My Past, My Present

A Fanfiction based off of Bleach

Chapter 1: Girl Meets Boy

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." -Buddha

"Kotori, sweetheart, go outside and play with the children."

Her daughter surreptitiously glanced past the window and watched five boys, all around her age, spar with wooden sticks. Three of the boys laughed as one of their friends struck the stick underneath the armpit of the other. Smiling in victory, the blond-haired one raised his wooden sword in the air with confidence while the other four boys demanded a rematch. Upon hearing the blond one laugh, Kotori took a closer look. He gave a goofy grin to his friends, which seem to be his signature feature, and continued to spar with them.

"It's okay, mom. I rather stay with you," she spoke softly, turning her attention back to her food.

"Are you sure? They look like they're having so much fun!"

"That doesn't look like much fun. They're just playing with sticks."

"Imagination, sweetheart," her mother said, kindly. "To them, they're not holding sticks. They're wielding swords!"

"Those are pretty dull swords then," said her daughter.

"That stubborness of yours will get to you one day, Kotori. Sooner or later you'll have to go outside," her mother said with a sigh. "They look like a bunch of nice kids. Are you sure you don't want to play with them?"

"I'm sure. I'll just finish my food and-"

"Oh, look! They're coming this way," she said with a smile, waving at them. "Hello boys! Would you mind if my daughter plays with you guys?"

"No, ma'am," they all replied in unison.

"Kotori, do you hear that? Now go out and play!"

Her daughter pouted her face like a puffer fish. She did not want to go outside.

"Hi there!" The blond-haired boy from earlier grinned from the window when he greeted Kotori. He then looked at her with a befuddled expression. "...Why is your face like that?"

Embarrassed, Kotori quickly grabbed the dishes out of her mother's hand and left her alone with the boy in front of the window.

"I'm sorry my daughter's like that. She truly is a stubborn one."

"How's she stubborn?"

"She doesn't like going outside. Whenever I tell her to, she just makes that face," confessed the dark-haired woman. "She rather stay by my side."

"That's a kind daughter of yours."

"I'm glad to have her as my daughter but sometimes she needs to get out for some fresh air."

"Don't you worry!" He said with energy. "I'll just come back tomorrow!"

He left as quickly as he came and that is without a name. The most eminent feature of the boy was surprisingly not his grin or hair, but it was his eyes. His light brown orbs had an undefinable sparkle to them with a touch of mischief. However, Kotori didn't notice because she was too preoccupied with avoiding the boy.

Her mother walked into her room later that day and asked why she didn't want to play, but her daughter's response was that she didn't want to want to go outside. The dark-haired woman kissed her daughter's forehead and covered her with a blanket.

"You don't have to sacrifice your time for me, Kotori," she whispered, shutting the door behind her. "Don't let me be the reason."

"...I don't want you to leave me, mom," her daughter responded after the door closed.

The next day arrived without a cloud in the sky. Birds sang their songs and followed a gentle breeze that came their way. Kotori woke up that morning fresh and energized. She quickly dressed, tied her silk raven hair in a pony tail, and headed towards the kitchen to greet her mother.

"Morning, mom. Anything you want me to do today?"

"That boy came earlier today asking if you wanted to play," she informed, ignoring Kotori's question. "He said he and his friends will be by the river. I want you to go."

"But I don't even know them."

"This is a perfect opportunity for you to make friends!"

"I don't...I don't need friends!"

"Sweetheart, you don't always have to be by my side. I may be sick, but I don't want to be the reason you won't leave this house. Go out and make friends! Now go, I can take care of things here," she comforted, pushing her daughter past the door. "I'll be fine."

"But-"

"No buts. Now leave before I decide to sweep you away with my broom!"

Her mother waved off her daughter off. Kotori slightly smiled and walked towards the river.

The river was not far from her district; it was a mere five minutes at most. Narcissus and many other plant life bloom there in the spring, but the most beautiful detail of the river was the water. The crystal clear water sparkled even in the darkest of night and provided life for all the creatures. Kotori walked as quickly as she could to the river; she didn't believe much was going to come out from this experience other than child's play with sticks. A thought occurred to her. What if she were to defeat the strongest one from the group? Oh what fools she would make of them. She laughed to herself. As she neared the river bank, she realized no one was here. No one except the blonde haired one.

"Oh, you're still here?"

"How nice of you to finally come!" he greeted enthusiastically. "My name's Shinji, Hirako Shinji! Sorry 'bout the rest of the guys! They got impatient and left. You sure took your sweet time getting here."

