Jasper looked so young lying beside me, his arm thrown over his eyes, his chin jutting out from sandy waves of hair. It was hard to imagine his lazy, sure grin and manic smiling eyes while he was asleep but I knew if he awoke they would be there in a flash. I felt the familiar guilt wash over me yet again, regular and expected, like the arrival of a train. I knew it was wrong to keep using him like this.
My thoughts drifted to Edward, as usual. No amount of alcohol could rid me of the terrible things that had been said, but somehow, Jasper could. Jasper could always soothe the turmoil inside of me, if only for a few hours. Then Edward's face appeared in my head and then I always went crawling back to him. This is what happened. It was like an endless cycle. If only I could break it.
I pulled my dress on and tiptoed over the creaking floorboards of Jasper's apartment, almost as familiar to me as my own. I kissed him goodbye and he didn't even stir. And then I was gone, whispering in the harsh morning air, in the cold light of the real.