Seto Kaiba: King of Angst

S.A. Thorup

A Yu-gi-oh! Fanfiction/parody.

For James. We always enjoy a good laugh over Kaiba's antics.

Chapter 1: Awaken the Angst

One day Seto Kaiba was sitting in his spacious office. He sat in his chair, leaning towards his computer screen with his brooding ocean-blue eyes with big white dots in them glaring at his computer screen. Charts and flashing numbers played across the screen, changing perfectly lest they anger Seto.

If any of these numbers indicate something is wrong with my company, I'll make them pay, Seto growled in his angsty mind.

Suddenly the door to his office burst open, and in flew Mokuba, his mullet flopping behind him.

"Seto!" he squealed, waving an opened letter around maniacally. "This letter came for you!"

"What is it, Mokuba?" Seto snarled, his voice sounding like he'd been smoking for fifty years.

Mokuba held out the letter to Seto, who flung his arm out and snatched it with two fingers. He snatched everything as if he were playing with Duel Monsters cards.

Seto scanned the letter with the intensity of a laser burning through cheese.

Dear Kaiba-boy,

I am hosting a birthday party for myself at Duelist Kingdom! You are personally invited to attend. I will provide housing, cake, and mackerel.

With much enthusiasm,

Maximilian Pegasus

Kaiba leaped up from his seat, throwing his arms around dramatically and making the letter patter against the humangous window behind him.

"How dare this madman even talk to me!" Kaiba roared. "Does he think I've forgotten what happened in Duelist Kingdom? I'm tired of his parlor tricks and holographic illusions!"

"But Seto––" Mokuba tried to intervene.

"I must prove that I am the best, the crown duelist, and not that geek Yugi," Seto said quietly, slowly lowering a fist before him. "I can never move on until I beat him!"

Mokuba stared wide-eyed with big blue white dots in his eyes at Seto.

"But what does that––"

"Come, Mokuba," Seto finished, marching around the desk, seizing his little brother's arm, and dragging him towards the door. "We're going to crash this little party."

"But why do I have to––"

"Because you're my useless sidekick and I have to keep an eye on you or someone might pretend to steal your soul using my technology!" Seto explained with unnecessary anger to Mokuba.

They took the elevator down to the lowest basement level to get his suitcase of 3,000+ cards and to get into the Blue Eyes.2 (because people keep airplanes in their basement, right?). Seto leaped into the head of his wish-fulfillment machine, his white trenchcoat rippling in a nonexistent breeze while he stared moodily at nothing. Mokuba clambered up into the copilot seat, wheezing for breath.

"No time to mess around, Mokuba," Seto rasped. He closed the cockpit, lifted a black lid on the console, and pressed the big red button there.

The Blue Eyes.2 lifted its head, gave a whining roar from its speakers, and shot a barrage of nuclear missiles at the wall. Seto didn't even blink his emotionless eyes as the missiles shredded the cement and earth and created an opening into the world above. Mokuba screamed the whole time and tried to cover his eyes against the intense light, but Seto ignored him.

Seto gunned the engines, slapped his hands onto the control stick, and pressed the pedal to the metal. The Blue Eyes.2 lifted up and zoomed through the opening and into the big blue sky.

"Mokuba, set a course for Duelist Kingdom," Seto ordered.

I'll make Yugi look like a dweeb, Seto vowed to no one except his brain. Eyes watering, Mokuba pressed random buttons until he got the coordinates punched in, and the Kaiba brothers made their merry way to Duelist Kingdom.