Hello and welcome back to this new version of my Smash Shaming parody!
Credit goes to AngelZeroEXE for the original idea!
Mario: I tried to remove a massive clump of squishy brown stuff from a rusty pipe. It blew up all over me. Now I smell.
Luigi: I helped Mario with the pipe thing but I ran away when the pipes exploded.
Peach: I waste lots of paper every day by writing letters to Mario. And bonus fact, in a Mario Tennis game, Wario has a cellphone, as confirmed in the bloopers, but I don't.
Daisy: I stepped on Captain Falcon's foot so hard that he couldn't kick with that foot for 12 weeks. I was wearing high heels at the time.
Rosalina: I have a VERY hard parenting job.
Luma: I'm always hungry. Er, hangry.
Bowser: Kidnapping princesses is my favorite thing to do.
Bowser Junior: I learned my first dirty word today!
Yoshi: I keep having potty accidents from constipation after eating too many Goombas a day.
Wario: I farted on Link while he was sleeping. I have no regrets.
Donkey Kong: I stole 500 bananas from Coconut Mall. And I won't give them back. Ever.
Diddy Kong: I keep firing my wooden pistols at strangers.
Mr. Game and Watch: I literally punched a man off a cliff to his impending doom after he called me a "starving African child". That son of a b$tch should have known better.
That'll wrap it up for now. See ya in the next chapter!