An: Nikki is Japanese for diary and as Miku is a product of Japan, I thought it appropriate she might sprinkle Japanese words here and there in her diary entries.

Spottedleaf9 does not own anything related to Vocaloid. At least, nothing that would give her ownership over the characters. Be careful with this one. It's dangerously heartbreaking.

There's a Punishment for Your Crime

by Spottedleaf9

Hatsune Miku wrote everything in her journal, pouring her heart out to stain the pages black with her darkened life. It is only because of this journal that we can understand what happened to make her kill herself.

x

Monday

It happened again, nikki. Kaito failed to notice me. I'm so in love with him, nikki. I love Kaito so much it hurts. I've always been there in the background of his life, too shy to approach him. Each time I would work up the nerve to approach him, another girl would get there first and ask him out. Nikki, today I got there first. Kaito's latest girlfriend turned out to be a total psycho and he had to break things off with her.

I walked up to him shyly, my long hair covering my face like it always does. Hiding behind my protective shield of blue-green locks, I found the courage to speak to him. "K-Kaito sempai….I have to ask you something." Then I forced myself to look up at him and...he was looking right into my eyes. I froze, feeling pinned by his steely gaze. His look said it all; he was tired of girls approaching him with intentions like mine. I quickly bowed and ran off. "Sumimasen!"

Tuesday

Nikki, mother was drunk again tonight. Letting myself in from school, she lunged up from the couch, her red dress covered with the dark, wet stains of spilled alcohol. Swearing, she yelled at me. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" When I tried to stutter and answer, she only raised her voice and roared over my feeble attempts to speak. "YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BITCH! I SPEND MY LIFE RAISING YOU AND THEN YOU DISAPPEAR WHEN I NEED YOU!"

I was finally able to get a word in. "Mother, what is it you need?" I kept my eyes downcast to the floor, as if I was inferior. It made her angry whenever I created a moment of eye contact with her. I'd had a beating over that mistake before; many a time.

Mother lowered her voice and my heart dropped with her pitch. I'd been living this way long enough to know that when mother got quiet I was in danger of receiving a beating. "You will address me as Meiko, you welp. You haven't earned the right to be my daughter, you little disgrace." I shivered in fear, anticipating her fists and began to long for school.

Wednesday

Nikki, I know I don't usually bring you school with me, but today I did. Today was one of the worst days of my life and so I'm glad to have you with me. Today, Kaito was talking to his friends at lunch. For once, I actually wasn't looking his direction, but the raucous laughter of his friends caught my attention. "SHE WHAT?" Milk sprayed out of Len's nose. "That's hilarious!"

I perked up, at the same time feeling an oh-so-familiar sense of dread. I was being talked about and I knew it because I was no stranger to negative words. My heart fluttered painfully, as if it were a poisoned butterfly trapped in my chest. Kaito began to talk, his voice calm and composed as it always was. I had no time to remember how much it was one of the most soothing things in the world to me before my brain registered his words and what they meant. "She was going to ask me out. I could tell. She's always following me around, after all." A bite of winter greens disappeared into his mouth and I envied that salad. I just wanted to be swallowed in a dark hole from which no one could ever pull me.

It would be preferable for it would undoubtedly be far less painful. Gakupo was the next to comment. "That pathetic thing from home room? I heard that she's into drugs and sex behind the school."

Kaito stood abruptly. "That's enough. I only told you because I thought you'd help me figure out if I should be the one to approach her. But it's clear now that you aren't serious. Gossip boys." He scoffed and walked off to dump his tray.

What got me most about this unexpected turn was how he remained calm. I'd never heard him speak in a such way that might come out as exclamatory.

Thursday

Tonight I was late getting home because I'd hung around after school, determined to catch Kaito as he came out of drama practice. Mother was not pleased with me when I got home. Nikki, she's making me stand outside on the back porch. It's starting to snow, Nikki. She took my clothes and my coat. I don't even have a sock on. I'm so lucky she insisted I do my homework while I was trapped out here. If she had taken my backpack and found you there...I shudder to think what might happen.

