On a Saturday afternoon, Izuku is met with a dilemma.
For over a year he had been slowly coming to terms with the fact that he may be falling for someone, a person he has held dear for even longer than that, someone he can honestly call one of his very best friends. The thing is, it had taken a few stages of acceptance to convince himself that it's not just admiration, and then that it's not just a deep affection for a friend, or just a crush that will soon go away like so many others had before. It had been an arduous journey just to get to the point where he could admit that yes, his feelings for Shouto run deeper, only grow stronger than anything he has felt before with each day that passes.
That doesn't mean he is ready to tell him how he feels. Not when he is still trying to figure out what he should even do about those feelings.
Izuku cares about Shouto, and the thing he wants most is for him to be happy. If they could be happy together then that would be ideal, of course, but Izuku still isn't sure if that is what is meant to happen. For one, he doesn't know if Shouto could ever feel the same way, and if he doesn't, springing that type of emotional baggage onto his friend could damage their friendship for a while.
Izuku doesn't want that for obvious reasons, but most of all, he wouldn't want Shouto to be left alone in the aftermath. He realises how much they support each other, how important their friendship is for both of them. If he were to be selfish enough to throw that all away because of his feelings, Shouto would be shouldering all of his problems alone all over again. That is quite possibly the thing he fears the most.
It isn't as if he expects them to no longer be friends if Shouto rejects him, but Izuku also knows how much his emotions can get away from him. He cries easily and that is no secret to anyone, and he also knows for a fact that hearing the words from Shouto himself would surely break his heart, as much as he wants to tell himself that it wouldn't. And Izuku would cry, he would hide and avoid Shouto for a while, and he would eventually move on, but it would still hurt. The time it would take for him to recover would surely hurt Shouto as well.
Still, maybe if he could prepare beforehand, if he could just mentally steel himself for the worst, the blow wouldn't be so hard and things could just go back to normal before either of them even had the chance to miss the other.
Although, Izuku hadn't expected for this type of bomb to drop on him so suddenly.
"Izuku, I… need to tell you something." The little pause in the middle, the hesitation, the aura of pure anxiety exuding out of Shouto… all of it should have been a giant red flag, but Izuku's eager heart still decided it should beat with renewed vigour, a hint of foolish hope sparking within him. "I am… I have been…" Shouto's breath stutters and his mismatched eyes flick from Izuku's down to his feet. "I have been in love with someone for a while, but I don't think they've noticed."
Shouto fidgets with the hem of his shirt, biting the inside of his cheek, and Izuku just stares. It really is all he can do, because his brain seems to have shut down entirely. Everything sounds muffled, like his surroundings are buried under a layer of fuzz as his blood rushes loudly past his ears. His mouth falls open just enough for a small gasp to slip past his parted lips and for the longest time he feels nothing but numbness.
"I don't… know what to do about it…" Shouto adds quietly, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck as he hunches his shoulders, a soft pink flush settling over his cheeks in uneven splotches.
That is when the nausea hits Izuku, the bile rises up in his throat and the ice-cold unease spreads through his veins. Izuku swallows around the lump in his throat, trying not to scratch at his neck, his arms, his everything, an uncomfortable itch bubbling underneath his skin and eating away at his soul. Breathe, Izuku, in… then out…
"Well um… H-have you tried… t-telling them?" He manages to choke out, pushing past the irrational reaction and looking out for his friend instead.
It almost seems like Shouto flinches at his words, straightening in his seat on Izuku's bed and looking into his eyes for barely a second once again. He clears his throat and nods weakly.
"I just… can never seem to get the words out. I tried showing them, too, but they just… never notice what I'm trying to convey."
"R-right… This is…"
What is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to say? Izuku doesn't know how to confess to the person he likes either and now it seems like it doesn't even matter. His eyes start prickling and he sniffles, choking back a sob before it has the chance to fully form and forcing himself to take a few deep breaths, throwing his head back and staring up at the ceiling.
"I'm sorry, just forget I said anything, please."
"No, it's—it's fine! I just… I'm trying to… figure out what to say." A small chuckle tips from his lips, but Izuku can't help but feel the bitterness on his tongue.
Shouto looks at him with those beautiful summer storm eyes and Izuku's stomach flips, his heart clenches at the expectation shining in them. This is so much worse than being rejected, Izuku thinks. At least then he would have had a chance to tell Shouto how he felt first, he would have been able to put those feelings out in the open so it could be easier to let them go. But this… this is just…
"I just want them to notice." Shouto blurts, a hint of despair hiding in his words. "I just want them to s-see me… as more than a friend. I think… I think they might like me back but… I can't get them to see me like that… Does that even make any sense?"
With a frustrated huff, Shouto hides his face in his hands and the beginnings of a thought form in Izuku's head. As soon as he makes sense of it, Izuku knows it's a bad idea, a terrible one at that, but his chipping heart is weak and desperate, and his best friend, the person he loves, looking like the picture of absolute defeat… it only makes it seem all the more appealing.
Just a taste… The little devil on his shoulder whispers, malicious. You can help him and satisfy your desire for just a moment, all at the same time. Then you can move on.
It's a bad idea. It's wrong. It's taking advantage of his friend's vulnerable state, of his own breaking heart. He shouldn't. He can't.
"We could—" Izuku cuts himself off. He can't do this.
"We could what?" Shouto asks, lifting his head and looking at him with shimmering eyes, hopeful.
"We could f-fake date." The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them and he immediately regrets it. But he doesn't take it back either, he just waits for Shouto to shut him down because it's the worst idea in the history of forever and they both know it.
"How would that work?" Exactly, it wouldn't.
"You say you think they like you." His stupid mouth continues. "Th-they just don't see you that way. So, if you're with someone… it might make them jealous. It might make them see you like you want them to."
