All of the dialogue comes from the film. I just kind of wrote prose around it. They've got really thick southern accents because SOUTHERN KEITH Y'ALL
These are little ficlet blurbs based on an au I came up with around the movie Sweet Home Alabama with Reese Witherspoon. I usually detest chick flicks but for some reason I adore this movie. So, without further ado, here we go.
Pidge's dream of her and Keith as children:
"Answer the question!" Keith demands.
"No!" she calls back over her shoulder as she runs.
"No you won't answer, or no you won't marry me?"
"Jeez Keith, I'm ten years old! I've got too much to live for! And why would you wanna marry me for anyhow?"
"So I can kiss you anytime I want."
Katie Holt, the leader of technological engineering and inventing in New York City. Her boyfriend, Lotor the mayor's son, had just proposed to her. While the mayor, Honerva, holds a particular disdain for Katie, ever protective of her son, this never bothered Lotor. But before she could get married and live happily ever after, Katie realized she had to return south to her hometown of Pigeon Creek to get her ex-husband to finally sign the divorce papers she'd been sending him for years.
As Katie drove through the familiar streets, she bemoaned to her friend, a fellow inventor, all about her predicament.
"Why don't you come over and celebrate," her friend said. "we're right around the corner.
"I can't," Katie replied."I'm in Alabama." She actually cringed.
"….oh..my God."
Katie pulled into the familiar drive to the house in which she used to live. Leaves scattered under her tires as she screeched to a halt by the porch. Arranging her things, she twisted her engagement ring until the stone faced the palm of her hand, out of sight.
As she stepped out of her car, the familiar dog on the porch started barking.
Then, she heard a voice through the screen door.
"Aw he's loud but he don't bite." And then he opened it roughly and stepped through. And there he was, all these years later, and he didn't look any different. His dark bangs still stuck in his dark eyes and he still had that one dimple on his left cheek. His sense of style hadn't changed either, Katie noticed with a sneer; he wore a stained t-shirt, ripped jeans and work boots caked with mud. He was covered in grease.
As he approached, he tossed a greasy towel over his shoulder and appraised her. "An' how can I help you?"
Katie smirked.
"Well, for starters you can get your stubborn ass down here and get me a divorce!" She ripped off her sunglasses to look him fully in the eyes. She watched with satisfaction as realization dawned upon him. His smirk dropped instantly and the tools in his hands fell to the floor.
"You show up here after all this time without so much as a 'Hey there Keith it's me, your wife' or a 'Hi honey! lookin' good! How's the family?'"
Katie whipped around to face him.
"You expect me to tell you you look good? What? Did they run out of soap down at the piggly wiggly since I left?" Keith chuckled darkly, smirking.
"They laugh at that up north, or wherever it is you've been?" He said, turning back to his house. Katie followed.
"You knew where I was. And don't even pretend you've spent all this time missing me."
"Oh I missed you alright. But at this range, my aim is bound to improve." He smirked as he reached the door.
"KEITH!" she shrieked. "You dumb, stubborn, redneck hick! The only reason you won't sign these papers is 'cause I want you to!" She saw the muscles in his back tense and he whipped around, getting his reddening face right in hers.
"WRONG! The only reason I ain't signin' is 'cause you've turned into some hoity toity yankee bitch, and I'd like nothing' better right now than to piss you off!" And with that, he turned and slammed the screen door behind him with a bang.
As Katie argued with her lawyer, wondering how she was going to sort this all out, she heard a man calling out to her from the road. She ignored him and continued snapping into her phone, until his shrill cat-calls were getting too loud. Angry and frustrated, she ended the call abruptly, turned around, and yelled,
"Listen, why don't you just kiss my-" and then she saw who was calling to her the whole time. "-ass!" she cried.
Lance Mcclain climbed out of his truck stopped at the red light and she ran to him. They embraced right in the middle of the road.
"You can go ahead and spend your money," Keith said, shrugging.
"But darling," Katie said in a mockingly sweet, perfect southern wife tone. "I thought you said we should think of it as, 'our money.'"
She watched him, his back to her, as he took a long swig from a beer can. At her words, he completely froze in realization of what she had done; that she'd taken money from his account, which she had access to because they were still legally married. He crushed the beer in his hand as his temper rose.
"How much did you take?"
"All of it!"
"Why do you make me be mean to you?" Katie drawled, leaning over the pool table, draping an arm over his cue. "Is that what you want? To be humiliated in front of your friends?"
"C'mon pidge, we were your friends too." Lance admonished. The air in the room grew suddenly heavy, and Lance, ever attuned to the mood of any situation, tried to alleviate it before things got worse. "Hunk, just grab a stick, and if you can't find one, just grab the one shoved up Pidge's ass."
Keith dragged her out of the bar by her arm.
"You come here, you take my money, rearrange my shit and then insult my friends actin' like your better than them!" Katie wriggled free of his grip.
"I am better than them!" she shot back. She clumsily dug into her purse for her keys, making for her car, while Keith followed like a pitbull at her heels, shouting in her ear.
