My delicate heels clicked against the smooth road as I walked away from his hideout his last scream still echoing inside my head, as I knew it would for a very long time. I barely noticed where I was going until I was forced to stop when I met a dead end. I blindly retraced my steps back until I reached a dimly lit street where a few broken street lamp cast the entire street in a eerie orangish glow just as it had on my last human night. And I froze. Instinctively hugging myself and doubling over expecting pain. But it never came. There was nothing. No pain. No fear. No thoughts. Only numbness in its place.
The night was still young, a full moon shone brightly above my head. A soft breeze had picked up and weaved its way through my golden hair and gently fluttering the veil on top of my head. The wedding dress I had stolen for the occasion still looked intact and perfect, bearing no evidence of the brutal murder its wearer had committed. It still looked innocent waving gently around my ankles caught in the breeze. But its wearer was anything but innocent in all sense of the word.
Minutes ticked by, probably hours and I was still standing in the exact same spot not having moved an inch. Not sure what would happen if I moved. Wondering why I would want to move. Avenging my death has been my motive for months now. Killing those monsters that destroyed my life had pervaded my every single thought and had become my goal. And now that was over. Royce King and his friends were dead. My goal has been achieved. But it didn't feel right. I had not been sure what I would feel after I killed them. I couldn't let them live. May be I had hoped for some closure. But I couldn't feel it. I felt numb, drained of energy both emotionally and physically, even though I knew it was not possible for vampire to feel physical exhaustion. I had reached my goal and now I had nothing left. No purpose, nothing to drive me forward everyday. And suddenly the prospect of eternity loomed in front of me more clearly now than it had before.
I knew I couldn't stand here much longer, soon the street would come alive with people bustling around with their morning chores. So I forced my feet to move, traveling at a human pace I soon the edge of the forest outside the city. Standing their I turned around to take one last look at the city: the city I was born in, the city I grew up in, the city that praised me for my beauty, the city that destroyed me for my beauty. And I knew that this would be the last time I would be here. No matter what lay in front of me I knew that I would never come back here. I took an unnecessary breath to steady myself and turned my back on them: the city, my family, my friends.
I broke into a run towards the forest feeling some familiarity in its arms. I easily dodged the trees but my flowing train did not. At one point I felt in veil get caught in something and I felt it being ripped from my head, I didn't stop. I didn't stop until I reached the edge of a mountain that overlooked the vast sea below it and then jumped headfirst into it. When I broke the surface of water minutes later it wasn't out of necessity for breath. The current carried me downhill as I kept myself afloat. A feeble sun broke out of the clouds above me marking the sky with pink and orange streaks making my skin and the water around glitter. I lets my thoughts wander. What would I do now?
It has been close three months since I left the Cullens. It was on a night. The three Cullens had left for hunting and I had politely refused their offer to join. By then the plan had already formed in my head. I knew what I wanted to do but I knew I couldn't do it while I stayed there with them. I didn't want Carlisle and Esme, especially Esme to suffer with me. I guess Edward had had some idea that I was going to avenge my death, but I was careful to conceal my thoughts around him. They had no idea that I was going to leave that night. And it was better that way. I had left a note in the kitchen saying I wanted to be alone for a while and asking them not to try to find me. I had not mentioned whether I would return to them or not, for I myself had not been sure then and I still wasn't. But I was sure that they had put two and two together and realized what I was up to. Every single one of my kills had made headline, mostly for the brutality of it. But now it was over and I had to make a decision.
I knew I had two options: I could go back to the Cullens. I knew I would be welcomed back with open arms and accepted as a part of that family. I could go back and it would be as if I never left. I knew that. I knew the Cullens could give me a sense of security, of comfort. A hand on my shoulder to let me know they were right there when I needed them. And I knew I could use it. But I also knew that I would never belong there with them. I would never become a part of that family the way Edward is. And it would not be their fault. I had already had a family, had friends whom I have now lost forever. And I never wanted to risk it again.
My other option was to take up the life of a nomad. Wander around and explore and experiment. But I knew that I would soon get tired of it. As much as I prided myself on being an independent woman, I knew I couldn't live alone not after everything that has happened. I wanted a place I could call home, people I could call family.
I was barely aware of my surroundings when the current deposited me on shore. I lifted myself to a sitting position looking down. My pristine white dress was a now a dirty off white color. My hair tangled and matted with dirt. I could only imagine what I could like now. Sitting on the forest shore, looking unkempt and dirty, but still glittering in the feeble sunlight. Quite a sight I should be. I gave a very unladylike snort at that. It seemed ironic, that my unearthly beauty which I prided myself on so much was all I had left now, only so much more of it for the rest of eternity.
I thought of how the Cullens lived as a "family" even when they were not actually related to each other in any way. They must really love each for three vampires to co-exists together. If I joined them would I feel as a part of that family too? Even remotely? I knew my life was over. I could never go back to my human family. And I did not want to spend the rest of eternity sad and alone, hating everything and everyone. And I wanted to give my immortal life a chance. I wanted a second chance, to start fresh. I knew that it would be a long time before I even started trying to live again but I wanted that chance. I wanted to live. And I knew I couldn't do it alone. High above me I saw a flock of birds leaving their nest, taking flight and disappearing into the distant sky.
And in that instant my decision was made. For better or for worse I am going back to the Cullens. I could only imagine what their reactions would be. Esme would welcome me back with open arms. She had once said that I was her first daughter. Carlisle would take his cue from Esme. Whatever made her happy, made him happy. But I knew that he would also be delighted at my return. Even though I resented him for turning me, I knew he didn't have even a single evil bone in his body. I knew he had best intentions at his heart. As for Edward I didn't really care, may he would go sulk in a corner. He was never okay with the fact that Carlisle turned me, almost as much as me. In the first few months that I stayed with them after I was turned we both went out of our ways to avoid each other. Maybe he didn't hate me but he definitely loathed me. As far as I was concerned I barely gave him any thought as long as he left me alone. But now that would have to change if we were to share a roof. Though I would rather have nothing to do with him, I knew it would hurt Esme if we acted that way. So maybe for the sake of Esme we could both maintain a polite social demeanor towards each other.
I took a deep, unnecessary breath, finalizing my decision. I took one last look at the stream, gleaming in the sunlight and then turned my back to it. I was going back to the Cullens...