The expression of pure confusion on Shouto's face should be enough, he knows it's absurd reasoning. He is just going to tell Izuku it's ridiculous and that it would never work and that will be the end of it.
"Okay."
"What."
"That… if you think it might work then… okay…" Wait, no, that's not—it won't work, I don't think it will.
"Yeah. It might." Oh my god, you absolute jackass, what are you doing?! When has something like this ever ended well outside of fiction?!
"Then let's do it." Shouto breathes, determined.
Mistakes were made. Regrets will be had.
Well, that's future Izuku's problem.
A pregnant pause stretches between them as they stare into each other's eyes, Izuku's heart beating faster and harder the longer they stay silent. Shouto shifts slightly and breaks the eye contact once again while Izuku regains some semblance of common sense and dives for his desk, pulling out a notebook with a nervous little laugh.
"We should… We should probably make some ground rules, right? So we don't overstep any boundaries."
"That makes sense." Shouto agrees, his voice somewhat strained.
Slowly, Shouto makes his way to Izuku, standing beside him as he sits down and rips out a page. "We should write things that we're not comfortable doing."
"I'm fine with anything." Shouto says immediately and Izuku's head snaps to his friend.
"Wait, really? A-are you sure you don't want to… like you're okay with us—I don't know—holding hands? C-cuddling?"
Blinking slowly, Shouto nods. "Is there something you're not okay with?"
"Um… I don't… I don't know…"
Izuku's hold on the torn piece of paper falters, everything he wants to do with Shouto flashing before his eyes in a matter of seconds, thoroughly overwhelming him. His gaze flits to Shouto's parted lips for a moment, a swarm of butterflies coming to life in his gut. He really shouldn't do that… especially not if Shouto loves someone else. Inhaling sharply, Izuku forces himself to turn back to his desk, flattening the paper to focus on anything that isn't his frantic heartbeat.
"Anything you're comfortable with is fine with me as well." He ends up saying, cursing the waver in his own voice, the flutter in his chest, the fantasy of Shouto's hands framing his face and pulling him closer, closer…
"Okay. If you change your mind, you can just say so."
Izuku gives a curt nod in response, biting on his bottom lip as he braces himself for what comes next. "For this to work, you need to tell me who it is…"
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Shouto tense, his hands clenching to fists for a second as the temperature around him rises the tiniest bit. "It's… They're…" He stutters, closing his eyes then letting out a frosty breath. "Is it okay if I just tell you when they're in the room?"
Shouto really has a hard time voicing his feelings out loud, huh? Well, Izuku supposes it might be for the best. This way he won't have anyone to aim this ugly jealousy at. It would be unfair to be so bitter towards someone just because Shouto loves them and not him. Even more so when he is here taking advantage of those feelings just to have a few moments of fake bliss with him.
Goodness, since when did he sink so low? This isn't right, he should put an end to it right now.
"Yeah, I guess that's fine." He mutters instead, squeezing his eyes shut as the shame claws at his insides mercilessly and Shouto sighs in relief. "I will ask you if anything is okay or not before doing it then."
"Sounds good to me, I suppose…"
Placing a wobbly smile on his lips, Izuku looks back at Shouto and gives his arm a reassuring squeeze. "I hope it works." The lie tastes absolutely foul on his tongue. "I want you to be happy." At least that part is true, but its flavour is no sweeter.
"Me too." Shouto's sincerity stabs through Izuku's heart, the pain well deserved. "I should go now… It's getting late and I still have some homework to do, so, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow, Shouto-kun."
With a stiff nod, Shouto exits Izuku's room, leaving him alone with his rampant thoughts. Izuku chokes out a loud groan as he lets his head fall to his desk, banging it a few times as both a punishment and a desperate attempt to get rid of the little sneering voice of his conscience telling him he's a horrible person. It's right, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. In fact, that may just make it even more unbearable to listen to.
Izuku tries to focus on literally anything else, struggling to make any sense of his class notes for over an hour until he just gives up and snuggles into bed, guilt still making his stomach twist into painful knots and ridding him of any sort of appetite he may have had. The next day he will just find Shouto and tell him they shouldn't do this after all, if only to save himself from the overwhelming shame. Or if he's lucky Shouto will come to the same conclusion and put an end to it first.
But after a completely restless night, Izuku remembers too late that Shouto is out to visit his mother until much later. So, the rest of his Sunday is spent letting out his frustrations on a punching bag at the gym and pacing in his room as he tries to find a way to tell Shouto this needs to stop before it even begins, once he finally returns. It should be simple, the plan—if he can even call it that—is utterly flawed in its essence, it's not that farfetched that he would rethink his every decision and back out before they had the chance to crash and burn.
Then a knock at his door jolts him back to the present so violently he almost jumps to the ceiling, his heart leaping to his throat and making it so much harder to breathe. When Shouto's voice sounds from the other side, Izuku doesn't know whether he should feel relieved or absolutely petrified, taking a few embarrassingly long seconds to get his legs to move and open the door for his friend.
Shouto stands there with a hand resting on his neck, his head hanging low and that same faint blush dusting over his cheeks. Everything Izuku had planned to say turns to bitter ash on his tongue, that cold jealousy coiling in his gut as he wonders once again who painted that lovely shade on Shouto's face.
"Hey…" Shouto greets quietly, almost shy, and Izuku simply gestures for him to come inside, not trusting his voice to sound level in any way whatsoever. "I've been thinking…" This is it, he's going to call the whole thing off and everything will be fine. "Is it okay if I come pick you up in the morning? So we can walk to class together…"
Izuku blinks stupidly for a heartbeat, finally following Shouto inside as he stutters through an attempt at a response. His tongue feels heavy, his mouth dry, and all words roll into a lump he can't speak past. Put an end to this, for the love of all that is holy.
