Lauren

"Okay, Puckerman, this is what we're going to fight about in Glee."

Puck was grinning like an idiot. "It is so hot when you take charge."

"You made dinner for me last night and it sucked."

He blinked at her a few times.

"Get with it, Puck. You made dinner for me last night and it sucked, so I'm making you come over tomorrow morning with the other guys. I'm teaching you how to cook and sending you all home with doggie bags."

Now he got it. "For Sam. Sneaky. Damn, Laur, you are the perfect woman."

"Damn straight."

In the room, it was easy to get attention with their fight.

"You nearly gave me food poisoning, dumbass."

"Nobody ever said that you don't defrost meat in hot water."

"Everybody knows that." She looked at the rest of the group. "Okay, hands up if you knew that you don't defrost meat in hot water." Kurt's, Tina's, Rachel's, Santana's, Mike's, Brittany's, and Quinn's went up. Lauren grunted in satisfaction. "Right. Even the vegan knows that about meat. All the rest of you, my house, tomorrow at 11:00. I'm teaching you to cook if it's the last thing I do. And cook real food, not fancy things with watercress or thinly-sliced anything. And bring doggie bags because you're going to have to eat it yourself, too. I'm going to keep making you learn to cook until you can actually make decent meals."

Mercedes

Mercedes put her arms around her father from behind. "I love you, too, honey, but I also know you do that when you want to ask for something," he said as he turned around.

She pouted and he chuckled again. "I know that look, too. What is it?"

"You said you like Sam, right? Could you ask Tonya to put on videos of him singing when there's anybody in the waiting room that she knows is having a bat mitvah or a quinceanera coming up? He has handouts with his rates and contact information."

"Is that all? I thought for sure you were going to ask for another shopping weekend with Kurt."

"Well, now that you mention it..."

Mike and Finn

The Jewish Community Center youth sports coordinator looked at Mike and Finn suspiciously. "If you play for the Titans, that means you play with Noah Puckerman."

"Yes, ma'am." Finn felt like he was in trouble, but all he'd done was walk in with Mike and ask to volunteer as a touch football coach.

"Puckerman volunteered here once." Her voice and face were dark and ominous. "He taught the kids more dirty plays and dirty words than most NFL players know. The rabbi was refereeing the game the next day." She glared into space.

Finn was about to say that Puck was really proud of being a seriously badass role model, but Mike elbowed him. His elbows were even sharper than Kurt's and Rachel's put together. "I promise that we won't even let him come to any of the games."

It was just like in Star Wars where Luke hears Obi Wan, except it was Kurt that Finn was hearing tell him what to say. "That's why we're here, in fact, we feel responsible that we didn't stop him. We want to model maturity and sportsmanship to make up for it." He basked for a moment in Mike's rapidly concealed look of astonishment.

"Now, I understand that as volunteers, we can each get a kid in an after school program for free? And they don't have to be related, right?"

Kurt

"Now, being a tester is an important job. A designer can't work without testers."

"Of course we'll help you, Kurt," Stacie assured him, putting a hand on his knee.

"It's a big job but I know you can do it. What you do is I bring you clothing that I make and you wear it to church or to school. Then you tell me if it was comfortable all day and if people said anything about it. If you still like it, then you get to keep it. That's how testers get paid."

Sam was looking warily at Kurt's bag. Kurt decided that it really wouldn't be kind to keep him in suspense much longer. "These are what I call my Mid Couture line. Trendy but not edgy." He pulled out a pair of simply cut dark blue cotton pants for Stevie. "Stevie, I especially want to know about the pockets. Some of them have velcro and the others have buttons. Can you tell me, when you've worn them, which you like better?" Stevie nodded solemnly.

Next, Kurt pulled out a dress. Sam didn't know much about fashion but he knew what Stacie liked and this was it. It was sky blue, with a loose, airy skirt, short sleeves, and a dark blue sash. "Would you like to test this one for me?" She nodded, staring it it.

Kurt pulled another armful of clothing from the bag.