A/N: I would like to give a huge thanks to my partner for this bang, the artists, SDeeyS. Without her, this fic would have never been written. Even after it was, she remained my cheerleader, throughout the entire process and I cannot thank her enough. Also the art, PLEASE look at it if you have not already. It is extraordinary, and I hope this fic lives up to it. I'd also like to thank my wonderful betas. The first is a dear friend of mine who read over the first part and made it so your heads don't spin with too much science, or your heart feel weighed down by the heaviness this story used to have. Her review was, "I feel like I've been dragged through sandpaper". Hopefully we've fixed that. My second beta, Dippkip, thank you so much for taking on such a large project last minute. I loved your notes, and this fic is much better thanks to you. Lastly, I'd like to thank the mod!squad of the SBB and the SBB chat. You guys have helped me through so much without knowing it. I really hopes this fic lives up to your expectations. Nonetheless, I'll stop lamenting before the waterworks start. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much to everyone that has supported me and this fic. I hope you enjoy.

P.S. I'm very sorry if any of this looks weird. This was first posted on AO3 a while back and just now am I trying to transfer my works from there onto here. AO3 warnings listed below, please heed them before continuing on:

Use of strong language (not a lot), Canon-Typical Violence, graphic depictions of blood, Depressive Thoughts, Mentions of attempted suicide, depicted body wounds, Cancer (lymphoma), visually-impaired character (minor), Imprisonment, implied nonconsensual experimentation, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, First Meetings, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst but worth it... hopefully, Unresolved Sexual Tension

-Part 1-

It was a bad idea. It was a mistake. Kirk should have known the minute he had walked into those impeccably white halls. He should have known when he first heard the proposal, by the way her tenacious eyes never left his for a moment, or by the way the heavy weight of the pen felt wrong in his hands when he signed his name to who he would later find out was the devil.

He should have known all of this but he didn't. He couldn't. His naiveté blindsided him to what the world really had to offer, which was nothing but suffering. The world was unfair, and Kirk was desperate. The disease was progressing at a faster rate than predicted, and his experiments continued to end in failure one after another. He needed a solution, he needed a cure, and fast. And so, desperate to save his life, he signed a way his soul.

Looking back on it now, he did not think much when he signed upon the dotted line. He only thought it was natural. It was human nature to want to preserve one's life. Isn't that what governments were built for? Isn't that what some bigwig old man tried to spin logic into? It's human nature to want to live, and therefore Kirk shouldn't be ashamed, but he was. He is. As soon as those otherworldly eyes met his, he knew this was not what he signed his life away for.

But it was too late. When you find yourself in a shitty situation, ironically it is always too late to turn back. Oh, how Kirk wanted to go back, to challenge time and unwind it. Even if it would lead him to his death bed, anything was better than this. Anything was better than this unquenchable desire, this never-ending search, this thirst for blood.

He was a monster.

-Three Years Ago-

"Kirk!" an arm was thrown around his neck, dragging him to collide into none other than his best friend.

"We did it!" his friend shouted.

"Yes, we sure did," Kirk agreed as he tried to untangle himself from his friend. Luckily, his friend felt merciful and let him go.

With a furl of his graduation robe, he bowed deeply. "Why thank you, thank you. On this joyous day, I'd like to thank Wikipedia and Yahoo Answers for always pulling through at 3am."

"And your girlfriend."

Kirk couldn't help but smile at the sight of Will's girlfriend, Tina, standing beside them with both hands on her hips: a clear sign that she was about to lay down the law and knock some sense into these two incorrigible two-year olds.

William spun on his heel to offer Tina a cheeky grin. "How could I forget? I am most grateful for my beautiful," he leaned in to kiss her cheek, "smart," he placed another on her nose, "incredible…"

"Oh my god, Will!" Tina laughed.

"Fiancé." Will ended with a chaste kiss upon her lips, and for some reason, something about the word made Kirk's chest clench.

"How I ever said yes, I will never know," Tina teased back. She caressed Will's cheek for a moment before detaching herself and turning her attentions upon Kirk.

"And don't forget Mr. Valedictorian here. If I do recall, you've copied his homework oh… about a million times?"

"More like 4 million times," Kirk braved to say. "One million for each year."

"Ouch. You two wound me. I do have one or two brain cells left."

"Just one?" Tina arched a challenging brow. Kirk looked equally unimpressed.

"Fine, half," Will conceded. "But hey, C's get degrees, and look what I've got Mom and Dad!"

