So it came to this, a Highlander/Boosh crossover. I love this two shows, and... That's it actually. Contains very mild slash, nothing explicit oh and swearing. Tell me what you think.
He just had to get away from all of it. The arguing, the mind games and most of all his face. He knew he should have killed that bastard after he threw him in a fucking well. But no, one smile from that little shit and he forgave him everything. He ordered another beer and stared around the shady bar until something sparkly caught his attention. A tall woman was arguing with a seemingly drunk bar patron. He usually enjoyed the distress of others but this time he was just annoyed. He shook his head with a sigh and got up from his chair."Listen, I'm not interested in you…" "Oh come on, you are asking for it, all dressed up like that." He tapped him on the shoulder. The bloke turned around, clearly pissed. "Leave now or it gets ugly." "Fuck off you berk!" A vicious smile appeared on his face when he grabbed the man's throat and smashed his face into the wall. The crowed just stared at him but no one dared to defend the now unconscious idiot. "Told you." Yeah, he still got it. He was War for fuck's sake.
"That was amazing!" The woman followed him back to the bar and sat beside him. "That's what I do." "Are you a professional fighter or something?" "I guess you can say that." "Thank you that bastard didn't want to leave me alone and it got quite annoying." "I know that feeling." The woman didn't catch his drift and ordered a "Flirtini". "So, what are you doing here?" She smiled at him and he noticed her big blue eyes, framed by thick eyelashes. He had beautiful eyes too. Of course they were green, with streaks of brown in it. And he didn't need to boost his eyelashes with mascara… "Oh fuck no!" He exclaimed. "What's the matter?" The woman asked. "Nothing. I just… Thought about someone." "Girlfriend?" "Something like that." "Ah, I get it." She grinned knowingly. "I don't think you do sweetheart." "Oh come on. Leather, thigh shirt gruffly exterior and still perfectly groomed hair… What did he do?" "You really wanna know?" He gave up and realized that he really needed to talk to someone. He could always kill the bitch afterwards. "He offed our best friend to save some red headed slag and then betrayed me for a man that looked like a cross between Antonio Banderas and a ballet dancer." "Oh." Was all she could say. "Oh indeed." She bit her lip and ordered another drink. "I'm Vince by the way." "Vince?" "Yeah, Vince Noir. Prince of Camden, King of the Mods. Care to share your name with me?" He was so surprised, that he didn't even think of a fake name to go with. "Kronos."
Howard walked home from Jazzercise, his head still filled with the exquisite sound of Charlie Mingus, when he suddenly bumped into someone. "Oh sorry mate, I guess I was in Jazz trance." "Jazz trance?" The man looked bemused. He was tall, wearing a black trench coat and jeans. "Yeah, you know… When the Jazz takes over." "I'm more of a "Queen" man myself." "Yeah, they are quite good too. I like their early stuff." "Really? I personally think "A Kind Of Magic" was their best album. "Who wants to live forever"? Genius." "Wasn't "Princes of the Universe" on it too? Catchy tune…" "Can't listen to that anymore. Heard it every day for like three years." The man's eyes seemed to scan the location while he was talking to him. "So… You're looking for something?" "Actually I do. For someone to be exact. Tall, dark, wears a lot of leather." "Right…" The man's smile was charming; Howard had to give him that.
Howard had no idea, why he invited the man back to the flat. But here they were, sitting opposite from each other, drinking their tea in silence. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name…" "Never told you. It's Adam." "I'm Howard. So this bloke you're looking for, is he your brother?" "In arms I guess." "Oh, you are a military man? Irak? Afghanistan?" "Mesopotamia."
"Does he know how you feel about him?" "Well, after so many years, I think he should…" "Naw, you can't assume that! I mean, look at me. I dress like this most of the time and my best mate has no idea how much I love him." Vince stopped for a moment and thought about his confession to this complete stranger. Why could he admit that to him, but not to Howard?
After his fifth "Flirtini" Vince was clearly drunk. Kronos was tempted to just leave the annoying brat in the bar, but couldn't bring himself to do so. Killing him was still an option though. The former Horsemen wrapped his arm around Vince's tiny waist and walked him out. After a few steps he stopped. "I have to tell Howard!" The young man exclaimed and turned his face to him. "And you have to tell your guy! Come on, we gotta find them!"
"You see, Jazz is essentially the only form of music that has evolved beyond his… Am I boring you?" "No, not at all, I enjoy listening to you. I'm a little weak in pop culture. I thought Tom Jones invented the twist." Howard chuckled. He really liked this guy. Vince would have loved his Rolling Stones story. Where the hell was his best friend anyway? Oh right, he went out with Leroy for drinks. Suddenly Adam moved his head around, facing the stairs. He looked worried. "Alright, mate?" "Are you expecting someone?" "Just Vince…" "HOWARD? HOWARD! I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING…" Vince stumbled up the stairs, with a dark haired man in tow. "YOU!" The man growled and drew a sword. Vince was instantly sober.
