So, I figured I would write a one shot for fun again but I'm thinking that this really needs to be a two shot. Certainly not longer than that. But I'll just let you guys decide. If I add another chapter then I think I'll do Daryl's POV but tell me what you want to see and I'll jump right on it. This is much more slow paced than what I normally write. Hope you enjoy and if you don't then remember to sign in before you talk shit. If you can't sign in then don't bother. The opinion of cowards don't particularly matter to me ;) To all my friends that will most likely read this, thanks for always giving my writing a shot and leaving the love. You guys have become such an awesome group and I love hearing from every one of you! Much love =)
Chapter One
Carol stepped out onto the porch silently, darkness wrapping around her like a cloak. The air was chilly now, the moon was just a sliver, offering no light to guide her way. She knew it was stupid to slip out in the middle of the night, alone and unarmed, but she was starting to feel stifled in the house. Walking to the edge of the porch she rubbed her hands up and down her arms briskly, hoping the friction would bring her a little warmth. Her lips turned up in the semblance of a smile as she took in a deep breath of the crisp air. Memories of the days miraculous events whirled through her mind, causing tears to sting her eyes. They were no longer tears of grief. These were tears of joy, relief, elation. Today was the first day of the rest of her life and she had no intentions of wasting a minute of it.
She was glad that Hershel had finally let them into the house. It was much safer than sleeping in tents or even the R.V. But there was one member of their group that hadn't jumped at the chance to stay inside. The man that she owed everything to. The one that had barely spoken to her since he had emerged from the woods with her daughter in tow just that morning. She had been unable to sleep so she had been up earlier than the others, collecting eggs so she could get a head start on breakfast. On exiting the hen house she caught sight of Daryl first, her heart aching with guilt because she knew he had been out another night searching for a child that he barely knew.
But then as he crested the small rise she saw that he wasn't alone. She had blinked several times but the image remained. Sophia was with him. He wasn't carrying the girl. He wasn't holding her hand and he wasn't coddling her in any way. He wasn't even shortening his stride to make it easier for her to keep up with him. But he had brought her back. Somehow, against all of the odds that were stacked against him, he had persevered and he had kept his word. He had found her little girl.
He had stalked right out of the woods and handed her the world. He hadn't lingered and when she tried to thank him after that tearful reunion all he did was blush, shrug and gave her a big fat "I told ya so" before she could even get the words out of her mouth. When the rest of the group woke up and more happy tears had fallen he had done what he had always done. He had kept the others at a distance. When the group all praised him for what he had done he simply nodded and then eventually slunk off into the shadows. He had even politely, or as politely as Daryl could, declined Hershel's offer of one of the guest rooms in the big house. He opted to stay in his tent, separated from the others in his self imposed exile.
She found herself walking out into the yard, her eyes finally adjusting to the dark, unaware for the moment where her feet were taking her until she was already past the barn. Not too far past the barn was a pond and just the day before he had been walking with her and pointed out a cluster of those wild flowers. The same kind that he had given to her what seemed like an eternity ago.
She thought of that day often when she would hear one of the others talking about his short temper. She remembered the soft look in his eyes as he explained the Cherokee legend to her when someone would mention how abrasive he was. The truth was, not one of them knew a thing about Daryl Dixon's character. Not even herself.
She was nearly to the pond when she heard something coming from the treeline not far away. She froze, fear causing the air to rush out of her like steal bands had encased her lungs. Was she insane? How could she have came all this way, in the middle of the night, without any means to protect herself? She just got her daughter back and now she was going to get herself killed. She scanned the area for something she could use against a walker but there was nothing in sight.
"The hell do you think you're doin'?" She heard a familiar angry voice right before she saw him emerge from the trees.
She felt the bands around her chest loosen so she could breath again. He stopped a few feet away and stared at her. "I'm not used to sleeping in a house anymore. I needed some air." She said quietly.