"If that's too much then—"
"No, it's perfect!" Idiot. "If we were actually dating that would make sense, right? We already walk together sometimes, we'd just be doing it more purposefully…"
"Y-yeah… Exactly. I know you tend to go on runs in the morning though, so, maybe I could go with you too?"
"U-um, yeah, sure… That—that sounds good."
Nodding a little to himself, Shouto breathes, relaxing his shoulders slightly as if a weight has been lifted off of them. He must really be hoping for this to work if he is that nervous asking for something so simple. Izuku really shouldn't be letting this drag on but Shouto looks so hopeful, he just wants to be noticed by the person he loves. It would be hypocritical of Izuku not to understand what that feels like.
It's just for a little while. You can help him and get him to yourself for that short time. The little demon pipes up again, spurring the shame but also the desperate craving for Shouto's affections.
"Okay then. That was all I really wanted to say, I'll be leaving you to your—" Shouto gestures vaguely with one hand, awkwardly making for his door once again. "Anyway. Thank you. I'll be here tomorrow morning. Make sure you get enough rest."
"Right. You too."
Another stiff nod and Shouto is out of his sight yet again. Huffing out an exasperated breath, Izuku falls with his back onto his bed, picking up his pillow and smothering himself with it to muffle the scream that crawls its way up his throat. If any of his classmates hear his woes, Izuku just hopes they are used to his mild freak-outs enough to not check in on him.
"Good morning." Shouto smiles softly as soon as Izuku swings the door open and his heart does all sorts of somersaults that can't possibly be healthy.
Trying not to wheeze, Izuku mutters out a reply with a wobbly smile of his own, putting on his shoes and quickly making his way to the stairs. Shouto follows closely behind, and when Izuku keeps walking to the building's exit he grabs his wrist to stop him short. Izuku can't help the little squeak shooting out of his lips, poorly masking it with an inquisitive hum as he looks back at his friend.
"You're not going to eat before you leave?"
"I usually eat after—"
"That's not good for you, you should know better than that." Shouto says sternly, dragging Izuku by the hand to the kitchen.
Izuku doesn't get any say as Shouto grabs mugs after turning on the kettle to boil some water, then grabbing the bread and slotting a few slices into the toaster. It takes Izuku's brain another minute to kick into gear before he starts helping, feeling bad for Shouto doing all the work while he just stands and watches. Soon enough, they sit across from each other, eating in a relatively comfortable silence and sipping on their warm tea that Shouto carefully chilled to the perfect temperature before setting on the table.
"Oh, hey. Morning guys." Kirishima greets from the entrance, pulling their attention from their hastily prepared breakfast.
Shouto waves awkwardly and Izuku mirrors the gesture, following Kirishima's every move as he walks in and pours himself some water for tea as well. Izuku's gaze flickers from one of his friends to the other, studying their reactions to one another as that nasty feeling spreads through his veins. Without warning, Shouto reaches over the table, lacing their fingers together and setting Izuku's heart to racing against time itself once again. His breath hitches when Shouto rubs his thumb over the back of his hand in a tender caress, his mismatched eyes wordlessly asking him if it's okay.
Warmth spreads over Izuku's cheeks and he looks down at his toast as if it's the most interesting thing in the room, a barely perceptible nod his only reply as he uses his free hand to bring the mug to his lips and take another sip of tea. His insides feel hot and the tea certainly doesn't help, but Izuku is both trying not to die and not to focus on what this gesture might mean. Kirishima's eyes are boring holes into his head, Izuku can feel it, and with it comes the anxiety of the burning question in his mind.
It is only when they are already outside, alone but for the birds chirping in the trees around them, that Izuku gathers the courage to actually confront Shouto.
"Is it him? Is it Kirishima then?"
"No, it's not him." Shouto says simply.
The certainty in Shouto's tone gives Izuku pause. If it's not him, then… "O-oh… I guess we can't just pretend around some people, huh?" He mumbles, realising that it would certainly look suspicious if they only acted like they were together sometimes.
"Yeah, that's right."
That makes sense, at least. Izuku really didn't think this through, though he supposes this also means there will be more occasions for him to savour. It's so wrong that he even thinks that. With a deep breath, Izuku diverts his thoughts to his stretches instead, getting ready for their run alongside Shouto and pretending for one second that he isn't the scum of the earth.
It certainly doesn't help that Izuku's eyes keep trailing back to Shouto no matter how much he tries to focus on his surroundings. The soft flush on his cheeks as he runs, his mouth slightly parted as lets out his even breaths, the sheen of sweat trailing down his neck… It isn't even a new image for Izuku, they have trained together so many times before, but for some strange reason he is so hyperaware of everything about Shouto.
It's almost like knowing he is in love with someone has placed a huge neon sign right above his head, advertising all of his greatest qualities for Izuku to cry over the fact that he won't be the one to tell Shouto how much he loves every single one. It's wrong on so many levels and he hates it. He hates that he can't make it stop, that he can't stop himself from wanting Shouto's affections to himself, that he can't get the words out of his mouth to stop this ludicrous endeavour right here and now.
If only Izuku had told Shouto how he felt before then… What difference would it have made? Shouto said it himself, he has been in love with this person for a long time. He even thinks they like him back. What chance does he have against that?
Izuku is so lost in the downward spiral of his emotions that he hardly pays any attention to what is going on around him, to the path in front of him. His foot gets caught in a stray root and he tumbles face-first onto the hard ground, hissing as his hands and knees tear on the gravel. Shouto stops a little ways ahead, jogging back to his side and checking him for any obvious injuries, his features twisted with concern.
"You're bleeding." His friend frowns when Izuku turns into a sitting position and checks his knees.
"It's just a few scratches, Shouto-kun. I think I'll live." Izuku laughs in spite of himself and Shouto huffs, offering him a hand to help him back to his feet.
