I'm writing a bunch of oneshots all based on Taylor Swift's songs from her album, Red. This is the fourth fanfic in the series, heavily inspired by her song I Knew You Were Trouble. It is a Jarida ficlet, but it's angsty, as Jack has left Merida. So, be prepared! If you're interested in reading my other fics based on Taylor's songs, check them out. The first one (state of grace) is written for the PJO fandom. The second one (red) is set in the Merlin fandom. And the third one (treacherous) is set in Holly Black's The Coldest Girl in Coldtown.
Disclaimer: I do not own I Knew You Were Trouble, all rights belong to Taylor Swift. I also don't own Rise of the Guardians, or Brave. All rights go to Disney.
Title: i knew (you were trouble)
Summary: "A boy like Jack never went for a girl like Merida. Unless, of course, he wanted a passtime." Fourteen months later, and the best revenge is still not wanting revenge. [In which Merida suffers in her breakup with Jack. Oneshot.]
Songs Used: Basically the whole Red album, though it's heavily inspired by I Knew You Were Trouble. I also tuned into a playlist on 8tracks titled Broken, by LittleInfinite. I'd suggest listening to it.
WARNING: This is most definitely an AU. It's set in the 21st century. Take your pick on what year. Jack's a playboy, and Merida's a girl who wonders why she ever let her guard down.
i knew (you were trouble).
by clarabella wanderling.
"I guess you didn't care,
and I guess I liked that,
and when I fell hard, you took a step back.
Without me."
~Taylor Swift, I Knew You Were Trouble.
I.
The first month without him, Merida wandered about her life, hands reaching to grasp a pale arm that had since waltzed off to caress another. She went through the movements of acting like she was okay. When she walked passed him in class, or on the street, she acted like she was fine, smiling a forced smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
She wondered how he could so easily not care.
They walked passed each other, elbows brushing and her heart flailing about her chest, but his face remained neutral and bored. When they're thousands of feet apart, she asks herself if that's why the call him Frost.
She pushes the thought far away from her mind and vows that the next time their elbows brush, she'll look even more bored than he is.
It becomes a mission, to pretend she hadn't really fallen.
She almost came to believe it.
Almost, but not quite.
...
II.
The second month, Jack Frost is publicly playing with Toothiana Humming's hair, pressing lips into it and whispering sweet nothings as the freshmen girls fawn at how cute they are.
Merida wonders if they really are sweet nothings, and it isn't until he catches her eye and smirks a smirk that reaches his cold, knowing eyes, that the redhead knows it's all a facade.
She looks back at him, eyes bright with the look of someone who's out for revenge (though to Jack, it looks like sick happiness), and grins, a lopsided thing that doesn't quite fit her face.
He can't stand it, looks away, goes back to Toothiana's hair and doesn't look at Merida for the rest of the week.
She feels triumphant, until she catches them snogging right in front of her locker. Fuming and flushed, the Scottish girl pushes them off of the scratched and scuffed thing: "Yer uncivilised wrecks, ye are. Go under the bleachers like the rest of us, ye hear?" She yells after them, as their laughs fill the hallway.
Merida's chest feels tight when she recalls the movement of Jack's lips against Toothiana's, but she shoves the image away, straightening her back and huffing like an angry person.
Her eyes are tired, though.
And she still wants him.
...
III.
The third month she's without him, the numbing feeling in her chest is spreading through her like frost and she cranes her neck, straining to remember the last time there was any sort of heat in her heart.
She can't remember.
Merida walks, her pace set in a dreary, defeated way, through the empty school halls. It's November, now. The leaves are all withered away, replaced by the wintery weariness that Jack always craved. The once feisty redhead strolls gently through the quieted halls, her heart hollowed and her eyes sunken.
There isn't anyone in the world who's made her this sad, ever. Only him. Even three months later, his chaotic blue eyes flash behind her eyelids. His poisoning embrace and toxic lips sweeping about her like the dance of a dying butterfly.
