Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

Spoilers: The End In The Beginning / Critic in the Cabernet

A/N: I hate this story. It's not what I wanted at all but I'm putting it up cos I said I would. So here goes…

Guilt

Brennan's POV

Helplessness. Isolation. Fear. Frustration. The inability to do anything to make the situation better. My partner in a coma lying in the bed opposite me was the catalyst to all these feelings. Granted he usually frustrates me in any situation we are in but this one is the one that causes me the most annoyance with it. This feeling of isolation and helplessness was one that I hated and never wanted to feel again.

I decide that my escape from this should be to write, so I take out my laptop and start to write nothing in particular as I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the next novel.

The partnership and resulting friendship I have with Booth is one that I cherish more than anything. Angela keeps calling it love but I don't think I'm there yet. I'm not saying that I won't one day but right now, I still need a little more time.

As I wait for him to awake, I think back to some of the things we've shared in the past. The reassuring glances and affirming slight touches. The hugs we shared, either through fear, relief or just because we can. The kiss under the mistletoe. I even kept those silly little gifts he gave him. Jasper the pig. Brainy smurf. The leaflet from Buck and Wanda's escapades in the circus. Then it dawned on me, I never gave Booth anything in return, except maybe a cocky belt buckle to replace his that was lost at the bottom of the ocean. A couple of spinal adjustments when he was in pain from his back.

I was never a good friend to him, not like he was to me. He knew who I was even when I didn't, yet I didn't know about his childhood until a few months ago. When I found out, I remember thinking how could I have not seen that. I was abused by foster families yet Booth was abused by his own father. I am a terrible friend.

And then to top it all off, I has asked him to donate his sperm so that I could selfishly have a child of my own. I never once took into consideration his feelings and that I would, essentially, be creating another situation that echoed Rebecca and Parker's to him. Shame and guilt washed over me.

When he wakes, I have to explain myself to him. How I feel, the guilt of my actions and to apologise for the refusal to listen to him when I really should have been. My FBI agent needs to come back to me so my world can be set back to right. Please wake up Booth, please.