Will brandished his diploma before the two, doubting faces before rushing Tina and twirling her around. The corner of Kirk's lips curved into a small lopsided grin at Will's antics. He was always loud, always cheerful, always optimistic, and that smile… Kirk tried to mentally shake such thoughts away. He had spent too many study nights brooding upon the thought of Will's bright smile, and Tina's infectious laughter. They really were made for each other.

"Excuse me, Mr. Langstrom?" Kirk whirled around to see Alexander Luthor, the man who made his research, and the privilege of attending such an elite college without landing himself in massive debt possible.

"M-Mr. Luthor." Kirk couldn't help but stumble over his words as well as his feet to shake the man's hand. Despite the other's apparent social awkwardness, Mr. Luthor only laughed it off. He had spent his fair share of time in labs, and knew how even the most brilliant of minds tended to be graceless.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you so much for this great opportunity. I don't know where I would be without it."

"You're very welcome. I like to do everything I can when I run across talent such as yours."

"Thank you, Sir."

"You're welcome." Luthor repeated once more before glancing over to his companion. Only then, did Kirk see her. She came from nowhere, as if she appeared from thin air, although perhaps it was Kirk's fault. He was most likely too busy being self-depreciating to have noticed her. However, the look in her dark eyes was hard to miss once they locked onto you. They were dark, predatory in the way her head seemed to be angled to the side as if in contemplation of whether the lanky man before her was worth her time.

Kirk swallowed.

"Mr. Langstrom, I'd like to introduce you to a good friend of mine, Amanda Waller. I was telling her all about your outstanding achievements, only for her to beg me to introduce you two. So, here we are. Amanda," Luthor offered a congenial smile to her, "Here is my prodigy, Mr. Kirk Langstrom."

Amanda smiled, though her smile wasn't directed towards Luthor but Kirk. Her eyes never left his, which made Kirk feel like a test subject instead of the scientist he just earned a degree to become.

"It's a pleasure, Mr. Langstrom." she held out her hand for the other to shake.

"Oh no, the pleasure is all mine." Kirk met her hand with his. Her hand was freezing.

"Mr. Langstrom, I'll be quite frank with you. I am putting together a team of top scientists to work on confidential government research, and I'd be delighted to have you on my team."

Kirk blinked. What?

The corners of her lips curled further at the dumbfounded look Kirk was sporting, but Kirk could hardly be blamed. He had just graduated, and here he was being recruited by the government.

Kirk already had a number of job offers lined up, but because of his condition, he never got back to any of them. Also, none of them wanted to fund his research since they found his proposal preposterous. Saliva from a bat to cure lymphoma? Impossible, they all told him, and thinking back upon his most recent failures, perhaps they were all right.

Regretfully, Kirk said, "I'm quite humbled to have you recruit me in person, Ms. Waller, but I'm afraid I will have to turn you down."

"Oh?" a dark brow rose in what seemed to be a mock of disbelief. "Here," Amanda withdrew a thin white card from her pocket and held it out for Kirk to take. "Call me when you want to cure Lymphoma, Mr. Langstrom. I hope you won't keep me waiting for long."

Kirk dropped the card suddenly as if it had physically shocked him as much as her words did. He could practically hear her unspoken reminder that he did not have much time left, but how would she know that?

Kirk bent down to pick up the card he had dropped, and when he looked up, she was gone like some apparition that was never there to begin with, a nightmare. And yet the card felt smooth between his fingers. It was white with large contrasting black letters with her name clearly printed across the front. It was the only piece of evidence he had to prove that she wasn't just a figment of his imagination.

The card was real. She was real. Then her offer… was that real too?

"Kirk! Hey Kirk!"

Kirk flinched back at the hand that suddenly waved in his face. Glancing up, he saw Will there looking a little more than confused, and by the slight furrow of the man's brows, probably a little annoyed as well. Tina just looked worried, but she was always worried when it came to Kirk.

"Dude, what the hell was that about?" Will was the first to speak, as usual.

"I… I don't know," Kirk answered truthfully. Will eyed Kirk warily, as if trying to sense any hint of a lie, while Tina detached herself from Will's arm to stand beside Kirk so she could get a better look at the card.

"I don't know either, Kirk, but she didn't seem like the friendliest person." Tina gently tugged the card from Kirk's hands so she could get a better look at it. Will rushed to join too.

