The low hum of the ship's engines powering them through deep space was oddly comforting to him as he sat quietly in the small but cozy common room. His hands absently swirled around the amber liquor in his glass meant to help him relax and hopefully sleep. But the longer he sat, the more his mind shifted to overdrive making sleep even more elusive.
The last few months had been good, really good. He and John had started to work through some of their issues and he had finally found something that he thought he was decent at. He still had a lot to learn but he had finally found a team again and it felt good to belong. Aside from the memory issues, he couldn't remember things going this well in a long time. Well, aside from the current problem rattling around in his brain.
As he lifted his drink for another sip, he felt rather than heard someone enter the room. He froze as he contemplated his next actions. Run or stay? He laughed inside as he thought about the irony in the question he seemed to have asked himself his whole life. Before he could answer, she appeared in front of him dressed like she had just rolled out of bed. He slowly lowered his drink and felt his legs turn to lead. It was like his body was making the decision for him. His eyes washed over her face and immediately locked onto her eyes. Always her eyes he thought. There was something so mesmerizing about them.
He cleared his throat anxiously. "Can't sleep?"
She smiled softly at him. "Is that helping?" Her eyes moved to the drink still in his hands.
He glanced at his glass and gave a small smile. He got up and moved to the cabinet to get an extra glass.
Her eyes never left him as he returned to the table and poured her a finger of the strong liquor. He pushed the glass across the table. She reached out for the offering and their hands stilled as her fingers brushed his during the exchange. He was the first one to pull away, nervously grabbing his glass and pushing it in front of him like some invisible barrier.
She watched as his hands rolled the glass in front of him. She narrowed her eyes ever so slightly.
"Everything alright?" Her voice soft and questioning.
He wasn't used to this side of her and it was disarming to say the least. In the field he had no problem following her orders but in an intimate setting like this, he felt like a teenager on a first date with the hottest girl in town. He visually shook his head trying to clear the thought from his mind.
Her eyebrows furrowed in response. "Dav?"
"Yeah, I'm good, I'm good," he hastily replied.
She continued to look at him thoughtfully. "You want to tell me what's going on with you lately?"
His snapped up as he looked at her. "What do you mean?" His voice crackling with uncertainty.
She smiled again, soft and confident. He couldn't take his eyes off her face even if tried. She would see right through him. She would see all the thoughts swirling through his head and he would be in serious trouble. He had never been this taken by a woman before. He had more casual relationships than he could remember but he'd never felt his deep connection with any of them before. She never ceased to surprise him with her strength and her caring for others, especially their team. She had his back and that was something he couldn't say about many people. She was tough as nails, badass, resourceful, drop-dead beautiful and sexy as hell. He was falling for her hard and fast despite taking John's words to heart. Life was a real bitch sometimes.
"Davin," her voice snapping him to the present.
"Yeah?" He answered hoarsely.
"I think we need to talk ..."
He swallowed. "OK, about what?" He tried to keep his voice casual.
She gave him a look.
"Pawter."
"You want to talk about Pawter?" He said confused.
"She broke into the Company database to look for that doctor you're hunting. I know she's unconventional but I've never know her to do something this ... illegal before," Dutch huffed. "She's gotten herself in over her head regardless of her Qreshi connections."
"She was just trying to help."
"Is she?" Dutch countered.
Davin furrowed his eyebrows and turned his head slightly to one side in silence. They stared intently at each other neither one willing to give up this unspoken game of personal chicken. After what felt like minutes, he shifted in his seat forfeiting the game to her.
"Do you want me to stop seeing her?" He asked quietly.
She stilled at his question. "I just don't think she seems to be helping."
"Do you want me to stop seeing her?" Davin repeated in the same quiet tone. The real meaning behind his question hitting her like a ton of bricks. This time he reached out across the table and gently placed his hand over her left hand.
She looked down at his hand covering her own. It felt like a tiny shock of electricity had entered her through his touch. A million thoughts flew through her mind. She felt as if she was 10 years old again and Khylen was chastising her for not focusing her thoughts. She tried to still her mind like how she was trained to do but there was something about Davin that disarmed her in a way that was both dangerous and intoxicating. She had no doubt he was a skilled fighter and tactician. With some more training he would be a top level killjoy. She had no doubt he had her back as well. It was the cherry on top that he was Johnny's brother because it made working as a team that much better. There was no one who she trusted with John's life more than Davin.
But, she knew he had issues. She did too. Who grows up in a harem, trains to be an assassin and then makes a living as a killjoy that isn't messed up? Johnny would say that two damaged people don't make a whole person. Johnny she sighed internally. What about Johnny? He was her better half, always there for her no matter what. He knew her better than herself sometimes. She didn't have to ask to know that he wouldn't be ok with her and Davin.
"Dutch?" Davin said softly, hand still lightly resting on her hand. It was his turn to disarm her.
She sighed and looked into his eyes but didn't withdraw her hand from his gentle touch.
"There is no easy answer, is there? She conceded quietly.
He gave a small acknowledging smile and slowly pulled his hand back to his glass. She instantly missed his warmth and touch. She rubbed the area where his hand used to be to distract herself. His eyes never left hers.
"He's my best friend."
"He's my baby brother."
"The last thing I want to do is hurt him," she said simply.
They sat in silence staring at each other for a minute.
"Then we don't," Davin said resolutely.
"So we pretend we never had this conversation?" She looked at him for agreement, half hoping he would say yes and half hoping he would say no.
Davin nodded silently fearing that if he had voiced his answer, the wrong one would have poured out.
She gave a sad smile and looked up at him seeing the war of emotions fighting behind his eyes. She pushed herself up from the table.
"Thanks for the drink," she said with a resigned smile as she started to walk past him towards the door.
Despite his best efforts to control himself, his left hand reached out to softly catch her passing forearm as his eyes remained fixated on his glass.
"I'll stop seeing Pawter," he said simply.
Dutch froze at his words and the meaning behind them. She reached her right hand to his forehead and softly brushed an imaginary fleck of dusk from his closely cropped hair sending invisible shivers down Davin's neck.
"Goodnight, Dav," she said as her hand came down to rest at her side.
Davin nodded brusquely as his hand slid slowly down her forearm and briefly caught her fingers before releasing their grasp.
She closed her eyes briefly at the contact.
"Goodnight," he whispered to the room after he heard her leave the room.