Disclaimer: In 2011 I will own my car until then I have nothing including anything related to House blah blah blah…..
A/N:I took a long break from fandom but House and Cuddy finally sucked me back in. I haven't written anything in a long time and this is my first Huddy/House fic so please let me know what you think and if I should bother with a chapter two. This takes place at the end of "The Itch". This first chapter is pretty much all about Cuddy's take on recent events so the dialogue is coming later and then it shall go from there…
It was just another night at home alone with paperwork and tea or as Cuddy liked to call it a typical Tuesday. It was what she does most nights to fill the time between coming home from work and going to sleep for the night. It was her version of downtime, which she knew was pathetic considering she was still doing work related things. Cuddy felt like her life was just one chaotic ball of pathetic lately. The shine of being a relatively young female dean of medicine alone was just not cutting it for her anymore. She already got the memo that she was successful and good at her job. What she lacked was being good or successful at anything else. Recent events had really been driving that home for her.
For such a short time, she was a mother in every way that counted. Cuddy happily opened her home and her heart for Joy. Then before she could even fully grasp what was happening those doors were slammed shut without her consent. She thought she was getting a baby and a completely new chapter in her life. Instead, all she ended up with was a stupid empty yellow guest room.
She knows that crushing blow number one is what leads to idiotic move number two. Cuddy knew why she did it, but she still could not believe she dove in head first into a tank of crazy. She ended up breaking a promise to herself that she had managed to keep up for over 20 years. She kissed House. Well technically, he kissed her but she had not done the smart thing and backed away. No, she did not think at all. She was right there with him caught up in her emotions and his bottom lip and bright eyes. She was far too willing and if he had not had the sense to leave, she knows without question she would have slept with him. The fact that between the two of them House had been the sensible one was reason enough to label herself a pathetic hot mess.
Cuddy was trying desperately to focus on the work in front of her but her mind would not shut off. She could not seem to make it past the second line of her report before she would drift off. She thought about the kiss. The way House had lifted her up with one of his arms so she could meet his lips. Her hand tingled as she recalled the roughness of his stubble against her palm. Kissing him had been so raw and so full of something. It had been so long since kissing someone was more than just a mildly pleasant or mildly unpleasant situation for Cuddy. One thing was for sure when she was kissing House it was not mildly anything. It was full fledged and all out. It was coming from a place inside of her that she was pretty sure terrified her.
There were other things besides the kiss rattling around in her brain. Cuddy wondered how long it would take before House would start arguing with her again. Cameron was not the only one who had been weirded out by his lack of argument through out this last case. She did not quite know what to do with the fact that she actually wanted to fight with him. She wondered about House's weird stigmata hand. It had been the next day post kiss that he got that weird thing on his hand. Could it have anything to do with her? Like with the arm sling thing and Wilson. On the other hand, was she being unbelievably narcissistic thinking them merely kissing could effect him that much. It was probably a bug bite or something. She just could not be certain about anything right now.
She contemplated what Wilson had said to her at lunch and his misguided attempts as matchmaker. She would have never thought Wilson could remind her of her Bubbe Alma but turns out, they were both huge yentas. Finally, four cups into the night she began to convince herself that her ginger peach sleepy-time tea was not a sleepy anything and it was really fully of caffeine and lies. She was up way past her bedtime and her mind was still wired and as awake as can be. Everyone lies, apparently even tea bags. Great now she was quoting House in her own thoughts. None of this was good.
Cuddy rather violently threw the file she was reading on the coffee table and began to get up and figure out a plan B for her night when she thought she heard a rustling on her porch. She looked out the window but did not see anyone. She made her way to the door and peeked her head out but no one was there. However, she thought she caught a glimpse of a motorcycle speeding away from her house and down the street. Cuddy quickly closed the door as if shutting the door would erase the image. It did not work. She immediately began to rationalize other explanations then the one her heart was screaming at her. Maybe, she had heard the wind and maybe it was just some random person driving down her street. However, her heart was too loud to ignore this time and she was just sure it had been House speeding away. Why had he come to her place? What did he really think about all of this? Could Wilson have a point? Was she officially going insane? Cuddy hated unanswered questions almost as much as House hated unfinished puzzles.
She blamed the tea as she grabbed her keys and her coat and headed out the door. The drive was a blur. The adrenaline buzz she had going lasted until she parked her car curbside in front of House's apartment. As she took the keys out of the ignition, reality crashed back down on to her shoulders. One of her questions was answered because she knew she was absolutely crazy for coming to his place. She was right when she told Wilson her and House would never work. She had made a plan to let it go and never speak of it again. Nothing was different now then it had been earlier today. She was pretty sure both her and House knew it could never work. Yet, he had come to her place and now she was outside of his.
Cuddy had this whole list of negative qualities about House that she had spouted off on so many occasions. He was a misanthropic miserable asshole. He took every chance he has to usurp her authority. Though she never said this one aloud, she was sure a part of him still resented her for the infarction. Yet, it was not any of those things that made her so reluctant about him. It was the fact that he was finally her friend again. She had to admit what she and House had was not friendship in the most conventional sense. However, over the last few years they had settled into something that worked pretty well for her. She did not have much in her life and she was well aware of that. She just could not give up something she actually had for a shot at something that would more than likely end with her having nothing at all anymore. The older she got the more she believed that all relationships have a shelf life, an expiration date. She just was not willing to chuck House out of her life like curdled milk when everything eventually turned to crap. Especially when it was House and his whole bread and butter was turning his personal life to crap. She was really getting tired of playing point, counter point in her head. She leaned her head on the steering wheel lightly banging against it in complete frustration.
Her car horn was so loud it practically gave her a heart attack. Her head popped back up and she mentally chastised herself for being so out of it that she could not even grasp simple concepts like putting pressure on your car's horn is what makes sound come out. She was fully aware that she had now cast unwanted attention on herself and her car. Therefore, she quickly put the keys back in the ignition and started her car. Cuddy told herself not to but in the end, she could not help but look up into House's window before she drove off. She saw a figure she was sure was House starring down at her car. Immediately she panicked and sped off from her parking space like her and Danny Zuko were in some kind of drag race. He clearly had seen her. Of course, he had seen her he was House and he sees everything. Maybe not her actual body but definitely her car and he knew what she drove. She could only hope if she ignored it so would he. Of course, her version of ignoring it had been to drive to his apartment in the middle of the night, so that didn't look to promising. Her drive back home was as embarrassing and conflicted as the last few days of her life had been.