She expected him to scoff at her and tell her she was an idiot for leaving the safety of the house but he didn't. Instead she could have sworn she saw the ghost of a smile cross his face. "I know the feelin', but you shoulda got some air on the porch. Where the hell did you think you were goin'?"
She sighed and pointed behind him towards the cluster of Cherokee roses growing next to the pond.
He turned his head and squinted into the darkness. To her surprise he turned around and started strolling in that direction. He glanced back over his shoulder. "You comin' or not?"
She hurried to catch up with him, falling in step beside him. "If you want we can just head back. I don't know what I was thinking coming all the way down here alone."
"You wasn't." He muttered.
She glanced over. "What?"
"You wasn't thinkin'. Or you woulda kept your ass in the house. Ain't you cold?"
She rubbed her arms once more. "A little." She shrugged.
He stopped in front of the rosebush and looked past them out at the pond. "What now?" He asked quietly.
She looked at the white blooms in the limited light. They looked like they were floating against a dark backdrop. She thought back to how devastated she had been at the thought of her daughter never being found and then she thought of how much hope he had given her. She was pretty sure that if he hadn't been so relentless in his search and so adamant that she not give up hope then she would have lost her mind before Sophia had been found.
"Why did you try so hard to find her?" She asked suddenly, feeling his eyes on her but unable to look at him for some reason.
He shifted uncomfortably but didn't say anything for a while. When he finally spoke it was in a low voice. "I know what it's like to be lost and I also know what it's like to be left with nobody. Didn't figure that kind of thing was fair for either one of you."
There was something about the tone of his voice that had her heart aching. There was so much more to this man than anyone would probably ever know and it made her sad. Sad that he felt the need to hide it from everyone and even more sad that it had worked so well on the rest of the group. She turned so she was in front of him now. She knew he didn't need to hear it and he had brushed her off earlier but she was determined to thank him for bringing her girl back to her. The whole day felt like a blur. This was the first time that her thoughts had slowed down enough to even pay attention to what someone else was even saying to her.
"Thank you." She said, her voice was thick with emotion and she could only hope that he understood that her gratitude was endless for what he had done.
"Wasn't nothin'. I'd have been out there anyway, whether she needed findin' or not." he grumbled as he looked away.
He was selling himself short. He had searched for her child and against all of those odds he had brought her back and he couldn't even let himself have a moment of pride for that. Without thinking it through she stepped closer and then hugged him.
He instantly tensed but he couldn't step away from her since the pond was right behind him.
"Jesus, lady! What the hell?" He said loudly, clearly not expecting her to do anything like that.
She let go of him quickly but planted herself firmly in his space. "You risked your life for her and you brought her back safe. That wasn't nothin'. That was everything. She's all I've ever had and even when I believed she was gone, you kept searching. You didn't give up. Men like that don't come around very often and when they do, they need to know how much good they do. They need to know how much they mean to other people. You're a good man, Daryl Dixon. Anyone that says any different will have to answer to me."
He stared at her for quite some time before he nodded towards the house. "You best get back inside. Last thing that little girl needs is for her mama to end up sick."
He stepped around her without another word and stalked off towards the house. She hurried behind him until she caught up and fell into step at his side. Neither of them spoke again but she smiled a little when he walked her right up to the door of the house.
"G'night." He said gruffly.
"Good night, Daryl." She smiled at him one last time before slipping into the house and retreating back to her bedroom on the second floor.
~H~
The next night was less chilly when Carol emerged from the house. The day had been interesting. She was thrilled to see that Daryl had came in to join the others for breakfast. He hadn't even glared at her when she had taken the seat next to his. Sophia was already perched in the chair on the other side of him. He had grunted his thanks when she had handed him his plate, which caused her to have to force back a smile. Other than that he hadn't said a thing to her.
She had, however, noticed that he hovered around a little more than usual. He seemed to be within ear shot of her the entire day. She hoped that she had gotten through to him. She hoped he was proud of himself for what he had done for her. Maybe he was a little grateful for her too. It didn't seem he'd received many compliments or praise before.
