The TempestXtreme Talk Show – Season Three!
Episode One: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (I shit you not!)
By TempestXtreme
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own characters.
(I'm also experimenting with a new style of writing for this show. If you like it, please say so!)
Rebecca ripped the stage door off of its hinges and stormed on stage, and glared at the audience. "If I hear one wolf whistle from the males or one threat from the females today, I will personally strap you down to those benches and force you to watch all kinds of children's shows, got it?!"
Crickets chirped. "Good." Rebecca smiled suddenly. "Welcome to the TempestXtreme Talk Show! Here's your host, Tempest!"
Warily, Tempest came out on stage (he had seen what had happened to the frame of the door when Rebecca had ripped it off), and seeing that his wife wasn't going to berserk on him, he smiled and waved at the terrified audience. "Hello and welcome to my show! Today, we're interviewing various people from books, Video Games and animes!"
He cast a wary glance towards his wife, who was busying herself with chasing the newest member of staff around with a clipboard. What's WITH her? Turning back to the audience, he grinned and took a deep breath.
"Here's our first guest, the beautiful, yet deadly Sophitia from Soul Blade!"
Sophitia walked on stage, her blonde hair shining in the lights…
"Somebody turn the studio lights down! That woman's hair is blinding me!!" Rebecca shouted, grinning at the 18-year-old Greek Warrior.
Sophitia glared at her. "Nice to see you again too, Rebecca," she said. Then she saw Tempest and smiled, her blue eyes lighting up. "Hello Tempest!"
"Hi, Sophitia," Tempest replied out of pure politeness (he didn't miss Rebecca's twitch when Sophitia smiled sweetly at him) Honestly, being jealous of a teenager…
"Welcome to the show," he said as the girl sat down. He didn't miss the way she crossed her legs – neither did Rebecca.
Tempest blinked as the tossed food trolley slammed into Sophitia. Ouch, that must've hurt… He glanced at the stage manager, who sighed and cut to a commercial.
*-*-*-*-*
While the commercials were running, a certain sorceress was planning mischief.
"Cut ME from the show, do they? Well let's see how they like this! Arise, my dark servants of doom! Arise and destroy all my enemies!"
Rinoa cackled as the spell took effect – giving her a bunch of man-sized tomatoes. "What the?! That idiot gave me tomato seeds?!"
*-*-*-*-*
"Welcome back to our show!" Tempest said, grinning at the audience. "Here's our next…guest…?"
He trailed off as 16 man-sized red tomatoes marched on stage and started attacking the stage crew and the audience. "What the…?" he began.
And then he saw who was behind it.
"Rinoa?!"
"BWAHAHA! You cut me from the show! Now you pay! Get them, my vegetable army!" Rinoa broke into a bout of insane cackling as her Tomato army swarmed the stage. Amazingly, they could speak.
"We are the mighty Red Tomato Army! Surrender or be devoured!"
Tempest rolled his eyes. Just what I need to start off the third season of my show… "ACK!"
He jumped to the side, barely avoiding getting bitten by a red tomato, and then sounds of insane cackling drew his attention to the center of the stage, where Rebecca was cutting the tomatoes into slices, while shouting something about French salad. My wife's gone nuts! Then again, that looks like fun!
Grinning madly, Tempest reached into a portal and pulled out a battleaxe – a Dwarven battleaxe – and started making French salad out of the tomatoes.
"Down with the vegetables!"
"We don't need you!"
The voices came from behind them, and Tempest and Rebecca looked back just in time to see a golden-haired, golden-eyed female Elf rush onstage, waving her sword around like a madwoman. She was followed by a tall male Elf with dark hair and blue eyes wearing white robes and carrying an Elven Long Sword. This show just got even more insane. He paled when he saw the auras of power surrounding the two Elves. Oh crap. "Don't do the Dragon Slave! I just had this place remodelled!"
Of course, they didn't do the Dragon Slave. Oh no, they did something far more destructive.
"Darkest night, reddest blood, deepest void! I call upon thee, oh powerful Lord of Nightmares! Grant thy awesome power in my hands! Grant me the power to vanquish our foes!! OMEGA SLAVE!!!"
Oh crap…
Tempest barely had time to raise a shield around the people in the studio before the massive spell hit the Red Tomato Army, the shockwave of the spell pounding against the shields that Tempest had risen around everyone…and making the Tomatoes resemble something akin to red gunk. Damn, and I just had the place redone too! "Danielle! Grylock!"
The Bonded Elves simply gave him their most innocent smiles. "Yes?"
Sighing, Tempest turned to the rather pale audience. "That's all for today. Join us next time, same time same channel…"
"But different studio," Rebecca said, looking around at the ruins of the studio. "I never realised just how powerful I made that spell."
As the screen faded out, Tempest started to bang his head against the ruins of one of the studio walls, stopping when it crumbled to dust. I just can't win…
Hahaha…The End! ^_^