Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight :( but I do have all 4 of Stephenie Meyer's amazing books! :D Hope you like *
*BTW, I just watched New Moon, and I have to say it was simply amazing! Chris Weitz stayed soo true to the book and every moment was breathtaking. By far my new favroite movie!*
THE VOICE WITHIN
I could barely stand the endless pain. Emptiness, loneliness, darkness, anything would have been better than this. All I could think about was her. What was she doing right now? Did she move on like I wanted her to? Was she happy? Did she ever think about me? As much as I wanted her not to, I couldn't help but wish she did.
This is what brought me the pain. Every thought I had was of her. Every time I closed my eyes I could see her, I could even almost feel her.
What was wrong with me? I chose this. I wanted her to be happy. So why did I keep having this gut feeling I was wrong?
Because you were wrong! My inner voice told me. This was the one voice I wished so desperately would get out of my head.
Silly Edward, this voice is your own. You know you want to go back. This is why you are fighting with your inner self. You want to be with her. You want to make her happy.
I knew this voice was right. I knew it but I couldn't listen. I just couldn't reappear in her life and pretend like none of this ever happened, could I?
Of course you can't go back and act like nothing ever happened, Edward. You have to beg for her forgiveness. You have to do whatever you can to win her back. This is the only way both you and Bella can be happy.
The instant I thought of her name I knew what I had to do. This version of myself who constantly persuaded me to go back, finally won. I would go back. I must go back, at least to check up on her. If she had moved on like I wanted her to then I would leave and never come back, for good this time. But if she was the same as how I left her, I would get on my hands and knees and beg for her forgiveness.
The only thing I had to do now was call my family and inform them of my decision. Chances are Alice already told them the minute I made it. However, I must tell them not to go back. Not yet at least. Not until I know my visit home will be permanent. Not until I can hold the love of my existence in my arms and never let her go.
TWO DAYS LATER…
"Edward, when are you planning on approaching Bella? I mean very soon people will know we are coming back. Are you going to wait until she finds out herself?" Alice thought as I took down a male deer.
The minute I made it back to Forks I was at a loss as to what I should do. Alice, who was the only member of my family I agreed to have come back with me, figured the best outcome for Bella would be if I approached her before anyone knew we were back. The only problem was Alice couldn't see the outcome. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn't see her. It was like something was blocking her from seeing Bella in her visions. This alone made me yearn to see her all the more.
"Alice, we still don't know for sure we are coming back to stay. This is why I wanted the rest of our family to remain where they are for now. She might have moved on. Coming back will only make this harder for her. I will not hurt her further."
I was just about to sink my teeth into another deer when Alice's vision hit me. Bella approaches a cliff with a determined look on her face, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly a smile crosses her face and she jumps. No! Why would she do this to Charlie and Renee? Why would she do this to me? Oh yeah, because I left her.
"Edward, she's going to jump of that cliff. And soon." Alice and I both left our kill and raced back home the instant the vision was complete.
"When? Where?" I would not let her do this. Bella Swan was not going to die. Not today, not tomorrow, and NOT because of me.
"It looks like she's on Quileute land. Edward it's going to happen today. Go now before it's too late!" she yelled as I ran the opposite direction of our house. "I'll call Carlisle and the others and tell them what happened. It'll be okay Edward. You'll make it."
I would be breaking the treaty if I walk on Quileute land but it didn't matter. Nothing in this world mattered to me right now only Bella's safety. Her smile invaded my thoughts. I wanted her to be happy to live, not to die.
I raced across the line and could faintly smell the scent of wolves. Now was not the time to cross those damn dogs. Just as the rain began to fall I caught site of her standing near the edge of the cliff. She looked glorious. I could almost feel my dead heart beat again at the site of her. Slowly I approached her.
"Bella," I said as I heard her hold her breath. "Don't do this." Scared I would frighten her I quietly inched closer and closer to her side. I could see her face now. Her eyes were closed but her face was lit with a smile, the same smile in Alice's vision. A smile I just could not see end.
"Please. For me." Still she said nothing. Why wouldn't she open her eyes and speak to me? Have I damaged her beyond repair?
"Please." I begged. Don't leave me. I need you. Bella, I love you.
Then she rolled on the balls of her feet. "No, Bella!" Why wouldn't she open her eyes and look at me. Clearly she could hear me. I was almost right next to her. Is this how bad I've hurt her? So bad she won't even open her eyes and look at me?
Suddenly, with the smile made even larger she lifted her arms straight out, leaned forward, and began to jump.
BELLA'S POV
The sound of his voice made me melt inside. My fears of having his voice vanish were gone. Finally, I could hear him again. This time, like the rest, he sounded so close, so real. Unlike the other times, however, I could almost feel an electric current around me, like he was truly there. Simply heaven.
Anxious to hear his voice again I rolled onto the balls of my feet.