She missed talking to him like they had talked when Sophia was missing so she had climbed out of bed once more, in the hopes of maybe running into him again. This time she grabbed herself a fire poker from the fireplace in her room before sneaking out of the house. As soon as she stepped out onto the porch he came around the side of the house and then stopped in his tracks when he saw her. She could only hope that he didn't think she was out here to badger him, even though deep down she knew that he was the reason she had came out at all.
She held up the poker and flashed him a smile. "I'm armed this time." she whispered.
She thought she saw the corner of his mouth lift up right before he looked away, back towards the barn. He stood there for a few awkward moments before shrugging.
"'Spose if ya ain't inclined to keep your ass in that warm bed of yours, the least I can do is take ya to wherever you was headed. Unless you came out here to be alone or somethin'."
She shook her head and then fell into step beside him like she had done the night before. They walked, saying very little. They circled the pond and this time she couldn't stop herself from picking one of the flowers that had grown to mean so much to her. It really was a symbol of hope. She caught the small smile on his face when she had plucked it from the bush. The one he had given her had withered away and she regretted not pressing it in a book. Someone had cleaned and tossed it out before she could even think of saving it.
What little bit they did talk was always initiated by her but he threw in a few stories here and there. She never realized that he was actually a little bit funny in a way. Especially when she was able to get him to talk about his brother. She wished there was a way she could give Merle back to him. But she was only Carol and she hadn't a clue on how to go about finding the missing Dixon. Besides, if Daryl didn't know where to find him then she would never be able to track him down. All she could do was hope that he was alive. When she told him as much he had stopped in his tracks.
"Why?" He asked in disbelief.
She shrugged. "Because he's your brother and you love him," she answered simply. She kept walking and now it was his turn to catch up with her.
"The only thing Merle would bring is a hard way to go for everybody here. Ain't nobody else in this group wants him back." He said as he glanced at her.
"It doesn't really matter what they think. He's your family."
He was quiet for a few long seconds, when he spoke she had to strain her ears to hear him. "So what. I ain't sure they understand that."
She didn't miss a beat. "I don't care what they understand or not either. You love your brother and you deserve to have him back, even if he is an ass sometimes... or all the time. Who are they to judge?"
She wanted to look at him when she heard a quiet laugh escape his lips but she kept her eyes trained on the house. "You'd be eatin' your words if he ever showed up here."
She smiled in the dark as he walked her to the door.
~H~
Eight weeks. It had been eight weeks after the first night she had ran into him and she found herself outside with him nearly every night. After the second night he had actually been waiting on the porch, sitting on the top step fiddling with a bolt. He had wordlessly stood up and off they went on their nightly jaunt through the farm. That was where she found him every night after that. Sometimes the weather wasn't cooperative and those nights she didn't even bother to go out. Other nights he was the one that never showed up. If he wasn't on the porch then she would retreat back inside. But he would always show up for breakfast, looking apologetic until she would flash him a smile. He'd nod and go about his day.
Sophia pestered him sometimes but he didn't seem to mind. She was always asking him questions. She, just like Carol, had seen through his grumpy exterior pretty quickly. He had even taken the girl out a few times, teaching her the basics when it came to tracking and had even given her a gun. He spent an entire day teaching her how to use it. Carol was beyond grateful for that. Shane was the one that taught Carol. Daryl hadn't talked very much the night she'd spent the day with Shane, but he'd shown up on the porch anyway.
Rick and Shane came to rely on him for a lot. They valued his opinion and asked him his thoughts on certain situations that would come up and as the weeks went by she was starting to see a much different man than she had met at the quarry.
Tonight was one of the coldest yet and she really wasn't expecting him to be there but when she cracked open the door there he was. Neither one of them ever talked about it. It was something that just was. For some reason they both enjoyed these nightly walks. Even on nights nothing was said. To call attention to it would be to ruin it and she knew this.
