You'll Be in My Heart
She holds the 10th pregnancy test in her hands and cries as an electronic smiley face smiles up at her and tells her she's pregnant. All the tests have been positive and she knows that its true but she doesn't want to accept it. There is someone behind her, rubbing her back in small circles, speaking softly in comforting words, but it's not the person that she wants it to be. That makes her cry even harder until she drops the test and screams. The person stops rubbing her back and maneuvers in front of her in the small bathroom.
"Listen to me Rachel." Her roommate, Santana, demands as she puts her hand on her shoulders. "If you don't want to keep this baby-"
Rachel looks up; her eyes narrowed and blood shot. "D-don't you dare say what I know you're gonna say!"
"But he is a million miles away from you now!" she says with a scowl. "…In a secluded place in one of the most barbaric countries in the world Ray! How is he going to help you raise a child? How are you even going to tell him?"
Rachel shakes her head as more tears fall. "I'll write him a letter." She deadpans.
"Oh so you're going to write him a letter telling him your pregnant because the day before he was shipped out the two of you decided to have goodbye/pity/ drunk sex because you were feeling sorry for yourself? That is not how he is going to want to find out!" Santana scolds. "Rachel, you have a dream that is bigger than anything that Finn Hudson could have given you. You are a sophomore and at the top of your class at the country's biggest art school, this is going to ruin everything that you worked for."
Rachel is sobbing so hard that her body actually hurts and she wants to throw up. "Please Sanny," She begs. "I can't…I can't just abort it, its apart of me." She grabs Santana's hands. "Please Sanny, I understand what you're saying but…I can't kill something that is half me."
Santana sighs, there is seriously no point in arguing with this girl now. "Fine," Rachel looks at her, shocked. "I'll help you with this kid," Santana says as Rachel smiles a little. "But you're not going to name it some pansy ass name got it? I get to help choose the name…oh and I call god mother…and Britt gets god father."
"Ok" Rachel says as she slowly stops crying.
"And you have to write Finn a letter now, like right now to tell him…and then call Carole and Burt so they know. Also we are calling the baby doctor first thing in the morning so you can get that thing inside of you checked out." Santana explains as Rachel stands up off the side of the tub. "Also call Kurt and make sure I'm out of the room so I don't have to hear his girly screams."
She sends the letter first thing in the morning, Santana is down in the lobby with her as she drops it into the slot. "I feel like I'm sending a Dear John letter." Rachel says as she walks over to her best friend who is looking down at her nails. "I called Carole," Rachel tells her as walked out of the apartment complex and onto the crowded streets of New York City. "She just cried and cried, Kurt screamed just like you said he would." Rachel says as smiles at the smirking Santana. "And I called my dads…they were disappointed….they have never yelled at me before."
Santana just shakes her head. "They will come along Ray, plus you got me and like what 7 other people willing to help…you will be fine."
"Hmm, you sure changed your tune from last night." Rachel said and Santana laughed.
"What can I say, I'm excited to see a Finchel offspring." Santana said and Rachel smiled. "Besides the kid is going to be tough, being a New Yorker and all."
They end up taking a cab to the doctor's office and once they walk in they see at least ten pregnant women varying in all size of pregnancy stages and all had their husbands with them. It made Rachel's heart ache as they sat down in the farthest corner away from the expecting mothers. Santana glares as most of the women stare at them. "what the fuck are they looking at?" Santana mutters and then another couple walks in, two other women. The look around the place to and Rachel watches as they smile when they see the two of them and make their way over to them.
"The people here think we are together." Rachel says as she looks at a pamphlet.
Santana shrugs. "Well we are here together."
Rachel lets out a laugh. "No Santana they think we are a couple, like together, together."
"What do I have a sign on my forehead that says lesbian?" Santana whispers. "Jesus we are in New York, I thought people didn't care about this kind of stuff here. I mean I do plan on marrying Brittany here because it is legal after all."
Rachel just shrugs her shoulders and tells her to shut up because an actual lesbian couple makes takes a seat next to them. Rachel's eyes go wide as she looks at the woman's stomach. "Oh God how far along are you." She blurts out and Santana nudges her shoulder. "Oh I'm sorry it just slipped out."
