Title: Brain crush

Author: vibienne

Category: Grissom/Sara

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. No money is made, no copyright infringement intended.

Rating: T

Summary: Grissom has asked Sara to apologize to Catherine. It ends up in Sara and him having an argument, and Grissom revealing his "brain crush".

Special thanks to C for encouraging words on this one, and thanks to all of you who take time to review…it's worth a million dollars.

"Okay, let's do this." Gil Grissom said from behind his desk in his office. Catherine Willows and Sara Sidle sat on the other side of it, chairs at an angle so all three could see each other.

Sara's anger was written all across her face.

Grissom had summoned the two women in an attempt to encourage a conversation that could ultimately settle that constant bickering between them. A week ago Sara had shouted at Catherine, leading to both women having a screaming row in the evidence room. Sara had refused to apologize, claiming Catherine had it coming.

It wasn't that she wasn't sorry.

She just hated being told what to do.

She did want to apologize to Catherine, but not because Grissom sat her down at a table…like a naughty eight-year-old. God, she was so angry, she wanted to throw things at him.

Catherine regarded Sara, who was still avoiding her eyes, looking at her hands, fuming. 'You ARE a stupid eight-year-old, Sara', she said to herself.

Grissom exhaled, and leaned back in his chair, also looking at Sara.

"Sara…" he started, but she cut him off. "Grissom!"

"What? I haven't even said anything," he shot back at her in a tone of voice that reflected more than just the hint of annoyance.

Sara's eyes were firing bullets at him. "No. I know. You never say anything, do you?"

Grissom raised his eyebrows, and in a defeated voice said," I just don't know what to do."

"You never do," she mumbled into the silence that followed.

Grissom gave her a look that said something like, 'This is not what this is about, Sara.'

Catherine's eyes looked from one to the other, her head never moving. She quickly came to the realization that she had involuntarily become the observer of something quite different than what she had come for.

She wrinkled her forehead, opened her mouth slightly as if to say something, but Grissom was the next one to speak, "I just want the two of you to make up so we can all move on and do our work."

"Grissom, I am not going to apologize to Catherine just because you tell me to."

"Well, apologize to her because you are sorry then. I really don't care why, Sara, but say you are sorry, so we can all be friends and get over it."

Sara felt tears of rage burning in her eyes. How dare he be so patronizing? In front of Catherine, on top of all that.

"Grissom, give me some credit here. I am a big girl, you know. Why do you think I can't do this out of my own initiative? Why…why set up a meeting like this and make it even more awkward."

He looked at Sara, and leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Sara, just do it."

"Leave me alone, Grissom."

Catherine felt like she was watching a game of tennis.

Were they going to kill each other? Or hit each other? Was it safe to stay?

She never would have thought things had gotten this bad between the two of them. She had known from the second he had mentioned Sara's name that he had a soft spot for the, then, mystery woman. Catherine even suspected a past relationship, or affair. She expected Sara to be much older when she first met "that CSI out of San Francisco". And she KNEW almost instantly that Sara had certain…feelings for Grissom. She never asked Sara about any of it, knowing how painfully private she was.

"O…kay." Catherine whispered to herself.

Sara sat up in her chair, leaning forward, resting her elbows on the armrests.

"Look, Catherine. I did mean the things I said when I said them. I am sorry about the way I said them, and I do not, at all, question your ability or your position. I really am sorry."

Neither Catherine nor Grissom had the opportunity to bask in the calm deliverance of that speech. As soon as she finished, she flung her head around to look at Grissom, and shot him a sharp "Happy?"

"Yes!" He barked back at her.

"Good." Sara snapped.

"Wasn't that difficult, was it?" he said, shrugging his shoulders…and Sara was fuming again.

"Stop being so damn patronizing, Grissom. Why do you always have to be so damn patronizing?"

"I am not patr…"

Sara jumped up from her chair.
"Yes, you are. Every time you get close to a situation getting out of hand you patronize. You either patronize, or you say nothing."

"Sara, when have I ever been patronizing to you?"

The sentence faded into the room and just sat there.

Sara and Grissom stared at each other in a gaze that was so intense Catherine thought for a second she could actually see it.

A weak smile hushed across Sara's face and in a quiet and low voice she said, "Gil."

Catherine's eyes shot over to Grissom. He looked as if Sara had just punched him in the stomach.

He regarded Sara out of half-closed eyes, and, ignoring Catherine's present, he said, "This is not about us, Sara." Their eyes locked, and the room went even quieter than before. Catherine was afraid to move. God…those two…when did all this happen? She disturbed the numbing silence and got up.

"Well, I can tell you, this definitely isn't about me, so I am going."

Once she reached the door, Catherine turned back to find them still staring at each other.

She felt a million words of advice on the tip of her tongue, but none of them seemed quite right. She contemplated for a second to tell them to sort it out, but instead opened the door and left Grissom's office.

What the hell just happened in there? She decided a cup of coffee would be the right way to go, and she strolled towards the break room. Should she warn people to avoid Grissom's office?

Minutes later Grissom and Sara were still looking at each other. It was probably the first time in months they had looked into each other's eyes properly.