As Kirk's friends scrutinized the business card down to every inch, he couldn't help but let his mind wander upon Waller's offer. She wanted him to cure cancer. She knew he had cancer. She knew his life was a ticking bomb, and she offered him the job nonetheless. No employer in their right mind would offer him a job if they knew he might not last the first week.

Kirk took a deep breath. No, he had longer than that. Although the incessant ticking of a clock inside his head told him otherwise, he knew he had to have more than that. Which begged the question: what could the research be that the government would be this desperate to have him? Some part of Kirk wanted to find out, while his more rational side told him he shouldn't.

"I wouldn't do it," Will announced emphatically as he went to rip the card in half.

"Will! Give me that!" Tina took it before Will could do anything, and held it out for Kirk to take again. "It's Kirk's choice. He can decide what he wants to do."

However, the tenacious look in Tina's eyes when she looked at Kirk said otherwise. She, being the wisest of all three of them, would decide.

"I agree that there's something off about her, but Kirk, if she'll fund your research—"

"Screw the funding! We don't need it."

'Yes we do, Will.' Kirk wanted to say, but like with most conversations between him and Will, it was very one-sided. If they disagreed, then Kirk might as well go argue with a wall because Will would have none of it.

"I'm already making progress with my nanotech. If I could just…" Will grunted in frustration. "I'll have the nanotech completed soon, Kirk. With your research combined with my technology, I know we can find a cure." The phrase 'In time' was more than implied, but never said. Tina had yelled at Will enough times for it to finally get it through his thick skull to think before speaking.

Nonetheless, even if Kirk had his doubts, seeing the look of absolute determination on the two people he loved most in the world, he couldn't help but believe their words.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right, Will." Kirk glanced down at the card one last time before he ripped it in two. "We'll do this our way."

The next few days, Kirk and Will worked relentlessly side by side to perfect Will's nanotech with Kirk's research on vampire bats. Their experiments seemed more promising with each passing day, although Will couldn't see the swollen glands Kirk hid beneath his lab coat. He couldn't see the swelling of his ankles, nor did he notice the way Kirk notched his belt a little tighter with each passing week. Will didn't notice how Kirk's skin seem to be prickled by goosebumps due to the chill of the room, or was that just Kirk?

Kirk chanced a look over at Will only to see his friend wipe the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. Yes, it was only him that felt cold.

"How are you doing buddy?" Will smiled brightly over at Kirk when he caught him looking.

"Well, going over the data, the antibodies extracted from the vampire bat saliva have tested positive in attacking the cancer, and your nanites have shown to produce and multiply healthy white and red blood cells. However, the nanites' sensory mechanisms seem to need further programing. They do not know when to stop, and thus come to create a new kind of cancer on their own. I think if we only had more time we could—"

"I'll do it." Will cut Kirk off. Kirk went to say it was fine, though the words died when he saw the look on Will's face. Will's lips were thinned, no longer smiling but rather the corners of them were dragged down by frustration – by words Will wanted to spew but schooled himself not to for Kirk's sake.

Kirk wanted to reach out, and run his thumb against the worrying crease between Will's brows like a stubborn wrinkle that didn't belong there.

"Will," Kirk began lightly, "It's okay. You don't have to—"

"No! It's not okay, Kirk!" he slammed his fist against the counter causing test tubes to rattle in their wake, and substances to ripple in their flasks. Kirk was just as shaken by the sudden outburst as he realized he had taken a step back.

Those thinned lips of what used to be frustration were now pulled back into a monstrous snarl like the jowls of cornered mutt. His bright warm eyes were wild, and his breath ragged.

As if approaching a rabid or wounded animal, Kirk warily reached out to the stranger before him. This wasn't Will. This couldn't be Will. Will was always smiling, always making a joke, always optimistic. He and Tina were his light during times of darkness, and now… now more than ever he needed that light.

Kirk reached out for Will. He reached for what he needed most, not realizing his own breaths were fast. Too fast.

"Kirk? Kirk!"

His hand never made it.

"How could you have not—"

Beep

"You know he's—"

Beep

"You think I don't know—"

Beep

"Don't ever think that I—"

Beep

"Don't ever question—"

Beep

"Kirk? Kirk, how are you feeling?"

Weary eyes glanced up at the incessant beeping of his heart monitor before looking over at Tina leaning over him. Worry was evident in her blue eyes as her warm fingers intertwined with his.

"We're going to get through this okay?"