"It's ok." The pregnant one says. She has long blonde hair and a big smile on her face. "I'm actually only seven months." Her brown eyes smile with her. "But that's what happens with artificial insemination. "You two might be having more than one."
Now it's Santana's turn to be shocked. "Oh no," She says. "She's only having one."
The taller one just laughs, she has shorter hair, cut in a bob and it's a nice red color. "Well we are having three." She smiles and rubs her partner's hand. "But we are so happy, two girls one boy and we are so prepared and ready for this." She looks at Santana and Rachel. "How far along is your wife?"
"Oh," Santana says as she points to Rachel. "I'm not with her like that."
The blonde one looks surprised. "Oh I'm sorry, we saw the rings so we assumed…."
Rachel smiled at them. "It's ok, and I'm sure that it will happen more than once." Rachel pointed to her best friend. "Santana is actually engaged to her girlfriend and I am…or was engaged to my boyfriend. Tana is here for moral support."
"Well that's nice." The one with red hair says. "What happened with your boyfriend…if you don't mind me asking?"
"Not at all." Rachel says. "He um…he went into the army and was just shipped off to Afghanistan. We got back together when he came back from boot camp and that is the reason why I am here waiting to get an ultra sound."
The blonde woman gives her a sad smile. "Well don't worry hun, I think you are going to be ok…and who knows, your boyfriend will be over the moon about your baby."
The nurse calls her name and Rachel and Santana stand up. "Thank you um…."
"I'm Sherrie," The blonde says. "And that is Lois, and any time. You can get our number from the nurse if you have any questions."
Rachel smiles and walks to the door, not bothering to tell the women that she was no longer with Finn.
"Well Miss Berry you are about three weeks along." Doctor Rena says as she moves the sensor around Rachel's belly. "And if you listen…you can hear your baby's heart beat."
Both her and Santana quite down to listen to the thump, thump, thump of the heartbeat. Rachel giggles and the looks at the screen. "It's beating really fast." She comments and a sudden scene fills her head.
"Your heart is on the other side of your chest."
"Oh…it's beating really fast."
"You know, you can kiss me if you want to."
"I want to."
"Miss. Berry?" Doctor Rena says
Rachel snaps herself out of her memory and then blinks. "Yes?"
"Well, my nurse predicted your due date but it's not always correct. But you may be due on July 14th…also would you like pictures of the ultra sound?"
Rachel nods as she continues to watch the image on the screen. "Yeah, that would be great."
"So a summer baby," Santana says as they walk to the pizzeria near their apartment. "So that means that you will have to have half birthdays with it in school so it doesn't feel left out." She smiles as she speaks to the diva that has her head down as she walks. "Ok," Santana says as she stops them. "What's up munchkin?"
Rachel sighs. "I have to eat meat again…and…and animal products! Santana I have been a vegan since I was thirteen ok! My body is not prepared for this yet!"
Santana laughs as she starts to walk again. She wraps her arm around her best friend's shoulders and guides her into the pizza place. "So let's start with some pepperoni pizza."
And for the second time that day, Rachel was reminded of Finn Hudson and their first date and how she gave up her diet for that one day so she could impress him. "Hey Berry!" Her head turned to look at Santana. "Should we get a whole pie? Jeeze what has been up with the daydreaming today?"
Throwing up sucked, Rachel spent most of her mornings, afternoons, and nights bent over the porcelain bowl emptying the contents of her stomach. She figured that this baby hated her and wanted to find anyway to harm her. She was carrying the omen; yup that's what was wrong with her. It's nine in the morning when the house phone starts ringing off the hook. Santana is in the bathroom with her, brushing her teeth and ignoring the sounds of heaving next to her, but with a mouthful of tooth paste she says. "Who the hell calls on a house phone now?"
Rachel stands up and grabs a plastic up and swishes her mouth out. "It could be Carole, she said she'd call me if she heard anything from Finn." She says as she picked up the portable phone and answers it. "Hey Carole…what's, what's wrong….Carole?"
