Rory decided that it had been nice here in Philadelphia. It was great to see the life that Jess had made for himself. It reassured her that he had finally become something more than a misunderstood delinquent.
Now,
alone they sat facing each other.
"I'm glad you're here."
He whispered seeming to lean a little closer every second.
"Yeah,
me too." A smile spread across her face as she felt the heat
between them. There was always a passion in their relationship, an
intensity that she had almost found in Logan. It was never quite the
same as with Jess.
His eyes searched hers for a moment, drinking in her smile, her beauty and the fact that he was even in this moment. Confident that they were on the same wavelength, he leaned even closer in and captured her lips with his. She pushed towards him, accommodating his lips and breathing in his scent. His arm reached back to that familiar place where it always rested when they kissed, and something inside of her snapped her back to reality.
Suddenly, she pulled back. "What," he asked,
looking up to her.
"I'm sorry." She stood and quickly backed
away, shaking her head.
"About what?" His look is puzzlement.
There is no reason for her to be acting this way.
"About coming
here like this. I just got the flyer and I don't know…I just
wanted to see your place but then this. It's not fair to you, I am
such a jerk." She sighed. Her emotions swirling in so many
different directions. Her heart and her hormones were screaming out
to her, not to leave this situation, but her head kept telling her to
go back home to Logan. That she would be better off there. Jess would
only disappoint again.
"I don't even know what you're
talking about." He tried again.
"And I couldn't even cheat
on him the way he cheated on me?" Had she said that aloud?
"Who?
Who cheated on you? That guy?" Jess's confusion and anger
escalated every second. Hadn't she come to see him? Where was he
wrong here? Hadn't see broken things off with him a long time ago.
She wouldn't come to Philadelphia if she hadn't, would she?
She
sighed and nodded.
"Ah, you're still
with him."
"Yeah," she replied beginning to feel incredibly
stupid.
"I thought everything
was fixed?""Everything but him."
She replied.
"I hate this!" Jess interrupted. Why did she
always do this to him? It's like she enjoyed it. Luring him back in
every year or so. Why did he always fall for it? God, he was such a
sucker.
"You should, I'm sorry." It really was unfair to
him, but sometimes she couldn't really control her emotions. She
would always have something for Jess.
"You came here alone. To
Philadelphia,"
"He was out of town." She explained.
"I
don't deserve this Rory."
"No, you don't. You don't
deserve it. I just…I'm in love with him. Despite all the bad
things he's done, I can't help it. I'm in love with him."
"Love…huh?" Jess stared blankly at her. He knew what love
was. "Rory, I love you---I loved you. I loved you so much, I can't
even describe it. And I'm not the kind of guy that has feelings
like this, Rory. I'm the kind of guy that screams at the world, and
writes to express himself. I loved you, and I fell for it every time
you apologized and came running back to me because--because I thought
maybe there was a chance. A chance that the passion between us could
be something real if I ever got my shit together and became a
successful guy, someone you could count on without destroying who I
am. You were the catalyst in my life, Rory Gilmore."
"Jess---"
"No,
let me finish. You do something to me, Rory. It's been years and
still every time you are around I get this renewed hope and
excitement that maybe, just maybe this will be that time. The time
when it's real. The time when it's my turn to be the one who
sweeps you off your feet instead of the second prize, the underdog
who is just pining after pointless dreams. I can't do it anymore,
Rory. I need to move on with my life. I need to know right now. You
say you love this guy, but do you really? If things were different,
if I was closer, if things hadn't happened the way they did, would
I have a chance?"
After the last words left his lips there was a long period of silence. Both stood perfectly still. He searched her emotionless face for some indication.
"It wasn't all me. You did your share of damage. You left me too many times, Dodger. Things don't always turn out the way we want them to. You aren't closer. You're here in Philadelphia and I'm at Yale, and I'm with Logan. I loved you too. Hell, I might still. I don't even know. There's always been a physical attraction between us, and I won't deny that I participated in that kiss. But we can't change the past, Jess. We are what we are. Two entirely different people perpetually in love, fated to never be together."
"Entirely different? And you're okay with that? You're okay with leaving it at that, closing the door and going back to Logan--- pretending everything is fine? What happened to you, Rory?"
"I grew up. I realized that reality sucks sometimes. I realized that I can't keep trying to live some fairytale romance. Logan is around, and he loves me for who I am. He's a good guy deep down - he's just a little mislead - kinda like you were once. You mean a lot to me, Jess." She stepped closer to him. "I wish we could be friends after all this, but I don't think it's possible. I really liked you, I really did. I'm sorry things didn't work out." She stood close to him, ran her hand through his hair as she had so many times before and placed a kiss on his lips for the last time.
"Goodbye
Dodger, I'll miss you."
With that she turned again, paused
momentarily as her hand touched the doorknob and shut the door behind
herself.
Jess inhaled deeply and brushed his hand across his head and down the back of his neck in a fit of frustration. She really was gone this time. He knew he'd never get over her, not a girl like that. Nevertheless, he had to try. He had to realize that she had changed, she was not an option anymore and he had to pretend to move on. Maybe someday the pretending would become reality.