The moon was full and the property was lit up well, the frost on the grass reflecting the light. This was going to be one of the silent nights but that was okay with her. When they made it to the pond she walked to the edge where there was a slight incline and stopped. The pond was frozen over except right at the waters edge. He stopped with her, following her eyes, a small smile forming at the corners of his mouth.
She hadn't realized how close she had gotten until she felt her foot slip slightly. She could have easily righted herself since it wasn't very steep but his hand shot out and grabbed hers, steadying her quickly. She expected him to drop her hand as soon as he knew she wasn't going to plunge into the pond but he didn't. Her heart started racing when he pulled her away from the waters edge. His hand was rough and warm in hers. She didn't say a word about it. They continued on, her hand encased in his.
"Do you think we'll be able to stay here much longer?" She asked quietly as they passed the barn.
From the corner of her eye she saw him glance at her quickly. "Hard to say. Least now she's ready for the road if we gotta run." He said in a low voice.
"Thank you for that." She was grateful for what he had taught her daughter. Sophia was a much different child than she had been that day they had lost her. She was confident and happy. It was such a change from the girl she had raised in the violence in their home. She was free.
She felt his thumb graze across her knuckles and a nebulous feeling filled her chest, like she was made of helium. She kept her eyes on the ground in front of her. She didn't dare look at his face because if he dropped her hand she probably would have cried. They had grown a lot closer over the past weeks but she hadn't expected this. She wasn't sure what it meant really but she had a feeling that it meant a lot as far as he was concerned.
"Daryl?" She asked quietly when the house came into view.
He glanced at her but it was quick. He still hadn't said a word.
"Why don't you move into the house with everyone else? It's really cold out here and you aren't the only one that can keep an eye on the place. I know that's why you still haven't taken that room Hershel offered you."
He shrugged without a word. He did that sometimes but he kept a hold of her hand and that was what mattered. She was used to his silences but she wasn't used to this and she didn't want it to end. But like all good things, it had too. He let go of her hand before they hit the porch steps. "Guess I could do that. It'd be better than sleepin' on the ground. It's even harder when it's frozen." He smirked. "G'night."
He looked up, meeting her eyes and holding them for a long time. There was only about a foot separating them. She held her breath and didn't let it out until he broke the gaze and turned away, heading down the steps. This time she watched him go. He glanced back over his shoulder and then she went inside. Feeling very much like a teenager that just got home from a date. She laughed, quite loudly. She covered her mouth with her hand and hurried off to her room.
She overslept that morning. She dressed quickly, feeling guilty that she hadn't been up to start her chores. She wasn't able to do as much as some of the others but she did take pride in what little bit she was able to do. She hurried out of her room, still in the process of putting her socks on, not paying any attention to what was in front of her, when she ran into something solid and nearly fell over.
"What the hell, Carol." A familiar voice grumbled as an arm went around her waist.
He stepped away from her as soon as she was in no danger of toppling over. "Sorry," she breathed. She realized then that along with the ever present cross bow he also had a backpack slung over his shoulder and another bag in the hand that he hadn't used to steady her. She couldn't hide the smile that lit her face. She beamed up at him. She had lost a lot of sleep worrying about him sleeping outside in a tent in the cold.
He blinked and then smiled slightly, adjusting the bow and then walking past her without a word.
Now he was going to be just a few doors down. The only thing separating his room from hers was the room that Shane used. Sophia shared with Beth. The older girl seemed to really enjoy Sophia's company and Sophia adored Beth. She had quickly become the older sister that Sophia had never had. She thought about following him to his room to see if he needed help with anything but she turned and went down the stairs instead. The last thing she wanted was for him to think that now he was in the house she was going to follow him around all day.
