I am currently obsessed with this song, and I know I have to update SCNBK but I am a horrible updater and writer sometimes so...
This is a fic inspired by the song "The Last Night" by Skillet, and if you are into hard rock I suggest you listen to it. It takes place sometime near graduation, maybe right before Big Brother. Italics are Blaine and Bold is Kurt, if you can't tell.
Warnings: references to self-harm, cursing if you really care.
Disclaimer: obviously if I owned Glee I would be writing scripts for the real show instead of fanfic, though I'm such an addict I would probably keep writing it anyway...
Also, this song does not belong to me in any way.
Last thing: Thank you so much to my best friend Allison who beta'd this for me. :) Hope you like it!
The Last Night
Mercedes knew there was something up with Kurt. First of all, it was spring. One simply did not wear obviously hot and uncomfortable long-sleeved sweaters in the springtime. He always pulled the sleeves down, and crossed his arms most of the time now.
He was quiet and when he got teased nowadays, he kept his mouth shut and let them do what they wanted until he sank down on a locker typically, and then Blaine would come for him, forever five seconds late, and they would rush off to wherever they always went.
Today when Blaine swooped in just before she could reach her friend, she decided she had had enough. Where were they going? What was wrong with Kurt?
Besides, she had to get Kurt to come on the lunch line with her. Afterwards they had Glee. Blaine left the door open a bit when he slipped into the choir room behind his boyfriend so that they could tell when it was time for class. Mercedes couldn't help it; by nature, she was a gossip. She needed to know things, not to mention the Kurt of it all.
"Blaine, I can't." He was saying. "I can't, I can't, I can't-"
"Kurt, come on, you're- you're fine. I'm fine. We're fine." There was a desperation to Blaine's voice that Mercedes could in no way understand.
"No, Blaine, it's day, after day, after day-" Mercedes heard heavy footsteps and she looked through the crack. She was right, and found she really didn't want to be. Something was really wrong. Kurt was pacing back and forth, and back and forth-
Blaine grabbed Kurt's wrists to stop him and Kurt hissed.
"Why would you do that?" Kurt asked, more hurt than angry. Blaine gaped for a minute, which was strange to Mercedes, who had never seen him be anything but composed, a little frustrated sometimes especially when he didn't get what he wanted, but composed.
Now he looked forlorn and torn as to what he could say.
"I'm- I'm sorry, I forgot." Kurt, who had turned away from Blaine, spun around quickly and Mercedes could hear the whiplash.
"Well I don't." He snapped. "I don't forget, Blaine. I can always feel them there." His voice suddenly dropped from its sharp and scathing tone to a quieter, almost wistful, but ashamed one. "I like them sometimes." Mercedes was completely lost in the conversation. What were they?
Then it was Blaine who seemed angry. But his anger was different; Kurt's was the type of anger that flares up, just for a moment, when someone says something you don't like or does something you don't understand, but will soon; Blaine's came from a place of hurt that stays silent and rises up and up, from a place of confusion and pent up frustration that ate at him from the inside. This type of anger doesn't go away; it just hides away in submission.
"You want them there?" Thus his words were slightly hysterical, sarcastic. "Why can't I- what can I do anymore, Kurt?" Kurt stared at the shiny top of his silver Doc Martens. "I just don't know what to do." He sat down on a chair in the front row, in the corner. It was funny, Mercedes realized, how everyone thought that he was some sort of attention whore because of how it seemed that he always put himself out there and into the spotlight, when in fact, none of them probably knew anything about him at all. How in the world could he be an attention whore when no one knew a damn real thing about him? He was hiding in the corner like he wanted to disappear into the shadows.
The shadows of everyone else.
It was then she realized none of them had ever seen Blaine cry.
Kurt seemed to be at a loss as well, as Blaine's body heaved up and down, hiding his face in his hands, seeming to be ashamed of crying at all.
Kurt slowly sat down beside him.
"Blaine, please stop, I'll-" Blaine doesn't even look at him, and Kurt's next words are almost shouted and thick with unshed tears. "Blaine, stop, I can't take it!" Then Blaine looks up. Bitter and his fury finally unleashed, he spat back,
"It's always about you, isn't it?" He wiped his eyes in a vain attempt to stop the tears. Kurt swallowed and looked away. It was true; it was.
Mercedes eyes were wide; it pained her to see them like this, but it was like a reality television show.
What was wrong with Kurt?
Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, and Tina was smiling at her. Artie and Mike wore similar smiles behind her.
"Oh, hey Mercedes, we were just going to practice the number we're going to perform next period for Glee Club. Want to see?" She hoped, she wished, even prayed, that Kurt and Blaine heard them and rushed out the other door. She knew they would be angry at her in the first place for hearing their conversation, but if they walked in while Blaine was crying Mercedes was sure he'd be mortified. He'd even seemed embarrassed to have his own boyfriend see him cry.
She felt a bit embarrassed herself, now. She had invaded their privacy, she realized. Laughing nervously, she said,
"Why don't we go practice in the courtyard? It will be easier to practice the choreography there, and-" All of a sudden, a usually smooth and calming tenor's voice came floating through the doorway. It was shaky and even though she didn't know the song, Mercedes could tell that he was a bit pitchy. Blaine was never pitchy.
You come to me with scars on your wrists.
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this.
And then a high voice that they all knew well took over.
I just came to say goodbye
Didn't mean to make you cry, I'm fine
Then they sang together, harmonizing,
But I know it's a lie!
There was a small pause in which the teens outside could hear a large breath being taken. Then with more determination than before,
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everything you want me to be
This is the last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go I'm everything you need me to be.
