The Hezi And Row Show
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Hezikiaha swung his sword in a deadly arc that would have decapitated the horrid beast....if it hadn't of already fallen over, torched to a cinder by a blast of heat that nearly singed his eyebrows off. Regaining his balance, he turned, and in the process of patting down his eyebrows, glared at his female counterpart. "That was my kill!" Rowwanda, a dead sexy female wood elf if there ever was one, sauntered up to him and smiled a crooked grin. "It would have taken your head off the next time it clawed at you." "Would not!" "Would to!" "Would not!!" Hezi's bald head glowing red, more from anger now than the wave of heat. "Yes, it would have. So I ended it. Sorry if I singed you a little." She patted him lightly on his bright orange crustacean covered chest. "Besides I just got a mental call from Flowersniffing. He needs to see us." Hezikiaha rolled his eyes. "In the name of Innoruuk, what the hell does that little Ronas Jeremus wanna-be want now?" Rowwanda turned and proceeded back to their camp, calling over her shoulder. "I don't know but he said it was urgent." She reached their campsite and started to pack her things away. The dim light glinted off the metal book binding of her spellbook as she carefully packed it away. As she bent over to retrieve a small bag, she felt something warm suddenly gripping the right side of her ass. She quickly jumped up and turned in one fluid motion and swatted the offending groper aside. "How many times have I told you not to do that!" Her eyes glowed an eerie purple as her night vision was quickly taking over as the sun crept past the horizon. "Sorry Row, I was trying to find my way around. It was an accident! It's, uh, dark you know." He quickly stepped to the other side of their camp towards his stuff, to extract himself from her scimitar range. "Oh really? Well maybe I should just 'accidently' cast the single port spell instead of the group one. How would you like to stay out here in the dark with a whole nest of those of damn apes just over the hill?" She glared at his rapidly dissappearing actual form and more at his heat signature. "Uh no that's ok," he forced a weak laugh. "I'll be more careful in the future, I swear!" He held his hands up in the air, though he could barely see them, he knew she could. "You better, or the next time you get drunk, I'm casting sow and lev on ya and porting your ass to Kithicor!"
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A fire poured light from it's chimney's depths onto the patrons at the Lion's Mane Inn. Shadows crept around as the light was displaced by bodies and various inanimate objects being moved around. It was a fairly busy night. As busy as nights got in Qeynos these days. Even though the threat of the gnolls from Black Burrow was lessening on a daily basis, more and more soldiers and inhabitants of Qeynos were being sent to Jagged Pine Forest to help quell the rise of the Darkpaw Clan there. Having been all but driven from the hills surrounding Qeynos as well as the bulk of the Karanas, the revenge-bent gnolls had found a way into the secret forest and were terrorizing the citizens and raiding their shipping caravans. It seemed a never ending plight for the citizens of the Qeynos kingdom, but they bore it with a stiff upper lip and occasionally even a tense smile. Such smiles were less tense when they were shined upon long time visitors or residents of Qeynos, such as the three that sat at that the back table of the inn. They had met earlier that day and had spent all this time regaling each other with tales of adventure and in some cases molestation. It was nearly midnight when the tales finally started to end and the actual discussions began. "-and I swear we cleared out Bravo Sector in record time! It was glorious little man, you should've been there!" Hezikiaha gloated. He cast a quick glance at the female sitting next to him and then right back at the halfling. "Me and the honey here must've killed twenty things in an hour!" The halfling Flowersniffing Treehugga arched an eyebrow as he also glanced at the female wood elf sitting across from him. He reached up and stroked the "adult-demihuman movie star" moustache he maintained with incredible dedication as he spoke. "Rowwanda, why do you let him call you that? I mean even people in my former profession would find that....well....crass." Row smiled and sighed. "I dunno Flower. He keeps it up even when I tell him not to. I suppose it isn't as bad as at night when he bugs me about getting-" She was interrupted by the bartender who smiled as he brought them fresh ales. Hezi accepted his with a muttered 'thanks' and then cleared his throat. "So uhh, before we get into anything else, maybe you should tell us why you brought us here in the first place Flower." The smallest of the three set down his mug and sighed a