"Then why are you here?" She asked out of curiosity. "You could have left."

"Didn't wanna miss an opportunity to talk to my first love!"

She rolled her eyes at his comment. 'What a flirt.'

"You know, its common courtesy to give your name after someone has given theirs."

"Kotori, Sachi Kotori. It's nice to meet you Hirako-san."

"Hirako-san? You're making me feel old, Kotori-chan" he mused. "Just call me Shinji."

"Then just call me Kotori-san."

"Why are you making things difficult, Kotori-chan?"

"I could be asking you the same question, Hirako-san."

"Shinji."

"Hirako-san."

"Jeez, you're much more stubborn than I thought you are," mumbled the blond-haired boy. "No wonder your mom wanted you outside."

"What did you say?!"

"Nothing!"

"Che, I should've stayed home," she said. "You're a pain."

Shinji's eyebrow twitched at her claim. He was the pain? What does that make her then? Death?

"Then why did you come here?"

"It's not like I had a choice to be here or not," Kotori said, kicking a rock on the floor. "I was forced here to play or whatever that is you guys do."

"You're not making this conversation any pleasant," he replied with a sigh. "How about this? Do you like to spar?"

"I see nothing fun about it."

"Spoilsport."

"Why do you like sparing then, Hirako-san?" she curiously asked. "I mean, I saw you yesterday sparing with your friends. What's so great about waving some sticks around?"

"Ever heard of Shinigamis, Kotori-chan?" he questioned, waiting for her response. When she shook her head no, he continued. "They're our protectors; they protect both this world and the land of the living. Without them there would be no balance in this world. The good and the bad would mix and remain in limbo...painfully waiting to move forward but don't. You and I would still be there if it weren't for them."

"Shinigamis, huh?" mused Kotori. "Sounds easy enough to wave some swords around and save people."

"You think becoming a Shingami is easy?" he laughed at her naïvety. "Pick up a stick and let's see if you can beat me."

"Beat you? I bet I can beat you in two minutes."

"No need to be in a rush. Sparring is much harder than you think, Kotori-chan."

Without any further comments, she swung the stick as fast as she could at Shinji. For a moment she thought she hit him, but he deflected her attack and countered. Kotori found herself on the floor with a stick pointing at her face.

"You lost, Kotori-chan. Told you this wasn't easy," he grinned, offering her a hand up. "You can't just go into battle waving a sword around hoping you'll get the guy within an allotted time. It's about observing your opponent and patiently waiting until the right moment."

"I can beat you," said Kotori, slapping his hand away.

"Stop being so stubborn and naïve," demanded Shinji. "If you insist on things always going your way then stay in that room of yours. Understand there's a lot going on. People are dying; people need protecting. Unlike you, I have things I want to protect and I know I have to get stronger in order for that to happen."

"How about you stop acting like you know everything!" she spoke in a harsh tone, picking herself up from the ground. "I may not be as strong or as smart as you, but I too have things I want to protect!"

"How are you going to protect your mom, huh? By being stubborn? That's not going to cut out. Take my advice and open up to things. Maybe you'll learn something."

"I don't need your help with anything!"

"Accept things for how they are now, or change it."

She glare at Shinji with her hazel eyes. Deep inside she knew he was right. Kotori needed a slap into reality; she needed to understand that she can't do anything at her current state. She was weak and that irritated her.

"...What do you suggest I do first?" she asked after much thought.

"First, admit that I beat you."

She felt her eye twitch, but did so nonetheless.

"Fine, you win...this round."

"Guess that's a start," he sighed, looking at the girl in front of him. "How about I teach you a few things? One, you're not even holding the stick correctly."

"I accept on one condition."

He looked skeptical, but nodded.

"Tell me more about Shinigamis."

He smiled and agreed. The two spent the rest of the day sparing and talking about Shinigamis. After taking notice the sun had fallen, Kotori lost track of time and rushed back to her home without telling Shinji. Upon opening the front door, her mother greeted her with kindness.

"Hello, Kotori. How was your day?"

"It...it was interesting," she spoke after eyeing her mother's actions.

"You can tell me all about it when we eat. Now go wash up."

Kotori went into the wash room as she was told. However, before she went in, she caught her mother clean up spilled blood: her blood. During dinner, Kotori caught herself from speaking. She often asked about her mother's health but her questions were ignored. That night, Kotori wished for one thing. She wished for her mother to never leave her side.