As soon as Izuku puts any weight on his left foot, a sharp sting travels all the way up his leg and he curses under his breath. Shouto clicks his tongue and, without warning, holds on to Izuku's side, draping his arm around his waist.
"You twisted your ankle. Let's get back to the dorms."
"It's fine, I can walk."
Shouto narrows his eyes at him. Then he bends down, sweeping Izuku's legs off the floor and holding him up to his chest with a grunt from the effort while a yelp forces its way out of his throat.
"Sh-Shouto-kun! Put me down!"
"It's faster this way. Besides, I want to carry my injured boyfriend back."
"Th-that's—you can't just—" With another whine, Izuku hides his burning face in his hands, hoping his reaction can just pass off as general embarrassment.
Luckily Shouto can't know about how his heart skips several beats or how it feels like an electrifying energy is spreading all throughout his entire body from being in his arms alone. If he is this attentive for Izuku after just a few hours of fake dating, he can only imagine what Shouto would be like for his actual partner.
And there it is again, that uncomfortable itch right under his skin replacing the wonderful feelings that had settled within him just moments before. Just enjoy it. If you're going to be awful enough to go through with this, at least enjoy it while it lasts.
That's so much easier said than done though…
Perhaps he can change his perspective. Think of it as friendship plus, a little upgrade from best friend but not quite on the romantic partners level. After all, his feelings for Shouto are more than just attraction or a crush, love isn't just about being with someone. It's about caring for their wellbeing and their happiness, about wanting them to be safe and comfortable. If anything, Shouto cares about Izuku too, he doesn't have to go out of his way to make sure he keeps his weight off of his bad foot, and despite their situation, Izuku can't actually convince himself he wouldn't have done the same if they had just been training like usual.
When they make it back to the common room, a few of their classmates turn their heads in curiosity, and Izuku can feel the blood crawling up his neck and pooling on his cheeks. Shouto sets him down on one of the couches, his legs elevated on the armrest, and Izuku shivers slightly when his cool fingers trail down his left leg, so incredibly gentle.
Izuku's eyes sweep the room before setting on Shouto's, that same question ringing loud in his brain. Shouto gives him a small nod, and Izuku's stomach sinks, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip so hard, they threaten to rip the sensitive flesh. Don't think about it, just don't think about it.
Yet all he can do is catalogue the people in the room, think back to every interaction they may have had with Shouto in the past year so he can eliminate any of the possibilities that wouldn't make sense. The fact that it's harder to set anyone aside than he may have thought only makes his blood boil further, and Izuku curses himself for the way he clenches his fists around the couch cushions, his knuckles turning white.
At least Shouto removing his shoes could justify such a reaction, the dull throb on his foot more than enough to make him scrunch up his face in displeasure. Then, his friend's hands carefully hold his ankle, turning it slightly for a closer inspection, and Izuku's thoughts seize entirely, all he knows, the feeling of warm and cold contrasting greatly as Shouto's hands gingerly prod at his sore foot.
"It's not swollen, you should be fine soon."
"I told you, didn't I?" Izuku retorts out of habit alone, and Shouto flashes him a smile for little more than a second.
"Let me just ice it for you."
"You don't have t—"
Shouto ignores him entirely, placing his right hand around his ankle anyway and coating his skin with a thin layer of frost. Izuku's eyelids flutter at the feeling and he can't help the small sigh of contentment that gets cut short by a gasp when Shouto lifts his leg a little higher. His eyes widen as he watches his friend lean down and place a soft kiss over his ankle, caressing up his calf before letting it back down.
"I know I'm not Recovery Girl, but it might help it heal faster." Shouto mumbles, averting his gaze elsewhere as a flush paints his face anew. Izuku is rendered speechless, his own cheeks burning hot, and he knows every one of their classmates is staring. "Stay off that foot for now while I go take a shower. I'll bring you your things after I'm done."
As soon as Shouto is out of sight, Izuku feels the couch drag on the floor when someone crashes into it. Izuku looks back to see Ochako leaning over him, her jaw slack and her eyes twice their usual size as unintelligible babbles tip from her lips. She shakes Izuku's shoulders with urgency, trying to speak past the obvious shock and failing miserably for at least a full minute.
"You! And Shouto-kun! You're together?!" Ochako finally manages to blurt out, the excitement in her voice squeezing his heart with how undeserving it feels.
"Ah, yeah, k-kind of. It's um—we're trying it out, I guess." He responds vaguely.
On the one hand, he doesn't want to put too much meaning into it for when it inevitably ends, people aren't surprised. On the other, even if he doesn't want to lie to yet another one of his best friends, Izuku doesn't exactly know who it is Shouto is in love with. For as flimsy as this plan is, it's all the more doomed to fail if he happens to tell Shouto's crush the truth. Though, from the joyful reaction he is getting from Ochako, he supposes that she wouldn't be the one to like Shouto back. Still, the less people who know, the better.
"That's—oh my god, since when?"
"Saturday?"
"And I'm only hearing this now?! And because I witnessed him practically making out with your foot, no less. What kind of a friend are you?"
"It's not—we're just—"
"Not advertising it, I get it." Ochako offers for him.
"Yeah, that." Never mind that the whole point of this is to make Shouto's crush notice. Izuku's lies just keep piling up.
Ochako ruffles his hair, giggling all the while, and Izuku can only slap an insincere smile onto his lips, fiddling with his thumbs over his stomach and looking down at his lap.
"Alright then, I won't push you to say anything. But eventually you're gonna have to spill all the deets, ya hear?"
"Sure."
"I'm happy for you two."
"Thanks."
With that, she makes her way to the girls' side of the dorms, presumably to get ready for class too, and Izuku sighs, leaning his head back over the armrest and moving his ankle in slow circles to check if it's still too sore. There is still a bit of an ache, but it's certainly getting better. The ice has long melted by now, but Izuku can still see small droplets clinging to his skin, the memory of Shouto's lips brushing over it heating his face even further.
