Notes: The song 'A Stare Like Yours,' by The Thermals, is definitely the image song for this pairing. Just--yes. And this is the first fic for them that I wrote, so the dynamic isn't quite what I wanted. But still! I like the scenario I came up with. And I should stop talking now.

When You Don't Have Control (You Have To Pretend)

By Cody Saoyrn

He didn't know when it had started, and he didn't want to.

It was just coincidence that they kept running into each other, really. It wasn't as though it was his fault he liked to go to the bookstore regularly, now that school was out for the winter. And if that guy did the same thing, then, you know, what the fuck, it wasn't his problem.

It was starting to bother him at night, though.

When his mom stayed out all day with friends, often late into the night, he would dig out the old porn tapes he had salvaged from when his dad left. His mom didn't know that he had anything of his dad's, but she definitely wouldn't want him to have these, even if—and he always had to stop himself from thinking too much, or he'd be extra pissed at life the next day.

He'd put the tape in, get a can of his mom's beer, and start the video. It was shitty "lite" beer, the kind that women tended to drink, but, hey, beer was beer. He'd watch the porno lazily until his favorite scene came up, and then he'd sit up and start paying attention. He used to imagine himself in the role of the bulky man on the tape, yanking on the woman's long hair.

But now he would suddenly see that guy in his role, with that goofy smile on his face, reaching for one of her large yet firm breasts, and

He would be the man again, but that guy would be in the woman's place, face pressed into the pillow, fists opening and closing with every quiver, pant, whisper, sob, groan

And he'd snap out of it, stare blankly at the TV and at himself, then get up with a sigh to wash his pants and get changed for bed.

That Saturday, he arrived at the bookstore five minutes earlier than usual. He lit a cigarette and watched the road until that guy rode up on his bike,at which time he casually looked the other way. That guy didn't notice him until after the bike was firmly secured,when that guy looked up, blinked in surprise, and stared at him with an odd expression.

"Akutsu… Were you, er, were you waiting for me?"

Akutsu narrowed his eyes, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stomping on it a bit more vehemently than he had meant to. Kawamura glanced away guiltily and walked over to the store entrance without looking at him again.

"…No."

Kawamura peeked over his shoulder, and couldn't stop himself from jerking forward when he realized that Akutsu was right behind him.

"…Ah, okay then."

They went in together.