AN: A companion to Obsession of a Man, though it can be stand alone. Just a little look into our favorite mass murdering, God aspiring anti-hero.
Warnings: Spoilers for the end of the series. Subtle L/Light
Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, it wouldn't have ended the way it did.
Light was obsessed. He knew he was obsessed; he was a genius after all. He hadn't always been obsessed though. He remembers a time before. Before the Death Note and Ryuk. Before the killing and lying. Before L. Before Kira.
Not now. Now there is only the Death Note and Ryuk, because he can trust no one else with his thoughts. There is only killing and lying, because if he stops now what was the point in starting? There is only L, because no one else is even a relative threat. There is only Kira, because Light is gone and has been for a long time.
He wonders how he ended up in this place with his greatest enemy. Living with his greatest enemy. Befriending his greatest enemy. He used to tell himself that it is an act. That friendship is a frivolity that Kira doesn't need; that the Death Note and its power are enough. But he's a genius. He knows it's a lie. Now, he doesn't even try.
His anguish in that place, on that night, is real. The scream that rips through his throat and tears his vocal chords to shreds is real. His panicked demands that he keep his eyes open, and goddamnit, if he dies he's going to kill him are real. The desperation with which he clings to the fading man is real. The sneer that warps his features and reveals Kira...that, that is a lie.
Weeks after the funeral, Light is normal to the naked eye. He continues to work with the task force. He dates Misa. He goes to college. And when he is alone, he cries. They are tears of sorrow and regret. The only regret he has never been able to shove off onto the Note and Kira. Because he knows that Kira didn't kill L, Light did. And the distinction makes all the difference.