"My god! Tina, he's not going to die! Stop talking to him like he's on his deathbed." Will raised his voice, causing dark brows to furrow at the sudden onslaught of pounding at the back of his head.

"Please, Will. Not here; not now." Tina relaxed her jaw before turning back to Kirk. It was a subtle shifting of her features, but Kirk caught it nonetheless by the way her thinned pressed lips relaxed into a small smile. She always smiled. Always.

A sudden movement caught Kirk's eye as he glanced behind Tina's shoulder to find Will. His hands were folded behind his neck, and his head bowed to the ground. He paced slowly, circling in Kirk's line of vision until he was gone. Will hadn't left the room. Kirk was sure, but he had left his line of sight, and something about not being able to see Will left a heavy weight upon his chest.

Here were the two people he loved the most in the world. Tina and Will had stuck by Kirk's side through thick and thin when no one else would or has. Not even Kirk's parents were there, and he doubted they would ever show. Nonetheless, Tina remained ever patient and kind, a steady rock which Kirk could stand on, could anchor himself to. And Will… Will was always hopeful. He never let Kirk doubt that he wouldn't defeat this, and now looking at Tina's eyes, and Will… Will not being able to look at him, not being able to accept the truth that his friend was dying… no, Kirk couldn't do this to them. He couldn't hurt them more than he already had.

With greater effort than he expected, Kirk resolved himself to move.

"Please, don't strain yourself." Tina said gently, but Kirk continued to do so. He didn't like going against Tina, but he had to. He had to see them both for what he was going to say.

However, he feared that the trembling of his arms as he pushed himself up were drowning out the words he had yet to say, but needed to. Once he righted himself, he tried not to lean his head back out of exhaustion, or take too long to catch his breath for his silence was also telling. Their silence was telling.

Finally.

"Will, Tina…" Kirk paused, glancing between the two as he noted how Tina visibly stiffened, and how Will's shoulders had risen slightly and his fists clenched tighter on either side of him as if preparing himself for a fight. Yes, Will did fight with Kirk. Will fought with everyone and everything, and Kirk had always easily backed down, but not this time. This time Will would have to listen, and by the way Will finally turned to face him, Kirk knew that Will had already figured out what he was going to say.

Regardless, Kirk was just as determined as he continued. "I… I cannot begin to express how grateful and lucky I am to have you two in my life. You both mean the world to me, and I… I don't know where I'd be… how I would have…"

A gentle hand came to cup his cheek as Tina ran her thumb carefully over the tracks Kirk's tears had made. He had not realized he was crying until Tina had touched him.

She touched him. With her warm fingers, and gentle broken smile, she touched his very soul.

"You don't have to," Tina simply said at last, though Kirk heard the slight tremor in her voice, and noticed the way her eyes were glazed with unshed tears. "You don't have to explain anything."

With that, Tina came to wrap her arms around Kirk. She held him close. She held him close enough for Kirk to smell the familiar scent of her perfume, a smell he had come to associate with warmth. She was close enough for Kirk to hear the trembling of her breath, and feel the dampness of her tears he did not see fall. She was so close to him, and held on so tightly it was clear she had no intentions of letting go, but she had to. Kirk had to. And yet neither of them were ready.

Kirk feared they never would be.

"No." Kirk stiffened at the sudden outburst, as did Tina. Kirk looked up to see Will standing at the foot of his bed. His hands were balled into the pockets of his jacket, and his head bowed though Kirk could still make out the hardness around the other's mouth.

"No, I think you have a lot of explaining to do." Will's eyes met Kirk's. Kirk felt the air in his lungs suddenly leave him by the look of pure disdain that filled those once joyful gaze of his best friend.

"You…" Will seethed. "After all those late nights we've spent together. After all the drinks and jokes we've shared. The… How dare you just give up!"

"Will!" Tina untangled herself from Kirk as she swiftly moved to placate her fiancé, but Will held a hand out to stop her from coming any closer to him. All the while, he never broke his gaze from Kirk. His features were still marred with bitter rancor.

"No, Tina, I am so goddamn sick and tired of this. Of all this… all this bullshit! You're not dying Kirk, so don't you dare say it was nice knowing me. You're going to know me for a fucking long time because we're going to fight this. We're going to fight this, dammit! And if you're not, then I am." Will slammed his foot against the side of the bed, causing the entire bed to shake and Kirk with it.

"Fuck you and fuck this! I don't have time for this. Go fucking mourn over the time wasted while I go find a cure." Will fixed Kirk with a final look before he left Kirk's line of sight. He left the room.

