A/N This is my first EVER fic :) It's kinda angsty, a bit sad too I suppose. It's intended to be just a oneshot, but if people like it I may write more. It's also a songfic, the song is called 'Nothing' and it's by the awesome Irish band 'The Script'. I DO NOT OWN IT. Ok?
Anyway, I've reread this a few times, and It's struck me that someparts may not make sense if you haven't seen it through my mind. So just ask if you want me to explain anything, or if I've made any mistakes, comment. Ooh, also, you can comment if you like it :} I'm all for constructive criticism, but if you hate it, try to be nice :{
It's probably set around about early season 8? :S
Summary: Well, JD and Elliot are together. They were getting along fine at first, but then they decided to move in together. BIG mistake. But then Elliot makes an even BIGGER mistake. Sorry, bad summary. You'll understand better once you've read it :L (I hope)
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, please don't sue me, I'm a teenaged girl with no money :3
I argued with Elliot last night. Again. We seem to be doing that allot time it was different though, we hadn't talked to each other all day, not since our hour long shouting match in the early hours of the morning, which had resulted in me leaving to stay at Turk and Carla's. I didn't tell them why, I just turned up at 1:00am asking to crash on their sofa for the night.
The next morning I thought about going back to see Elliot before our shifts started, just to sort things out, but both Turk and Carla advised me against it, knowing she would still be too pissed at me to talk reasonably. We've managed to avoid each other all day today, even at lunch(as soon as I entered the cafeteria, she stood up and left). Until about 10 minutes ago we hadn't said a word to each other. I wish it would have stayed that way, but no, I had to go and say something stupid and screw it up, like I always do. I'm not gonna bore you with the details, but basically I found her in that same supply closet she used to go to to cry in as an intern, deep in thought, and after standing there for a while, trying to think of something to say to make it better, I seemed to decide listing all her flaws to her face, then telling her to list all my flaws, would help. To be honest, I thought at the time it really would help, you know, just to get all our problems out in the open, but she didn't see it that way. She stormed out of the supply closet, shoving me to the floor in the process.
Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet
By the end of the day Turk was fed up with me moping around, feeling sorry for myself. He pulled me aside, into the on-call room, and we had a pretty serious talk.
'Look , V-bear, I've been trying to hold my tongue for the past few weeks, trying to be supportive, trying to kid myself that this was gonna get better, but enough is enough! You-and Elliot- have both been completely miserable since you moved in together! Every night you argue, usually about something totally irrelevant and stupid, then the next day you both come into work tired, irritable and depressed!I hate seeing you like this man, so does Carla, we just want you to be happy again. Both of you.'
'What do you want me to do Turk? Break up with her? 'Cos I am not doing that. I know we're arguing allot lately, but that's just what couples do! You and Carla argued all the time when you were dating, even after you got married! So don't preach to me about my relationship when yours was exactly like this at the beginning.' I snapped, trying to maintain eye contact and ignore the overwhelming guilt forcing its way up my throat for shouting at my best friend, especially when I knew he was just trying to help.
'JD, you've known Elliot for almost eight years now, it isn't the beginning of your relationship, you shouldn't be like this with each other, in fact, you should have a bond almost as strong as Carla and I have. You have to understand, some people just aren't right for each other, no matter how much they want it to work, no matter how hard they try. JD, if it's not working now, chances are it's never going to work, maybe your better off without her.'
Turk silently stared at me, waiting for a reaction.
There it was again, that feeling, forcing it's way up my throat, only this time it wasn't guilt, it was realization, realization of the truth, the heartbreaking truth. I tried to swallow it down, but I couldn't, now that I'd heard it, thought it, I couldn't push the feeling away, I couldn't deny it. We shouldn't be arguing like this after eight years as friends, after so many hookups and heartbreaks. Turk was wrong about one thing though. I wouldn't be better off without her, even though all we do these days is argue, I still wanted to do whatever I could to stay with her, we'd worked so hard to be together, and we shouldn't sabotage our relationship yet again. We should fight for it.