The older woman is crying through the phone, not just crying but sobbing. "It's…its Finn…his uh, his base was blown up and…oh god Rachel, they said there was no survivors. They couldn't even locate anyone's bodies, it was that bad."
Rachel's mind goes blank and she feels light headed. Then she hears a scream and she is pretty sure it's her own because Santana comes running out of the bathroom and grabs onto her. She pulls the phone from her grip and holds tightly as she her muscles go weak and she crumbles to the ground. "Carole…Carole what happened, put Burt on the phone!...What happened?" Santana got quite and she drops on the phone as tears stream down from her own face. She tries her best to stay strong for her friend as she rocks her and presses her cheek on the top of her head. They can faintly hear Burt's voice calling out to them as they sat in the middle of the apartment and mourned the greatest man they had even known.
Spring comes late that year and the snow takes forever to melt from the ground, there is still some on the curbs as Rachel and Santana walk to the doctor's office. Today, Rachel would find out what she would be having. Normally, a pregnant woman would be over the moon for this day but Rachel was scared to find out. Having a carbon copy of her Finn would break her even more.
They ended up taking the train back to Lima to bury an empty coffin; Carole had given Rachel the flag that was draped over his coffin and the framed picture that was beside it. "So that baby will know who its father is."
Quinn and Puck where at the service along with the whole Glee Club, Rachel didn't fail to notice the small shiny rock on Quinn's ring finger. They didn't announce their engagement until two months past.
Rachel ended up putting the flag on her the living room wall and the picture right beside it. She would sometimes stare at it for hours on end and Santana would look at it and smile. "That kid is gonna have that same goofy smile you watch."
They finally get into the doctor's office and take a seat in their normal spot after Rachel signs in. Rachel looks around the room and sees the same sight that she has been seeing, happy couples who are so excited to bring something of theirs into the world.
"Ew, really what the hell is a mucus plug?" Santana comments as she looks at a magazine. "Ew oh god," She then looked up at Rachel. "Please don't show me your bloody show got it? I can't even look at the pictures without getting grossed out."
"Then stop looking at it." Rachel says and Santana shakes her head.
"I want to, but I can't…it's like one of those things that you can't stop looking at." Santana says and happily puts it down when Rachel's name is finally called.
"Ok" Doctor Rena says as she turns on the screen and puts the sensor on Rachel's growing baby. "Are you ready to find out what you're having?"
Rachel nods her head and the doctor smiles and the baby's heart beat fills the room once again. It takes about a good two minutes as the doctor moves the sensor around to find out what the baby actually was. "Well Miss. Berry, you are having a little baby girl."
Tears are stinging in Rachel's eyes and Santana is smiling. "Aw, a mini Diva." Santana says. "I hope New York is prepared for a mini Rachel Berry."
"C'mon Ray, just pick something already. Crib shopping should not be that hard." Santana complains as she drags behind the pregnant woman who is seven months along and still moves like she is only two.
"It's not that easy Tana, Elise has to be is something perfect." Rachel says as they look up and down the displays.
Santana sighs as she follows her, its past dinner time, she's hungry and she wonders how a pregnant woman is still walking around with swollen ankles. She finally stops when something catches her eye. "Hey Ray, how about this one?"
Rachel turns the cart around and makes her way to Santana who is looking at white, wooden cradle. It had painted flowers carved onto the bars and on the headboard and footboard where small cherubs that held on to the flowers. "Oh wow."
"Yeah I know." Santana says as she looks at the price tag and frowns. "Hey, how about I put in half…I mean Elise does deserve to sleep in something worthy of a princess."
Rachel smiled as Santana put the heavy box into the cart. "Thanks Tana."
They end up buying lavender sheets (because pink is so overrated) to put onto the cradle, Rachel loves them because of the silver stars all over them. They also buy loads and loads of clothing varying in all different styles known as Aunt Santana Style and Mommy Style. Santana laughs as she puts a mini leather jacket into the cart. "Elise is going to be so spoiled."
They get home around ten o'clock and Santana calls Kurt so he and Blaine can help put the crib together. When they get there, Blaine ends up helping Santana as Kurt and Rachel put the clothes away and stocks the changing table full of receiving blankets, diapers, wipes, and spit up clothes.