How can he just do things like that as if they're nothing? Is it because it actually means nothing to him? Does he even know the effect he has on his heart? All things considered, Shouto is probably just as clueless about his feelings as his own crush is. To be fair, Izuku had been trying to hide them for the time being, but that didn't exactly mean he had done a good job of it. Apparently, it had worked a little too well… Or just well enough, since Shouto wouldn't have returned his feelings at all.
A few of his classmates come by to make sure he's okay, and Izuku examines their looks each time they approach. None of them mention Shouto's earlier display, but he can tell they are all thinking about it from the way their faces sit alone. Each and every one of them could be the one, and Izuku is searching for any hint of their feelings in the way their smiles sit on their lips or their eyes dart around the room.
It shouldn't matter. Whoever it is, Izuku thinks them lucky and he doesn't wish them any harm. But that little big part of him that is corroding his soul with jealousy wants to know. It wants someone to blame, as wrong as that is. Blame for what? For Shouto not seeing him in a romantic light? That is really no one's fault, and certainly not this person's.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Izuku rubs at his temples, calming his raging heart and focusing on the careful movements of his ankle, the occasional sting grounding him.
"Hey, are you feeling better?"
Izuku blinks up at the sound of Shouto's smooth voice, nodding and sitting upright to test his foot. "I think I'll have a bit of a limp for a couple hours but it will go away eventually."
"Think you can shower on your own?" Shouto smirks and Izuku's treacherous heart sings.
"I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I'll shout if I need help reaching my back."
"Sounds fair."
At least this stays the same, this ease in their friendship. No matter how bitterly envious he is of Shouto loving someone else, at least they can still fall into this playful banter, poke fun at each other, just be the friends they have always been. Izuku doesn't need Shouto to love him the way he does to enjoy his company.
They walk to class side by side, Shouto never straying too far in case Izuku needs to lean into him for support. He never does, but it's still a nice gesture all the same, whether it's for the sake of their fake relationship or not. A few whispers roll around the room when Shouto squeezes his hand just before going to his desk, leaving Izuku to sit down at his own, his skin tingling where he had touched it.
Ashido is leaning over to listen to whatever Hagakure is whispering, Yaoyorozu's eyes are following Shouto, her lips pulled to a taut line, and Kaminari is slapping Sero's shoulder, pointing between the two of them as he mutters something to his friend. Izuku makes note of all these little exchanges, of Kirishima's lazy grin as he says something to Kacchan and they both look his way.
He swallows nervously. This wasn't meant to draw so much attention. This wasn't meant to happen at all, his conscience chides and Izuku almost flinches, taking out his notebook and getting ready for when Aizawa arrives.
Izuku is much more distracted than he ought to be throughout all of their morning classes, stealing not-so-discreet glances at Shouto to maybe catch him staring in his crush's direction. All he ever seems to do is get caught staring himself, which is wholly unfair. How Shouto can always seem to sense his eyes on him is beyond Izuku, but the fact of the matter is that whenever he finds himself looking his friend's way, he is either already looking back or his eyes flick in his direction mere moments later.
Embarrassment colours his cheeks a deep shade of red the whole morning and, really, he has no one to blame but himself for that. The only respite he gets is that Shouto sits behind him, so he can't exactly see any of the aftermath of his failed sleuthing.
When lunchtime rolls around, Izuku knows that it will only get worse. They will be in plain view of pretty much everyone in class, and even though Shouto never said his crush was a classmate, he thinks it would be safe to assume, considering he isn't really close with anyone outside of this room; not to that extent anyway.
Shouto sits next to him, closer than usual, their knees touching under the table. That alone is enough to send Izuku's heart into overdrive, but when an arm wraps around his waist and pulls him even closer to Shouto's side, his chest is fit to burst. He bites back the squeaks, ignores the countless gazes burning into his back, and convinces himself that if he's going through with this then he might as well sell it.
As soon as he is done with his katsudon, Izuku brings his trembling hand closer to Shouto's, the tips of his ears hot with the blush spreading towards them, and he hesitantly lays it over his friend's. Ochako masks a little squeal with a cough, and Izuku feels the temperature of Shouto's left side raise slightly, his hand warming considerably as he turns it over and laces their fingers together.
It's a little clammy, his palm, and Izuku chalks it up to anxiety. After all, putting on this kind of show for your crush must be nerve-wracking. It certainly is for him. Still, Izuku brushes his thumb over Shouto's like the other had done in the morning, feeling the softness of his warm skin, he squeezes just enough to feel him squeeze back, and he tries not to get too lost in it. But his body acts as if it has a mind of its own, melting into Shouto just a little, his soul fills with an unbridled sense of joy for the single second he forgets this is all fake. That second is pure bliss, and it only makes the following ones all the more crushing as he resists the sudden urge to pull away.
It lasts for a few more minutes that seem more like hours stretched upon hours, and by the time they pull apart to go to their afternoon classes, Izuku can't decide if his heart is breaking because of it or for what came before in its entirety. They fall a little behind from the rest of the group when Shouto's pace slows and he tugs at Izuku's sleeve to get him to match it.
"Are you okay?"
"Hmm? Yeah, my foot isn't hurting anymore."
"That's not what I mean." Shouto clicks his tongue. "Do you want it to stop?"
Yes!
No, I'm not ready to let you go!
"Do you?" Shouto looks into his eyes for a few beats of silence then shakes his head. "Then neither do I." Telling himself it's only for Shouto's sake is useless at this point, so he doesn't even try. "But um…" He continues, casting his gaze to the floor and kicking up non-existent dirt. "Maybe we should put an end date to it. If it works, it works, but there's no point in drawing it out if it doesn't, right?"
"That…" Shouto trails off, his voice sounding much smaller than he's used to, crushed with disappointment. "That makes sense. By the end of this week then."
