of his chair onto the carpet.
"That's the spirit! Jump out of your chair and step right up to the chalkboard!"
Juliet said, placing the erasers on the edge of Artemis's desk.
Artemis sneezed a few times before pushing himself up off of the carpet.
"Juliet," He began, but he broke into a coughing fit, "You are fired!"
Juliet waved a piece of chalk around,
"I don't exactly work for you!"
Artemis grumbled about hiring and then firing, before reluctantly stepping up to the chalkboard.
"Just one happy sentence?"
He said, looking sideways at Juliet, who nodded encouragingly.
One happy sentence, Artemis could do that, if he got this right he could leave.
Artemis took the chalk and leaned forward slightly, placing the chalk on a good position, giving himself enough room to write a medium sized sentence. Artemis dragged the chalk across the board, making the needed symbols to represent his thoughts.
He stepped back, to admire his sentence, which was—
Aurum Es Potestas
Juliet face-palmed at Artemis,
"Artemis! That's not happy, that's greedy!"
She snatched the chalk from Artemis and wrote a sentence on the board.
Duckies are cute!
"That is happy, try again."
Artemis glared at the words,
"I refuse to write such useless things!"
"It's not useless if it makes you happy," Juliet countered.
"It doesn't make me happy though!"
Artemis said.
Juliet sighed and stuck the chalk in Artemis's hand,
"Write" She said.
Artemis glared at Juliet, before finally giving in and writing.
I like gold.
Juliet smiled,
"You're nearly there, just add an exclamation point."
Artemis frowned. Useless sentences were one thing, but unneeded exclamation points was just too far.
"'I like gold' is not the type of sentence that you would add an exclamation point to, I refuse to write incorrect sentences."
Juliet sighed,
"It's not about correct punctuation, it's about happiness, Arty." She gestured at the chalk board,
"And the exclamation point is what brings happiness to everything in the whole world!"
"Maybe in your world,"
Artemis said,
"But in everyone else's world the exclamation point is used to show that something is exciting, or, in literature, it shows that someone is shouting."
He gestured at the sentence,
"And seeing as that is neither, an exclamation point would be incorrect!"
Juliet grabbed the chalk and added the necessary line to change the period into an exclamation point.
"Happy"
She said, with finality.
Artemis sighed, giving up on this useless cause.
"May I go now?"
Juliet nodded and put the piece of chalk on the ledge of the chalkboard.
"Yup, remember what you've learned, and prepare to be happy again tomorrow!"
Artemis quickly exited the room, walking past Butler, down a hallway. He entered the computer room, sat down, heavily, on his office char and stared at his computer's screen.
"Exclamation points the key to happiness my eye/"
He muttered, while clicking an icon on the screen.
An untitled document popped up, and Artemis began typing out a rough draft for an E-mail he needed to send to the president of some remote island.
Halfway through a disguised threat, he paused, mind drifting to Juliet's words.
Artemis tapped out a sentence, experimentally.
I am intelligent!
A/N: This was a one shot, so don't expect anything more on this particular story.
Thanks to my sister, she's my proofreader/criticizer.
BeanMaster ©