A/N: I've been a fan of Pokemon for years, but this is my first actual Pokemon fic. It brings together two of my favorite characters from when I was a child; Silver (the rival character from Gold, Silver, and Crystal), and Imakuni (the crazy man from the Pokemon Trading Card Game). I totally didn't type this after not sleeping for a week. I swear.
A/A/N: To clear up potential confusion, the name Gold refers to the main male character from Gold/Silver/Crystal, Silver is the rival, and Krys is the girl you can play as in Crystal. And yes, Imakuni's name is supposed to be spelled with a "?", but I only included that in the title of his card. It's a little less confusing that way.
Disclaimer: Pokemon is copyright Satoshi Tajiri and Game Freak and Nintendo. I own this plot. It makes me happy.
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Silver had just endured the most tiring, most difficult battle he had faced so far in his less-than-honest Pokemon journey. Some bratty trainer whose name he had already forgotten had wiped out almost all of his Pokemon before his newly evolved Croconaw had finally pulled through. However, the end of the battle had left his Croconaw severely wounded, as well as badly poisoned.
Silver had always had too much confidence in himself to bring any Potions or Full Heals along with him on his journey, figuring his team of Pokemon could suck it up if they were to get wounded. As he trudged toward the Pokemon Center, he began to deeply regret the decision to be so narcissistic. It wasn't like somebody would conveniently walk by while he was showing weakness by healing his wounded Pokemon.
Oh well... It's better than running around with a group of fainted Pokemon...
Just as Silver's hand extended toward the door to the Pokemon Center, a strange man in what looked to be a black mouse suit popped up in front of him. Silver let out a horrified scream and backed away from the psychotic looking man.
"What the hell...?" Silver asked out loud. "Who in hell are you?!"
"You don't know me?" the strange mouse man asked, looking a little too excited. "You must live under a rock! I am the super amazing musical star, Imakuni!"
"Ima... what? Never heard of ya."
Silver side stepped and again tried to walk through the door of the Pokemon Center, only to be stopped by the crazy mouse man. Again.
"Look, I really need to heal my Pokemon, and it's early enough that not a lot of people will see me going into this place, so..."
"Do you wanna battle me?" Imakuni asked suddenly, a large smile plastered on his mostly covered up face. Silver looked at him as if he had just grown another head.
"Didn't I just say that I need to get my Pokemon healed?"
"Oh, no, no, you misunderstand! We don't use real Pokemon! We use cards!"
Silver's "you just grew a second head" expression did not waver.
"... Cards? Cards? I'm a Pokemon trainer, not your baby sitter. Now, if you'll please excuse me, my Pokemon are desperately in need of the Pokemon Center that you keep blocking me from entering."
Imakuni was now clinging to the front of Silver's shirt, sobbing like a child that wasn't getting his way.
"Pleeeeaaaaase?" Imakuni whined. "Just one, itty-bitty little battle? And then you can go in your little center place-a-ma-jig there."
Silver's eyes narrowed cruelly.
"I said no."
"Pleeeeeaaaaaase?"
"I said no, damn it!"
"Pretty please with sugar and spice and everything nice on top, pretty pretty, pretty pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssseeeeee?"
"Alright, fine!" Silver exclaimed, defeated. It was only seven-thirty in the morning, and he had already been defeated twice.
I'm just having an off-day...
"You'll battle me?" Imakuni asked hopefully.
"... Yes. But I don't seem to have any cards, so I'll just..."
"Oh, don't you fret!"
Imakuni pulled two decks of cards out of his pockets and handed one to Silver.
"I always keep a spare deck just in case I run into this situation!" Imakuni declared triumphantly. "You sure must be happy I planned ahead, otherwise we'd have to postpone our battle for a while! I'm so amazing, I awesome myself! ... Wait, that should be the other way around..."
"Are you quite finished?" Silver asked impatiently.
Imakuni nodded. Soon after, the pair found themselves at a table just outside the Pokemon Center, playing the Pokemon Trading Card Game. Imakuni had to give Silver a tutorial (especially after Silver tried to place an Arcanine as his starter Pokemon), but after the tutorial was all said and done, the game wasn't too hard for Silver to completely master. But of course, he was Silver, not that horribly incompetent Gold or that ditzy little Krys, so of course he could master such a simple and moronic game in such a short amount of time.
In less than five minutes, Silver had drawn five of his six prizes and had become completely addicted to the might that is PlusPower. Imakuni was singing some weird song under his breath, seeming completely unaware that he was losing so badly regardless of claiming to be a master at the Trading Card Game. Silver was just happy that soon the battle would be over and his horribly wounded Pokemon could get healed.
"You may think you've won, but I still have one trick up my sleeve!" Imakuni declared as he laid a card down on the table. "It's my special card that is perfect in every way! Fear the awesome might of my card, "Imakuni?"!"
Silver looked to the description of the card, expecting great power in the form of destroying cities and entire continents, but was disappointed by what the card actually meant. He needed only the first line of the cards description to know what a complete and utter disappointment it was.
"Your Active Pokemon is now Confused," Silver read aloud, pausing for a moment afterword. "... Your Active Pokemon is now Confused."
"Yeah, isn't it great?!" Imakuni exclaimed with genuine glee. "Now you can't possibly win!"
Silver just stared at his opponent, wondering if this was all some incredibly stupid joke.
"You're kidding... right? You've gotta be kidding me."
Imakuni gasped as if he had been thoroughly shocked.
"Imakuni does not kid!" the crazy mouse man explained. "Especially not in the midst of battle!"
Silver stared at Imakuni for another few moments.
"You just confused your own Pokemon. Are you even aware of that?"
"Of course."
Silver looked down to the cards scattered across the table, feeling an uncontrollable rage swelling up inside of him. In the next three seconds, he flipped the table and all of its contents over and into the mud. Imakuni flinched and somehow managed to save the useless card he had named after himself.
"What was that for?" Imakuni asked sadly. "We were having so much fun."
"Fun?" Silver asked, thoroughly offended. "Fun? You call that fun? All we did was lay down some stupid cards with fricken pictures on them and pretend to have a Pokemon battle. Jeez, that's not even worthy of being compared to a battle! I've been wiping the floor with your ass since I sat down! Do you just completely suck, or did you just make up this game yourself?"
Before Imakuni could answer one way or the other, Silver cut him off.
"No, you know what? You do suck. You are a complete failure at life. Why on earth would anyone be stupid enough to confuse their own Pokemon and still act as though they won't lose miserably? Why the hell does a card like that even exist?!"
"... Because I'm so awesome, and..."
"I have a Croconaw to heal," Silver cut in. "I am going to heal him now."
"But we haven't finished our battle yet..."
"Stay the hell away from me, you complete failure at life!"
Silver stomped away, angry with having so much of his morning wasted by some guy in a mouse suit. Imakuni stared after the less than honest Pokemon Trainer for a moment, then grinned.
"Okay, then! I'll see you later, buddy!" Imakuni called happily.
"Go screw yourself!" Silver called back angrily.