This story isn't part of any one universe and I'm using ideas from any and all. So far this is one of many little one shots and shorts using my original character that I plan to put here. Oh and a warning to you plagiarists out there, I won't treat you like an adult and ask you to take your story down, I'll make sure everyone knows what you do.
Just a funny little thing I contrived at one in the morning some time last summer or fall of '07. It's my first humor fanfiction and I'm usually dramatic so you be the judge. For those of you who've been waiting: I'm baaaaack! Cussing may ensue. When I can I'll make a better summary for this story. Until then you're stuck with the one you have. Or someone else can do it. Hell I don't know.
Note: I am SUCH an newbie to the TF universe it's not even funny. However Tele-1 and other fans of G1 and BW have helped me learn more about this franchise. The '07 movie got me hooked (I love it despite it's huge plot holes) and Armada introduced me to the whole shibang. Yes, it's not an illustrious way to be introduced to the fandom but it's a start so forgive me. And with that, carry on ladies and gents... Or whatever the hell you consider yourselves.
Note 2: Expect me to keep on adding little things to the top and bottom of this story at will.
Note 3: Please, if you see something that needs to be corrected like spelling, grammar, etc. then please, please feel free to tell me about it. I don't have a beta but I do have the latest version of Microsoft Word and even then I still find mistakes. Don't be an ass when you tell me about it because I'll be an ass right back at you.
Note 4: I love constructive reviews.
Disclaimer: The lawyers say I don't own them. I own Scalpel and this idea.
Cy's Place was aptly named. It was the place where Cyclonus went to relax, chill out, and sleep. And because it was in a relatively rundown part of the base, he was the only 'bot willing to go down there. That was just fine with the psychotic 'copter 'bot, he wanted time to himself just like anyone else. Today however, Cy was going to be disturbed by a certain little youngling Autobot femme the Decepticons had been fortunate enough to capture a few battles before. Some 'Cons, no, all the 'Cons, just didn't understand why the youngling had been captured in the first place. The bravest of them to question their leader had been Demolisher – he was the kiss-ass of the Decepticon Army and had the highest chance of success – and for his inquisitiveness he'd not only been given an answer but he'd also been volunteered to look after the little femme along with Cyclonus and Starscream. (The majority of the base was in agreement that Megatron had only put Starscream on the youngling watch list to further antagonize his second in command with the virtues of leadership and a bet was going around for how long Screamer would last this latest indignation to his overblown ego before making another bid for leadership.)
It also forced Thundercracker and Skywarp to watch the youngling as well because if Starscream had to suffer so did the rest of the Seekers. The moaning and groaning would have gone on for far longer had Megatron not started shooting at all the possible targets in the room, youngling femme included. Afterwards Demolisher proposed a list of who would watch Scalpel at what time and for how many hours a day. Needless to say the tank had been the one watching the Saturn since then. What respectable Decepticon would willingly watch a youngling?
So for a month now the other youngling-sitters had been AWOL on their new chore and this was seriously cutting into Demolisher's mission and ass-kissing time. It was also cutting into his recharge time because younglings were an active lot and either the excitement of being captured still hadn't worn off even after all the time she had been in the Decepticon base or the Autobots had just never put her on a strict recharge schedule. It was likely a combination of the two and "Demmy" was doing his damndest to remedy the headache by forcing her to fit into his schedule. Many memorable moments were made when the little femme decided that she was doing what she wanted to do and damn you to the Pit and back if you thought to tell her otherwise.
One such event had occurred earlier that morning (Earthen terms were slowly tainting even the most stubborn of Decepticons) and that was why Scalpel was sent to Cyclonus. Demolisher was convinced that half the base or more had heard Scalpel's mixed English and Cybertronian screams of protest when he'd tried to gently and then urgently wake his charge. A few – and Demolisher was among them – had damaged audials. Scalpel, being a fully fledged medic despite her obvious youth (and that was the reason she had been captured, she was weaker than other wily, battle-proven 'bots) had been punished by having to fix all the audials she had broken. It had been a quick thought by some nameless grunt that Demolisher take some time off for himself but when no volunteers came forward Scalpel ran off to find Cyclonus, thoughtful enough to let her guardian know who to look for with a yell over her rapidly diminishing shoulder.
