Time After Time
Jo shifted uncomfortably, unable to sleep. Zane was snoring quietly next to her. They weren't touching, so her restlessness didn't wake him.
By all rights, she should be tired. It had been a long day. Even by Eureka's standards, people zipping in and out of each other's bodies qualified as a weird experience. That two of body swappers were men she was having issues with just made the day's events worse. She shuddered at the memory that it had been Carter watching through Zane's eyes when she tried to seduce him that morning. Which made Carter's later denial of any attraction to her all the more embarrassing.
Carter. At the end of the day, he finally proposed to Allison after years of procrastination and false starts. She was genuinely thrilled for them both. So why had she been so taken aback when he dropped to his knees in front of Allison at Café Diem? Was Zane right? Was she unconsciously pining for Carter to choose her instead?
She replayed the proposal in her mind. Her reaction didn't feel like jealousy. It felt like…her breath caught.
Her reaction to the scene had nothing to do with Carter or Allison. It was the memory it evoked of another time. A time when a different version of Zane had kneeled before her with a ring in his hand. Unlike Allison, Jo had hesitated to respond. And unlike Allison, she'd lost the man who'd proposed to her forever.
She sighed and rolled to her side to look at the alternate version of Zane sleeping beside her. Asleep, he looked younger, the frown he'd been wearing a lot lately smoothed away. Her lips quirked up as she imagined Zane as a little boy. Those blue eyes and crooked smile would have been irresistible even then. Setting boundaries must have been a herculean task for his mother, the poor woman.
A thought nudged at Jo insistently. Something about Zane as a child…she knew that his childhood had been unconventional to say the least. His father was rarely around, vanishing entirely by the time Zane was sent to college at 13. The grade schools he attended earlier hadn't known what to do with his level of genius. He'd been bored, a dangerous state for a kid who was all too capable of creating a unique brand of excitement.
Based on her own experience, Jo guessed that Zane had been lonely too. She knew what that was like. As a military brat who changed towns every few years, she'd often been pushed to the edges of social groups in school. But she was never alone out there. Kids who were obviously different in intellect, appearance or culture usually hovered at the edges of juvenile society too.
Zane would have been one of them, always on the outside looking in. The situation couldn't have improved in college where he was nearly a decade younger than his classmates. The indifferent cruelty of middle schoolers would have become outright rejection from college students.
She stiffened as understanding dawned. Rejection. First by his father then by his peers. Despite his cocky confidence and easy charm, it was what Zane knew best. He'd built up huge defenses against it over time, but rejection was usually something you could see coming. In the matrix, he'd had no warning or time to prepare for the news that she'd not only moved on, but was in a romantic relationship with Carter, Zane's utter opposite.
That hadn't been real, and she'd been frustrated by Zane's apparent inability to get past something that never actually happened. But what she hadn't truly appreciated was the emotional wallop that her fake defection had packed. In Zane's mind, she'd been his girlfriend one minute, then with someone else in every conceivable way the next. With his guard down in the elation of being home, the pain of rejection was must have hit in full force. But why had it hit him so hard?
"You were never just a hook up." Zane's words before the Astraeus launch floated back to her. "This back and forth? I can't do it anymore. It's killing me." His words from a few days before pushed into her mind.
"Oh, god, I'm an idiot," she whispered. Zane shifted beside her and she froze, but he slept on.
After the timeline change, everything she thought she'd known about herself was called into question. She rarely second guessed her decisions, so her inability to make one when given a marriage proposal had shaken her.
Doubt soon became a habit. She'd wanted her old Zane, so held this one at arm's length. When that didn't work, she'd slept with this Zane but tried to keep an emotional distance. They'd grown closer over time, but she told herself it was a physically satisfying friendship, nothing more.
For months, all of her focus had been on how she felt, what she wanted. So she completely missed what was happening right before her eyes.
He'd fallen in love with her.
The spark of joy she felt at that realization faded quickly. If she didn't make up her mind about how she felt soon, she'd hurt this Zane the way that she'd once hurt the other one by hesitating at his proposal. That had been a moment of weakness she deeply regretted, one she couldn't risk repeating. It was now or never—what did she really want from the man sleeping so peacefully beside her?
Jo laid back and closed her eyes. As she'd pointed out, the matrix-based likelihood that she'd develop a romantic relationship with someone else depended on Zane being gone. "Not just gone," she thought grimly. "Dead." She took a deep breath. "So, play that out. Zane is dead. What now?" She forced an image into her mind. The Astraeus crew had never been found. The search had been called off. She was being told to accept that Zane was dead.
A wave of panic washed over her as her imagination sped forward. She saw herself calling his mother to say that she'd never see her son again. Packing his belongings so the apartment she was laying with him in now could be taken by someone else. Thinking of leaving Eureka but not having the energy to make a decision. Moving frozen through her days, seeing Zane in every tall, dark-haired man who passed.
