Dead or Alive

X-treme

Chapter 1

The Beginning

The plane landed on Newest Zack Island on January 7th at 7:36 p.m. Everyone was pumped up for their vacation. The nine girls were ready to play some volleyball. Before they could get started they picked where to stay. After they were all situated they became partners of whom they wanted to play volleyball with.

Tina started her bath before she got to comfortable in her hotel room. She took off her clothes and put them in a pile by her bag. Tina wrapped herself in a towel. Tina went over to the radio, she turned it on. She grabbed a bag of popcorn and stuck it into the microwave. Tina walked over to the bath and turned the water off. The light of the moon gleamed over the hard wood floors. The timer went off for the popcorn. Tina walked over to the microwave. She opened the little microwave door. She took the bag of popcorn out. She shut the little door. Tina put the popcorn into a little bowl. The bath started. Tina jumped.

"Hello, hello, anybody" Tina yelled.

She picked up the popcorn bowl. Tina walked into the bathroom. She went to the bath and turned it behind her pushed her head into the bathwater. Tina was drowning. She tried pulling the person off of her but no use. Tina with her one arm free grabbed the popcorn bowl and hit him with it. Tina was free. Tina pushed him out of her way. The person pulled her towel off. When Tina tried look at the person, it was too dark to see.

Tina ran into the living room. She slid on the floor and fell on her but. The person punched the mirror. The person grabbed a piece of glass and ran towards Tina. Tina got up a grabbed the lamp next to the couch. Tina picked it up and threw it. The lamp was still plugged in it did not go far. It did break into millions of pieces; the person held the piece of glass high and swung it down. Tina rolled out of the way she grabbed a pillow and threw it at the person. The person slipped on the broken glass.

Tina grabbed the poker out of the fireplace. Tina swung it at the person's face. It hurt the person but did not phase his strength. He got up and threw a clock at her face. She fell over the couch. The man picked up the lamp cord and unplugged it then started to strangle Tina. Tina couldn't breathe. Tina bit the guy's hand. The guy got up and got his gun out of his pocket and shot Tina right in the stomach.

Kasumi stared out the window of her hotel. The moon was gleaming like silent butterflies on the sea. She stared at the ceiling for awhile. Kasumi couldn't sleep. Kasumi got up out of the bed. She put her bath robe on. Kasumi walked over to the pool. Kasumi put her foot into the pool. The pool felt warm to her touch. Kasumi jumped in. She grabbed an inflatable raft and jumped on. The sound of the waves over the ocean soothed her soul. A seagull flew up above her head. Kasumi closed her eyes. There was a splash sound in the pool. Kasumi looked up. Kasumi looked around. Kasumi seen no one. Kasumi sat her head back on the raft. Kasumi finally went to sleep on the raft. She awoke by the sound laughter. Her Clothes were gone. She quickly covered herself with her hands. Kasumi started laughing. She quickly got out of the pool and ran to her to get dressed. Kasumi opened her motel room door. What her eyes saw was unbelievable. Tina was on her bed covered with blood.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh" Kasumi screamed.

Lisa came running up.

"Huh, what happened" Lisa Questioned.

I can't read your mind, so please review!

snowtinker11
2010-03-26 . chapter 1

i like this story whole story LOL!

DOAEliot4
2010-02-15 . chapter 10

First I don't like the fact the girls was killed like Hitomi's I didn't like it cause I cry, but I love the story XD

Yamagata
2009-08-09 . chapter 10

this was a scary story. if Kokoro had acted fast she would still be alive.

looks like all the other DOA girls won't be coming back for another of your stories man.

that's it. game over man! game over!

0clairebear0
2009-04-16 . chapter 10

Woa. You should be the writer of a horror movie.

On the other hand, it seemed to go in a pattern. Let me explain:
Lets say 'Name' represents the character you are talking about.
Name did this. Name did that. Name did this. She did that. Name did this. Name did that. She Did this and did that.
Etc. you get the point.
It was too much of a
'Kasumi looked round. Kasumi looked left. Kasumi looked right. She didnt see anybody.' Sort of thing. It needed a bit more description.
'Kasumi looked round. She flicked her head from left to right nervously, but didn't see any sort of threat.' etc.

SR1192
2008-12-27 . chapter 1

Too many repeats of the characters name and choppy i dont know if that was the effect you overall it was very good

b82891834
2008-10-07 . chapter 9

Dude, this story is alright, but you need to expand your sentences to more than 10 words each. You also don't need to say the character's name constantly, unless you have something against pronouns. And why kill Kasumi? She's awesome. Anyway... sorry for criticizing your story so much, it's just who I am.

jannbusa
2008-08-12 . chapter 7

oh my god dude oh but hey i got a new chapter for deador alvie X

pink_angel_wings
2008-08-04 . chapter 7

This like a snuff story. The violence is described very well but doesn't seem to have a purpose. Also, your short sentences are choppy. You might want to work on that. Meanwhile, this just seems like slasher **.

jannbusa
2008-07-06 . chapter 2

thats sad but u should make this longer wait wow u wrote the dead or alive bus story! wow but check out my story its called KOD kill or die thats good