Decisions and Heartache

Summary: Sam and Max begin a relationship but when Phil returns to work a case at Sun Hill who will Sam choose?
Pairing: SamMax, SamPhil.
Genre: Romance/Angst.
Rating: K
Dedication: For Beccy. For converting me to SamMax. The tables had to turn one day!
Please review! Xx

It was hard to pinpoint when it happened exactly; when I crossed the line from co-workers to lovers with another man. I thought Stuart had been the exception to that rule, and then I had fallen in love with Phil Hunter. With Max though, I sensed something would be different. I can't put my finger on it but he was unlike any of the other men I have been with in my life. Maybe it's just me, but all of the other men I have dated have tried to change me, to control me in some way. Even Phil, despite how much he professed to love me for who I am. Max didn't seem to want anything from me, he just wanted to be with me. Maybe that was what attracted me to him and made me break the promise I had made to myself, all over again.

It had been two months since that first night. Alone in my office after hours I had been surprised to find Max still there. The feeling was obviously mutual as he appeared to be as shocked as me. We had been working a tough case involving the abduction and murder of a group of young children. It had been particularly harrowing for me as a mother but I could see that it had deeply affected Max too.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, there were dark circles underneath his eyes which appeared to be bloodshot.

He nodded with a small smile. "I'm fine. Thanks, Guv."

I looked at my watch. "It's nearly nine pm, I think you can call me Sam."

"Okay, Sam." Max replied, his handsome face relaxing into a smile.

I reached into the bottom drawer of my desk and pull out a bottle of whiskey and two glass tumblers. I'm clearly settling into my role as DI as well as I had hoped. Max took the hint and sat down opposite me, taking the measure of alcohol which I offered. We talked for hours that evening, and I found myself revealing more to this man than I had to anyone in a long time. Since Phil, in fact.

As Max swallowed the last few drops of whiskey from his glass, he turned to me. Our gazes were locked across the table and the tension in the room which had ebbed away hours before was back, but this time it was different.

"Sam," He paused and I waited for him to go on. "Would it be out of line if I kissed you now?"

I shook my head, barely able to breathe as he leaned closer. As his lips captured mine I could taste the whiskey on his lips and Max's own unique taste which I wanted to savour. The kiss was over too soon so I initiated the next and before long we had crossed the fine line in the sand that separated us from being colleagues and being lovers.

Things had only improved since that first night in my office and the relationship was going better than any I had experienced in a long time, if ever. Max was good for me and I was sure I was happier than I had been in a long time. I even stopped burying myself in my work which I hadn't done since I was with Phil. Despite the way I was feeling for Max now, it did not stop my heart burning everytime I thought about the only man who had ever truly had all of me.

Just as Max and I were thinking about moving our relationship to the next level and moving in together, a face from the past returned. I knew the day would come eventually but contact with Phil via email and telephone like we had shared for the past six months was very different to seeing him face to face again. Meadows headed the briefing the morning that Phil arrived back at Sun Hill to work liaison with us and I wondered if he could sense the tension in the room between Max, Phil and myself. It was clear that someone had appraised him of our relationship, I possibly had Jo to thank for that, and I kicked myself for not being entirely honest with Phil about my current relationship.

"Can we talk, Sam?" Phil asked when he finally managed to get me alone at the end of the briefing. I could tell that there was no way out of this one.

"Isn't that what we're doing now?" I asked, trying to keep the tone of this conversation light, but I know I'm wasting my time.

"Sam." He said, close to being exasperated with me, and I hated myself for making him feel that way. "Why didn't you tell me about you and Carter?"

I couldn't bear to meet his eye, the floor was a safer bet.

"I'm sorry, Phil, I know I should have done. I just didn't want to hurt you."

Phil rolled his eyes. "So you lied to me?"

"I'm sorry," I had no more explanations for him, just regrets.

"I don't want you to be sorry Sam, I want you to be happy." The sincerity of his voice brought tears to my eyes and I knew I was still in love with him. For the moment Max vanished from my mind. It was Phil I loved and I wanted him more than ever.

"I was happy. I was happy with you."

"Sam," He stepped forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead, I leaned into his warm body but the moment passed too soon. "I just want to know the truth from you, not office gossip. Do you love this Max?"

My heart felt like it had been torn in two. How did I choose between the man I had loved subconsciously for so many years yet knew my future with would be anything but smooth and the man who could offer me all of the stability I needed now that I had reached my forties.

"Yes." I stammered, my voice pathetic to my own ears. "Yes, I do love him." I repeated with more courage.

He hugged me again, and when he spoke, his breath was close to my ear.

"I'm glad Sam, I know you probably don't believe me. I only ever wanted you to be happy and I never succeeded in making you happy. You deserve to be happy and I hope Max can make you feel that way."

He let me go and I actually felt happy. I could be honest with Phil now, I was in love with someone else but I didn't have to lie about. Best of all, Phil understood.

"Come on Phil, we'd better get back to work. I don't know what you get up to at Special Crimes but we actually do work here." I said playfully, as we turned our attention back to the case. I was determined to make the most of working with Phil; partners once again.