"There is no 'us', Grissom, remember?" Sara whispered in a very clear vice, carefully pronouncing each syllable.

She continued, "Can you even remember the last time we had even the hint of an 'us'-moment?"

Grissom, uncomfortably looking at his hands, replied, "Actually, Sara, I can." He looked up and their eyes met again. "It was the last time you called me Gil."

"Yes." She said, cursing the fact that she had even started this.

Sara broke eye contact and sat back down in her chair.

A few seconds passed in silence, and Grissom hoped her anger was subsiding.

"What do you want from me, Sara?" he asked.

"What do I want from you?" Sara clearly could not believe he had just asked her that.

"Grissom, I want you to treat me like a grown up woman. In fact, I want you to realize that I am a person. I want you to see me."

Sara looked into his questioning eyes.

"ARGH, Grissom, you drive me absolutely crazy, you know that?" Sara's frustration was briskly creeping back into her voice, and came spilling out of her eyes.

"You are so crap with people, you know that? God, Grissom, we used to be friends. What the hell happened to us? We work so well together, we get on, yet we can't communicate outside work at all any more. When was the last time we had a proper conversation?" Sara had left her chair once again, and was now pacing the room. She stopped to hear his answer.

"See, we can't even have one now. And then you come along and tell me I have to sort things out with Catherine? Did you seriously think I wouldn't have apologized? Is that what you think of me?"

Sara's voice was reaching shouting level again, but she didn't care. She was on the roll, and she was so having it out with him.

"No, Sara, I…I am sorry. I guess I wasn't really thinking."

"No. No, you weren't. You haven't been thinking about the people close to you at all. What does it take for you to take a proper look? You are so thorough with your work; you are such an amazing investigator…why can't you pay as much attention to the people around you? I mean, for God's sake, Grissom, do I have to be staked out on the autopsy table in order for you to find out who I really was?" Sara's frantic ranting came to an abrupt stop when she realized what she had said.

Grissom's face turned pale, and once again he looked like he had just been punched in the gut.

"I…that was completely out of order, I am so sorry, Grissom," Sara said softly, lowering her eyes.

"That wasn't necessary, Sara."

"I am sorry. You just make me so angry sometimes." Sara looked at the floor.

"You think I don't know you?"

"No, Grissom, sometimes…despite everything…I don't think you know the first thing about me."

Now it was Grissom who, uncharacteristically, raised his voice, "I know too much about you, Sara. That's the problem."

"How is that a problem?" Sara's voice was near breaking point.

Grissom jumped up and walked towards her.

"Sara, you know exactly what I am saying."

"Grissom, say it! I am sick and tired of your constant guessing game. No! Actually…I don't even care anymore. I am so tired of it. I just want you to acknowledge me. Not just on a professional level."

"Okay, fine." Grissom started collecting his thoughts.

He walked a few steps, and then calmly continued, "I don't want to know you, Sara."

Sara heard the words, but it took her a good few seconds to properly comprehend what he had said. Her body responded with dizziness, and she closed her eyes for a second in a fruitless effort to keep the room from spinning.

"Woowhhhh," was all she could finally say.

She literally felt her life falling apart all around her. She sat in her chair, motionless, waiting for the ground to swallow her up. She wanted to take the few steps towards the door and leave…just leave, but somehow her body had become numb and heavy. She was aware of thoughts racing though her head, yet she was thinking of nothing at all.

"I don't want to know you, Sara, because I don't want to notice all those little things about you."

Grissom obviously hadn't finished, and with each word was becoming more and more agitated. His pulse was racing, and he was almost babbling.

"That's why I can't go to dinner with you. Because I don't want to notice how you always play with your fork when you are thinking about something. The way you always ask for extra black pepper for whatever the hell it is you are ordering. The way you always tuck your hair behind your ear when you smile at me, and you don't know what to say. And I don't want to notice how your hair smells like a god-damn fruit salad. I don't want to notice that approximately three and a half minutes after you get into my car you apply that funny lip stuff in the little yellow pot that smells of mango. And I sure as hell don't want to notice the way you look at me sometimes out of those impossibly beautiful eyes of yours. I don't want to notice you smiling at me, Sara, because it makes me dizzy…just the way it did when I first saw you. Within the lab…within our work…I can live with it. I can live with the…ehm…brain crush I have on you, Sara. I can live with how brilliantly witty you are; how great you are at your job. You covered in dirt is…fine. You being you…outside work…knowing you, Sara, with everything that would mean…I…I just can't let it happen. I am sorry."

Again, the room fell into silence. Grissom turned towards to wall. Sara got up as quietly as humanly possible, and walked towards the door.

Without looking at him she said, "It's already happened, Grissom. It happened a long time ago. I am simply asking you not to be so patronizing. It isn't my fault you have fallen for me, too."

With that said, Sara left the office, and aimlessly started off down the corridor. She didn't even know where she was going until she had reached the break room, and found herself pouring herself a cup of coffee…what was she doing? As the world around her took shape again, she said a quick hello to Nick, Warrick and Catherine. All three were staring at her.