At the moment Scalpel had tip toed the best she could into Cy's Place. Stories told by Ironhide said that some of the more traumatized 'bots would wake up from an undisturbed recharge screaming and blasting subconscious enemies only to find out that it was only a dream and their slow moving allies on the floor leaking energon. Cyclonus, if not traumatized by thousands of years of constant warfare, was definitely not high up on the sanity ladder and a cautious approach was warranted with the 'copter 'bot awake or asleep. Moments more of tip toeing brought the little medic up close to one of her secondary caretakers and she took the time to assess how best to wake the psycho without becoming a pile of half-melted, smoking, slag in the process. Her staring caused some kind of sixth sense to warn Cyclonus he was no longer alone and quicker than previously thought possible bar an attack siren wailing the 'copter 'bot was awake, tense, and ready to roll to cover if he truly needed to move from his comfortable position atop the square box that housed the ship's power cables. Seeing that it was only unarmed and pacifistic Scalpel of the Autobots let Cy calm his circuits just a little until his scanners reported that she was indeed the only one in the room with him.
The staring continued for a few minutes more. Why? No one knew why their "captive" did many of the things she did. It was just taken as a 'youngling femme raised by the Autobots' thing and let go at that. Bored and in need of a nap, Cy let the recharge programs kick back into place slowly, watching the ground-kisser all the while she kept staring at him. Just as his vision was getting dimmer and more blurry the Saturn slowly and smoothly lowered herself out of sight. The little warning light in his head went off that maybe he should find out just what Demolisher's Burden was doing out of his sight and in his personal space but the sweet darkness of recharge forced Cyclonus to let go of anything that could cause undue worry and stress.
An evil smile spread itself across Scalpel's face. Really, all it took was a month and already she had taken on a now trademark evil smile. Well, it was more mischievous but that was beside the point. The youngling was bored and in her guardian's bad graces. If someone had to suffer because of that then so be it. Necessary casualties to decrease Demmy's stress level by making him worry about her safety were by all means acceptable in Scalpel's opinion.
Ten minutes of forcing a normally active and moving body into stillness later and a bomb going off next to Cyclonus's head wouldn't have woken the 'copter bot. The victim was dead to the world as hoped for. With an ease that said she'd done the same thing many a time before Scalpel flattened her hands like boards, all of her digits tightly pressed together, and stood carefully. She pulled her right hand back and slapped Cyclonus with the very tips of her fingers.
Right. In. His. Face.
"OUCH!" Cyclonus shrieked, grabbing for his stinging cheek while simultaneously reaching for his gun. (Now where had he put that thing?) "OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!" More hits to highly sensitive areas. The stinging in his face subsided long enough for him to register that only one 'bot in the whole ship would attack in such a simple, painful, and utterly annoying manner as the "Fingernail Slap Technique." "SCALPEL!" Cyclonus made the mistake of uncurling his body's protective fetal position to glare at the youngling and he received what had to be at least six more of the Pit-spawned brat's "Fingernail Slaps."
A girlish giggle that was more cackle came from somewhere off to his side and as he turned to grab at the little fragger his face was soon introduced to the floor. He half rolled onto his side, a hand clutching his battered face to feel for damage and ward off any more attacks. All was quiet in Cy's Place.
How can the little slagger move so damn fast?! I thought she wasn't trained to be anything other than a medic, thought Cy as he slowly pushed himself to his hands and knees. Poor guy should have stayed on the ground because Scalpel jumped from the 'copter's usual sleeping spot right onto his back. Face reacquainted with Floor. Dead. I'm going to kill her dead! Scalpel twisted on his back before making a particularly forceful jump that landed her a few arm's length's away.
Thinking to outsmart his attacker by acting overly injured and thereby inciting the empathetic, caring side of the annoying Pit-spawned-brat-disguised-as-an-Autobot-youngling-medic Cyclonus once again slowly started pushing himself to his knees and one hand over his face as if still checking for damage. As he had hoped Scalpel slowly walked forward, the air around her displaying concern only. Perfect.
When she was close enough Cyclonus lunged at her, going for an around the knees tackle. If only he had bothered to remember that his adversary was telepathic and could therefore read his mind. It certainly would have explained why one of the Decepticon Elite couldn't seem to defeat an Autobot youngling. For a brief moment, while Face and Floor conversed on the sudden quickness of their third meeting, said Decepticon Elite mused why Primus and the universe had elected to enact karmic backlash at this particular time and in this fashion.
More "Fingernail Slaps" hit more sensitive spots; the slagger was giving no quarter.
By now Cyclonus was good and mad. Demolisher had decided to be irresponsible like a normal 'bot for once and let his youngling run wild and attack innocent nappers with annoying little "Fingernail Slap Techniques!" (Subconsciously Cy filed away the thought to kill whoever had taught the demon such an annoying attack.)
Ah, his gun was in subspace. Lovely.