She likes it.
She wants him back, always and forever. But even now, Jack Frost has waltzed on to his next companion, Elsa Arendelle (Toothiana only lasted two and a half weeks). Elsa is beautiful. She's so much more than Merida could be, even more than Toothiana and the realization hits Merida hard: Jack was with her for fun.
A boy like Jack never went for a girl like Merida.
Unless, of course, he wanted a passtime.
As she wades through the empty hallway, she suddenly feels dead, deader than before, and heaves a great and giant sigh. He never cared.
She thinks that she must have liked that about him. Thinks that something in her must of known how it was going to end. That he wasn't ever going to be serious. And she liked it, the danger. She just never expected to fall quite so hard.
Merida sighs again. There are foot steps behind her, she realizes dimly, and all of a sudden she spins around, posture straightening and face set in her usually stance: bored and secretive.
It's him.
He stands before her like the beacon of winter: false and alluring. A single eyebrow is cocked and his stance is relaxed. But his eyes, Merida realizes later on, are alert and a little bit dead.
"Merida."
Her name rolls off his tongue like fire and ice and she almost runs back to him right then, she craves him so much. It's his first word to her in three months. She swallows back the pain and cocks her head, deciding to do what she does best. Pretend. She pretends he doesn't affect her and says, "Jack."
He nods, coolly, and responds, "Just forgot some textbooks."
With a shake of her head Merida responds the way an old friend would. She says, "Ye always were forgetful." And spins around, striding towards the door with a tall, false laugh. "See ye 'round, Frost."
She can't quite say goodbye.
...
IV.
Month four doesn't bring much change about, except she makes a new friend. He goes by Hans (his full name is Hanservwick, and he hates it). His red hair and temper match hers and when they take to the halls, everyone makes way for them out of fear.
Elsa Arendelle broke his heart.
She thinks (Merida thinks), she thinks that heartbreak has made them both monsters, in a way. They are both insane daredevils now, smoking and running into trouble without any care. Their dreams are filled with pale faces and blond heads, everlasting memories. The cold that they once loved has infected them, and Merida sees her escape narrowing.
It's one evening after saying goodbye to her only friend, Hans, when she's walking away from the ice cream parlor they had visited, that she sees Frost and Arendelle, hands clasped and slightly drunk, sloppily kissing on the corner of Bravery Boulevard (probably the cheesiest name in the world, Merida numbly registers). When Jack spots her, his words are slightly slurred and he yells out, "Well if it isn't the girl who breaks my heart."
She shakes her head and walks past them, only mumbling an, "Excuse me." Striding away from the scene, the last thing Merida sees is Elsa's jealous gaze.
She never sees Jack's wanting one.
...
V.
The feeling of ache is fading into the nothingness to which she's more accustomed. December, and she cannot wait to get away from the boarding school she attends to visit her yelling mum and peaceful father.
Hans looks at her with resentment, though not aimed specifically towards her. "Dunbroch," he says lamely, "I'm going to miss laughing at your stubborn arse."
It's the sweetest thing he's ever said to her.
"Same to you, Hanservwick." She responds, and they each crack an old, used smile.
But it's close a little closer to the real thing, and for once, Merida's grateful for her friend with anger-management issues.
When Jack Frost grins at her from across the cafeteria, she grins back.
It doesn't feel quite so forced.
...
VI.
The winter break flew by like a hurricane and soon the redheaded Scottish girl is seated in her seat, Jack Frost behind her and his newest target, Rapunzel Toweress, sitting in front of her.
Everything's going fine (though a bit boring: Mr. North never has been the best at lectures), until Frost taps her on the shoulder and she slowly spins around, face flushed and eyes full of question. He smiles at her, a too-bright, too-big thing that doesn't really fit his frame. "Hey," he whispers, and for a second, Merida thinks he'll ask for her, for her hand to hold. Instead, he pulls out a note and gives it to Merida. "Will you hand this to Punzie?"