Izuku nods, and every movement seems to hurt. "It's a deal."
Shouto's grip on his blazer tightens before he finally lets it go with a heavy sigh. Then a switch seems to flip in Shouto's mind and he straightens his posture, taking Izuku's hand firmly and dragging him into a hug just as another group of their classmates walks by. Izuku yelps in surprise, scanning the half-dozen faces and committing them to memory before Shouto nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck derails his thought process entirely.
"Shouto-kun, w-what are you doing?"
"Since this has an expiry date now, I need to make the most of it."
That can't be intentionally cruel, but goodness gracious, it both stabs Izuku right through the chest and injects an ill-advised thrill right into his veins at the exact same time. Now that's an appropriate analogy. This whole ordeal is like a drug and Izuku is most definitely addicted. He knows it's going to destroy him yet he just can't get out of it. It has become a habit he can't kick in two days alone. Utterly devastating and he walked right into it, willingly.
Unable to resist it, Izuku falls into the embrace too, letting his lids droop closed and inhaling Shouto's scent. They had been close friends ever since their first year at U.A. but Izuku doesn't remember ever being this close to him. It's a different feeling, kind of wonderful in the worst type of way, knowing what he knows, and it's over much too soon when Shouto pulls away to walk to class with Izuku in tow.
From then on, there is a ticking clock hanging above their heads and Shouto's determination to get this to work only shines brighter. As stupid as it is, Izuku starts forgetting what it's like to not have Shouto by his side, his warmth a comfort when it really shouldn't be.
Each time he asks Shouto if his crush is around, a part of him always hopes that the answer is 'yes' even as he tries not to look around to figure out who it might be. At every positive response, he tries something different, leaning his head on Shouto's shoulder one time, resting his hand on his thigh another, and playing footsie as they sit across from each other on the couch yet another. At times he even forgets that he shouldn't be falling even harder for Shouto, small contented smiles sneaking their way to his lips at each of his friend's shy flushes that aren't meant for him at all.
The days seem to go by too fast, anxiety starts sinking its claws deeper into Izuku's chest with each one that passes and he feels closer to Shouto than he has ever been before.
Thursday is coming to an end and they are getting some homework done before curfew when Izuku's earlier training session ran a little too long. It's almost over, and Izuku is still no closer to knowing who Shouto is really in love with, not even sure if their efforts have proved fruitful at all since he doesn't know who he should be focusing on to even try to find out. It feels like the only thing Izuku really managed to do with this was become more attached, he can't even tear his eyes away from Shouto this very moment, when he should be focused on the math problems in front of him.
"Hey, Shouto-kun…"
The words sneak their way out of his mouth against his better judgement. His friend hums inquisitively before lifting his gaze to look at Izuku, somehow knocking the breath out of his lungs with one look, the intensity in those blue-greys always unfairly disarming. Swallowing down his sudden unease, Izuku ignores the annoying voice telling him that ignorance is bliss.
"Do you think this is working, the fake dating?"
"I think so."
Bile rises up in Izuku's throat as soon as he hears it, acrid, and he mentally kicks himself for being an idiot as per usual. "That's good." His voice comes out strangled, and he must be a masochist because he keeps going anyway. "And you think they'll finally notice your feelings once it's done?"
"I can't be sure, but I hope so." Shouto whispers, returning his attention to the notebook on his lap. "I'm trying my best."
Izuku pauses at that, something about those words sounding a little strange, somehow. But before he can figure it out, his phone alarm starts ringing to remind them of the curfew, making him jump at the shrill sound as he scrambles to turn it off.
"I guess that's my cue to leave." Shouto gathers his things into his messenger's bag and Izuku stutters his way through an agreement. "Same time tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah, o-of course."
Friday passes by in a blur of more of the same affectionate touches that Izuku once again fails to remember mean nothing at all. It's ridiculously stupid how easily he leans into every single one, only to find himself still scanning the room for the one common denominator and getting punched in the gut by the reason he is doing it in the first place.
Their time together—or as close to it as Izuku can get—is soon going to be nothing but a memory. Whether it's a good one or not, Izuku has yet to decide; it will probably depend on how many days it takes him to pick up the pieces of his broken heart once Shouto finally gets together with the mystery person.
As the day progresses, Izuku's dread of the inevitable end of it all grows harder to ignore, yet that desperately clingy devil inside him grows louder as well. Izuku finds it more and more impossible to let go whenever Shouto reaches for his hand or his waist, to stop himself from caressing him in return, run his fingers through his silky hair and revel in how even there the temperature differs from one side to the other.
Fleetingly, he wonders if people will ask him why they broke up when he is obviously in love with Shouto. It doesn't matter that he tried to not get too immersed in the lie, as the days went by, he just got gradually worse at hiding it. How can he resist it when Shouto is such a natural at being an amazing boyfriend, however fake this may be for him?
When their classmates all gather for one of their movie nights and Shouto sits next to him on the floor with a blanket over their legs, Izuku allows himself one last comfort, tentatively scooting closer while Kaminari sets up the rom com the girls picked out. Shouto immediately reacts to his advance, readying to drape an arm over his shoulders, and Izuku pushes away, guilt pooling in his stomach, icy. He pretends he doesn't feel it, listening instead to his heart's stutters.
"Can we cuddle instead? Go big or go home…" He whispers shyly, cheeks heating up as he avoids his friend's gaze.
Rather than answer him, Shouto shifts slightly away from him, and Izuku almost thinks that's the end of that, choking on the apology at the tip of his tongue when he lifts his eyes again. Shouto is moving closer to one of the couches, fluffing up a pillow and placing it behind him to lean against it and slide down so that he's mostly lying on his back, his legs spread just a little. He gestures for Izuku to come closer and he just blinks for a small eternity, dumbstruck, even looking around to see if he isn't signalling literally anyone else.
