Driver's Education for Tōshi
by Fred Herriot
An omake in the universe of Phoenix From the Ashes

Based on Ikkitōsen, created by Shiozaki Yūji; Urusei Yatsura, created by Takahashi Rumiko; and Top Gear, directed by Andy Wilman and co-created by Jeremy Clarkson.

Phoenix From the Ashes was derived from the fanfic The Bet: Crippled, written by Gregg Sharp. This story also contains characters and situations from the fanfic series Urusei Yatsura - The Senior Year, created by Mike Smith and Fred Herriot.

The site of Kokura Airport (seven kilometres east-southeast of downtown Kitakyūshū on Kyūshū), Saturday 13 November 2010, early morning…

"Um…Negako-san?"

"What is the matter, Haneko?"

"What are we doing here?"

Moroboshi Negako blinked before she gazed on the tall, curvy and tanned woman with the knee-length black hair and cold blue eyes. "You just celebrated your eighteenth birthday on Monday, did you not?" the grandmaster of Saikō Jinseijutsu-ryū asked.

A nod answered her. "Hai," Seki Haneko — known to her brother and sister tōshi as "Kan'u Unchō," the best fighter of Seito High School — asserted with a nod.

"And is not part of the rituals concerning celebrating one's eighteenth birthday in Japan is to commence proper driver's education training for automobiles?"

Haneko nodded again. "Of course!"

"And do you not intend to attend Columbia University in New York City after your graduation so that you may be with Alexandra full-time?"

A determined nod; the current incarnation of the famous Guān Yǔ was psi-bonded with the current incarnation of Ireland's most legendary warrior Cú Chulainn, a grade 12 high school student from the Bronx part of New York City named Sandi McLugh. "Certainly! But I don't understand why YOU are involved in this!"

"You are fortunate that your birthday happens to fall in the same season as Shikuko's and Mimōko's," Negako stated as she waved the other woman towards a small vehicle garage now located alongside one of the old runways of the former international airport for the industrial town seated on the Kanmon Straits separating Kyūshū from Honshū. When this airport was closed down in 2006 to be replaced by a new aerodrome on an artificial island to the east, the Inshin Group — the small conglomerate owned by the Moroboshi Clan — purchased the old airport site and turned it into a multi-purpose training facility…which included a well-designed Formula One-level test track for automobiles. "You are also fortunate that Hiromi desires that you be taught by a competent instructor."

Haneko blinked, and then she nodded as ancient loyalties to the Xiàolíng Emperor of the Latter Hàn Dynasty — now alive as Negako's adopted sister Moroboshi Hiromi, also known as "Ryūkō Kyōrei" — made her accept that fact without question…before she perked on hearing the throaty roar of a well-tuned inline-four engine. She turned to look…and then gaped on seeing a silver family car ripped down the old runway towards them. Stunned to see such a vehicle race down the asphalt at quite an excellent clip, Haneko's eyes then narrowed as she sensed a familiar presence. "Mimōko-san?!"

What the hell's she doing driving so FAST…?!

"She's doing her timed lap," an English-accented voice declared from nearby.

Haneko turned to see a Western man of about fifty years of age, possessing greying curly brown hair and pale blue eyes, approach from the direction of the garage, accompanied by the third tōshi who had come to Kitakyūshū today. Like Haneko, Sebone Shikuko — to other tōshi, the former Rakuyō Senior High School senior now attending Tomobiki High was known better as "Ryofu Hōsen" — was now dressed in a race car driver's bodysuit that hugged her curvy yet muscular body. Haneko wore the standard Seito colours of silver and sky blue while Shikuko was in solid black with orange racing stripes topped with black tiger stripes. "So what do you think, Clarkson-sensei?" the green-eyed, aqua-haired fighter asked.

"She's doing quite splendidly," Jeremy Clarkson noted with an approving nod…

…as the car blitzed right past them without slowing down…and then it did a perfect skidding stop before the driver ran out of runway, said car's front end now pointed back towards the other two prospective drivers. A second later, the car shot forward then again to come to a perfect stop right in front of Negako. The hand brake was engaged and the engine shut off before the driver opened the door, revealing that Sebone Mimōko — "Ryomō Shimei" — was in a blue-and-white set of racing leathers whose pattern seemed somewhat reminiscent of her normal French maid fighting uniform.

Clarkson gazed at the stopwatch in his hand before his eyes went wide. "Holy…!" the West Yorkshire native exclaimed. "My God! She…!"

By then, Mimōko was slipping off her dark blue gloves. "How'd I do, Sensei?!"

He took a deep breath. "One minute…twenty-six-point-nine seconds, Miss Sebone."

Shikuko whooped as she high-fived her cousin. "How big was the track?" Haneko asked.

"Two thousand, eight hundred-and-twenty metres. The same length as the track your instructor often tests vehicles on at the Dunsford Aerodrome in County Surrey in England," Negako stated as the passenger side door opened to reveal the instructor. "Did Mimōko perform as you expected of her?"

The tall and slender fellow draped in a solid white Alpinestars racing suit from neck to toe, his head covered by a matching white Simpson Diamondback helmet complete with reflective visor gazed on the grandmaster of Saikō Jinseijutsu-ryū for a moment, and then Negako's eyebrow arched. "Do you believe she requires remedial training?" she asked.

The instructor did not verbally answer, much less nod or shake his head, which made Haneko stared in confusion at him before she gazed on Clarkson. "Who…?"

"Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats," the English journalist stated before he gazed on Negako. "Not to mention thousand year-old ninjutsu grandmasters with the same level of emotional control as Mister Spock," he ruefully added before he gazed on his taciturn co-worker. "All we know is this: He's called the Stig!"

Haneko blinked before she gazed warily on the instructor…

Now…Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Fanfics!

WRITER'S NOTES

Just recently rediscovered Top Gear, whose episodes I saw from time to time back in Korea. Never knew about the Stig until recently, but am catching up with that fact thanks to BBC Canada.

By the way, the birthdays of the three tōshi appearing here (according to the Japanese Wikipedia article on the Ikkitōsen characters):

Kan'u Unchō (Seki Haneko) — 8 November
Ryofu Hōsen (Sebone Shikuko) — 28 October
Ryomō Shimei (Sebone Mimōko) — 3 September

For those who haven't read Phoenix From the Ashes, note that I give all the tōshi "real names" based on the kun'yomi or nanori readings of the characters that went into their past-selves' birth names; the names more familiar to Ikkitōsen fans — which are known as "battle names" in PFtA — are based on the on'yomi readings of those characters. To make the given names more natural sounding, standard add-ons — such as "-ko" (子) as the common name ending for girls or "mi" (美) for "beautiful" — are added.

Moroboshi Negako is a character who first appeared in The Senior Year story "Spirit-War Tomobiki" and has also appeared in many of my fanfics since that time.

And Ryūkō Kyōrei (Moroboshi Hiromi) was first introduced at the Anime Add-venture in the Faking It - Great Guardians storyline (my pen-name there is "Gorgo") and was revised for PFtA. The background information concerning her is contained in the writer's notes in Part 1 of that story.