The four friends stand back and admire their work as Kurt Looks at Elise's name above the cradle. "Hey Rachel?"
"Hm?"
"Why are you naming her Elise?" Kurt asks.
Rachel smiles and puts her hands on her belly where her daughter starts kicking her. "Because, A Letter to Elise is one of Finn's favorite songs. He told me that he would want to name his first daughter that when we were dating."
Kurt smiles and rubs her shoulder. "He would have loved her, you know that right?"
Rachel nodded. "I know."
"Get-her-out-of-me-now!" Rachel Berry screams as she is propped up by a bunch of pillows and in 4th hour of labor.
"Rachel," Kurt says. "You have to breathe."
Rachel whips her head around and Santana swears that she is possessed. "Screw breathing! She needs to get out!"
Santana laughs as she holds her friends hand, Carole is on the other side of her holding her other hand and Kurt and by her legs. "Oh dear lord, if I wasn't gay I would be now. I didn't know that it could stretch like that."
"I'm gonna kill him" Rachel seethes as she puts her head back a little.
Doctor Rena takes another look. "She is crowning Rachel, keep pushing!"
Rachel does what she is told until her face goes red and Santana can no longer feel her fingers. "One more big push and she is out!" Doctor Rena yells and a minute later, a small cry fills the room. The Doctor and Nurses start singing happy birthday as the little red baby is shown to her mother. "Here she is Rachel." She then looks around the room. "Who is going to cut the cord?"
Rachel looks at Santana. "Do you want to?"
Santana looks between Rachel and her God Child. "I don't have to look down there do I?"
Doctor Rena laughs. "Nope, all you have to do is cut."
Santana smiles as she makes her way over to the screaming baby and takes the scissors. The doctor shows her where to cut and when she does the baby is taken away to get cleaned up. After she is wrapped up she is handed to Rachel who is crying tears of joy.
"Does she have a name?" One of the nurses ask as she holds the birth certificate on a clip board.
Rachel smiles down at her newborn daughter and studies every feature of her. She has Finn's nose and mouth, Rachel wonders if she will have his smile as well. "Her name is Elise Rose Hudson."
Carole cries and puts a cool cloth on Rachel's head. "Really, Rachel?"
Rachel nods. "Well she looks more like a Hudson after all."
And on her birth certificate, Finn Hudson is named as the father.
The window by at the nursery is crowded by the whole Glee club and their families. Shelby is even there and Quinn holds Beth so she can look through the window. Santana is allowed into the nursery and she picks up little Elise and shows her to the crowd by the window. Elise even opens her big eyes to stare back at them.
"She is Rachel's daughter." Emma says as she looks at the little infant
Puck nods as he smiles at the sight as Elise turns her head into Santana's arm. "Yeah and she is Finn's as well."
Elise is only a week old when Carole visits the apartment for the 100th time this week. This time, she holds a pink envelope in her hands and gives it to Rachel. "I found this in Finn's room, it looks like he wrote it when you two where engaged back in high school." She smiles. "It's a letter to Elise."
Rachel hands Elise to Carole and opens up the envelope, she takes the letter out and looks around the room, it's filled with members of the glee club and she clears her throat and reads it out loud.
"Dear Elise,
Well, at least I hope that's your name and you are a girl cause that'd be awkward if you aren't." Rachel laughs at that because it is so Finn. "If you are reading this then happy bornday because today you were brought into this world from one of the most beautiful women I know. Now I know this is silly because I'm writing this to you as I'm sitting here in my history class but Mrs. Castor is super boring and I'm pretty sure she is sleeping. But I just wanted you know that you are going to be the most important thing in my life oh and your mom to…yeah she's like really important to. But me and your mom, we just got engaged yesterday and that is just one step closer to our future and hopefully you, well not now cause your mommy's daddies are kinda scary so um anyway…
My wish for you is to grow up and be as strong as your mom, let know one tease you or put you down. Be confidant, smart and let your talent shine. Because today, another star is born and she is ready to take New York by storm.
Daddy loves you so much baby girl.
-Love, your daddy."
There is not a dry eye in the room when Rachel finishes reading the letter and everyone is silent, remembering the fallen hero.
