The Sunrise Dilemma

Prologue

I ran my hand alongside the warm handrail while gazing intensely at the distant sunset. The color orange flooded the sky just like the color blue ran alongside the sea, all the way up to the horizon. It had been exactly eighty three seconds since I had come up here but it felt like way more than that. What was I previously thinking about? The expected train of thought hit me all at once shortly after and my mood dampened immediately. A slight grin making its way through my face was proof of it.

"Do you intend on going downstairs anytime soon? Mother's pretty worried about you, you know?"

Her voice was as playful as ever and yet something was off about it, almost as if she herself couldn't pull through this without actually making an effort for once. Needless to say I had no intention of talking to her, my mood was way too insufficient for that now.

"Look…"

I heard the sound of her luxurious shoes making their way to me.

"...you can't be a crybaby anymore"

Her hands positioned themselves over both of my shoulders as she said this words. A crybaby? Was I really being a crybaby? I tried thinking about it but it was of no use anymore, any possible solution I had already contemplated multiple times. None of this seemed like a viable outcome however. No one could be saved now and that was the absolute reality, wasn't it? My raven black hair made its was alongside the wind that now came from the sea, trying to push me back. Closing my eyes in response I decided to just enjoy and go along with it. What a beautiful thing the wind was, it could fly anywhere anytime. Free and unbound to anything. Soon enough a faint sigh could be heard from her, was she finally taking her leave?

"You can't expect people to go out of their way to help you, you know? Life doesn't work that way"

Her voice was devoid of her usual cheerful demeanor, giving way to one that expressed nothing but sincerity. I decided then to open my eyes and face her, it was the least I could do.

"I know it may seem like this is the end of us but it was going to get here sooner or later. You can't delay the inevitable after all."

"The inevitable?"

I asked in contemplation, being unable to tell exactly what she was getting at.

"Endings."

I stopped looking at her upon hearing those words, opting instead to face the heartwarming sunset once more.

"Imagine your situations were reversed, would you really have helped him if he didn't ask for your help?"

So she wasn't done talking after all. More importantly though, would I have? I cared about him to a fair extent but respecting other's business was a must. Mother had always taught me to keep myself at bay when regarding other people's lives after all. That was what I thought without a doubt but what about how I felt? Would I have felt the need to help him? Undoubtedly.

"Should..."

I froze for a moment before realizing she was right. Even if I felt like I would have helped him, I had no right to intrude into his life without his permission.

"You see now, my adorable little sister? You have no right to feel like this."

Right? Did someone ever really need any right in order to feel anything? What a weird concept.

"We can't control how we feel but expressing our feelings without restraint is ill mannered. You might experience emotions without any rhyme or reason but expressing them is a whole different thing."

My lack of any response must have been her green light in order to continue. I almost felt the irrational need to disagree with her but she was being way too convincing, her logic flawless and her arguments solid. She may as well one day catch up to Mother.

"You are feeling sad about something you yourself wouldn't have done in his place. Don't you think that's being inconsistent?"

I knew she was right. Logically speaking any complaint from my part would be as unjustified as my arguments fallacious. No one, with the exception of Mother was ever able to beat her in an argument after all. The sudden realization of my own inconsistency led to a sudden struggle between my feelings and my thoughts, should any of them really ever take priority over the other? Raising my hand high above my head I sought to take the sun into my hands before it went off for the night. It was in that very moment that a spark was lit inside of me.

"I would've never have allowed it to get to this should our roles had been reversed and that's why...I will save people."

While speaking those words with newly found determination l could only help but gaze upon the eyes of my seemingly surprised sister. Her expression had become hard to read upon hearing my words, nothing but a small smile covered her features as she placed her hands on the handrail as well. Mimicking my exact posture she left out a small chuckle.

"Is that the conclusion you have come to? After everything I just said?"

I know I had sounded vague, optimistic and like a blind dreamer overall but even then I wanted to explain myself. Giving in to the awareness of my own pathetic responses would only further dig up the hole I currently stood in. And so, trying to repress the blush currently on my face, I spoke.

"It might be a far fetched dream but...I find it to be a better goal than just accepting the ugliness of this predicament as you do. I will dedi-"

"Yukino-chan..."

She rudely interrupted me with what seemed like an almost pitiful demeanor, was I really that naïve?

"One can only chase after butterflies until he or she reaches a certain age so...be sure not to overdo it."

Before I could even come up with a response she let go of the handrail and went back inside, leaving me alone with what could potentially be the longing feeling for a half assed conviction. Where could it possibly lead? I wondered in silence. There were ideas worth having and ideas worth exploring but only a few of them would ever be realized, the value of these independent of whether these could be executed or not. There was value in longing for something, it had to be or otherwise...

"I won't ever be as the likes of you..."

I whispered to the wind in solace.

This is just something I wrote today out of, I dunno, inspiration? Should I continue? Be sure to speak your mind