"Will!" Tina yelled after him, but he wasn't coming back. Kirk knew it.

"Kirk? Kirk, look at me," Tina urged her friend from his stupor, but Kirk only shook his head.

"Please, Tina. Go after him. He needs you more than I do."

"Fuck him. No, he doesn't."

Kirk was momentarily surprised by her sudden outburst, but he pressed on.

"Tina, please, do it for me. I would do it myself, but I'm afraid I'd never catch him in time."

Tina bit her bottom lip, wanting to stay with Kirk, but also knowing that no matter what Will had said to Kirk, or the way he acted, he too was in pain. However, seeing the evident hurt in Kirk's eyes, Tina finally nodded.

"Okay, but I'll be right back, okay? I'm not leaving you," Tina promised before running after her stubborn fiancé. Kirk watched her go.

It was done.

There were still things Kirk wanted to say, things he wanted to do, but he should have known Will wouldn't have let him. Some part of Kirk hated him for it, and yet another part of him, the part that made his chest ache with every shuddering thud of his heart, loved that stubborn, pig-headed nature of his best friend.

Will refused to stop, and Kirk loved him for it.

Meanwhile, Tina had held him. She embraced him with more warmth and love than anyone else has ever given to him. Perhaps that was sad, or people would feel bad for Kirk, but Kirk wasn't sorry at all. He would never come to regret the way Tina looked at him, or touched him with the constant reassurance that she loved and cared for him. Although the way she had held onto him just now, tighter than she ever had before, made the weight upon Kirk's heart even heavier.

Both Tina and Will refused to let go despite how much Kirk pleaded with them. They clung to his heart like two anchors on a sinking ship.

"Oh, you're awake."

Kirk glanced up at the sudden voice. He relaxed once he saw that it was only a nurse. She greeted him with a kind smile and an armful of purple flowers.

"These just came for you," she said as she caught Kirk's glance. Thankfully she did not note Kirk's red-rimmed eyes, nor the puffiness that seemed to swell around upset cheeks and nose. She also didn't say a word about the shouting that she undoubtedly heard.

Instead, she placed the flowers by Kirk's bedside, noted Kirk's various monitors and gave him some much-needed time alone. Kirk needed to be alone. Although Will and Tina thought otherwise, Kirk needed space to think, to reassemble himself, to mourn… himself?

No, Will was right. Kirk wasn't done yet. He still wanted to fight this, but he could not fight it with Will or Tina. As much as both wanted to help him, Kirk didn't have the heart to drag them along.

But enough. He had brooded over the subject long enough. To distract himself from such thoughts, he glanced over at the purple flowers looming over him. Kirk would have thought they were from Tina, but he imagined Will would have called her right away, and thus she wouldn't have wasted any time in getting to the hospital. Even after her arrival, Tina wasn't the kind of person to stray far from Kirk just in case something happened. She would have stayed close to his bedside, or paced endlessly back and forth in the waiting room.

No, they couldn't have been from her, nor from Will. Will wasn't a flower kind of guy as far as Kirk knew. So, who could have sent them? Surely not his parents. No, they wouldn't waste money on such trivial things.

Finally, at last with curiosity gnawing on his bones, he slowly reached for them. The delicate petals caressed his fingers as he found the card tucked away behind their purple hoods.

The first thing he noticed were the giant, smooth black letters that seemed to slither their way across a clean, white expanse. It was light in his hand, but the familiarity of it weighed heavy on his mind.

He knew this card. He had seen it before, and never did he think he'd see it again.

A chill ran up his spine. She knew. Somehow, she knew the impossible, or was she watching him? Had she kept her eyes on him since the first day they met? Did she know the fate of the first card?

Kirk wanted to say no one would go to such great lengths, but remembering the way those dark eyes looked at him, he knew.

Such a fact should make him rip up this card too, but his thumb continued to run across the dark letters. It rubbed against the "A" as if he could wipe it from existence – as if this card was nothing but a drug induced nightmare. But it remained. The card remained firm in his hand with the black letters stubbornly pressing against his fingers.

Kirk almost found himself laughing at the irony of it all, but the sound never made it past his lips. It didn't even begin to rumble in his chest or tickle the tip of his spine. All he could muster was a slow exhale, and then a deep breath.

As ironic as it was, Kirk knew as well as those black letters pressing against his fingers of what he should do. They knew what he was going to do. He was going to do the unthinkable.