Two Years Later
"I'm just telling you Miss Berry that Elise is not growing emotionally right." Says Elise's daycare teacher, Miss. Ivy. "She needs a promint male figure in her life and having her Aunt come to the father's day breakfast is going to turn heads."
Twenty two year old Rachel Berry raises both of her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
"The balecne is off" Says the young teacher. "Every child needs both roles in their lives to thrive."
Rachel gave her a dry laugh. "So wait, I never thrived?"
The teacher blinks. "What?"
"I was raised by two gay men and I turned out fine…is this your way of telling me that my child is bad?" Rachel asks.
"Well no Miss. Berry, myself and this other teacher have noticed about her obsession with Daddies and…" Miss. Ivy began.
Rachel stood up from one of the little chairs. "Her father died in the war, Miss Ivy! I'm sorry that she never got to meet her father…" She crosses her arms. "And I could report you for saying this…I mean how dare you!" and with that , Rachel Berry storms out of the small classroom and over to her young daughter who is playing with a puzzle in the next room over. "Come on sweetie, we are leaving!"
Elise Hudson jumps from her seat and grabs some papers from her cubby. "M'kay mommy."
And just like that, Elise is pulled from Happy Time's Daycare.
They are walking from the daycare to the park because Elise begged to go and Rachel could not refuse her again. She is on the phone with Santana as Elise holds her hand and skips beside her. "Can you belive the nerve of that woman…no I am not over reacting Santana…she said you couldn't go because you were not her father….yeah I know that's complete bullshit!"
"Bad word Mommy." Elise says and Rachel looks down at her daughter.
"Sorry sweetie…" She says and the resumes her conversation with her best friend. "Oh…I didn't think about asking Blaine…but still, ok yeah tell your boss I'm sorry and I will give her tickets for the show ok see you at home, bye." Rachel sighs as she slips her phone into her purse and walks into central park.
"Can I go play in the sandbox mommy? Jefferson is right there? Please, please, please?" Elise begs with her biggest puppy dog eyes that she got from Rachel.
"Go head," Rachel says and Elise flashes a smile, her daddy's goofy smile, and runs over to the sand box. Rachel sits down on a bench and pulls out a book to read as Jefferson's mom sits next to her and does the same thing.
About fifteen minutes later, Rachel is interrupted from her reading by Jefferson's mom. "Hey, Rachel, who is that guy talking to Elise?"
Rachel puts her book down and squints her eyes and sure enough, a tall man is talking to her daughter who is frozen. "Damnit, I hate this city sometimes!"
Jefferson's mom hands Rachel her can of mace. "Elise!" She calls out as she power walks over to the sandbox. "Come to mommy." But nothing, why isn't she moving? Rachel gets closer and Elise finally comes rushing over to her. The man picks up her shovel and pail and starts over to them. Rachel notices that Elise his crying so she readies the mace as she scopes Elise into her arms. "Mommy…its, its…"
Finally the man steps into view and Rachel's breathe leaves her body. "Finn?"
Finn Hudson, the man that was pronounced dead on December 15 2014 was standing right in front of her, looking at her as if he was looking at a ghost. "Rachel?"
His left cheek hurts even before Rachel swings and hits him, hard…he forgot that she could pack a punch. "Jesus Rachel! You're over reacting."
Now she laughing…and causing a scene. "I'm over reacting…I'm over reacting!" She screams. "Finn Hudson, we were all told that you were dead…that, that a huge bomb went off on your base and killed you and your squad…what did the army lie to us or something?"
"Well yeah a bomb went off but I was spared Rachel, they took me a POW and I was stuck in Afghanistan for three years Rach." He looked at her angry eyes. "I'm sorry that they didn't give you the whole truth, but I just got back a month ago and…I asked that they didn't inform anyone cause I wanted you to be the first to know."
She shakes her head. "No that is not ok Finn! I thought you were dead! I thought our daughter was going to live a life without her father and I was prepared for that."
"Daughter?" Finn asks, shocked as he looks down at the little girl standing next to Rachel.