Merida stares at him blankly.
"Sorry, sorry." Jack calmly corrects himself, a relaxed smile plastering his face and Merida realizes he's doing this on purpose. "Rapunzel. Give it to Rapunzel, please." He again whispers, and Merida nods.
"Don't interrupt me again. I'm trying to pass the class, here." She retorts, and turns around. She taps Punzie's shoulder, hands the blond the note, and returns her attention back to North.
When Jack leans in and whispers, "Keyword: Trying." Against her ear, his breath hot and demanding, Merida almost smiles, her heart doing a giant flip flop and her eyes watering.
She almost smiles, but she doesn't.
...
VII.
When Hans walks up with Astrid Hofferson on his right and Aster Bunnymund on his left, Merida raises a brow but says nothing. Hans looks at her gruffly and says, "Astrid and Aster, meet Merida. She's the worst person you'll ever meet." He rolls his eyes, "but she'll grow on you."
"Damn right I will." Merida responds sharply, and Aster laughs. It's common knowledge he's Jack Frost's ex best friend. They stopped associating with each other right before Merida's time with the platinum blond boy. Astrid, on the other hand, is an outcast. Always has been. For her to talk to Hans must mean the world is about to implode.
Or...
Later on, when school's done for the day and Hans and Merida sit lazily on a tree, she pops the question: "So, Astrid?"
Hans gives her a look that could kill a fly: "She's cute."
It's the end of that conversation.
It isn't until evening that Merida wishes she could tell Jack about her day.
Wishes, but doesn't.
...
VIII.
Her eighth month without her almost lover is astoundingly painful. The Valentine's dance is this month and to be without the love of her short-lived, miserable life is almost more than she can bear. Hans and Astrid have long since become one, giggling and acting like children. But they're happy, and Hans' face is softer around the dirty blond. He's gentler, he's kinder, and most beautiful of all: When Elsa strides past, he couldn't care less.
They go to the dance together, he and her, Hans and Astrid. Aster goes with a girl who's name Merida can't remember; GoGo or something like that.
Merida stays away from any romance, and instead spends the night in her tree, looking out at the world with an intense pain that she does not want to examine.
It's about eleven in the evening when a figure climbs up her tree and sits next to her. When she turns to look at the stranger, she almost wishes she hadn't. Blue eyes frame a too-pale face. Hair in need of a trim laces itself along his left temple and his jawline is sharp, full of unspoken words. She would know his face anywhere. He's everywhere she goes.
Jack Frost looks at Merida Dunbroch and begins to reach for her hand, but she pulls away. It's instinctive and she hates herself for showing pain, but she cannot allow herself to give in again. "Why are ye not with yer lover, Frost?" She asks. It's a quiet, plain old voice, gnarled and defeated.
His expression closes, staring at the dark sky with intensity: "I don't love her."
Merida laughs, "Aye, I know. But you could have at least pretended. Rapunzel cared for ye."
"I didn't go with her."
"Then who?" There's a bubbling curiosity, and she hates herself for that.
"I went with Honey Lemon."
"I thought you hated her," says Merida, but then bites her tongue.
Jack laughs this time, bitterly. "I don't love her," He repeats. The constellations suddenly interest him.
Poisoned, sharp words escape Merida's lips and she bites back, "Is it even possible for ye to love, Frost?"
There's a brief pause, and then: "What happened to you?"
Merida's hands form into fists. With a click of her tongue and flush of her face, she says, "I grew up." And moves to slip off her tree. Suddenly, the boy she hates to love reaches out to grab her, and he pulls her close, roughly but also carefully.
He kisses her.
It's a crashing thing that catches her off guard, but soon enough she's kissing him back, tired and full of regret. She kisses him back and catches herself as she moves to crave more of his winter wonderland. She pulls away just as he reaches to hook a hand under her shirt, ever a gentlemen. "See you around, Frost." Merida says, and slips away.
