Title: Sorrow Lives
Author: Peaches Girl
Email: This takes place during S5 of ATS. Angel and Spike have gone to Rome to try and save Buffy from the Immortal only to be nearly blown up. Buffy feels Angel's presence and is left with dreams followed by memories of the past.
Rating: NC-17
A/N: This is a small song ficlet. It came to me after listening to Flyleaf's cd. The song Sorrow just did something to my muse and after it played in my brain for days I had to put it down on paper. Hope you all enjoy it as much as I have.
Disclaimer: Joss owns them all. Please don't sue; I never plan to make any money on this.
D2: Song lyrics are from Flyleaf's Sorrow; A fantastic cd for the hard rock lover.
She bolted strait up in bed; panting in short breaths. She felt the goose bumps rise on her skin from the cool air billowing in from her open window. Her heart was racing and adrenalin was pumping violently thru her veins.
What a dream, vivid-yet…wildly unrealistic, it left her wondering if it were an erotic mind hallucination or a nightmare.
She gulped in a hearty mouth full of air trying to steady her heart beat. After a few controlled breaths her heart seemed to calm and she regained her senses.
After that, there was no going back to sleep. She got up from bed and headed to the shower. There was more than one way to clear her head and a hot shower would be her first step.
Buffy stepped out of the shower feeling better but not completely free of the memories of her slumber. She needed something else, something to push those thoughts and feelings aside.
That was something that she had perfected over the years. Finding ways of forgetting about things, to focus on something else, to push it from her mind, and then after a while….a long while, she would feel better. She would be able to deal with the loss she always felt after well….she just didn't want to think about him right now.
But she felt that feeling again, the feeling that she always felt after he leaves. It was a feeling that after five long years was still there, just under the surface in a place she just couldn't seem to push away.
It was too early to patrol and really get rid of all the pent up energy so she decided to clean instead.
She grabbed her polish and dusters and turned on the stereo. Music in Rome was not what she was used too and after several minutes of switching from station to terrible station she hit the cd button.
Dawn still had some friends in the states that would send her the latest music. She hit the play button and listened as the music started and was surprised to hear the female voice singing heavy metal rock.
It was catchy and she liked the beat so she turned up the volume and began dusting the tables as she danced around to the beat.
Then a song came on that stopped her. It was slow but…not; and the words struck something in her when she listened closer.
Sometimes Life seems to quiet into paralyzing silence
Like the moonless dark, meant to make me strong.
Familiar breath of my old lies,
Change the color in my eyes.
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by.
Sorrow lasts thru this night.
I'll take this piece of you, and hold for all eternity.
For one second I felt whole…..as you flew right thru me.
And that was it. It pushed the memory of that dream into her mind once again and she fell to her knees with the intensity of it. She broke down at memory of her dream, so vivid, so full of color and feeling; it was as though he were there with her.
That was what he did to her. He would appear in her peaceful dreams and she would love him without barriers, without curses, without doubts, and without people judging them. It was the only piece she had left of her love and then he was gone again….. "As you flew right thru me."
Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain….
He knew each tear before they came.
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by.
She felt him last night in the club. She was dancing and that feeling she got, that ache she felt deep inside gave her a signal. She tried to push it away, telling herself that it was nothing, telling herself it was just her body missing him but deep in her heart she knew it was true. He was there, somewhere close and then just as suddenly as it was there….it was gone again.
Her mind would not let her lie to herself though, and when she went to sleep the dream started; but this dream felt more real than any dream she had ever had.
It started out normal; flashes of her seventeenth birthday when she lost her virginity. Then longer flashes of more intimate moments after he came back from hell. She had these dreams many times before but then things changed.
She found herself in a place she did not know. In a room that looked like a small kitchen and it seemed familiar but it didn't…..
She was sitting across from Angel talking and although she didn't remember being there before, somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind she knew she had.
The next thing she knew she was leaving but when he touched her hand something happened. It was like a bolt of lightening had struck her heart and ignited a fire that burned so hot she felt like she would pass out from the sheer force of it.
They lunged at each other kissing frantically like it would be their last and the heat that had been there before doubled in intensity. She needed him then, she needed him inside, needed him buried deep with in her to make her feel whole again, and she couldn't wait another second for it to happen.
He pushed her backwards until she could no longer move and she instinctively wrapper her legs around his waist to feel him closer. He ground his hard erection into her and she moaned into his mouth. He moved them to the table where he began to kiss a wet path down her neck to her chest and when he reached the barrier of her clothing he brutally ripped the fabric away.
She gasped loudly at the savagery but it only fueled her need. She returned the favor as he pulled up briefly, and the buttons of his shirt went flying across the floor with loud clicking sound. She giggled at the sound until he grabbed the button of her jeans and began yanking them down her legs quickly. She reached for his zipper and it was only a matter of seconds before all cloths were shed and she was on display for his hungry eyes.
He swooped down and captured her lips in a searing kiss that made her ears ring. It was demanding yet powerful and it took her breath away. Before she had time to catch her breath his mouth was on her breast laving the nipple to a hard peak nibbling it lightly before moving to the other. She was lost in his touch and in the wonderful feel of his mouth on her body.
She was so wet, so hot, that if he waited one more second she may burst into flames and in that instant he entered her. She screamed out his name as he pushed his manhood to the hilt and pulled out slowly then forcefully pushed in again. It was blissful agony and she pushed her pelvic against him harder in effort to quicken the pace. He set a slow stead hard rhythm that made her head swim and she began to beg for more.
He could never deny her and as her pleas grew more frantic so did his rhythm until he was pounding into her with inhuman force. She sunk her nails into the tender flesh of his back the moment she felt her climax approach. She never came as hard as she did then and when he felt the walls of her channel contract around him he released spilling his seed deep within her. He collapsed on top of her and she sighed in contentment.
She closed her eyes tight and chanted I love you over and over again. When she opened them the scene was totally different. He was walking down the steps towards her and his look was grim.
It was then that her blissful dream turned into a nightmare.
We kiss each other one last time…
And sing this lie that's halfway mine.
The sword is slicing thru the questions so I won't be fooled.
By his Angel light….
It was over, the peaceful moment of their love, what they had just shared, and he was telling her that she would forget. She cried and screamed for more time but all he did was kiss her and let her heart shatter more.
She chanted over and over "I'll never forget…I'll never forget" then she was standing in front him telling him she was leaving to start forgetting.
Sorrow lasts thru this night.
I'll take this piece of you and for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole and you flew right thru me..
And up into the stars.
That was her life, he came, he loved, and then he left. Her memories were what she had and she thought as the song ended 'I hold for all eternity."
End.