This is a brief one shot following the Season 2 episode Deadlock. I just watched it and this came to mind. I don't own anything.
B'Elanna gasped and bolted up right in the bed. "Lights on 10 percent." She ordered, still breathing deeply. The sobs left her body without her consent and she was powerless to stop them. The dreams came infrequently, but the memories never left her.
Sometimes she could forget, but then there were times the whole scene played out in her mind. She could feel the deck of the ship shift beneath her feet, hear the whoosh sound of the air escaping into space, and see Harry's terrified face as he struggled to keep hold of the ladder. She remembered screaming and reaching for him, the feel of his sweaty hand in hers, but most of all she remembered that instant her hand lost his. He fell then, or was it that he was blown? In either case, she saw him enter the black of space and knew he was dead.
She lost a friend that day. She never really thought about it much because he was here and he was fine, but Harry Kim had died that day and she had watched, helpless. There had been no time to mourn. The area needed to be evacuated and Hogan needed help. Then Kes vanished and they had still more problems to deal with. Finally, at the end of it all, Harry was back. He was fine. She made a joke about how it took him long enough to get here and that was it. But she saw him die. She let him die. She never really thought about it though, not consciously. Harry was fine, but sometimes, in the dark, she would remember. Her dreams playing the whole thing over again, and she would weep.
She mourned the friend she had never mourned.
Remembered the man who wasn't really dead.
But mostly she cried because no one else did.