Breath hitching, Izuku crawls over to Shouto, everyone's stares making him feel even guiltier as he settles between his legs, back to stomach, and lets his head rest on his friend's left shoulder. Shouto wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him flush against him and burying his nose in Izuku's wild curls.
The movie starts but Izuku can't pay any sort of mind to it, all his thoughts utterly scrambled and screaming one thing and one thing only. This is wrong but it feels so freaking right.
Are they watching? Do they want this to be them? Does Shouto?
If Izuku closes his eyes, all of his classmates disappear, Shouto's unknown crush ceases to exist, and it's just them. Here in Shouto's arms it feels safe and comfortable. Such concepts are reserved for cheesy romances, but Izuku thinks they fit together like two puzzle pieces, meant to be, built specifically to be next to one another. But as puzzles go, there is always more than one piece meant to go with another.
Izuku isn't the part of the picture Shouto wants to complete.
But if he just keeps his eyes closed, if he just forgets that for now, he can just feel Shouto's fingers drawing uneven shapes on the skin of his arms, he can just feel his cool breath brushing past his hair. If Izuku focuses hard enough, he can almost feel Shouto's heartbeat against his back. It's kind of fast, but steady, eager. It might be because he is nervous about what his crush might be thinking, but Izuku pushes that thought down and counts the time with the beats instead.
Each one is a moment closer to the end but it's also another moment he is spending in his arms. Shouto is so warm, so wonderfully warm. If Izuku lets his mind run a little wilder for just this one moment, he can pretend it's on purpose, just for him. His thoughts start to fuzz as they surround with nothing but that warmth and that steady, slightly accelerated heartbeat. Darkness grows heavier around him and Izuku can't find it in himself to care.
For once, he actually lets himself enjoy it. It might be the last chance he has.
Izuku wakes with a start, his consciousness hitting him like a ton of a bricks along with the realisation that he doesn't remember falling asleep at all, just that he had been cuddling Shouto one moment and then… His heart jumps to his throat when he feels something positively solid pressed against his back that most definitely isn't his bedroom wall. He isn't still on the floor either, his soft mattress dipping beneath his weight and… and…
Shooting his eyes open, Izuku turns around to confirm his suspicions and, sure enough, comes face to face with Shouto's peaceful expression. He couldn't have stopped the choked scream from creeping out of his lips if he tried, pushing away and falling off the bed as soon as Shouto jolts awake as well. It must have been a rude wakeup call, but Izuku is otherwise too busy trying not to die of cardiac arrest to actually apologise.
"Sorry…" Shouto mumbles instead, and Izuku gapes, eye twitching slightly in both confusion and disbelief. "I didn't mean to scare you. I tried to just leave you here and go to my room but… you wouldn't let go of me."
Oh, for the love of—even asleep you're clingy, nice going Izuku, he berates himself.
"Ah, it's… it's fine I just—just wasn't expecting… to see your face." Izuku breathes, urging his heartrate to climb back down to acceptable levels. "I'm the one who should be sorry, really. I overstepped last night, didn't I?"
Shouto purses his lips climbing off the bed and sitting in front of Izuku on the floor, his brows pulled together by an invisible line. Izuku pushes down the desire to press that little knot flat with the pad of his finger, bracing himself for Shouto's rightfully outraged speech that is sure to follow.
"I don't think you did. I think it had the intended effect."
"O-oh?" Izuku's mouth dries. How is that worse? Why does that make him feel even more nauseous than Shouto being angry at him? "S-so your crush, they…"
"I think they may be getting it…" Shouto says slowly, narrowing his eyes. "M-maybe. I hope."
For the longest time, they just stare at each other, that sickening feeling getting more unbearable with each breath Izuku takes.
"Who is it?" Izuku blurts out, his bottom lip trembling just a little and Shouto's expression twists nearly imperceptibly. But Izuku sees it, he just can't make sense of it. "I've been trying to figure it out ever since you told me. I know I shouldn't, I have no right to pry, but every time I ask you if the person you love is in the room, you say they are. And every time there doesn't seem to be one single person that is always there. Who is it?" Izuku's voice climbs higher and higher as he keeps going. "Is it more than one person? Is it Hagakure? Who is it?!"
Shouto bites the inside of his cheek for a few tortuous moments, then exhales as if it's a chore to even breathe. "Just the one. And I assure you that they were always in the room whenever you asked."
"Then… Then who? Shouto-kun, please I just…" Tears finally break free from the confines of his eyes and his breaths become stuttered. "I need to know, this is driving me insane and I shouldn't be demanding this from you but I—"
Without warning, Shouto leans forward, pressing their lips together and effectively stopping his panicked rant short. Izuku almost—almost—kisses him back, all common sense thrown out the window, but the guilt rears its ugly head and forces him away from Shouto with a gasp, eyes wide and thoughts as frantic as the drumming in his chest. He grips his shirt in a futile attempt to quell the ache settling inside him.
"What are you—why did you—there's no one here to—"
"My crush is in the room, Izuku." Shouto breathes like it physically pains him, his voice strangled and his eyes squeezed shut.
Izuku's uneven breaths cease along with the cacophony inside his head, all of it caught in his throat in one huge lump as he processes Shouto's words, slowly but surely.
"Your… The person you love is…"
In a moment of stupidity, Izuku looks around before stopping at Shouto yet again, his mismatched eyes focused on a far corner of the room as that increasingly familiar blotchy pink flush dusts over his cheeks. His head feels light all of a sudden and Izuku falls with his back to the floor, staring at the ceiling until the spots disappear from his vision and everything starts to click into place.
"Oh my god…"
"I tried to… I tried to tell you but—but I just ch-choke—" Shouto forces himself to say and Izuku shushes him.
"You… You let us go through with this fake dating thing when you knew… You knew I liked you back!"