She's almost to her dorm room when Jack yells at her, "You're something, Dunbroch!"
Aye. She thinks, but doesn't say anything back. When she enters her dorm, Tiana (her roommate), is asleep. Merida doesn't sleep that night, though. Instead she washes her face and prays to God to take away her pain.
...
IX.
March meets her with defeat. She cannot march on like a brave soldier, and yet she does. Hans and Astrid are walking next to her, hands hooked. On her other side is Aster and GoGo. Both couples lay in their own worlds, whispering sweet nothings. Merida misses Jack.
It's with a heaving breath that Merida realizes he hasn't been with another girl since their kiss. Just for a moment, she thinks there's a chance.
Then Merida realizes that even if there was a chance, she knows he's poison and nothing but cold dread for her soul. She cannot put herself through that again. She knows he's trouble.
And so, she doesn't.
...
X.
April is full of spring flowers and sickeningly sweet couples. But summer is close, her favorite season, so the Scottish girl holds on for dear life, holds on and doesn't let go, refusing to give up her courage. They haven't talked in months, she and Frost, and that painful feeling that rests in her throat is dying down to fretful numbness.
During a spring dance, Merida hides in the empty football field, eyes glassy and full of the night sky.
When he sits down next to her, a wistful smile rests on both their faces.
"We can't keep doin' this, Frost." Is all she says.
"Give me one more night, Merida." He responds, and her breath catches in her throat.
"Ye want me to forgive ye?"
"Please?"
There's a pause, and then: "I forgave ye a long time ago, Jack Frost." She turns towards him, "But I don't want ye back."
Which is, of course, a flat out lie, because she wants him more than Adam wanted Eve, but some things just aren't worth the pain.
When they get up he kisses her on her cheek.
She holds back her tears til she reaches her bathroom.
...
XI.
The last month of school brings a sudden sort of relief to Merida, but when Jack waltzes up to her with that playboy, know-it-all grin of his (the one he always wears around large crowds), her heart begins to sink and her knees buckle. "Guess what?" He says, his voice betraying excitement that makes Merida nervous.
From behind Jack, Hans makes a gesture to pound him. Merida shakes her head slightly and gulps. "What?" Her tone is one of boredom, but the telltale shake of her fingertips against her thigh give the Scot away.
"I'm heading to your place for the summer."
"Scotland?" She tries to keep her tone nonchalant, uncaring, but the insides of her palm are sweating.
"Yep." He seems determined to force an emotion out of her, "Right by your estate, I think. Cool, huh? We should hang out."
With a shrug of her shoulders and a flip of her hair, she responds, "Depends on how busy I am, Frost. I'm sure ye'll be fine on yer own." She doesn't miss the moment and continues, "Ye could find some pretty lass to help ye."
Merida turns on her heel and walks away.
"Why don't you be my pretty lass?"
Some things aren't worth the pain, Merida reminds herself. But her resolve is fading.
...
XII.
Hans' last warning to her is, "Don't you dare give in, Dunbroch. Give in and I'll pound you. Then him. Then you again."
As ridiculous as the statement sounds, Merida doesn't doubt her friend. "Have fun with Astrid." Merida responds, almost bitterly. Hans' face turns into a look of pure rage before fading into carelessness.
"Haha, you're hilarious." He retorts. He and Astrid have since broken up, and she could be seen by Merida now, talking to a boy with shaggy brown hair and a nervous twitch. "Seriously, though, Dunbroch."
"Take care of yourself, Hanservwick."
It's the closest thing they get to hugging, and it's the highlight of Merida's May.
When she steps on the airplane that'll take her home, Jack is right behind her. He plops next to her, and grins. "Guess we'll have to have a heart to heart, yeah?"
Merida rolls her eyes and puts her headphones on. "Goodnight, Frost." She says.
"Can't hide from me forever, Mer."