sigh that seemed as if it came all the way from his furry toes. He looked at each of the other two in turn and then spoke. "Well to make a long story short. My family is falling apart. My sister is dating a Priest of Discord-" at this both of his companions gasped. "And I don't think I am entirely sure who my daddy is." Hezikiaha thought for a moment. "Wait, you mean your dad isn't really your dad?" Flower shook his head, "I don't think so." It seemed a great effort to maintain his composure as he stared into his drink and rubbed the top of his Dark Ember affectionately. Row spoke with a quiet voice. "Well assuming this is true, what do you want us to do about it?" Flower looked up at her. "I want you to find out who is. Or at least help." Hezi snickered and leaned forward. " You mean you want us to go around asking 'Who's your daddy' ?" He could no longer hold in his laughter as he burst into a gaffaw. Rowwanda reached over and slapped him on the shoulder. When that didn't work she spoke a few quiet words of magic. Her form gleamed bluish for an instant and then she kicked him under the table, hard. The large bald warrior yelped as his shin caught the brunt of the lithe druid's kick. "Ow! C'mon it was just a joke!" "Shut up." She turned to the halfling druid. "Of course we'll help, sweetie. I know a few people of umm...a higher status you might say. I can ask them. Heck I can even visit a few of the Planes if you want me to." She smiled sweetly. Flowersniffing perked up and almost smiled. "Really? Because that would be great. I really need to figure this out. I'm kinda tired of the jokes, you know. Everybody at work and in the guild has made it into a gay old time." "Funny we haven't heard about it until now?" Hezi scratched his shiny dome. "I kept it away from you guys until I could tell you myself." Rowwanda stood and finished her drink. She set the mug back down on the table and patted Flower on the head. "Don't worry, friend, we'll help. In fact I am quite tired. So I shall retire to my room and think about who I can contact." She turned towards the stairs and called over her shoulder, "Good night boys." Hezi quickly turned his head and shouted, "Hey Row, would you sleep-" From just up the stairs, "NO!" Hezikiaha turned and shrugged his shoulders at his only remaining table mate. "Anyways, did I ever tell you about the time I told these Frogloks in Guk a joke I had heard from the Trolls? I swear they got so pissed they not only tossed me out but I think they invaded Grobb!"
END
Hezikiaha swung his sword in a deadly arc that would have decapitated the horrid beast....if it hadn't of already fallen over, torched to a cinder by a blast of heat that nearly singed his eyebrows off. Regaining his balance, he turned, and in the process of patting down his eyebrows, glared at his female counterpart. "That was my kill!" Rowwanda, a dead sexy female wood elf if there ever was one, sauntered up to him and smiled a crooked grin. "It would have taken your head off the next time it clawed at you." "Would not!" "Would to!" "Would not!!" Hezi's bald head glowing red, more from anger now than the wave of heat. "Yes, it would have. So I ended it. Sorry if I singed you a little." She patted him lightly on his bright orange crustacean covered chest. "Besides I just got a mental call from Flowersniffing. He needs to see us." Hezikiaha rolled his eyes. "In the name of Innoruuk, what the hell does that little Ronas Jeremus wanna-be want now?" Rowwanda turned and proceeded back to their camp, calling over her shoulder. "I don't know but he said it was urgent." She reached their campsite and started to pack her things away. The dim light glinted off the metal book binding of her spellbook as she carefully packed it away. As she bent over to retrieve a small bag, she felt something warm suddenly gripping the right side of her ass. She quickly jumped up and turned in one fluid motion and swatted the offending groper aside. "How many times have I told you not to do that!" Her eyes glowed an eerie purple as her night vision was quickly taking over as the sun crept past the horizon. "Sorry Row, I was trying to find my way around. It was an accident! It's, uh, dark you know." He quickly stepped to the other side of their camp towards his stuff, to extract himself from her scimitar range. "Oh really? Well maybe I should just 'accidently' cast the single port spell instead of the group one. How would you like to stay out here in the dark with a whole nest of those of damn apes just over the hill?" She glared at his rapidly dissappearing actual form and more at his heat signature. "Uh no that's ok," he forced a weak laugh. "I'll be more careful in the future, I swear!" He held his hands up in the air, though he could barely see them, he knew she could. "You better, or the next time you get drunk, I'm casting sow and lev on ya and porting your ass to Kithicor!"