"I thought you did. Think you do?" Shouto huffs in frustration. "You suggested we fake date to make someone else jealous. You really have no right to judge me here." Izuku opens his mouth to protest and immediately closes it. He's got him there. "Besides, it kind of worked. You looked pretty jealous. I think. You really brought this upon yourself."
"Yeah, okay, I deserve that." Izuku admits, rubbing at his face and groaning miserably. "I really deserve that."
After a few more deep breaths, wiping the stray tears from his eyes, Izuku sits back up and takes in Shouto's hunched posture. Sighing heavily, he hides his face in his hands once again, embarrassment, shame and mild annoyance bubbling in his gut.
"I'm sorry…" Shouto mutters and Izuku peeks up at him from between his fingers, watching as his features scrunch up in displeasure. "I'm not good at expressing—" He gestures with his hands then sighs in defeat. "Anything really. And I tried to tell you, but you didn't… get it. Then you suggested fake dating and I thought I could try to make you see it then. Stupid idea, I know, but…"
"It was all you could think of?" Shouto shrugs, clearly ashamed. "You know… I really did think you were an amazing fake boyfriend. Literally too good to be true. Funny how that works out." Izuku mutters, staring off into some far-off distance as everything he feels becomes an unrecognisable mess tugging at all sorts of heartstrings.
"Yeah, well."
Another sigh of defeat that really should make Izuku feel either bad or irritated. But it really doesn't. And then Izuku snorts, covering his mouth as soon as he does. That's inappropriate, he shouldn't be—another bark of laughter shoots out of him and he looks away, a fit of giggles soon following, shaking his shoulders violently until he rolls onto his side in stitches.
"Why are you…" Shouto starts, the smile playing at his own lips evident in his tone.
"We're such—" Izuku gasps for air, more tears springing to the corners of his eyes. He can't speak.
"I think Bakugou would call us 'disaster gays'."
That only makes Izuku laugh harder, punching the floor as he rubs his face on it, rolling from one side to another without any end to his meltdown in sight. It's becoming increasingly harder to breathe, but no matter what Izuku does, all he can think about is how utterly stupid this whole situation is, how entirely avoidable. If only either of them wasn't such a mess at voicing their feelings, if only Izuku hadn't been so oblivious to miss all the admittedly obvious signs. Hindsight is always 20-20, after all.
Shouto shifts closer, and Izuku looks up at him, still giggling like a maniac and only losing himself further when he sees his expression fighting between concerned and amused. Unable to resist the urge, Izuku manages to pick himself up enough to throw his arms around Shouto, still shaking with uncontrollable laughter and crying into the other's shirt, desperate for some much-needed oxygen. A warm hand rubs up and down Izuku's back comfortingly as he keeps laughing with abandon.
"I love you so much…" Shouto mumbles fondly and Izuku stills, pulling back with wide eyes and a wider grin.
He must look a sight, mad as a hatter, but Shouto only seems shocked at his own words, their gazes locking for the single moment it takes them to lose their wits once more, together. They hold each other close, laughing at their own idiocy for what feels like forever until they finally come down from this strange high, cheeks sore and stained with the stray tears still rolling down to their chins.
It's a lovely look on Shouto, Izuku thinks momentarily. If all this had to happen for him to look this carefree and euphoric, Izuku might just believe that it was worth it.
"So um… are we still stopping this after one week?" Izuku asks once he has the breath to do so, resting his head on Shouto's shoulder.
"Yeah, we should." Shouto responds immediately. "I don't want to fake date you anymore."
"Me neither." Izuku smiles. "I'll ask you out one of these days. You clearly can't do it yourself."
"Look who's talking."
"Fair point well made." Izuku giggles once again. Luckily, he's all out of juice for another fit. "I love you too, by the way. Should probably get that out there."
"I appreciate the gesture." Squeezing him a little, Shouto buries his face in Izuku's hair like he had done the previous night. "For what it's worth, it was never fake for me."
"Well… I'll just be glad to have got the memo this time around." Izuku sighs, finally content, returning the embrace.
A small chuckle rumbles in Shouto's chest and Izuku places a kiss over it, closing his eyes and enjoying the sound as the hold of his arms tightens around him.
"I really am sorry. Words are difficult for me, when it comes to feelings… I have always found it easier to show how I feel and I was trying my best to show you."
"I know. Now, anyway. You were right, I just wasn't seeing it."
Looking back at this short time, Shouto didn't look around once whenever Izuku asked about his crush's presence, every time his eyes had been on him, completely certain of his answer. Izuku was just so sure the person he loved couldn't possibly be him that he never even noticed; he was looking but he wasn't seeing it, seeing him and his intentions. Even that very first day, Shouto's entire being was screaming at him to get what he was trying to say, wasn't it?
In all honesty, this hadn't been the highlight of either of their lives, but it did help him realise some things. Shouto's actions speak much louder than his words, and if Izuku actually wants to be with him, he should probably learn to listen. Maybe he even needs to learn how to speak that language a little more fluently, and he thinks—no, he is sure—that he his more than willing to put in the effort.
"I guess I need a little affirmation myself." Izuku adds and Shouto hums, thoughtful. "It's something we can work on though?"
"Yes, we can. If that's something you want."
Nodding against his chest, Izuku pushes back just enough to look into Shouto's summer storm eyes, shining with a whole new light and making them all the more beautiful.
"Shouto-kun, would you like to date me? Be my actual boyfriend?"
A corner of his mouth twitches into a lopsided grin and Shouto leans closer, rubbing their noses together before resting his forehead against Izuku's, their eyes fluttering closed. The rest of the world falls into the background, unimportant, and Izuku feels his heart filling with a calm sense of joy, the bitterness ebbing away into nothingness with each of Shouto's breaths brushing gently against his heated cheeks.
They may be massive idiots, but at least now they can be massive idiots together. For real, this time.