This is from Neville's POV, writing in a journal. I don't own Harry Potter, or else I'd be VERY rich and famous… lucky J.K. Rowling… ::walks away grumbling:: ::suddenly pops back up:: WAH! Why isn't Rowling in my stupid computer's vocabulary? How could it NOT be? Oh, I am SO adding that… hahaha! ROWLING is now in my computer's dictionary! Mwahahaha! Let's go see if I can fix the thesaurous to put Rowling as another word for genius…

Nope, I can't, but somehow I managed to get from the word genius to transpire… heh heh heh…. ::sweatdrops:: I'll give you the fic now…

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I'm so stupid, so dumb. I love him so much, but always manage to get him in trouble.

Take that time in first year, when my cauldron melted during potions. I felt so horrible when Harry, my Harry, was blamed. And when I went to warn him that Malfoy was going to get him in trouble… I managed to get him in even more. That alone could have made me completely miserable, but then Professor McGonagall had to point out that Harry probably thought it was funny that I had been tricked as well.

I realize now that it wasn't true, but at the time I could have completely broken down. I did that night, however.

And then there was the time he helped me after Malfoy put the leg-locker curse on me… he made me feel so much better. But I almost lost him soon after that, and it was my fault; I gave him the card, heard the plans. I knew he was going to go after the Stone, and I did nothing.

I tried to stop him from going at the last minute, but Hermione put the full body bind on me. It could have been her fault, too, that Harry nearly died.

I nearly lost him again at the end of second year… how does he get into so much trouble? The consequences of being the Boy who Lived can't be nearly as great as being the one who loves him… what would Gran say if she knew? I'm enough of a failure to her now as it is. Imagine what she would say if she knew that I was bisexual!

I lived in constant fear during my third year. Sirius Black was on the loose, and looking for Harry. And I put the means that could have killed him in his hands! I wrote the passwords down on the paper, and then lost it. And he found it. And he tried to kill Harry. The Howler Gran sent me was nothing to what I already felt.

I could have died during my fourth year. The dragon, the lake, and the maze! Especially the maze. Harry had to face you-know-who once again, and he still survived. Then, that bastard tried to kill him! He entered him in the tournament, and made sure he got sent to you-know-who. He sent him to his death, and when he failed to die, killed him on his own!

And Harry has a crush on Cho Chang. She's pretty, and a girl. It's more natural that he'd like her, but I still can't help but wonder… could he ever like me? Could the famous Harry Potter ever like the blundering boy who he never pays attention to? He did seem very concerned when he saw how upset I was when 'Moody' put the Crusciatus Curse on that spider…

Could he know about my parents? Should I tell him? If I take him into my trust, maybe he will begin to see how much I like him… but what would his reaction be?

What if he pushed me away, repulsed me?

But, what if he is like me… but doesn't like me?

What if he likes someone else, someone he always pretends to hate?

What if he likes Malfoy?

Oh, no, he's coming over here. I'll write again, journal. I will.

Neville

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Like it? Hate it? Flames are accepted if you really don't like it, but please try to include constructive criticism.

Neville is in his fifth year, just to let you know.

Should I go on? Suggestions are welcome!

R&R!

Rini