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A fire poured light from it's chimney's depths onto the patrons at the Lion's Mane Inn. Shadows crept around as the light was displaced by bodies and various inanimate objects being moved around. It was a fairly busy night. As busy as nights got in Qeynos these days. Even though the threat of the gnolls from Black Burrow was lessening on a daily basis, more and more soldiers and inhabitants of Qeynos were being sent to Jagged Pine Forest to help quell the rise of the Darkpaw Clan there. Having been all but driven from the hills surrounding Qeynos as well as the bulk of the Karanas, the revenge-bent gnolls had found a way into the secret forest and were terrorizing the citizens and raiding their shipping caravans. It seemed a never ending plight for the citizens of the Qeynos kingdom, but they bore it with a stiff upper lip and occasionally even a tense smile. Such smiles were less tense when they were shined upon long time visitors or residents of Qeynos, such as the three that sat at that the back table of the inn. They had met earlier that day and had spent all this time regaling each other with tales of adventure and in some cases molestation. It was nearly midnight when the tales finally started to end and the actual discussions began. "-and I swear we cleared out Bravo Sector in record time! It was glorious little man, you should've been there!" Hezikiaha gloated. He cast a quick glance at the female sitting next to him and then right back at the halfling. "Me and the honey here must've killed twenty things in an hour!" The halfling Flowersniffing Treehugga arched an eyebrow as he also glanced at the female wood elf sitting across from him. He reached up and stroked the "adult-demihuman movie star" moustache he maintained with incredible dedication as he spoke. "Rowwanda, why do you let him call you that? I mean even people in my former profession would find that....well....crass." Row smiled and sighed. "I dunno Flower. He keeps it up even when I tell him not to. I suppose it isn't as bad as at night when he bugs me about getting-" She was interrupted by the bartender who smiled as he brought them fresh ales. Hezi accepted his with a muttered 'thanks' and then cleared his throat. "So uhh, before we get into anything else, maybe you should tell us why you brought us here in the first place Flower." The smallest of the three set down his mug and sighed a sigh that seemed as if it came all the way from his furry toes. He looked at each of the other two in turn and then spoke. "Well to make a long story short. My family is falling apart. My sister is dating a Priest of Discord-" at this both of his companions gasped. "And I don't think I am entirely sure who my daddy is." Hezikiaha thought for a moment. "Wait, you mean your dad isn't really your dad?" Flower shook his head, "I don't think so." It seemed a great effort to maintain his composure as he stared into his drink and rubbed the top of his Dark Ember affectionately. Row spoke with a quiet voice. "Well assuming this is true, what do you want us to do about it?" Flower looked up at her. "I want you to find out who is. Or at least help." Hezi snickered and leaned forward. " You mean you want us to go around asking 'Who's your daddy' ?" He could no longer hold in his laughter as he burst into a gaffaw. Rowwanda reached over and slapped him on the shoulder. When that didn't work she spoke a few quiet words of magic. Her form gleamed bluish for an instant and then she kicked him under the table, hard. The large bald warrior yelped as his shin caught the brunt of the lithe druid's kick. "Ow! C'mon it was just a joke!" "Shut up." She turned to the halfling druid. "Of course we'll help, sweetie. I know a few people of umm...a higher status you might say. I can ask them. Heck I can even visit a few of the Planes if you want me to." She smiled sweetly. Flowersniffing perked up and almost smiled. "Really? Because that would be great. I really need to figure this out. I'm kinda tired of the jokes, you know. Everybody at work and in the guild has made it into a gay old time." "Funny we haven't heard about it until now?" Hezi scratched his shiny dome. "I kept it away from you guys until I could tell you myself." Rowwanda stood and finished her drink. She set the mug back down on the table and patted Flower on the head. "Don't worry, friend, we'll help. In fact I am quite tired. So I shall retire to my room and think about who I can contact." She turned towards the stairs and called over her shoulder, "Good night boys." Hezi quickly turned his head and shouted, "Hey Row, would you sleep-" From just up the stairs, "NO!" Hezikiaha turned and shrugged his shoulders at his only remaining table mate. "Anyways, did I ever tell you about the time I told these Frogloks in Guk a joke I had heard from the Trolls? I swear they got so pissed they not only tossed me out but I think they invaded Grobb!"
END