Trying my best to hold back the tears, I looked up at Turk, who was still looking at me anxiously, waiting for some sort of response. Through watery eyes, I took a deep breathe.
'But... I love her Turk, I really do, through all the arguments, all the misery, I can't...I don't want to be with anyone else.'
Sighing, Turk put an arm around my shoulder.
'I know buddy, I know.'
They say a few drinks will help me to forget her
But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can see where this is gonna end
But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense
After his shift ended, Turk decided to try and lighten my mood by taking me to the bar with a few friends, I tried to refuse, but he just pretended not to hear.
'C-bear, I know your just trying to cheer me up, but I really just wanna talk to Elliot and straighten this whole thing out. I-'
'JD!' Turk shouted, interrupting me, 'I know what you wanna do, and I know nothings gonna stop you from doing it, but she can wait, just try and have a good time, try and forget about her for just a little while! Ok?'
I sighed, finally giving in to defeat.
'Fine. Just for a little while.'
After a few hours of drinking whatever was given to me(not appletinis, I decided I wasn't in the mood for such a cheerful-looking drink) and throwing most of it up, I stumbled out of the bar drunkenly, almost tripping over the side walk, only to be held steady by Turk and a few other surgeons I couldn't remember the names of.
'Turk, lemme go home..' I slurred at him, not quite sure where he was, but knowing he was somewhere near me.
'I can't do that buddy, you've had waay too much to drink. Do you really want Elliot to see you like this?'
'I'm not that drunk! I can manage. I know I can. I just need to talk to her, I can straighten everything out. Just gimme the car keys.'
Turk frowned at me.
'JD, we walked here.' He stated
'Oh...'
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if i go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around
After buying me coffee and trying to sober me up, the other people who were with us(who I still did not recognise, even though I was a more sober at that point than I was at the bar) left to go home, leaving me and Turk sitting on a bench at the side of the road.
'Turk, I'm a lil' more sober now, and I really wanna talk to Elliot before she goes to bed, so can I go?'
'How about you just call her? I mean, then she won't realize you stink of alcohol.' Turk said, pinching his nose in a rather dramatic manner.
'Ugh, fine' I gave in, pulling my phone out of my pocket.
I dialled her number and anxiously waited for her to pick up.
The ringing persisted for several moments before movement was heard on the other line.
'Hello?' I heard Elliot angrily question, she sounded really out of breathe.
'Hey Elliot.'
There was a pause, I waited for her so say something, but after realizing I was gonna have to make the first move, I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe.
'Look, Elliot, I'm sorry. Ever since we moved in together I've been a total jerk, I know we both have our issues, but we can work on them together. After trying so hard to get to where we are now, I don't wanna ruin it over some stupid arguments. I'm not ready to give up on us yet, Elliot, I love you too much for that.'
There was another long pause as I held my breathe, waiting for the answer.
But it never came.
I heard a quick, nervous breathe on the other line, before hearing a click and the dial tone.
She hung up on me.
She hung up one me.
After pouring my heart out to her, apologizing, telling her I love her, she hung up on me?
Turk looked at me expectantly as I snapped the phone shut, my mouth still hanging open.
I stared ahead for a moment or two, mesmerized, before I snapped out of it and tried to compose myself.
'I need to go talk to her.' I stated, and Turk seemed to understand as he nodded and we began walking towards the direction of my apartment.
And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though their slurred
Dial her number and confess to her
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing
We walked in silence for a while, as I contemplated the reasons why she would have hung up, trying to make up some bizarre reason other than her not wanting to talk to me. Maybe some exotic animal that hunted by following phone signals to their prey was in the kitchen, and the only way she could save herself was by cutting off any communication device she had. Or maybe she thought I was someone else! Yes, that could be it, I would have definitely hung up if someone I didn't know called me and said all those things.
But deep down I knew it was none of those reasons. I knew I'd screwed up badly this time, it was gonna take allot of work to fix it, but we'd get there in the end, I was sure of it.
