Hello! So just another quick one shot. For those of you following my other story Boy Next Door I am working on the next chapter and am aiming to get it out in a couple of days. Once again thank you for all the support! You guys are amazing! Enjoy and let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel Cinematic Universe.
He didn't know what he was doing. He should be making sure that things were running smoothly in the New Avengers Facility. He should be in the gym training the New Avengers. He should be doing just about anything else. But he wasn't doing any of those things. Instead he was standing there and torturing himself.
There he was, Steve Rogers, standing in the room that he found Natasha Romanoff staring at a wall after her talk with Fury. He was looking for a place to think without anyone bothering him and he happened to pass by this room when it was empty. When Steve first entered the room, he began pacing, thinking of strategies that he and his team could work on. He was at a lost and decided to give staring at the wall a try. It turned out to be pointless and he walked over to the floor-to-ceiling window. He looked to the right and watched the large group of recruits training. He then let his eyes linger over to the courtyard where his sights have been trained on for the last ten minutes or so.
In the middle of the courtyard was Natasha Romanoff. To Steve she looked absolutely beautiful sitting on a bench in the sunlight. She had grown her hair out and it was currently straightened which reminded Steve of their time during the HYDRA uprising. She looked as relaxed as she could be and from where he was standing he could see hints of a smile. She seemed to be happy. He was captivated by her in this state. Sadly, she wasn't the sole reason that he had been staring down at the courtyard.
Sitting next to her on the bench was Bruce Banner, the reason for her happiness. There they were sitting close, talking, laughing occasionally. After throwing Ultron out, Bruce turned the quinjet around and landed on the helicarrier where Natasha was waiting for him. It was obvious to the team that something had happened between them while in Sokovia but they never said anything. Things between the two were almost exactly like they were before Ultron.
Almost.
Natasha and Bruce didn't jump into a actual relationship, but reverted back to the one they had before. Except now, there was more time alone. More flirting. More lingering touches. More hugs. More kisses on the cheek. It was as close as a couple could get to being in a relationship without actually being in a relationship.
It was slightly weird at first for the new team to get used to this Natasha. She was still the same Natasha, for the most part. She wasn't as closed off or stoic. She laughed sometimes and made jokes, not just the teasing kind. It took some time to adjust, but eventually in the last few months since defeating Ultron the whole team had fully accepted this Natasha.
Well, everyone except one.
"Hey, Spangles. I've been looking all over for you." Tony Stark announced as he comes in. Even though Tony quit, he visits once in awhile. Everybody knew that it was because he missed his other family but he would never admit it. "I knew you couldn't wait to see me so I thought I would seek you out."
Despite the fact that one of his closet friends had walked in, Steve could not force himself to look away from Natasha and Bruce. "Stark." He said monotonously.
"Any reason for your brooding?"
"I'm not brooding."
"That's where you are wrong. I think right now you are the definition of brooding and I was able to tell that from the second I walked in. What's on your mind?" Without waiting for an answer, Stark walks up next to Steve and follows his line of vision. "Romanoff and Banner?"
Steve gritted his teeth. "Leave it alone, Stark."
"Seriously though, Cap. What could they have to do with you?" Thoughts ran through his head and it only took a moment for Tony to piece it together. "You and Romanoff?"
"I said leave it alone, Stark." He pulled his eyes from the window to glare at Tony.
"Were you and Romanoff a thing or something? I mean, I knew you guys were partners and everything. And then there was the whole thing with HYDRA. But you and Romanoff hooked up? I can't believe it, Captain America has finally adapted to the future! Tell me, how was it?"
Now Steve turned his full attention to Tony. "You don't know what you're talking about, so I suggest you drop it, Stark. It's none of your damn business and I don't need you digging your nose in places where it's not needed." After a long hard glare, Steve went back to facing the window.
Tony wasn't stupid. He could see the anger building in Steve's eyes and knew it would probably be in his best interest to not push him, especially considering that he didn't have his suit with him. So, Tony actually stopped talking and copied Steve. He looked back at Bruce and Natasha. For some strange reason, when Tony looked at Natasha he pictured Pepper and another man next to her. He didn't like what he was seeing and figured that this was what Steve was feeling.
"Listen, Cap. I'm sorry. I didn't know. If you and Romanoff had something, then that's cool. I should respect that." Tony apologized. "You know, now that I think about it you and Natasha would have made a great couple. You guys would balance each other out and-"
"Nothing happened." Steve whispered.
"I'm sorry?" Tony asked, not having heard what Steve had said.
"We were never together or anything."
"But you wanted to be?" Steve's silence was answer enough for Tony. "What happened?"
"I guess you're bound to get your heart broken when you fall in love with someone who loves someone else." Steve replied
"You fell for her first though." Tony reminded him.
"Doesn't matter."
"Yes it does!" Tony insisted. "Why didn't you do anything?"
Steve chuckled to himself. "In case you didn't know, Stark, I am the world's expert in waiting too long. I missed my chance."
"Why didn't you fight for her?"
"And what? Try to steal her from a friend? I don't think I could do that. Besides, I told Bruce to go after her. She liked him and I wanted her to be happy."
"That's bullshit!"
"Language." Steve reprimanded as he crossed his arms and continued to stare at the couple below.
"Really? That again? Right now?" Tony gave a little frustrated growl. "You have got to stop being so frustratingly selfless. You need to be selfish every once in awhile."
"I can't."
"You can't or you won't?" Tony demanded. Steve turned to him but said nothing. "You know what? I don't think you told Banner to pursue Romanoff because you wanted them to go off and live happily ever after. I think you told him to because you thought it would give you a reason to stop thinking about how you missed your chance with her. You were probably constantly fighting with yourself to tell her but were afraid of rejection. If she was taken you wouldn't have that internal battle anymore. You wouldn't have that fear of rejection anymore. Unfortunately for you, the regret of not telling her is there and now you have to see them together all the time."
