I Wish Him Well
When it happened, I was broken. I was torn into a million pieces. I was chewed up and spat out like I was a bad taste. And I felt it. Every little bite, every little tear, I felt it rip right through me as a person. I didn't feel whole. I didn't feel worthy. Pushed to one side like a forgotten childhood toy. Waiting on my dusty shelf for someone else to find.
It hurt. They always hurt. The break-ups. Nothing is easy about them, not even the good ones where there was no arguing and there was no cheating. It hurts when you both agree you've changed. That was part of the problem, I guess. We changed. We both changed. Since the day we first met, we were no longer the same people. Not that we ever admitted it.
It wasn't an easy break-up for us, especially for me. He had his new girl and I had Heather to comfort me.
Feelings don't just disappear into thin air. No matter what happens in the world around you, they are still there. No matter what he did or who he did. Always still there.
And that's a problem, you see. Feelings don't go away. It takes time and you have to work at it. You have to tell yourself that he doesn't love you anymore, that you're old news to him, even if it's not true. You have to make up the worst of the worst excuses just for it to make sense to you. You may take away the sense of what really happened, but if it helps, do it.
But don't hate him.
I think that might be my problem. I want to hate Duncan for what he did to me. But I can't. I have these feelings tucked up inside of me that reach out to him, no matter what my exterior says.
If I had my choice, I would rewind the clock without a second glance and do it all over again. I would change it. Make it better. Maybe that way it wouldn't have to end. Or am I just kidding myself? Was it meant to end? Of course it was. No relationship lasts forever.
You have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince, or so the saying goes. And I've kissed another frog. My green-haired, piercing covered, punk of a frog.
And everything happens for a reason. I believe that life tests us with all the ups and downs we suffer. But everything happens for a reason. The good things make us better; the bad things make us stronger. I am better from this relationship; I am stronger from this break-up.
It hurt, of course. But when you've had this much time to let it sink in, I think I'm okay. And I am going to be okay.
What good is Duncan to me if he does not reciprocate my feelings? Useless, of course. I need to love someone who is going to love me. One day I'll find him, once I get through my swarm of frogs.
Tine passes by slowly, and I try to distract myself now. It's hard when he's right there. Right now. Probably watching this, thinking about me. Who knows? Maybe he's thinking about how such a good job he has done. Now he's rid of me and I'm broken.
Was that his plan? To see me hurt? See me cry? Maybe.
Am I over thinking this? Definitely. I know that Duncan wasn't the best of people, but he thought more of me than just another girl. Right? Please tell me I'm right...
We went out on a bad note, but we'll probably stay on one too. I'll live through it. I mean, what are the odds of me ever running into Duncan again after this show ends? We live in different parts of Canada, after all. Maybe one day I'll see him again. If it's soon, a nod of the head and a smile. If it's thirty years from now, a hug. A good catch up on how we've both grown up and changed.
Until then, I wish him well.
A/N: ='(
You know those oneshots that you just have to write because it gets your emotions out? This is one of those...
I'm very bad at facing my feelings, but very good at expressing them through fictional characters...
This is what the past four months have been leading up to. Today. Today sucked, I guess.
No, that's mean. I loved today...But it's left me feeling...Down. I guess.
I know he don't like me doing this, but I wanted to post something...I need to post things to express myself. I can't keep it bottled up inside. It hurts too much. It hurts less to write it all down...
Of course, we all know that me and Aaron broken up in January, right? And it wasn't a bad break-up, either. We're friends :) We were before, we are now. Though, most of this is true...This is my thoughts and feelings. Pretty much just take away all the things about the cheating and that's it.
Thanks for reading.
Love, Chloe.