Blaine dive into the next verse, but Kurt cut him off.
Your parents say that everything is your fault,
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
Now, when Blaine sang his voice shook once again. Mercedes and the other Glee club members' eyebrows all furrowed in confusion.
So sick of when they say
It's just a phase you'll be okay
You're fine
But I know it's a lie!
It wasn't the perfect fit for that song, but when Kurt's broken voice could be heard she felt her eyes burning at her friend's pain. Her friends' pain. She couldn't help it; she looked through the crack.
They were standing again, Kurt's arms wrapped around Blaine's neck, and Kurt was singing passionately:
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everything you want me to be
This is the last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go I'm everything you need me to be.
There was a pause as Blaine kissed Kurt softly. He sang against the other boy's lips.
The last night away from me
It was obvious that this song meant something to them both. They knew all the words and it was sung as though it had been rehearsed. Blaine's words were almost desperate when he pulled away.
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight...
His voice rose, cracking a little bit.
Tonight!
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.
I won't let you say goodbye
I'll be the reason why
The last night away from me
There was another pause as Blaine looked up at Kurt. Then down at his arms. He stared at Kurt and hesitantly murmured,
"May I?" Because no matter how upset he might have been, Mercedes realized bitterly, Blaine would always be a little prep school boy. Kurt nodded curtly and Blaine began to raise Kurt's sleeve. Kurt's arm shook so horribly she could see it.
Mercedes' tear-filled eyes widened in horror, unable to stop a gasp from slipping through her lips.
"What is it?" Mike asked. They had been listening the whole time, and Mercedes had forgotten. They couldn't see in. They couldn't see...
Mercedes ignored him.
Blaine brought Kurt's sleeve up to his elbow. Bright red horizontal cuts made Mercedes' stomach churn. Blaine kissed up Kurt's arm, and Kurt let out a choked sob.
Blaine moved up, kissed both of his cheeks, then his lips.
Away from me... He whispered softly, then turned away sharply.
"I don't understand why you have to do this to yourself." He said quietly, but anger laced his tone. "Can't you see you're destroying yourself? Can't you see you're destroying me?" He still didn't turn as his voice became louder and more frustrated. "Why can't you see that I'd do anything for you? I've told you plenty of times! Why can't you see that... Fuck, Kurt, you're my everything. And it's only getting worse."
"Like some sort of disease." Kurt responded tightly. Blaine threw his arms up, exasperated.
"No! Damn it Kurt!" He finally turns around, and his eyes convey his infuriation. "It's like you can't even hear what I'm saying!" Finally he snapped, and he grabbed Kurt shoulders and started to shake them. "Can you hear me? Can you see me now?" He was crying again, and Kurt stared right into his frantic eyes as his boyfriend succumbed to his building hysteria. "Can you see me crying? Can you hear me begging, Kurt?" He let go of the blue eyed boy's shoulders, and held up his exposed arm. "Look, Kurt, look. I don't know what you see, but what I see makes me sick. It makes me sick to think that you just took a knife and... And cut your own flesh! Did you watch the blood, Kurt? Did it drip to the floor like it did that time in your room? You know after that, after I went home-" Mercedes wondered when Blaine had taken Kurt's place, going absolutely berserk.
And then the bell rings. Mercedes will never find out what happened to Blaine when he went home.
"I have to get out of here." Blaine said, lowering his voice. "Cover for me." And then he was out the door, on the other side of where Mercedes is spying thankfully, and she wanted to go and speak to him, but what would she say? Anyway, he's gone, lost in the masses of teens rushing to class. She closed the door gently, and when Kurt came up behind them, having gone out the same way as Blaine, his sleeve is down and the only evidence of his breakdown is slightly red cheeks, which could be chalked up to... Well, anything. Kurt's skin could redden at the drop of a hat.
She smiled and greeted him normally. But she'd never forget. And neither him, nor Blaine, will ever find out she knows their secret. She tells the others later not to mention it, that it would embarrass Kurt and Blaine, that they would be mad at them for eavesdropping.
This is the last time she hears Blaine have an actual conversation. He is his peppy, chipper, solo hogging self, making bossy comments- alright, commands- in Glee club and the only time she ever sees him besides that is in Calculus. But Mercedes can now see when his smile is fake, the way it tugs up just a little too much, and she can't look at Kurt anymore. She knows what's behind his soft sweaters. He's not sure what makes her stop talking to him, just like that, but he gives up in a short amount of time. Graduation is approaching. No need for petty drama.
She moves to L.A. and doesn't see either of them until until she's just released her fifth hit album. She's looking though Vogue when she sees something that nearly makes her spit out her scalding coffee on her white rug.
She's admiring a design and thinking about ordering it when she sees it in the corner.
Kurt Hummel Designs
It only takes her a second to get to her computer and type in Kurt Hummel.
It has to be a different Kurt Hummel, she tells herself, it has to be.
The man she finds from her search results is certainly very different from the Kurt Hummel she knew, appearing confident and in all of the pictures he seems to have a huge grin on his face, hair perfectly coiffed and teeth perfectly white. She even looks at an interview online (I've found everything I've ever wanted, he says) and according to Wikipedia, he's married to... Blaine Anderson. For seven years. He apparently got his fame from starring as Fiyero in the 2019 revival of Wicked.
It shouldn't hurt that she wasn't invited to the wedding. She's glad that Kurt made it. She really is.
But when she puts on her original Kurt Hummel Design sweater, she can only think of a broken boy with one who is also hopelessly, emotionally crippled, crying and singing in the choir room in McKinley high school, of which she will never forget.
Review pretty please?