He jerked awake with a gasp. Moonlight lit up the dorm room with a sort of subtle mystery. A thin figure with black hair was curled up on the window sill, staring absentmindedly at the night sky. He looked up and met John's gaze.
John FLIPPED A BANANA AND THEN ATE TWELVE Sausages. But there were twelve balaclava'd ewes with a thirst for revenge outside the window. Captaiin Winnie the Pooh indeed! the goose exclaimed! OTTERS IN THE FLIGHT DECK
Abruptly Sherlock grabbed John's hand and tugged him off the path and up the hill. At the top of the hill Sherlock paused.
"I'm going out with Loki. He's pretty important here."
John's mouth fell open in surprise. "What? I thought we had a thing! There was a special connection, you offered to take me on moonlight walks and everything and now you're telling me you're going out with some stuck-up supervillain?"
"I'm sorry John. But the thing is, I was up all night to get Loki. And well…"
"What about Red pants monday?" John protested, remembering the 20 pairs he'd ordered from amazon the other day. "The Fandom will be so disappointed!"
Naturally at this point a small airplane chose to land on the hilltop. Someone wound down the window and threw out a lemon before flying away. A PARACHUTING OTTTER DECENDED AS THE CRAFT FLEW AWAAAAY.
And then a unicorn pranced into the classroom with a highwayman on his back. "For I am Dick Turpin and I bring you grave news." he announced. "I'm afraid Loki has betrayed us all."
Sherlock looked aghast. "No." he gasped. Dick Turpin nodded gravely.
"Yes."
At that moment there was a sound of shattering glass and John looked to the window. Someone had thrown a spear through it.
The teacher paused. "I like my men like I like my tea- hot and british."
Sherlock rolled his eyes. "Miss, you're my teacher. That, while very true, is not exactly appropriate."
"But I'm a Cumbercookie!" She protested.
"A what?" Sherlock looked confused.
"Excuse me!" John interrupted. "But I am the biggest Cumbercookie. No one can outrank my Cumbercookieness."
"Even Anahita?" The teacher asked, gesturing to a girl glowering at them from the back of the room.
"Even her." John said resolutely.
"Sorry to disappoint you all," a voice said from the doorway. Jim's head popped rond the door. "I think we all know that's not quite true. I'm 100% Cumberbitch
"I'd like to comment." said a brown haired boy, getting up. "I'm Tom Hiddleston and I am your god and you worship me- say it!"
John's eyes bugged out. "You look like that bloke Sherlock's dating!" he exclaimed. "Loki?"
Sherlock looked guilty. As if on cue, Tom started to do the snake hips.
The door creaked open behind John. He turned to see who had entered and was pleasantly surprised to recognize Greg Lestrade SEX GOD (sorry)
"OMG SHERLY YOU'RE SO HOT : MARRY ME ^-^," said Lestrade. Mycroft frowned a little jealously.
"Sorry, Greg, but I'm dating Loki." Sherlock muttered, still not moving.
Greg looked a little upset, but replied: "That's okay, Hiddlesbatch is my OTP anyways." He didn't look away.
"Seriously?" John said irritatedly. "Why does no one ship Johnlock anymore? It's not fair!"
"I do," said Sherlock in a sinister tone. "Woohoo." He kissed John.
Loki watched in interest, slightly annoyed with his decision to remove the sheet. It sort of made the fact that Sherlock was cheating on him right in front of his very eyes a little more awkward when he was also completely starkers in a room full of people.
Jim switched the music to a soft, romantic violin solo, grinning deviously at the scene he just caused. he turned to Loki, and the hot Norse god winked at him.
"Dear lord," Mycroft groaned. "Not you two as well." But it was too late.
"You cause a lot of trouble?" Jim questioned in his smooth accent.
"You could say that. I'm the god of mischief." Loki flirted, running a hand suggestively over the curve of his helmet.
"I SHIP IT" Greg yelled.
John broke away from the kiss to glare at Greg, then went back to Sherlock again.
Jim laughed, licking his lips.
Loki just grinned.
Thor interrupted. "Brother, you must not tease the human."
"I do what I want!" Loki shouted in response.
"Father would not be okay with this."
At this point, any attempts at niceties went out the window. Sherlock burst into the room, wand in hand. "Mycroft!" he yelled. "GET OUT."
"Woah." Dick grinned, cocking his fancy pistols. "No need to get violent."
"Oh I see." Douglas grinned. "Sir doesn't ship Mystrade."
Sherlock looked VERY confused. "What?" he asked.
"Martin, just because Mycroft is a little oblivious doesn't mean we can't have some fun with the intercom."
"Alright." Carolyn said crisply. "Give me a ding dong."
Loki wolf whistled. "Shut up." Thor whacked Loki on the head with his hammer.
"I've got you like lalala lalala baby." Everyone looked at Sherlock in astonishment.
"I'm on FIRE!" the ninth Doctor grinned widely.
"Hi." Captain Jack said, "anyone seen the Doctor-" he spotted the Doctor and hugged him.
"I'm looking for a blonde in a union jack." the Doctor said, still grinning. "A specific one, I didn't just wake up this morning with a craving."
"That's me by the way- hi!" Sherlock had a large sheet with the British flag printed on it draped around his shoulders.
"You're not blonde," John pointed out.
"But you are."
"That doesn't make any sense!" John frowned.
"This is crack. It doesn't need to."
Everyone laughed. Then Jim burst in, carrying a boom box that was playing Staying Alive at full volume. Everyone covered their ears. Jim stepped on the back of Sherlock's costume, pulling it half way down him back.
"Get off my sheet!" Sherlock protested.
"Or what?" Jim smirked.
"Or I'll just walk away."
"I'll let you," Jim said.
Sherlock sighed, but stayed standing still. Everyone watched in interest, waiting for him to walk out from the sheet.
After a couple of seconds, Loki got bored and yanked the bottom of the union jack away from Sherlock, grinning mischievously. Sherlock froze, totally naked, and Dick Turpin started cheering almost as loudly as the music.
"Oh, is your dad like that too?" Arthur said. "Mine's the same. He always wants to buy GERTI. I hope he doesn't."
"He won't." Carolyn interrupted, her voice determined. "I'd rather sell her for scrap."
"Who is GERTI?" Thor questioned.
"A sheep." Carolyn answered sarcastically.
"Why do you name your sheep like it is a member of the family?"
"I was joking. I'm not sure you can sell a sheep for scrap. You're as bad as Arthur."
"I AM NOT BAD! RIGHTEOUSNESS IS IN MY BLOOD!" Thor thundered.
Abi ran in, looking a little scared at the scene. 'CAPTAIN!" she yelled. "What did I tell you about crack?"
Shona appeared from behind the door. "Sorry," she offered apologetically.
"Ehehehehehe," Abi laughed, gaining a slightly hurt look from Tom (who thought she was imitating him) . "I think my crack is possibly even worse."
Captain nodded, and Skipper smirked.
"It's BRILLIANT." Arthur burst out.
"Well, it's definitely FUNNY." Abi admitted.
"Lets Party Arthur." someone said.
Shona grinned. "How does a game of Spin the Bottle sound?" she asked suggestively, producing a bottle of Talisker whisky. Douglas looked unnerved.
"Where did you get that?" he asked.
"I have my ways." Shona smiled mysteriously.
Dick Turpin smiled mysteriously. "I'll play." He glanced round at the rest of the room, sizing them up. Shona nudged Abi and wolf-whistled.
"FIZZ." Arthur shouted.
"BUZZ!" Abi replied.
"HAVE A BANANA!" yelled everyone simultaneously.
~The End.