"Wake up, Kotori-chan."

She kicked the person hovering over her, but her attack was effortlessly caught. Shinji shook his head in disappointment.

"You know better than that," he grinned.

"What are you doing on my bed? Get out!"

Kotori heard her mother chuckle from her door frame.

"Oh my, I would have never expected this reaction from you or else I wouldn't have let him in," confessed the dark-haired woman. "He stopped by this morning asking for you. I thought you were awake."

"I'm awake now...thanks to him," she said dryly. "What are you even doing here?"

"You left without saying goodbye. Don't you think that's a little cold even to your standards?" he joked, getting off her of bed.

"What do you mean my standards? I don't have any standards!"

"Ya don't have to yell. I'm standing right here," said Shinji. "Now hurry up. We have some training to do!"

He thanked her mother for allowing him to come inside and pushed Kotori out of the house. The two returned to the river bank with hopes of becoming stronger.

Months passed and Kotori never would have the day at the river would change her for the better; she learned more about Shinigamis, fighting, and the world outside of Rukongai. She no longer stayed in her room as often as she did and was more aware of her surroundings. Her mother was happier as well. She felt delighted that her daughter went outside to enjoy the world. Her sickness continued to spread and it proved more difficult to breathe, but didn't allow it to show. If Kotori found out, she would instantly leave her new-found experience to help her mother. She was proud of Kotori; she was maturing. No longer did she shy away from obstacles or people. She still, however, doesn't trust easily. To Kotori, trust meant depending on others and with the more trust, the more people she had to depend on. She doesn't like depending on others so her mother and Shinji were the only ones she trusted.

Shinji, however, was still a mystery.

At first Kotori just thought of him as a flirt. He would constantly talk about girls he saw at the market.

"Ya should have seen her, Kotori-chan!" he exclaimed loudly as they ate lunch. "When our eyes met, I saw her blush and quickly turned her head away. Ah, she was so cute!"

Kotori really never cared about his encounters because each day it was a different girl. He never went into full detail about the girls except for their appearances: hair color, eyes, and complexion. He called every girl he thought was pretty as his 'first love' to which made her laugh because he called her that when they first met.

"Why are you such a flirt?" asked Kotori, taking a bite of her watermelon.

"What are ya talking about? I'm no flirt!" he said, smacking her on her head. That earned a glare from her. "I'm just enjoying life."

"Enjoying life a little too much there."

"What did you just say?!"

"You heard me!"

"How come you never talk to me about any guys, Kotori?" questioned Shinji. "The only person I hear you talk about is your mom. Is there ever going to be a guy in your life?"

"I can't concern myself with a guy...or anyone else for that matter. Not when my mother's in a sickly state."

"How is she?"

"Terrible," she responded, looking down at her half eaten fruit. "She tries to hide it from me, but I know. I can see the blood on her clothes."

"Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"No, she refuses to tell me. It's as if she's scared to tell me."

"Lighten up. If she's scared to tell you then you will just have to wait. As her daughter, let her know you'll be waiting and that you'll be by her side."

"You're right," said Kotori. "Thank you, Shinji."

Though he has talked about himself, he never went further into the topic and neither did Kotori. The two knew each other enough to want to protect the other. They talked more about Shinigamis, the Gotei 13, Shinji's love interests, and the health of Kotori's mother. Her sickness wasn't like any sickness she had ever seen; it wasn't the cold or the flu. She remembered the sickness began when she was younger. She walked into the kitchen one day and saw blood spewing out of her mother's eyes. Horrified, she ran to the nearest doctor to retrieve help but they refused because she didn't have any money to offer. She hurried back to her mother. When she returned her mother was up and cleaning the blood out of her eyes.

"I...I can't take it anymore, Shinji," she cried on his shoulder. "She told me not to worry but I still do. Every once in a while, blood will gush out of her eyes. I don't even know what's wrong with her. She refuses to tell me!"

Shinji listened to the story often and often witness Kotori cry. He found himself unable to do anything except watch. Watching, however, is not what he wants to do.

After one starless night, he packed his belongings and left. It was time for him to change things.

Decades passed without a word from Shinji. He never visited, never wrote, never came back to Rukongai as if he never existed. The first few months were extremely painful for Kotori. She searched far and wide for him, but he was never to be found.

'Maybe he's out in the market.'