As we neared the apartment, Turk paused.
'I gotta get back, V-bear, Carla's gonna be worried. You gonna be ok?' He asked, genuinely concerned.
'Yeah, I'll be fine' I smiled half-heartedly. 'We'll get through this.'
Turk grinned.
'Ok man, see you later, good luck.' He chirped as he turned to walk back toward his home.
Seconds later I found myself standing infront of the door to my apartment, and, taking a deep breath, I reached out to open the door. To my surprise, the chain on the inside was locked, preventing me from opening the doors any further than a few inches. After hearing a muffled voice in one of the rooms, Elliot appeared behind the door, with a panicked expression on her face.
'You okay?' I asked.
She simply nodded, closing the door, fiddling with the chain and opening it again, only all the way this time.
'Why'd you loc-' I was cut off by a loud crash in the bedroom. Turning back to Elliot, I noticed she was wearing nothing but a fluffy pink dressing gown. The expression on her face had changed from panicked to distraught, and, after a moment of hesitation, I made my when towards the bedroom, definitely not expecting what was in there.
So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences
I know if I'm face to face that she'll come to her senses
Every drunk step I take leads me to her door
If she sees how much I'm hurting
She'll take me back for sure
I opened the bedroom door, only to find Keith, sitting on the bed in my pink dressing gown, staring at me with huge eyes.
He looked terrified, like I was about to kill him, which, in all honesty, I was considering at the time. I turned to Elliot, as soon as she saw my face her expression changed to horrified, no, mortified. I must have finally mastered my angry look, though it was a lot easier to do when I actually was this angry. I wasn't just angry though, I was devastated. I really thought we could make a go of things, I thought...well, it didn't matter what I thought. It wouldn't change what had inevitably happened.
'E...Elliot? What...? I...' I stuttered, still staring at her, my expression less angry now, more...vulnerable.
I would have preferred to look angry and scary, but I simply couldn't, my face had dropped. I kept on staring at her, hoping for some sort of explanation.
But, like I had expected, she didn't have one.
She just said nothing.
She said nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
Nothing
I got nothing
Nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
I turned my stare back to Keith, who's face was plastered with guilt. I looked around the room, searching for...something to explain what was happening, anything...anything was better than this.
'JD...' Elliot whispered, reaching her hand out to touch my shoulder. I flinched away, and only then did I realize I was shaking uncontrollably. I backed out of the room slowly, then quickly ran out of the door, aware of their eyes following me as i left. I heard Elliot call my name, but I ignored her, I just kept running. To where, I wasn't sure. I just needed to get away.
Sometimes love is intoxicating
You're coming down your hands are shaking
When you realise there's no one waiting
I found myself stopping abruptly at the little park we had spent so many sunsets at, together, before all the arguing started, before we ruined everything.
I sat down on the wet grass, hyperventilating, trying to recover from my full blown panic attack. Suddenly my phone started ringing, it was, of course, Elliot. I couldn't talk to her, not after that, not after she did that...
I wasn't sure if I could ever forgive her...but even after all this, I was aware of one vital thing. I still loved her. As much as I hated myself for that, I just couldn't help it. That thought lead me to what I'd said to Turk earlier that day. I still didn't want to be with anyone else..
Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her
I don't know how long I sat there, thinking, breathing, worrying. I had thousands of texts, and missed calls. All from Elliot, Turk, Carla, hell, even Doctor Cox. My shift must have already started for him to want to get involved, which would mean I've been sitting here all night.
Time flies when your in your own personal hell.
But none of that concerned me, even though I knew Carla and Turk deserved to know I was safe, I couldn't bring myself to call or text them back, My mind just kept replaying last night over and she did, how she looked, what she said.
I couldn't help getting distressed by that last one, the one that seemed to have more effect than all the other elements of the night.
What she said, or didn't say, that's what upset me the most.
Nothing.
She said nothing.
She said nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
Nothing
I got nothing
Nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
I got nothing
I got nothing