It snowed that day and instead of the cold keeping them inside everyone made up every excuse they could to be outside. Daryl went hunting, bringing back a huge buck. He was actually grinning when he came out of the trees, struggling with the heavy load. Shane and T-dog ran over to help him haul it towards the shed that he had designated to clean his kills. It felt like Christmas. They had chopped wood nearly all day. There was enough, it seemed, to last them for the rest of the winter.
The snow kept falling until everything was covered. The deer was a godsend since walkers had decimated the cattle already. Better the cows than them. The cold seemed to be slowing them down, or maybe they were all dying off. All the group could do was hope.
That night dinner was louder than usual and everyone lingered at the table. There was even wine that Shane and Rick had gotten on a run and Hershel finally allowed them to drink it in the house. There were stories and laughs being shared well into the evening. Several times Carol had looked up and would catch his eye. He'd look away quickly every time but not before she would see the heat rise in his face. At least they matched. No one else seemed to notice.
She didn't know how much she had drank until she found herself chatting with Rick and Shane. She never talked this much. She had smiled so much that her face actually hurt. Sophia kissed her goodnight as the younger ones headed up the stairs to bed. She thought that maybe that was what she needed to do. There seemed to be a foot of snow out there now so she doubted that there would be any walking for them tonight.
She stood up and offered to help Lori and Maggie clear the table but they brushed her off, telling her she was always the one that did it and to go on to bed. She didn't argue. When she looked over he was downing what was left of one of the bottles of wine, then he stood up also. Everyone was still too busy to notice them leaving the room at the same time. The festivities for the others wasn't yet over.
She was hyper aware of him behind her as she carefully made her way up the stairs, keeping her hand firmly on the banister. She wanted to turn around to look at him but she was afraid if she did he would clam up. She was always afraid of him doing that, especially now that she had maybe had one too many glasses of wine. It wouldn't take her long to ruin whatever this fragile thing between them was.
Her door was closest, he was still behind her and she still hadn't said a word. She reached for her doorknob when she felt his hand on her elbow. She finally turned to face him. He was much closer than she had thought he would be. So close they were nearly touching. His hand stayed on her arm but he was starting to look a little uncomfortable. It looked like he wanted to say something but it was stuck. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.
"Thanks." He muttered, his eyes boring into hers before moving away to a spot on the wall.
She smiled. "For what?"
He met her eyes once again. "For what you said about Merle. About not carin' what the others thought."
She remembered saying that but it had been so long ago she hadn't thought about what she had said for a while. She couldn't even remember everything she had said about it.
"Wasn't nothin'." She said quietly. It was what he had said to her when she had thanked him for bringing Sophia back safe.
He opened his mouth to say something but then must have remembered that those were his own words and then closed it once more, smiling. "I s'pose I see your point now." He muttered before dropping his hand and taking a step back.
She watched him as he seemed to fumble for more words but nothing came out. When he finally did speak she was surprised at the question he asked. "You feel like gittin' outta here for a little while? Ain't as cold as it looks out there."
She nodded eagerly and followed him back down the stairs. No one saw them leave the house. She was glad because she wasn't in the mood for anyones questions or looks and she knew that there would be plenty of them.
He was right. The snow was still falling but the temperature wasn't as cold as it was most nights lately. What she hadn't realized was how much snow was actually piled up on the ground It was like the snow was insulating the farm. Right before they went down the porch steps his hand slipped into hers. The wine she had consumed gave her more courage than she would normally have so she made adjustments until her fingers were twined through his.
He went to lead her down the steps but she didn't budge. Both their arms were stretched, hands still locked together but she was still on the porch and now he was on the bottom step. He turned and gave her a curious look, snow clinging to his eyelashes. "What are ya doin'?" He asked.
She grinned, the wine making her that much more bold. "I thought you'd be sick of walking by now."
His breath came out in a huff and he actually came back up the steps faster than she thought he could considering that he was less stable on his wine legs than she was from what she could tell. But suddenly he was right there on the step below her. "Are you?" he asked in a low voice.