Nikki, about what happened at lunch yesterday...Do you think there's a chance Kaito told his friends to shut up because he cares about me? Do you really? It's getting so cold. I can barely hold my pen anymore. I think I'll sleep a while, Nikki. Wait for me, ok?

Friday

I was late for school this morning. Mother came outside and threw some wet clothes from the dryer at me. "Hurry up and get dressed! It's going to snow today so you can walk yourself to class. I'm not going to drive in those dangerous conditions." Dangerous indeed. I could already smell the booze on her.

Kaito was at school when I got there. Of course he was. Kaito Shion was a star student who never missed a day of school and got perfect scores on his papers. I'd been like that before my father Yohio left mother and she got angry...but now it wasn't uncommon for me to be awake all night; stuck doing crazy things like what I had last night.

Kaito barely gave me a glance, but I'd heard him defend me at lunch. I thought I finally understood how he worked and so I decided not to say anything or look his way. He did it...so I think I should too. Nikki...I think this is how he shows interest in a person; quiet observation. So for now, I'll pretend to be uninterested.

Saturday

Nikki, I was wrong. Kaito was never into me. He was just...being kind like the person I know he is. Nikki, why do you never answer me? I cry out all my pain and frustration to you and you never answer! Oh Nikki, I'm so scared. Please come and save me from myself.

I honestly believe I'm a danger to my own self. I have unhealthy desires, like my love for Kaito Shion. He'll never love me. He'll never see me. He'll never understand me. Nikki, where are you?! Nikki, I'm sorry I yelled. Please come back. I'm sorry...I'll be quiet. Just please don't leave me. You're my only friend anymore. Even Kagamine Lin has left me!

Come back, Nikki. I'll wait for you like you wait for me.

Sunday

Today was the absolute worst day of my life. Kaito's newest admirer came up to me in the bathroom today; laughing at me. "Hold her down, girls." Girls I'd never seen before grabbed my arms and pushed me down. One of them held my arms above my head and the other sat across my legs. She beat me fiercely and I was left feeling worse than when mother is at her angriest with me.

They left me to bleed in here, Nikki. But you know what? I'm tired of other people making me bleed inside and out. I'm done with this, ok? I'm sorry Nikki, but for us, there will be no tomorrow. I hope someone who can understand this gets you next. Please be a good diary to them, ok? Don't ever betray their secrets.

x

Kaito Shion was literally the only one at Miku's funeral. The attending police officers gave him a small book and left before the ceremony could begin. Motioning to the priest to continue reading the final rites, Kaito opened it and began to weep. "I was so blind. I...the reason I was always seen with a new girl..oh Miku. I was turning them away because I had a thing for you. You idiot. I was also painfully shy. So shy I had to act cold on the outside sometimes. Oh Miku...Miku...Miku...You poor lovely creature. I loved you."

The priest politely paused the ceremony as the young man wept over the pitifully small, plain coffin being presided over this evening. "Hatsune Miku..you were the one girl I never would've turned away." As Kaito's beautiful twisted up in pain, he could've sworn he felt the slightest of winter breezes. On it carried a giggle.

"I'm sorry I was such a dunce, Kaito. But now that I see the pain on your face...I know at last I was loved by one. Goodbye." Kaito was left with the barest of scents; perfume that reminded him instantly of Miku, permeated only by the intense sour odor of death.

x

None of the students at Miku's school ever forgot what it felt like to be touched by death occurring to someone in their daily lives. The girls who beat her up in the bathrooms all died mysteriously; all found in alleys on different nights. From the autopsies, it was clear that bones had been broken and tracheas crushed in what could only have been brutal beatings.

But the thing that made the news for the longest time was the death of Miku's mother, Meiko. Meiko was so twisted up, the autopsy took a week. Every bone in her body was broken at least three times; at least. Each major organ was punctured in two places and Meiko had a glass bottle of Jack Daniels crammed down her throat. Her throat had of course ruptured from being made to hold such a large load.

This was the final straw for Kaito Shion. Driven insane by his grief and fear for the people around him, he realized that anyone who ever gave him trouble would turn up beaten to death. It only took Kaito about a month before he could no longer bear it and jumped from a bridge into the cold waters below. The warm embrace of death was upon him quickly and he happily accepted the silence it brought with it.