They stood in absolute silence as Steve absorbed everything that Tony just laid out in front of him.
"You're right." Steve admitted. "About all of it. The worst of it is watching how happy he makes her. That could have been me."
"That should've been you."
"Like I said before, though. It doesn't matter. I can't change that now."
Tony sighed, knowing that because of his moral compass, Steve would not try anything to get his chance with her. "What are you going to do then?"
"I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't watch them."
"What happens next?"
"I think I need to leave."
"Well, Cap, if that's what you want. Here." Tony handed Steve something.
"What is this?"
"That right there is almost like a homing device. I may be retired, but if you ever find yourself in any major trouble, press that button and I'll come and save you. Like you once said, we are going to do this together." Tony explained.
"Thanks, Tony."
"I'm here for you, buddy. If you need anything else, you know where to find me." He gave Steve a pat on the back and walked out.
Steve was now in the locker room gathering his uniform and some supplies he may need on the road. He had just come from talking with Hill and Fury and told them that he was leaving. They tried to convince him not to, but he had made up his mind. He told them that they could find them when they needed him and that was what finally put them at ease.
He continued and pack anything he needed in his duffel bag when he heard someone come in.
"Hey, Steve. Team dinner. You joining us?" Natasha asked.
"Sorry, can't." He responded as he continued packing.
"You can't? Team dinners were your idea, Rogers. What do you mean you can't?" She asked in a playful tone.
"I can't." He repeated.
Natasha walked up to him and noticed him packing. She scrunched her face up in confusion. "You going on vacation?"
"Not exactly."
"Mission?"
"Sort of."
She was seriously getting a little annoyed. Natasha placed her hand on Steve's shoulder. "Would you look at me, Steve?" Not being able to resist her, he did. "Where are you going?"
"I found a lead on Bucky."
"You're going to look for him?" He nodded. "You taking Sam with you?" He shook his head. "So you're going alone."
"I have to, Nat. He's my friend and I need to find him. Sam needs to be here with the team."
"How long are you going to be gone for?"
"As long as it takes for me to find him."
"That could be a long time. What are we supposed to do without our leader?"
"The team will be fine because they will still have a great leader."
"Who?"
"You."
"Me? What is wrong with you? I can't be the leader."
Steve sat down on one of the benches and then looked up at her. "Yes you can. You are strong. Independent. Passionate. Loyal. Brave. You have the qualities a good leader needs even if you don't see it."
That brought a smile to her face. It didn't last long though. "What about us?"
"What do you mean?"
"Steve, you're my partner and my best friend, besides Clint. I can't lose another best friend."
He sighed and forced the next few words from his mouth. "You'll be okay, Nat. You have Bruce now. I can see how happy he makes you. You'll be fine. You don't need me."
"That's not true." She made sure that he was looking her straight in the eye and no longer on the floor in front of him. "You've seen parts of me that no other has. As cheesy as it sounds, and you know how much I hate cheesy, when I'm with you I want to be good. I want to be that hero that people think I am when I'm fighting with the Avengers."
"You are that hero. You don't need me to be good. You are a good person. No matter what anyone else thinks. If you are ever doubting yourself or you find yourself believing what those people say, I want you to remember something. I will always see you as so much more. In my eyes, you have never been a monster. You are a beautiful woman and Bruce is extremely lucky to have you." He began to turn away from her to gather his stuff, knowing that the longer he stays talking to her, the harder it will be for him to leave. Without meaning to he whispers to himself. "There were so many times I wish I was him."
Steve froze as soon as the words left his mouth. He began praying that she did not hear him. No such luck.
"Steve?"
He did the only thing he could think of doing. He gathered his stuff and tried to make a hasty exit. "I really have to go." He was halfway across the room before she finally processed that he was trying to run away.
Natasha grabbed his arm before he could walk out of the door.
"Steve?"
"Just forget about it."
"I can't forget about it. I need to know. Did you mean it?" He nodded. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was afraid."
"Of me?"
"Of being rejected. You knew that I haven't had the best luck with women. I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same and then things would have been extremely awkward."
"So, right now, you're running from me?"
"You and Bruce." He corrected. "I don't think I can be here anymore and watch you too. Everyday I regret never gaining the courage to tell you, but that was my fault and now I have to live with the consequences."
"Is there any way I can get you to stay?" She was close to begging him to stay. Since the Chitauri invasion, she and Steve were partnered up together. Then there was Project Insight and Fury dying and HYDRA and then Ultron. He was always there for her and she couldn't imagine going back to a life without him in it knowing how good it was with him.
Steve shook his head. "I don't think so. I have to do this. I need to stop torturing myself. I am going to be selfish and take time for myself because I don't know how much more I can handle."
She rushed into his arms. This was a much harder goodbye then when they were in the cemetery. Then, she knew that they were going to see each other soon. Now, she wasn't so sure. Steve dropped his stuff and fully embraced her.
"Please stay. I need you here."
His resolve was crumbling, but he stayed strong. He gave her one last strong squeeze and pulled away far enough so that he could look into her eyes. "I'm sorry." He placed a tender kiss on her forehead which caused her eyelids to shut on their own accord as her mind tried to memorize the feelings of his lips on her forehead and his arms around her.
Before she could process it, Steve had stepped out of her arms and picked up his duffel bag in one hand and his shield in the other. Then he was on his way out.
"Steve!" He turned to Natasha but did not move from the open door. "I don't know if this matters but I want you to know that I would have said yes if you asked."
Steven gave her a slight nod and then turned and walked out the door. His eyes were shut tight keeping in the tears that were threatening to fall. He couldn't decide if that was the best or worst thing she could have told him.