Due to a massive invasion of plot bunnies and deciding to make Noemi's personality do a 180, I'm rewriting this. This chapter will be the same as last time up until Noemi's intro, but the chapters I've written so far after this will be totally changed. Also, there will be no pairings at all except one-sided TsunaxKyoko and slight GokuderaxTsuna, because it so clear that Gokudera is gay for Tsuna.

Overall warnings: Mary-Sueish character, possible distrubing images

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the bitch known as Noemi.

Tsuna was nervous.

Today started like any other day, really. He woke up late again, did a mad dash downstairs, more or less shoveled his breakfast into his mouth and sped out of the house before Nana could even say "Good morning Tsu-kun!"

Half way to school, he met up with Gokudera and Yamamoto, who were having their usual argument of Gokudera blankly insulting Yamamoto, and the latter just laughing it all off, which aggravated Gokudera even more. Sometimes, Tsuna wondered, how can Yamamoto can just laugh it all off. Tsuna shrugged that thought off as he sprinted alongside them to school. The trio managed to barely make it to school before the bell rang, avoiding the wrath of Hibari who would "Bite any latecomers to death."

The moment Tsuna stepped into the school building he realized something, he hadn't seen Reborn yet, he hadn't even seen him in the kitchen drinking his morning cup of coffee. A sense of dread crept up on the boy, the thought that Reborn was planning something horrible for his "mafia training"; Tsuna shivered just thinking about it. He had no desire to be in the mafia in the first place anyway. Throughout the rest of the day, Tsuna was on the defensive, waiting for Reborn to pop out of nowhere and give him some kind of training to do before firing that bullet into his head.

But, the day went on with no hitches (unless you count that encounter with Hibari, but that's a different story). Tsuna breathed out a sigh of relief that, having parted ways with Yamamoto and Gokudera, nothing weird had happen on his way home either. Opening the door with a smile on his face, he was just about to announce his arrival when-

"Ciaossu."

"W-What!? Reb-ACK!!"

Tsuna was greeted with Reborn promptly kicking Tsuna in the face. As Tsuna laid on the ground and clutching at his throbbing face, he looked at Reborn with a mixture of shock and confusion.

"It's about time you got home Dame-Tsuna, there's something important I need to tell you."

"Huh! What are-"

He was once again interrupted, but this time by Nana, who glided into the hallway and proceeded to give Tsuna a crushing hug, squealing while doing so.

"Isn't it great Tsu-kun! Reborn managed to convince one of his friends to come help to tutor you! Now you'll pass your tests for sure."

At that moment, the image of two Reborns smirking up at him came into his mind, and this caused the poor boy to go into a dead faint, while still stuck in Nanas embrace. From the kitchen, Bianchi managed to wryly comment, over the sound of I-Pins and Lambos yelling,

"Well, it seems that he was so happy that he fainted with joy…"

This brings us to the present time.

A lone, brightly colored figure stalked through the now dark and desolate streets of Namimori, the brightly colored trolley case trailing along nosily behind her as she glared at a small piece of paper she held in a tight grip as if it was the most irritating thing she had ever seen. Bright blue eyes scanned the line of houses in front of her, before she turned them skyward as she yanked agitatedly at one of the shorter strands of teal hair and then turning her glare back to the houses with a growl.

"Goddamnit, why the hell do they use these stupid PICTURES instead of letters like the rest of the world?!"

"Well…"

"Stai zitto! I'm in no mood to hear you ramble on about some useless crap Giosue...thank god, finally found the place!"

Blocking out the irritating droning at the back of her mind, she marched up to the front and gave it two solid knocks. The girl smoothed out her frilled purple skirt and looked dully at blue painted nails before placing her hands on her hips and began tapping her foot to some imaginary tune.

"This had better be worth it."

Meanwhile, Tsuna had managed to regain consciousness before his new tutor's arrival to learn some rather horrifying information about this tutor from Reborn. Number one, this tutor was female. (Tsuna began to think that wasn't that bad, until he remembered Bianchi.) Number two, she worked directly under the Ninth. (He began to panic a bit at this point.) And number three, she has killed more than double his age, and was said to be rather volatile. (Cue heart attack.)

Now he sat in the living room, waiting for his impending death to knock on the door as everyone around him chattered, excited about a new member to the household. When the knocks arrived at the door, Tsuna felt his soul begin to leave his body as he was dragged to the door by a beaming Nana, Reborn following closely behind with a smug smirk on his face.

When the door opened, Tsuna couldn't help but forget about his second fainting spell as he stared bug eyed at the girl on the porch. He had been expecting an older woman with black hair and a short dress like in the movies. Instead, the girl, not much older than he was, was attired in a polka dotted vest with a bright pink, with a frilly shoulder shirt underneath, and a long sleeved black shirt underneath that. Her skirt was pale purple with white hearts, and on her feet were knee high, white lace-up boots with striped rainbow socks underneath. She also had what seemed to be brown straps covered in badges over her shoulders and one across her chest. The girl gave Nana a grin, before bowing down in front of the crowd gathered in front of the door.

"Good evening," she greeted, before straightening back up, grin now turned down to a smile. "My name's…uh, you say last names first here, right?" The girl turned her eyes to Tsuna, who gave a jerky nod; he could've sworn he saw her smirk for a second at his hesitation, before plastering her grin back on her face and turning her eyes back to Nana.

"My name's Pagani Noemi and I believe I'll be acting as a…assistant to Reborn."

"Ah, yes, it's a pleasure to meet you, Pagani-san." Nana chirped, taking hold of the girl's luggage and ushering her into the house, where the kids then decided to crowd and jump up at the newcomer, who seemed to be more than happy to allow them to do so.

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you too, and please call me Noemi." She said, smile still in place as everyone was shooed away by Nana, who had taken Noemi's luggage upstairs, so "that Tsu-kun and Noemi-san can get to know each other better."

The kind smile vanished from her face, now replaced with a smirk as she looked at Tsuna. The younger boy flinched back and gulped, quaking under the piercing gaze.

"He's rather weak looking, Reborn," Noemi stated, turning her gaze to the baby and arching her eyebrow, smirk still in place. "You sure he's Vongola material?"

"Not right now, he's not." Answered Reborn, his own smirk growing in size as he regarded the girl from under the brim of his hat. "This is why I called you here."

Noemi arched both her eyebrows at the baby before turning her gaze back to her trembling student. She walked up to him so that there were only a few centimeters between them, and looked down at him, regarding him with a blank look.

"You must be really weak if Reborn of all people had to call for assistance, but don't worry your spiky, little head," The mocking look was suddenly back in place, causing the smaller boy to shrink further back. "I'll be sure to make this as fun as possible, Tsu-Tsu." She then patted the boy on his head a couple of times before heading upstairs, whistling a random tune, leaving the boy standing frozen by the stairs.

Reborn glanced at Tsuna and headed upstairs, before adding, "She will also be accompanying you to school tomorrow."

Tsuna, then decided, that he was officially in Hell.