"No Bella!" He was definitely angry now. My heart soared at the sound of his voice. I'm sorry but this is the only way you can stay with me. This is the only way I can truly be human.
With that thought I lifted my arms, leaned forward, and jumped.
Coldness devoured me like a blanket. It happened so quickly I never even felt the wind as I jumped from the cliff. I couldn't even feel the impact of the water. The only shock I felt was an electric current that ran straight through to my bones. Slowly I opened my eyes.
Standing there, with his arms wrapped tightly around me was Edward. Looking into his warm, topaz eyes my mind went completely blank. Then the darkness consumed me.
I woke up in a strange yet familiar bed; strange because it wasn't my own, yet familiar because I once knew this bed. Was this really his bed? No, it couldn't be. He left me and promised never to return. Did I drown then? Is this my own personal version of heaven? One where I am surrounded by the presence of Edward? I could almost feel him in the room with me.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" The angelic voice came from beside me just as I saw his beautiful face mere inches from my own.
"I couldn't ask for more. This must be my own personal heaven if you are in it." I never felt this happy in a very long time. The scent coming from him was spellbinding. Everything felt so real.
"Bella, you're not in heaven. You're alive. And well. Physically well at least. What were you thinking?" He stood up now, hovering over me like a tower.
"What do you mean I'm alive? How can I be alive, Edward, if you are here with me?" This was beginning to give me a headache. I thought heaven brought happiness and everything you ever wanted. I didn't want an angry Edward. Well, any Edward would do I suppose, but still.
"Bella, you never jumped. I caught you before you tried to commit suicide. Why would you do such a thing? Do you have any idea how much you would have hurt Charlie and Renee if you jumped? Do you have any idea how much you would have hurt me?"
"Edward. First of all I wasn't committing suicide. I would never do that to Charlie. Secondly, even if I did jump to end my life there's no reason for you to feel guilty about it. You have to stop taking responsibility for what happens to me Edward." As much as I wanted this moment to last forever, as much as I wanted him to stay with me and never leave this room- if I was truly awake- I had to let him go.
"Bella, I need to make something straight. I need to tell you the real reason why I am here. I lied to you Bella. I lied to protect you from what I am. I wanted you to live the life you would have had if I never existed. Every moment we spent together you were risking your life. I thought I could protect you but I was wrong. I couldn't even protect you from getting hurt in this very house. It killed me to see you like that Bella. I wanted you to be safe." He looked into my eyes and I could see right into his soul. "I thought I was right, but Bella, I was wrong. This is why I came back. I wanted you to forgive me for leaving you. I wanted to be able to hold you and never let you go. Because Bella, I love you. I've always loved you and I will always love you."
I sat up in the bed now and closed my eyes. Was he serious? Did he really mean what he said? He lied to protect me, to give me a normal, happy life without him? "Edward, my life could never be complete without you. When you left I thought my life was over. I became empty inside. Everything seized to exist for me. You were gone and I had nothing. Then Jake came along and things weren't exactly getting better, but they weren't getting worse either. I could almost breathe again. But I was still broken Edward. I was broken and unfixable." As much as this hurt to say, he needed to know the truth. This was the only way I could be sure he was telling the truth. Besides, if he was being honest, I had to be honest too.
"Am I too late then? Have you moved on like I wanted you to? If you have that's okay. I will not interfere with your happiness. But I'll always be waiting Bella, because I love you too much to ever leave again." He stepped back then and looked away. The pain in his eyes was simply unbearable. He was telling the truth all along. He was being honest with me from the beginning and I hurt him in return.
"Edward, you're not too late. No one could ever replace you. I would never be able to feel the same way about anyone as I do with you. Jacob may have helped me survive but he could never take your place. I just wanted you to know the truth. I wanted you to know that even though I was beginning to somewhat live again, I would never be able to love again. You're the only one I've ever loved Edward, the only one I will ever love."
"I am truly very sorry for hurting you Bella. I will never be able to take that back and I will never forget what I did to you, but Bella, I promise you I will never, ever do that to you, ever again. I know what it is like to be away from you and I simply don't have the strength to do that again. It was the single, most hardest thing I ever had to do in all of my existence." He walked up to me now and placed his hands gently on my shoulders.
"Bella, can I ask you one thing?" As I looked into his eyes again, I was dazzled. He still had that affect on me and the only thing I could do was give a weak nod. "Bella, do you honestly forgive me?"
"Of course I forgive you Edward. I forgive you because I love you. I've always loved you and nothing or no one could ever change that."
With that his lips were on mine and everything was complete. My heart beat frantically in my chest and the electricity danced around us. Our lips and bodies molded together and soon we were both gasping for air. The hole in my chest disappeared and was completely forgotten. It was just Edward and I, and as long as he was here, I knew in my heart everything was going to be alright.