Kotori always gave copious excuses as to why he left. She soon stopped searching and sparing with the children outside because they reminded her of Shinji. Her mother grew weary of her daughter's condition even though hers was worsening. She now need help getting around the tiny living area as well as eating. With each step grew more pain but that didn't stop her from worrying about her daughter. She still smiles and talk about items she found in the market but never about sparring. Her mother would occasionally mention the Shinigami Academy only to have her comment ignored. She wanted her daughter to be happy. She wanted her to genuinely smile. She wanted her to live.

Time was running out and she knew, and when the day came, it was too late.

Kotori cried as she approached her mother's bed.

"Mom, why...why did you always keep me in the dark? Why did you never tell me anything about this...about your sickness?" she sobbed. "I don't understand why you..."

"It's okay, sweetheart. I never wanted any of this to affect you, but it has and I greatly regret this...I wanted to watch you grow, watch you marry someone you love, watch as your smile develop like a flower during the spring but I guess I won't be able to, " She laughed to herself. "I wanted you to be happy and to not worry about me. Kotori, I want you to live a happy life."

"Not without you..."

Her mother slowly shook her head no.

"Times like these, you have to learn to move forward and push the past away. It's not healthy to live in the past. I may not be by your side anymore but I will forever be in your heart."

"No-"

"Sweetheart, join the academy," she softly spoke, wiping the tears away from Kotori's face. "I know you practice at night in the back; I know this is your dream. Underneath my bed is a sword passed down by generations in our family. Take it. A few years ago, I found your name engraved on the sword meaning you're his next wielder. Take him and learn to protect the people you love and do so without regret."

"Why...why are telling me this now?"

"Because I can't protect you from everything," responded her mother. "...become stronger than him...don't let him consume you."

"Him? Are you talking about-"

"When the time comes, you will understand. I know you will become someone important; someone with worth. Live happily. You truly are my greatest treasure. I love you, Kotori."

The funeral was difficult for her. Tears cascaded down her face as she spoke her last words to her mother. She clutched the sword in her hands and with one final squeeze she rose from the ground. She gave one last smile for her mother as she wiped away her tears. With sword in hand, she kissed her mother's tombstone and walked away to her future.

The admission part of the academy proved nothing but a breeze to Kotori; she passed the exam and demonstrated more than an adequate amount of reitsu. Officials, however, were surprised to see her with a sword. Upon entering the academy, students select a sword there, but Kotori already had one in hand. The opening ceremony was beautiful and the academy was everything she expected it to be.

Her days in the academy quickly turned into weeks and soon enough, she became one of the top students. She was excellent with her sword, but struggled with the simplest kidō. These spells happened to not favor Kotori and would often explode in front of her face. Instead of quitting out of frustration like most students, she silently picks herself up and tries again. Fellow students would often come up to her and ask if she wanted to eat lunch or spar with them but she often refused stating she was busy. The library consumed most of her time; reading instantly became her favorite pastime. Books offered her knowledge she couldn't imagine and she took advantage of this opportunity since her home district didn't offer any. Her favorite book currently happened to be Kidō and You.

She woke up one morning with a book on her face. Gently taking the green colored book out of her face, she noticed the time of day.

'Looks like I missed my first class...'

She groaned at the thought of her teacher yelling at her and the amount of work he's going to assign her for missing class. With her sword in one hand and the book in the other, she left her mess of a room.

"Sachi-san!"

Kotori heard her name be called in the hallway and turned around.

"Hello, Mae-san."

"No need to call me by my last name! I mean we're classmates so just call me Tokimi!"

Tokimi Mae was not the average girl. She didn't grow up in Rukongai like a large amount of students there; she was apart of the Royal family. Her short strawberry-blonde hair was always combed neatly and curled in every possible way one can think of. Her bright blue eyes were the envy of every girl as well as her wealth.

"Was there something you need, Tokimi-san?"

"Well to start off, you didn't miss much today from class...and I know we're not close...but I noticed you have an open class!" she began. "…and I was wondering if you'd like to fill it with calligraphy with me. I mean if it's not a burden to you!"

"Do you plan on writing pretty letters to your opponent? Or is there a deeper meaning as to why you want me to join this class with you?"

"It's true what they say, you are a smart one, Kotori-san," She said. A faint blush crept on her cheeks as she began to fiddle with her hands. "Well…well it's because I heard a rumor the instructor is very kind and extremely good-looking. I heard with one smile he can make a girl swoon!"

"Then why am I needed?"

"The class barely started now and truth be told, I don't want to be by myself. With another girl with me, I won't look creepy. I mean I'd look a girl that just wanted to join the class to gawk at the instructor!"