With his usual cackle of mad glee Cyclonus jumped to his feet, the psychotic look of revenge blaring from every crevice in his armor and giving the femme pause. A sub-machine gun fell from seemingly nowhere into his hands and pointed at his tormentor. Now he would show her who picked on whom. Not giving a second thought to her mind reading ability, the favorite Decepticon psycho-bot pulled the trigger on an already retreating and screaming Saturn.
"C'mon! I thought you wanted to fight!" The usual manic battle glee had made its way into his vocals and he continued to fire at the youngling. Scalpel couldn't hear what was being screamed at her anyway, staying alive seemed far more important at the moment. When Cy was mad he could be extremely fast groundside and with barely a thought Scalpel activated her "skates" in the hopes that she would be able to outdistance the mad 'bot. All thoughts of why Megatron had kept the medic alive for obvious reasons vanished from Cyclonus's mind. After all, she had annoyed him into this state. It wasn't his fault that he was a blood-thirsty maniac!
Scalpel's prayers for any kind of savior were answered when she ran smack into Starscream. Everyone's favorite second in command sneered down at the "captive." How dare she just blindly run into him? And what was with that pathetic "Please help me" look she was giving him? Did she actually think he would help her? And who was she running from in the first place?
Starscream's question was answered when Cyclonus skidded around a corner and into the wall. Scalpel squeaked and realized that since Screamer didn't like her (and she couldn't imagine why) she was on her own. Taking advantage of her pursuer's senselessness, the medic transformed and took off down the hall burning rubber all the way.
"DEMMY!" The call came from a few halls away but even with the distorted echoing Demolisher knew who was calling for him, only one 'bot would openly call him by that nickname without fear of being made fun of. Paternal instincts set off multiple warning sirens in his head and battled for control with logic. Obviously Scalpel had done something that was most unwise. Would it be better to let the youngling face the consequences of her stupidity or should he help her?
"DEEEEMMMMMYYYYY!" The long drawn-out scream accompanied by sobbing was too much for the big, bad, Decepticon Elite. Demolisher looked around to make sure no one else was there, looked around again, and skittered off to his youngling's coordinates.
The thought that she'd probably gone too far in her quest to regain her guardian's favor crossed her mind. The sounds of gunfire and close shots all around quickly pushed all thoughts except for "Escape to Demmy!" out of Scalpel's head. Maybe it was because of the gunshots, the maniacal laughter, or the fact that she'd chosen Cyclonus as a victim but apologies just didn't seem like they would cut it. Another burst of her coordinates shot off to Demolisher via a private com. link and with diminishing hope Scalpel prayed that the tank had forgiven her bratty attitude earlier.
Where was her guardian?
Coordinates of where to meet her caretaker were received and quicker than any normal Earth vehicle Scalpel sped on. The platinum Saturn Sky nearly spun out as she rounded another corner and left the increasingly agitated 'copter 'bot in the dust. The sight before her was most welcome.
Demolisher stood in the middle of the hallway, the expression he wore seemed to be both genuine concern and exasperation.
Scalpel skidded and screeched right through Demolisher's legs and transformed, staying on her knees behind him. She seized one of his legs and buried her face into it, body trembling with somewhat faux fear for added effect. As expected Demolisher tensed up and the air around him changed to one of battle readiness; no one was going to hurt his youngling, not if he could help it.
His optics were wide and bright with an insane battle ferocity and the crazed aura pouring out of his body only made Scalpel shake harder and whimper slightly. Cyclonus skidded around the corner looking as if the Furies themselves couldn't produce a more psychotic image. Seemingly oblivious of just who his quarry was attached to Cy stalked towards the shivering little femme, an evil smile of victory set upon his face. A low growl stopped him in his tracks and for the first time Cyclonus looked up and really noticed who else was in the suspiciously deserted hallway. He also noticed the gun pointed at him, the targets varying between his head and his spark.
"Umm… Demolisher," Cyclonus began, he'd never seen his long-time friend look quite so fuming, "what's…" Oh, right, the youngling. He actually likes the little Pit-spawn. Like didn't seem to be a strong enough word for the protective feeling Demolisher was giving off at that moment. In fact it was downright fatherly. That realization hit Cyclonus like turbulence.
Demolisher growled warningly again, instinct winning over logic. Slowly Cyclonus backed away, hands little by little rising into the air to show that he didn't intend to do anything violent towards the medic anymore. Scalpel, deciding that a little revenge was in order sobbed loudly and wrapped her arms more securely around Demmy's leg. The growling increased in volume and the femme tried not to smile.