"Yes our daughter! Your mother, Burt and Kurt…we were all told that you were dead! We buried an empty coffin for god sake!" Rachel yells as Elise looks up at him with big eyes.
"My daughter…I, you…What's her name?" Finn asks.
"No we are not talking about that now we…." Rachel beings but Elise interrupts her.
"Elise, my name is Elise Rose Hudson," She looks at his one leg. "Why is your leg so thing?" she asks as she examines him. "And why is there loads of marks on your face?"
"Elise!" Rachel scolds and she takes actual notice of him. The scars on his face should her that he had been tortured and…great now she felt bad.
"You named her Elise?" Finn asked. "I loved that name."
Elise smiles up at him. "I know, mommy reads your letter to me every night." She giggles. "You were a goofball…"
Rachel sighs and looks at the small crowd that they gained. "Come on, I'll take you to the apartment. Nobody is home yet anyway so they won't be surprised when they see a guy who was pronounced dead in the kitchen."
Elise is playing in the living room as Rachel and Finn talked. "So you were gone even before the explosion happened?"
Finn nodded as he sipped his beer. "Yeah, um they couldn't find me and I was gone for more than 5 weeks so the pronounced me dead." He looked up at her. "I'm sorry Rachel, the army screwed up…"
"What happen to your leg." She finally asked and Finn winced.
"I'm not sure if I really want to tell you know." He told her.
She scoffed. "Finn Hudson, did you forget about the way I am?"
"Fine," He sighed and then took a long drink. "Uh, the place where they held me was a basement of some house. It was filled with rats and cockroaches and it smelled like death." He took a deep breath. "They tortured me in there Rach," He shook his head. "The..the gashes on my leg…they were so bad and they were getting infected so…I made them cut my leg off. I was sure I was going to bleed to death but this girl…she looked so much like you, she took care of me and kept me alive until I was finally freed from that hell hole." Tears were falling from his eyes as he told her. "I thought of you every single day Rachel and I just wanted to hear your voice again."
Rachel leaned over the kitchen table and grabbed his hand that was missing two fingers, giving it a kiss. "We have to tell everyone that your alive Finn, we are going to have to do something about the grave and the death certificate and…"
Finn nodded. "I know it's going to be hard Rachel and I understand if you want me to leave but…"
"No Finn, you belong right here with me and your daughter." Rachel said as stood up from her chair and walked over to him. "This is the universe's way of saying that we belong together, no matter what." And she gets to feel his lips against hers for the first time in a long time.
It took everyone by shock and surprise to find out that Finn Hudson was in fact alive. When Santana came home to find him sitting on the sofa she had to make sure that no one put anything in her coffee. His mom and Kurt and even Burt hysterically cried as they embraced. The army ended paying 5 grand in reimbursements for their mistake and Elise is over the moon when he mommy lets her go back to her school, Finn even goes to the father's day breakfast and the kids think he is the coolest dad in the room.
Two Months Later
"And was the king happy to know he had a little princess waiting for him after he finished the war?"
Finn Hudson smiled at the his daughter who was so amazed with his story. "Yup"
"And was the princess the most prettiest, loveliest person in the land?" Elise asked and Finn nodded. "Just like her mommy right?"
"Just like her mommy." Finn confirms and tucks his daughter in and turns off her light.
"Daddy?" Elise's voice calls out.
"Yeah baby?"
She takes a deep breath. "Will the king and the queen ever get married? Cause I think the princess will love to be a flower girl."
Finn looks over at Rachel who is standing by their bedroom door and smiles. "Yeah, I think they are gonna get married pretty soon."
"Awesome" Elise says as her voice grows tired. "Cause I have an awesome dress picked out."
"Goodnight Elise." Finn says.
"Goodnight Daddy."
Finn closes her door and the walks over to Rachel who is wearing a lavender night gown. "Well, Santana and Brittany are out for the night and Elise will be asleep in about hmm five minutes and I think, Mr. Hudson that we have an engagement to celebrate…even though it's our second one but…"
He smirks as he whisks her into her arms and kisses her hard, even though he has some issues to come over he is happy to have a family, his family by his side. And one day, he hoped that is family would grow larger so he could live through every single minute of it.