Would she seek comfort from Carter? Of course she would, they were friends. Would that relationship become more over time?
Her eyes popped open and she stared into the distance, eyes fixed on the shadows of trees moving behind the bedroom window. Zane was gone. Carter was here. What would happen?
Zane is dead. The words echoed through her mind. Her stomach tightened. Her fingers clenched. She felt clammy. Rolling quickly to her side, she reached for him then paused, not wanting to wake him up. Instead, she settled for watching his chest rise and fall as he breathed.
Alive. Not dead. Her heartbeat slowed into a more normal rhythm.
All of her adult life she'd craved order and discipline. The Army had provided it. For the most part, her life in law enforcement did as well, anomalies like black holes and body swapping notwithstanding. She'd always imagined her life partner would want the same things.
Zane didn't fit that mold—he broke it.
Until his arrest clipped his wings, he'd spent his life following whims. He was irreverent where she was committed. He was snarky where she was respectful. He was immature where she was responsible. He was incredibly brilliant where she operated mostly on heart.
But most other guys she'd dated eventually became offended, intimidated or confused by her strength. Zane gave as good as he got. He was exasperating, but never boring.
Still, nothing about him was according to plan. They didn't fit. She should move on.
Jo straightened and pushed the comforter aside. She sat at the edge of the bed, feet inches above the floor. Then turned to watch Zane's eyelashes flutter as he dreamt.
Screw it.
He was exactly what she wanted.
The niggling doubt that had haunted her since a version of Zane had offered her a ring and his heart finally drifted away. A calm confidence filled her as she touched him at last. Her fingertips traced the valleys defining his chest muscles. He stirred in response.
"Jo? You all right?" he mumbled.
"I'm fine," she said quietly. She moved, settling on top of him. "More than fine," she whispered into his ear. Zane's relaxed sleepiness vanished.
"Is it morning?" he asked, running his hands along her back.
"Mmm, not yet. But it's time to make up for what we missed this morning," she answered.
Zane tensed. "Uh, yeah. Sorry your time got cut short with Cart-". Jo slapped a hand over his mouth.
"Shut. Up," she commanded. "Listen to me and listen good. I'm only going to say this once." He raised an eyebrow but stopped trying to talk.
"You are an egotistical smart-ass who's way too smart for your own good. You make me crazy and drive me nuts," she said. Zane went still. "You're also funny, gorgeous and far more kind-hearted than you're willing to admit." She lifted her hand from his mouth and reached between them. He gasped slightly as she slid onto him.
"I am never going to get tired of that," he exhaled.
"Good," Jo said emphatically. "Because if I get my way, you'll be doing it for a long time. And you won't be doing it with anyone else." She looked straight into his eyes. "Ever."
His eyes widened. Neither of them moved or took a breath for several moments. Then Zane grinned widely. "Can you live with that?" she asked softly.
In one smooth move, he rolled her onto her back and lifted himself above her.
"Abso-frickin-lutley," he said, then captured her lips.
Epilogue
Having finished his morning routine, Zane headed for the shower. As it filled with steam, he checked his reflection in the mirror.
His body was still toned, if a bit less well-defined than it used to be. His hair was peppered with gray, not his favorite look. But his wife liked it, so he left the gray alone.
Hands skimmed his body as arms wrapped around him. "Good workout?" Jo asked. He turned.
Jo's hair wasn't without gray either, but it was nearly the only sign that 20 years had passed. She otherwise seemed ageless, at least to Zane.
"Oh, I don't know. Seems like I still have a lot of energy to burn," he grinned. Jo leaned back and looked down. She smiled up at him. "Yep, I'd say you're still pretty perky. For an old man, anyway."
"It's your fault. You're the one who said I'd never be with anyone else. I'm just holding up my end of the bargain," he said with mock indignation.
"20 years and counting. Who knew you had it in you?" she teased.
"Speaking of years, I won't be home tonight. Have to take the wife out for another wedding anniversary," he shook his head regretfully.
"She's a lucky woman," Jo observed.
"Yeah, you are," Zane agreed, then leaned in to kiss her. She punched him gently instead.
"Jackass," she said affectionately.
"It's what you love about me," he said.
She tilted her head to one side. "You're not wrong. Never could figure that out—must have hit my head when I was young," she teased.
His head moved back imperceptibly. "Think you can handle another 20 years?" he asked.
"Abso-frickin-lutely," she answered, then captured his lips again.
Author's Note: It seems so easy to get these two together on paper that it's hard to imagine why it doesn't happen on the air. Then again, no one's telling me to drag it out to keep ratings up over several seasons, so there's that. :-p