"What the hell are you doing here… Brother?! Already bored with your Boyscout?" Adam held his hands up and tried to reason with the angry man. "Listen Kronos there is nothing going on between me and Mac." "Oh really? Then why does he live, while our brothers are dead?!" "Because he is my friend and I care about him." "Your friend?! Since when do you care about anyone else besides yourself?!" "Because I fucking evolved you stupid git!" "This is not going well…" Vince thought and grabbed Howard's arm. The Jazz poet looked at his best mate and stepped in front of him, shielding Vince from the two men. Kronos placed his sword on Adam's throat. "I should have killed you a long time ago, Methos." Methos/Adam gave him a provocating look before replying "That has always been your problem, huh Kronos? What to do with me. Should I kill him or fuck him? Make up your mind already! Because quite frankly I'm tired of it!" The three men stared at Methos who used the confusion to his advantage. With a swift move he produced a dagger and sliced Kronos' hand. The dark haired man dropped his sword and Methos picked it up. "Can we have a normal conversation now or do I have to use this?"
"Let me get something to bandage you up…" Vince searched the cabinets for some plasters but Kronos just hold up his hand. "No need to. Closed up." Howard looked at Kronos' hand. He heard about fast healers, but this was ridiculous. "Sit down." Methos commanded, still holding up the sword. Vince took the chair next to Howard, while Kronos was facing his brother. "You wanted to talk. Go on." "Why do you think I'm here, Kronos?" He shrugged. "Searching for a new mate I guess." "I'm here because of you." "To end what your friend started, I presume…" "No, because he loves you Kronos!" Vince blurted out. "Let them talk you berk!" Howard whispered. "When they sort out their differences, we might see the next day!" But Vince was already in full Cupid mode. "He fancies you too. He is just too much of a homicidal maniac to admit it." "I think we can do it without the commentary track guys." Methos had been in a lot of weird situations in his 5000 years, but this? He looked at Kronos' pissed off face, the frightened Jazz poet and the sparkly ladyman. It was all too much for him. He started to laugh. Kronos got up and left without a word.
"Kronos! Wait!" "What the fuck do you want Methos?" "I'm sorry! I really am! This is not how I wanted it to be. Would you please stop and listening to me?" "I heard enough." "I love you." Kronos stopped mid walk and turned around. "What did you say?" "I love you." "Yeah, right…" "Hey, I'm making an effort here!" "I cannot really see that, brother." "You want proof?" Methos grabbed his shoulders and threw Kronos against the wall, kissing him passionately. After a few seconds Kronos reciprocated the kiss. "How is that for a proof?!" He grinned slyly. "Did someone give you a badass upgrade?" "Will you listen to me now?" "No. I'm afraid you won't be talking for a while."
"Vince?" "Yes?" "What the hell was that?!" "I have no idea… Look, he left his sword." "Does that mean, he'll come back?!" "Maybe." "Pack your stuff, we gotta go." "Why?" "Didn't you pay attention?! Two blokes with sharp weapons know were we live, and one of them is pretty pissed at us!" "They'll be alright. Trust me." "How come you know that?" "Because I talked to Kronos. All he wants is for his mate to love him." "Yeah, you could really see the love between those two…" "Why do I even talk to you about these things?! You're absolutely clueless!" Vince had enough. He walked to his room and closed the door with a loud bang.
A few minutes later, Howard knocked slightly. "Hey, little man… Are you alright?" Vince didn't answer. He was lying on the bed, sobbing into his pillow. "Little man?" "Go away." He was about to walk out of the room when his friend suddenly yelled. "You are really leaving?" "You wanted me to." Vince pouted and threw one of his pillows at Howard. "What was that for?" "Be grateful it wasn't one of my boots you berk!" "That's it! I have enough of your childish behaviour!" This time, it was Howard's turn to slam the door shut.
Howard was organizing his Jazz records, this time according to production year, when Vince appeared. "Howard?" He wore one of his colourful dressing gowns that complimented his slender frame. "What is it? I'm busy." "I've been thinking…" "Did it hurt much?" "Oh hahaha." Vince cleared his throat. "I love you." Howard snorted, forcing down a laugh. "Okay." "No, I mean it. I really do. You are my best friend but I want us to be more." "Are you sure you not just saying this, because we were on the brink of death again?" "I wanted to say this to you for a long time." He wrapped his arms around Howard, leaning his head against his shoulders. "Stop that…" The Jazz poet protested but Vince had already started to kiss his neck. "You really want me to stop?" He whispered, batting his eyelashes. There was nothing teasingly in Vince's eyes, so Howard shook his head. "On to the lips then…"
The next morning, Vince woke up in Howard's arms. He was still asleep so he unwrapped himself from his embrace and walked into the kitchen. He looked around and realised that the sword was gone. In its place was a white satin shirt and note addressed to him: "Belonged to Mick back in the days, thought you might want this. Kronos says hey." Vince smiled. "Love does conquer everything. Even Jazz poets and homicidal maniacs."