She shook her head slowly, unable to take her eyes off of his. He actually smirked like he expected as much. Apparently wine opened him up a little too. She suddenly remembered how he had been at the CDC after all of that wine. Maybe this could get interesting.
"We'll get our feet soaked if we walk through all this snow," she said without looking away.
His eyes dropped to her sneaker clad feet and then a frown formed between his eyes. "Well fuck, Carol."
She laughed quietly. He must have drank much more than she thought he had. His words came out slightly slurred. When his eyes made it back up to meet hers the frown was still in place. He huffed and then stepped around her, leading her back to the door, not dropping her hand.
The last thing she wanted to do was rush him into anything he wasn't ready for but she was getting a little more than impatient. She was almost positive that this was going somewhere. She wasn't sure where but he was still holding her hand and it wasn't just a coincidence that he just happened to be waiting for her on the porch every night. That meant something. It had too.
He opened the door and pulled her inside, keeping his grip on her hand. She was still lightheaded from all she had drank but it wasn't as bad as just a little while ago. Her racing thoughts were sobering her up a little. The stairs didn't give her as much trouble as they had before.
"If we can't roam around in the yard then what the hell are we gonna do?" He asked once they stopped in front of her door. His voice was louder than it usually was and a calloused thumb ran across the sensitive skin of her wrist. He hadn't dropped her hand. She focused on that fact when she met his eyes.
"Whatever you want," she said in a quiet voice that still seemed to bounce off the walls. She watched as his eyes seemed to darken. His thumb stilled on her wrist, right above her pulse point and she knew he could feel how quick her heart was beating now. He looked like he was unsure and that was okay with her. She wasn't so sure herself. She didn't know for sure what he wanted from her and she knew that it wouldn't be easy. It had been a while, they had grown closer, he was her friend now. She was certain of that. But she wasn't certain about anything else, even though just a few minutes ago she had thought she was.
When he didn't say anything she figured that it was just too soon. Or she was misinterpreting all of this. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, smiling when she pulled her head back and he was staring at her with widened eyes.
Daryl Dixon was treading water here and she knew it. She was pretty sure that kindness had been as rare for him as it had been for her. Friendship was a foreign concept. Trust was something to be read about in books. She realized then that anything more than late night walks, feeling each other out on an emotional level with restrained conversations and now the occasional hand holding just may be the only thing they had to offer one another. Maybe all they could give was the comfort of knowing that the other cared. And cared deeply. She was stunned to realize that she was just fine with all of that. Because it was a comfort to know he cared. Just the prospect of him meeting her eyes from across the table and actually holding them was an exciting thing. Something she looked forward too. She would always know that out of all of them, he would always care about her just a little bit more than he did the rest.
"Goodnight, Daryl." She gave him a smile but the frown between his eyes returned, deeper than before as he struggled with some inner battle.
He blew out a heavy breath, his free hand coming up to the side of her face. She stayed very still as his thumb brushed across her bottom lip just as lightly as his other had brushed her wrist, and then he lowered his head until there was barely any space separating then. There seemed to be a thousand questions in his eyes but he didn't voice any of them. Instead his lips met hers, soft and questioning, as if he still wasn't so sure he was doing the right thing.
She kissed him back just as gently as he was kissing her. Like he'd run if she made one wrong move. He finally let go of her hand and put his arm around her waist so she hesitantly placed her own hands flat against his chest, his heart hammering just as fast as hers through the smooth leather of his vest.
He was the one that finally pulled away. Carol was breathless. That had to have been the sweetest kiss she had ever had in her life. They hadn't tried to devour each others mouths and there wasn't anything sure in the act at all but it would still go down in the books as one of the greatest things she had ever experienced.
He pressed his forehead flat against hers when they heard footsteps coming slowly up the stairs. "G'night, Carol." He whispered.
She nodded and he stepped away, that rare smile breaking across his face right before he turned and headed towards his room.