"That's all that matters to you, isn't it? The money, the labels, the gadgets; you're pathetic." He seethed.
"Oh like you're going places!"
The next morning, when she woke up, she turned over and pressed her face into the newly signed papers.
"Keith, I didn't mean to hurt you, or anyone else for that matter. I just came to say…thank you." But she felt like there was some other reason why she was standing there in front of him. He didn't really say anything back, just continued to move crates and boxes out of the way.
"Might wanna find yourself a place out of the way." He began to untie the ropes connecting to the plane.
"You can't just leave!" she cried. He chuckled under his breath.
"Sure I can," he nodded with a smirk. "Wanna come?"
"Where are you going?"
"I wanna show you somethin'" He smiled, and the dimple on his left cheek deepened. Seeing him now, she would never admit that it was a tempting offer.
"I can't."
"Can't, or won't?" He shot back. She was too tired to argue. And lately, she was less sure about what side she stood on.
"Both?" she replied. Keith shook his head, laughing to himself like he had some sort of personal secret, or inside joke. He stepped on the stool and opened the door to the plane.
" The girl I knew used to be fearless," He said, climbing in.
"The girl you knew didn't have a life."
"Well, I guess you best get back to it then," He said. Then the plane engine roared to life, drowning out anything else they could say to each other. He turned away from her and focused on steering out onto the lake, and she turned away from him and focused on her plans now that she was no longer tied to him.
"Lance?" she called, stepping around the anvils lodged into the wide yard.
"Pidge! Don't move!"
She turned to see his head poking out from over a nearby hedge.
An explosion sounded, accompanied by a big,
"YEEHAAAW"
Katie squeaked when something crashed into the terrace behind her.
"Hot damn!" someone yelled. Out of the bushes came Lance's uncle, Coran, dressed in his full confederate regalia, followed closely by his terrified nephew, who approached her as his uncle searched the terrace.
"We weren't aiming for you, but I doubt I would have gone to your funeral," he greeted softly, letting her know very clearly that her words the night before had hurt him.
"Guess I wouldn't blame you," she said.
He looked at her with those sad, soulful eyes.
"Keith's not the only one in town that you ran out on."
"I'm so sorry I outed you," she blurted. She couldn't contain her shame any longer. "I guess I figured if I was pointing at you, nobody would see through me."
She never got any sort of forgiveness from him. He simply nodded, and then raced back to tend to his uncle before he got himself, or anyone else, hurt. Katie decided that it was best she leave, and went out the way she came. As she exited the main door, she saw, to her horror, a photographer snapping away at the plantation house.
Katie weaved through the crowds at the annual catfish festival. Local fire trucks were parked on either end of the main street, blocking traffic. Cheap banners hung between buildings and telephone poles and the smell of hot dogs and potato salad rose in the humid, early autumn air. Katie sought out Hunk and Shay. To apologize to them for what she had said. She found them, of course, at the petting zoo with their multitude of children, feeding the donkeys and cows. After apologizing and receiving immediate forgiveness, Pidge chatted with her old friend. She smiled fondly at the baby in Shay's arms, watching bubbles of spit popping between his soft lips, and the two soon fell into a short, companionable silence, listening and watching the families enjoying the fair.
"Y'know, he went up there," Shay said softly.
"Who? Keith? When?" Pidge was shocked.
"About a year after you left. He doesn't know I know, but Hunk let it slip once."
"Keith was in New York?" She gaped.
"He told Hunk he'd never seen anything like it. He realized straight off he'd need more than an apology to win you back. He needed to conquer the world first. He's been trying ever since."
"That's why he kept sending the papers back," Pidge breathed.
"Yeah. It's funny how things don't work out," Shay smiled sadly. Pidge placed a firm hand on her friend's shoulder.
"It's funny how they do."
"You can have roots and wings," Keith said gently from his spot next to her. Pidge could hear the faraway laughter of the dancers and saw the golden glow from the lanterns in the square. It seemed like she and Keith were in a whole other world, sequestered under an oak in the middle of this pet cemetery. There was a pleasant hush over the lawn, save for the sound a few orange leaves breaking from their branches up above. One fell gently on her shoulder, and she picked it up, twisting it between her fingers.
"Maybe I could fly south for the winter," she mused.
Keith laughed for a moment, and suddenly, he grew serious. He was always like that; the ebb and flow of his emotions changed as quickly as an afternoon thunderstorm; raging and passionate and then giving in to warm and gentle just as fast.
"I'm real proud of you, Pidge. You've done well for yourself. I'm just sorry I didn't get to dance with ya at our weddin'. This next one's gonna go better though." There it was again. That stupid, handsome crooked smile. She felt her heart ache and she knew that this was wrong.
"Keith I can't do this-" She got up to leave.
"Hey, hey…" He reached for her arm and stopped her, leveling her with a serious look. "I know.."
But then before she could really think she was kissing him. Short and Chaste at first and then more hungry with each moment. She found herself clinging to him like he was her lifeline. But before it got to be too much, she withdrew with a gasp. They stayed close for a little while, their shuddering breaths the only sounds in the cemetery. Soon, Keith regained his bearings.
