Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Summary: A retelling of everything that happened that night. And just how Veronica and Logan got back together.
A/N: I finally wrote something for this!
Just Be
Sometimes Veronica was happy, all smiles and cheery grins. Those days were rare, they came few days at a time and never existed more than a few times a month. Sometimes she was sad, those days were less rare. They came and went sporadically and usually when her sad days came so did the days of dreariness. She was sneaky almost everyday, that was her most occurring day, but it was Neptune after all so there was little surprise there. The rarest days however were the days that Veronica felt loved. This was not one of them.
Today, Veronica was hysterical. Sad didn't even begin to cover it, pain, terror and the utter knowledge that she was alone in the world. That no one, would ever, could ever share her pain.
In the beginning she was numb. Absolutely numb, but numb quickly wears off. Her father is dead, a bus load of people are dead, and Beaver raped her. Hysterics are easy to call up. And she on her knees as he speaking to her. He has her taser, and her mind can only think of one person.
Next to her on the ground her phone lies abandoned; however she knows she must use it and her fingers are soon working the keys. Logan, she has to call Logan. Despite everything, he's all that she has left. The message she sent to Mac, she has to use it. It takes only a few seconds, Beaver didn't seem to notice either, too taken with the weapons in his hands.
He's speaking again and she doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what's going to happen. And in her state she doesn't really hear him, hysterics and Logan. That's two words that go together well. And she clings to them, doesn't want to deal right now.
Pain.
Mind numbing pain. That's all she feels as three hundred thousand volts of electricity flow though her body. He speaks again, and then jabs her body again. She collapses from the pain, her body just like her mind before it starting to go numb. Funny how that works, the mind going before the body. She wonders if this is how death is, first your mind, then the body, as if your still awake watching yourself decompose.
Finally she speaks a plea, trying to find that boy that she knew once. The one that Mac had fallen in love with, "Please, don't."
But that boy is gone; the boy that Mac fell in love with is gone. He stands up and points the gun at her, this is it. Her mind yells out for him, for Logan, and then as if by magic, he's there, "No!"
And Beaver is shooting at him, and she wants to reverse time. What if he dies too? What if another person she loves dies too? First Lilly, then her father, now him. She'd die. Clarity fills her, just for a second though and she dives at him. Knocking him to the ground, she knows that he has a gun but logic has fled and with it adrenalin has kicked in. She's still out of her mind, but it won't happen again.
She reaches for the gun but he pushes her off. And tries to stand, for a second she thinks it's over. But then Logan tackles him and they go flying, the gun lands next to her and she knows what she has to do. She has to kill him, she has to kill Beaver. Then every one will be safe. She picks it up and cradles it like a baby. Finally finding her footing she stands, not again, not again. She fires into the air and Logan and Beaver stop what they're doing. And for a second time stands still, "Logan move away from him."
He seems stunned to see her with the gun, but it only last for a moment. He knows what this will do to her, knows that it will kill her inside. She stopped him once, now it's his turn, "Veronica don't."
Hysterics, that's all she's left with, "He killed my father."
It doesn't shock him, the way she was when he got her; it had to be something bad. Yet he still has to help, "Give me the gun Veronica."
She won't listen, it won't happen again. Logan isn't helping; he's supposed to help her, save her. But he's not he's only standing in the way; something knows that he doing the right thing, "He killed everyone on the bus," and now the terrible truth, "He raped me!"
Logan looks behind him and the look on Beaver's face tells him that Veronica's not lying. And for a second he wants Beaver dead too, wants to see him bleed for what he did to Veronica. But he can't let that happen, Beaver's death, will stain her hands red. He doesn't want that, for the first time in his life, he has to be the stronger person, "You're not a killer Veronica, give me the gun,"
Something in her wavers and that voice that had been telling her he was right breaks through. And she feels her arm start to lower, he's not so sure though, "You're not a killer Veronica, give me the gun."
And she does, and all that's left is grief. It takes two seconds for him to hold her, to take her in his arms. He won't let go, not this time. He looks up, and realizes that maybe he should have been paying attention to some one else too. Beaver is crawling up the railing and over it, the situation looks too familiar to him, "Beaver! Don't!"
Beaver turns towards him, there's a blank look in his eyes, but under it is sadness and rage, "My Name Is Cassidy!"
He'll try again, begging the human that he knows the person in front of him is, "Cassidy, don't."
In seconds his hope is shattered, "Why not?"