Aye, she thinks. But she can try.
...
XIII.
After the airplane's landed and Merida's escaped the cold, she spends her June trying to make amends with her mother. There's one evening, late in June, when Hubert seems to have wandered too far, so Merida volunteers to find him, and though her mum doesn't seem happy with that, Merida goes anyway.
She finds him with a pale-haired boy who wears a hoodie too bright for his soul. Her heart does a broken old jump in her chest and she closes down.
She'd hoped to be rid of him.
"Can't hide forever, Dunbroch." He says, not looking up as she quickly plucks her little brother from the older boy's reach.
"Aye," Merida responds, this time voicing her thoughts, "But I can try."
"Your brother is cute."
"Takes after me."
"Yes, he does." There's a sort-of subtle honesty in his voice and the sound of it catches Merida off guard. She looks up to see that Frost is in close proximity to her. Too close, actually. "I miss you."
"I know."
"Come back."
She leans in, hands clutching Hubert just a little too tight, but he doesn't cry out, not yet. She leans in and barely scrapes Jack's jaw when she whispers, "I can't."
When she leans back, he looks slightly dazed, "Why not?"
"Yer nothing but trouble, eh?" Merida responds, quietly.
"I thought you liked that about me," he answers back, and Merida can tell he couldn't care less about her. He just likes the game.
There's a resigned sigh that escapes her, and she says the closest thing to goodbye: "See ye 'round, Frost." When she walks away, Hubert makes a little sound, and Merida finally releases her hold on him. "Sorry, Hubert."
He kisses her cheek and Merida knows all's forgiven.
...
XIV.
The last month that Merida misses him, she pretends she doesn't. Her mother has her busier than ever, working on her posture and babysitting her siblings. On her spare time, Merida takes a break, riding her horse and shooting her arrows. She focusses on all that her mother has planned for her, putting her all into training on how to become a proper lady. And when mum is not looking, Merida is herself.
She thinks of Jack only when there is no other option, when she's not busy or laughing. The numbness in her chest has faded a little, though, and she thinks that this is good. This is very good.
Merida is wandering the streets of a town near her estate when she sees him. He's in an alleyway with a pretty little thing, his hands wandering. The lone girl watches for a bit, watches how Jack doesn't seem to miss her in the slightest, watches how he murmurs rough I love you's to the unknown girl, watches how he doesn't seem to realize just how much that girl believes him.
And Merida smiles.
There's a clearness in her heart at that moment when her mind spins back to what Hans had once told her.
"Why don't ye ever talk about Elsa?" She'd asked, looking at Hans with curiosity.
"Revenge."
"What?"
With an irritated sigh, Hans explained: "Sometimes, Dunbroch, the best revenge is not wanting revenge. Or, at least, not looking like you want it."
So here's Merida, fourteen months after Jack left her stranded in a park in California, smiling like an idiot. She makes no move to cover up her escaping giggles. There's a giant feeling making it's way through her chest, the relief that comes when you smoke, or drink, but better. When Jack turns towards the sound and looks at her in bewilderment -"Merida?" he asks- Merida looks at them, at the girl, and the boy she used to know, and she says, "Make sure to be safe, kids."
She looks at Jack, her eyes bright and his false. "Goodbye, Jack Frost."
Merida Dunbroch walks away, hips swinging and posture straight.
...
When school starts again, she's still alone, not with anyone, but it doesn't really matter. She's happy, and Hans is the closest thing to happy he'll ever get, and when she and Jack brush elbows, there's a jealous sort of misery in his eyes, like he can't stand her being alone and happy.
Fourteen months later, and not wanting revenge is still the best revenge.
"No apologies. He'll never see you cry."
~Taylor Swift, I Knew You Were Trouble.
Thanks for giving this a read! It was pretty long, but I hope you enjoyed it. Please forgive any spelling errors!
Reviews would be lovely.
Blessings,
Joss.