"Go," he said softly. She had to fight the the force pulling her towards him, but she was able to turn around and walk away. It grew harder and harder to leave him each time she turned her back on him.
Keith gripped the steering wheel, trying to size this Lotor up. So this was the chump Pidge was engaged to. He watched him closely after he told his story, about Pidge when she blew up the cat, a little science experiment gone wrong.
"What happened to her?" Lotor asked, still thinking they were talking about two different people.
"Oh y'know. Wound up pregnant. Married some loser outta high school," Keith replied, eyes darkening.
With some time on their hands, Pidge and her friends decided to go to the glass blowers place she'd been eyeing ever since she had returned. The building must have once been an old barn, but now it was freshly painted and bordered with trimmed shrubs and firs. Pidge took a breath of the sweet, musty smell of fresh wood as she stepped inside. All around her were beautiful pieces of glass, set on lit tables so they shone clear and bright. There were goblets, glasses, bowls, and even little glass birds. Pidge ran her finger along the smooth surface of one bird's back, admiring the craftsmanship.
A dog's bark caught her attention, and she turned to find Rover barreling after her. Confused, but pleasantly surprised, she embraced him.
Just as she was wondering where his owner was, she saw him stepping down the stairs. And like he could sense her presence, his eyes found hers immediately. He came closer and all they could muster to each other at first were two pathetic "hey"s. He tried to play it off but she just couldn't get past the fact that this was his business. She was surrounded by all he had built. And she realized that he had done it all for her.
Pidge sucked in a deep breath as she approached the altar, mindful of the heavy weight of the train of her dress dragging behind her. Before she can take another step, though, a man behind her screamed. A pair of guards walked out with her lawyer of all people trapped between them in a choke hold. She demanded they put him down and he brushed himself off with a huff.
"You are one hard woman to find, Ms. Holt." He sniffed.
"Um, why were you looking for me?" Pidge asked as Lotor came up behind her.
"Well, it appears that the divorce papers haven't been signed."
"I don't understand. Keith did sign-"
"Not by him, by you." her lawyer whispered, trying to keep the information private even though they were surrounded by hundreds of people and the press. Discreetly, her lawyer handed her a pen and she readied herself to sign her name.
And she paused. She thought she'd fixed this. Now she had to get this over with, but as she stood bent over the paper she couldn't make herself do it.
She had to tell Lotor.
Turning to him slowly, dreadfully, she whispered,
"I'm sorry. But I gave my heart away a long time ago, and I never got it back."
Lotor drew back in shock, but didn't say anything. He didn't yell or cry or scream. Nothing.
"That's it?! You're just gonna let her humiliate you like that?!" the mayor, Honerva, demanded, stepping up to her son.
A wistful smile played across Lotor's features as Pidge looked up at him with imploring eyes.
"Yeah," he breathed. "I think I am." Then he lifted her hand to his lips, kissed it, and excused himself.
It was pouring outside. Her wedding dress was soaked and caked with wet sand as she trudged along the lake's edge. Fingers of lightning stretched across the sky, lighting the bellies of dark clouds, and the lake churned into a dark froth beside her. She desperately wiped the water from her eyes, squinting into the night.
Then, she spotted him.
There he was, sticking rods into the sand. She could make out the span of his broad shoulders as he worked.
"Hey cowboy!" she shouted. She saw his muscles tense, and she fought the urge to laugh. "You owe me a dance." He slowly turned around to face her, as if fearful of what he would see. He quirked an eyebrow at her muddy dress and disheveled hair.
"Nice dress. Where's yer husband?" He grumbled, returning to his work.
"I'm looking at him!"
He turned fully now, confusion furrowing his brow.
"Apparently you and I are still hitched," Pidge laughed.
"Is that right?" Keith replied, smirking.
"Yeah." She frowned. "Why didn't you tell me you came to new york?"
"I needed to make somethin' of myself."
"About done?"
He paused for a bit, and then suddenly strode off past her. "What is it with you southern girls? Can't make a decision until you've tried all the wrong ones?"
She gathered the sopping folds of her dress in her hands and hurried after him.
"At least I fight for what I want!" she cried.
"Oh what do you want, Pidge?" he stops in front of her. "I don't even think you know."
"Your the first boy I ever kissed, Keith. And I want you to be the last,"
"Baby, you and I had our chance." Why was he being so difficult? Why was he pulling away? He turned and stalked off again.
"Fine, have it your way, you stubborn ass!" she called after him, heart breaking all over again.
He stopped and barked out a cynical laugh. "What d'you wanna be married to me for anyhow?"
She stepped up close to him, craning her neck up to see him. She watched water pour down the dark bangs sticking to his forehead, dripping off his long eyelashes and streaming down his jaw.
Pidge smiled.
"So I can kiss you anytime I want." And by the time she reached for him he was already grinning.
If I ever write again, I'll probably do something much more cohesive.