Next thing Sara knew was she was being yelled at.

"You do not walk away from our conversation." She swung around and was confronted by Grissom briskly entering the break room. Sara put her arms out, and shook her head.

"I did. It's done. All has been said, conversation is over."

Catherine, fearing the worst, grabbed her purse, and headed for the safety of the corridor. "Let's go boys." She said, and Nick and Warrick even managed to beat her to the door.

Sara watched them all leave, and wrinkled her forehead. Even though she was still pissed off with Grissom, she felt a giggle in the pit of her stomach. How afraid were they? Sara looked at her feet. She really, really wanted to laugh. Was she going insane? She was afraid to look up at Grissom. What was so funny? The more she tried to pull herself together, the worse it got. She bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself laughing, but sadly could not help giggling. Knowing that was the end of it, she looked up at Grissom, and upon seeing his mouth twitch ever so slightly, and that twinkle in his eyes, her self control went to hell, and she burst out laughing.

Grissom brushed his hands through his hair and also laughed.

"You want a coffee, Grissom?"

"God, Sara, you are going to be the death of me."

She chuckled. "I hope not."

He tilted his head and smiled, "Coffee would be great."

Sara held his gaze a second longer, silently apologizing for the way things just went down.

"My hair does not smell like a fruit salad." She turned around to fill his mug. Grissom crossed the room to stand behind her. He stuck his nose in her hair.

"Cherries," he guessed.

Suddenly feeling incredible hot, Sara took a shallow breath, and in a pouting sort of tone said, "Yes."

"Come here." Grissom whispered in her ear.

Sara turned, and he pulled her into a tight embrace. She let him hold her, accepting his silent apology, and closed her eyes.

"I miss you, Sara. And that makes me angry sometimes, and I know I let it out on you. I am sorry."

Again she heard his words, and again she wanted to hit him. But instead, she allowed him to pull her a bit closer and run his hands over her back…painfully slow and forceful. He didn't seem to want to let go any time soon.

When he finally pulled away, he left his hands on her hips, and Sara's rested hers on his shoulders. She smiled her reassuring 'it's okay' smile, and when he still didn't break eye contact, she observantly looked at him through half-closed eyes.

"Brain crush?" she inquired.

"Yes." Grissom nodded shyly.

"How bad?" she asked.

"Hopeless."

"How hopeless?"

"Actually, beyond saving."

"Really?"

He responded by pulling her closer to him, their bodies now touching again, their faces inches apart.

Sara held her breath. His eyes were doing all the talking, and she was convinced her heart was going to explode shortly. She decided to concentrate on staying on her feet.

"Really," he answered her question, "Especially because that just made you blush."

That was all it took for Sara to be speechless. Never in her life had she been speechless. AND she never blushed…or did she? Were her legs trembling or was she imagining it?

Her mind was racing and his grip on her was becoming more electric by the second. Grissom probably had no idea what he was doing to her.

It had to stop. She had to stop it. And if that meant walking away from him right now, and never going back, then that was what had to be done.

"I can't do this any more," she whispered, closing her eyes. "I can lie to everybody, Grissom. I can even lie to you, but I can not lie to myself any more. It's killing me."

Sara didn't have the strength to open her eyes. She just stood there, patiently waiting for him to let go of her, and say sorry…the way he always did after having gotten so dangerously close to their ultimate taboo. To Sara's surprise nothing happened. She could feel his mind working, she felt his heart beating, but strangely he wasn't going anywhere.

"Help me, Sara." He finally spoke.

"I can't," Sara replied, her voice a mere whisper. She didn't even know where she was anymore…even though reason told her she was still in the break room, somewhere between the coffee maker and her supervisor…in broad daylight…well, fluorescent light, but whatever.

And then she suddenly thought no more as Grissom lowered his lips on hers. And, for whatever reason, she wasn't even shocked or speechless. Some secluded part of her brain registered that her most heartfelt dream was just becoming reality, but her mind went blank. Grissom's lips felt soft on hers, and they kissed in such a breathtaking way, it would take her months to find words for it.

Grissom allowed her to take a quick breath before he pulled her towards him again, and gave her not only the most ridiculously loving kiss she had ever been involved in, but also one that sparked completely ludicrous arousal. The kiss seemed to have a life of its own after a while. It was their kiss. Sara felt herself melt like chocolate syrup in the sunshine. And Grissom seemingly wanted to make a point, make sure Sara knew how much he meant it. And funny enough, he didn't feel any more lost than he had for the past years. He had never thought about kissing Sara at work, and as inappropriate as he knew it was, it was the only thing that had felt right in the longest time.

Their moment of bliss came to an abrupt ending hen Catherine burst in.

"You two, somewhere else, right now!"

Sara jumped, and pushed Grissom away from her. His hand instantly went to his mouth.

"Oh my God," Sara said in about half a millisecond.

"Sorry," Catherine said, "I just didn't want people to start talking. I didn't see anything, though." She turned to walk back out again, but couldn't resist a little comment this time. "Off the record…you two should have gotten married years ago. Seriously."