'But you will be gawking at him.'

"So? Yes or no?"

"I suppose so-"

"Great! So great!" Tokimi exclaimed as she grabbed Kotori's arm. "C'mon! The class starts in two minutes!"

The two passed through the doors to a classroom filled with girls. There were girls from all different years clamored together fighting for chairs.

'Wow, I guess Tokimi-san wasn't the only one...'

"Find us some seats? I want to introduce myself to our new instructor!" Tokimi sang. "Thanks so much!"

'As I thought, she leaves me for the instructor.'

Kotori found two seats at the very back and sat. She silently watched as a group of girls confronted the instructor.

"How's my work? I practiced all night like you said I should!"

"It's so nice to meet you! I love your works and I'm so thankful to be in your class!"

"The pleasure is all mine," he smiled. "Please take your seats now, class is going to start."

Tokimi, as well as the crowd, left the front and towards their seat.

"You couldn't have picked seats any closer? I guess these will do for today, but tomorrow let's get the front seats!" she stated. "So?"

"So what?"

"What do you think? Isn't he gorgeous or what!"

Kotori turned her attention to the instructor. Indeed, he was handsome. From head toe, his panache was evident. His crisp brown hair not only framed, but flattered his face along with his dark square glasses. He wore the standard black and white shihakushō with a 5th Division's armband which identified him as the lieutenant.

'Guess she wasn't kidding when she said good-looking.'

"Good afternoon class," he smiled. "My name is Aizen Sōsuke, and I will be your instructor for this year."

"Isn't he simply dreamy, Kotori-san?! I mean wow. I thought he'd be cute but not this! Hey, are you paying attention?"

She wasn't.

A month passed by quickly with Tokimi around. She wasn't the same type of company like Shinji, but it was company. She cared more for her appearance, her hair, and her makeup than her studies. Kotori learned to tune her out within the first couple of days of meeting her. Like her, Tokimi Mae never revealed much except for her obsession with Aizen and her fortune.

"What are you doing tomorrow, Kotori-san? Hope nothing important!" she said, entering Kotori's room. "Well doesn't matter because guess what! Some of the captains will be here! I want to impress them and show them how strong I am! Oh, what should I wear? Wait, what are you going to wear, Kotori-san?"

"I'm just going to wear this. No point in changing when I still have class to attend," she said casually.

"Maybe if you stop reading books and start doing something about your hair, you'll start to understand what I'm going through right now."

Kotori continued reading her book, ignoring Tokimi and her rants.

"Oh fine, don't listen to me! Well anyways, I'm going to wear this necklace my mother bought for me and these very cute sandals I got the other day…"

"There! There! The captains are there! Past the large group!"

She instantly left Kotori and ran towards the group. Tokimi pushed past several of her classmates; she also yelled at one of them for stepping on her foot. The girls screamed in delight while the men asked questions about their battle experiences. Kotori shook her head, picked up Kidō and You and began reading. That was until she heard a familiar voice.

"I'm here! Captain of the Fifth Division!" he announced proudly. "Oi, Sōsuke! I thought I told ya to wear something stylish."

"Your attire is similar to mine," he smiled. "Besides, we're here at the academy not a ceremony."

The two men greeted the cheering students and enlightened them with stories. Three captains were present: the Fifth, Eighth, and the Thirteenth, along with their lieutenants. The captains laughed, joked, and smiled. Kotori stopped reading and stared at Shinji. His facial structure had grown more mature. He still had his bangs but his blonde hair was much longer and reached his mid back. His attitude was completely the same as it was decades ago. Shinji smiled at the girls and allowed them to touch his hair, but his smile started to fade when he saw Kotori. Their eyes met once again, light brown orbs on hazel ones, only this time Kotori didn't hide. She didn't smile. Her gaze grew emotionless when she saw him.

"Captain Hirako? Is something the matter? Are we pulling your hair too hard?"

He wasn't listening to them.

"Captian Hirako?"

"Sorry! Come again?"

He went back to talking to the students. Kotori stood there staring at her old friend or was he not a friend anymore? After decades, he's finally there in front of her! She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. 'No,' she thought, 'The past is the past.' and walked away reading her book. It was time for her to leave to a quieter area.

Not far from the group, someone else was watching her.

Aizen watched as she left the premises with book in hand. From afar, he knew what book she was reading. No other book had a stain so dark on the back cover: Kidō and You. He smiled cunningly and turned way towards the library.