He thinks thinks of all the things that Cassidy has to live for. Even Mac comes to mind, but he know that Cassidy for all he is doesn't love her. Not like he thinks Cassidy could, oh he loves her, but not as much so much that he'd stop for her. The reason he lived during his trail on the bridge was her, but Cassidy can't live for Mac. Won't. They are miles apart he can't give an answer, behind him Veronica doesn't want to. Cassidy nods, he knew they couldn't do it. Couldn't save him like they saved themselves, "That's what I thought."
There's no words as he steps off the top of the building, and plummets to the ground below. Veronica creeps up behind Logan and clings to him, he is her sanity now and she needs him, just like… Oh god. Now that she's sane, and clear she remembers, "Mac."
They reach the room and Veronica opens the door running to her friend and kneels down again. Some else is in pain, some one else is hurt. She remembers the feeling of betrayal well, it mars her skin. Remembers waking up alone, having no one to comfort her. It won't be this way, not for Mac, not if she can help it. Mac rocks back and forth and for a while it seems as if she doesn't even see Veronica, but when she does she speaks, "He took my clothes, he took every thing… Why?"
She doesn't have an answer for that, and right now Mac doesn't need an answer. Pressure over pressure it would be too much. So she saves it for when Mac's better. For now, "I'm sorry."
Not, what can I do to make it better, not it'll be okay. She doesn't say any of that, because really? What's the point? She can't make it better, Mac won't be okay, not for a while any way. So she says what she can.
After that time is a blur, and it's only after she get's home that she remembers that her father's dead. Her legs buckle and she falls to the floor crying. Logan's kneels down and let's her cry, let's her work it out. Before he knows it she's asleep in his arms. The closest place is the couch and so there he brings her. Laying her down to rest in his arms.
"You're stinky."
"No you're stinky"
"No you're stinky"
"I mean stinky"
"You're stinky"
"You're stinky"
A child's laughter.
"Oink, oink."
Laugh.
"Honey you smell that? You know what that is?"
"I smell bacon."
And she wakes, nothing about lass night registering. He was in her dream, she had seen him. He wasn't dead. She wouldn't be believe it. And she did smell bacon, it came from the kitchen. Getting up she ran forward each foot following the other, he had to be alive. She rounded the corner, "Dad?"
It's just Logan, and he's at the stove cooking, for her, yet she can't help it when her face falls and she realizes that last night did happen, it all happened. Cassidy was dead, he had killed a bus load of people, he had killed her father, and he had raped her. And her eyes start to water.
Five seconds later he's holding her, stroking her head. Comforting her willing all her sorrow to go away. Willing it all on himself, and for now she lets him hold her pain, her anguish, "Hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am so sorry."
Just like she was for Mac. He knows, some how he knows that it's what she wants to here. And she cries and he holds her and speaks to her. Half way though she hears something and her face turns from sadness to one of joy, "Hey, is that breakfast I smell?"
Around the corner she see's his face and she knows that it's going to be one of those days. One of those rare happy days, it's her father, "You're alive, you're alive. I thought you were dead. I love you so much."
She's crying again, but these tears are tears of happiness. Tears that she rarely gets to give to any one, but she will gladly give them to him. And she tells him everything, well not everything, Cassidy raped her. He's not ready to face that, to have to deal with that, neither is she. And he tells her everything too. Some how the topic of Logan comes up and before they can really say anything thing the door slams and he's gone.
Her father wants to know about Cassidy, but she's not going to tell him. Not yet, she can't, or maybe she just doesn't want too. And she realizes that this day might not be as happy as she wants it to.
Turns out she's right. Halfway through the day she finds out that Aaron Echolls has been murdered, assassinated. And then she still has to deal with the fact that she was raped, and that Mac isn't getting any better. By the end of the day she's sad Veronica again and finds herself grappling for the phone, she needs to talk to Logan. She has to talk to him, the room seems to shrink around her as she dials.
The phone rings six times before she get's his answering machine:
Hello you've reached Logan, and now for today's inspirational message, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."
She knew he was talking to her, telling her that things would be okay. The phone beeped and for a second she didn't know what to say, so things were quite and then, in a whisper, she spoke, "Thank you."
She doesn't say it, but she knows that he'll hear it. The unspoken end of that sentence: I love you.
That night Logan arrives at her house and holds her. Pulls her in close, and lets her lean on him. And in that moment Veronica experiences a very different sort of Veronica, this one was at peace. Something she finds that was even rarer then the Veronica that feels love. And so, while he holds her she lets that moment be what she is, she lets it define her. She just lets herself be.
A/N: I did it. I did it! Haha! Feedback would be nice.