The only warning Cyclonus got was Demolisher's optics changing from their normal deep green to white. A staccato of gunfire echoed around the base for a second time and the inhabitants wondered if they should be worried. A few seemed to think about it before returning to their tasks.
Screaming, the 'copter ran down the hallway as fast as possible. He didn't dare return fire, he'd threatened his leader's "captive" or pet or possible future recruit once today and that was going to be enough to get him in trouble if traitorous Demolisher and his Pit-spawn charge decided to rat on him (and in his spark Cy knew that Scalpel had no qualms about being a rat). Even if they kept quiet about it there was no doubt surveillance footage of him chasing and trying to gun down a youngling of all things. The footage of Demolisher shooting at him would be neatly disregarded; after all, he was doing his job.
Again Cyclonus wondered why Primus and the universe had elected to enact karmic backlash at this particular time and in this fashion.
"Alright! I'll do my fair share of youngling-sitting! I swear to Primus I will!" He yelled this from a connecting hallway; he was sure bullets couldn't curve around corners.
A few days after the incident in the hallway, Cyclonus sought Demolisher out to both apologize and demand an explanation for why his long-time friend suddenly found him such an appealing target. As soon as the situation was explained in full both 'Cons had found Scalpel – she was playing with Tidal Wave of all 'Cons – and decided on a proper punishment together along with a stern lecture from the tank of the duo. Instinct was the only explanation Demolisher had for Cyclonus when the 'copter 'bot queried him and this only earned a few sniggers and jibes. ("Aww, you really do care about her." "Shut up!" "Watch it; she's an Autobrat even if she's a youngling.") To make sure she understood him Demolisher locked Scalpel in their room and managed to stay firm in his promise that she wouldn't leave it unless it was to get energon for two weeks.
Cabin fever ensued. Noticing the increasing agitation of both youngling and guardian whenever he visited their quarters, Cyclonus suggested that Demolisher take some time off for himself and shove the kid off on one of her other caretakers. The only problem with that plan was finding a suitable mech for the job. ("Not me, I shot at her. She's not gonna wanna stay with me.") Not only did her other caretakers not want to take care of her, battle and patrol schedules got in the way almost conveniently. When he couldn't take any more, Demolisher went to Megatron and begged that someone else look after his charge, if only for a day or two. Seeing that one of his ranking officers was on the verge of a breakdown the Decepticon leader freed up the Seeker Trine (strictly to annoy Starscream) and Barricade and left who would actually watch the youngling up to Demolisher.
Did I forget to mention I like constructive reviews?
Note 5: Scalpel's really been at the Decepticon base for longer than a month but I couldn't just leave that blank so I just stuffed that she'd been there for a month as a placeholder until I get the rest of my little story arc/series in order. I'll be using ideas of my own and from various continuities and even reviewers. And if anyone's got any ideas of what kind of tank Demolisher and Megatron (sorry but I'm using the looks of Armada Megsy, Demmy, Cy, and Star for these stories, have you seen how ugly '07 movie Megsy and Star look?) should be and what kind of helecoptor Cyclonus should be then please tell me. Oh and Barricade is the '07 version and yes, I know what I'm doing. Simply put, just imagine everyone looking the same (sort of) but with an '07 movie update. I know I'm confusing the hell out of some people with this but I can't really put what I'm trying to say in words. If someone else can then please do it for me and email it to me.
Note 6: This was pointed out by another reviewer, one mmouse15 and because of it I have to put this note up. Hopefully it does something like help or smooth ruffled feathers. I have dropped you into the middle of a story. Yes and no it was/n't on purpose. Sorry about that but I was excited that I finished a fanfic for once in my life! I usually start them and never finish them. You see this is just one of many small one shots and stories I have planned using Scalpel. Yes, Scalpel's back-story will be explained (hopefully) soon but I'm making no promises. I'm updating when the bug bites and not a moment sooner. Though that's not to say I won't use ideas given to me by anyone if I'm inspired by them. And yes, I will give credit to those who give me ideas. I was taught not to steal.
For some reason I feel as though this story resembles another I've read in the recent past. I don't know if that's true but some of my ideas feel as though they've been done before. Not in exactly the same way, heavens no, but it feels nostalgic. If I have accidentally used someone's ideas then please, point me in the right direction via review or PM or email and I'll check it out. A link to the story would be nice as I'm lazy. Don't be offended if I say that the link you've given me isn't what I'm looking for.
Now who should Scalpel get stuck with next? Pick out of Starscream (target practise), Thundercracker (teacher), Skywarp (pranksters), and Barricade (mindfuck).