Let's take a step into the mind of Sirius Black, shall we?

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Chapter One

home, aka hell:
Bloody Hell. 10 days till school. 10 days too many. My mum's been off her rocker lately - well, isn't she always? - rambling around about how I'll just keel over one day since I don't serve Monsieur Voldy. Voldy can bite my arse for all I care. God knows I'm not like my pathetic brother Reggy - he basically wet himself when dad gave him the, "One Day You'll be Voldy's greatest Servant" speech. I would have enjoyed to see the look on Reggy's face. What a prat.

what the..?

My school things are missing. Either my mum's gone on one of her cleaning sprees again - no, never mind, she thinks she'll be cursed if she steps foot in my room - or maybe Reggy got overly excited and decided it would be fun to take my things. I was actually going to pack, too. See the punishments I get for living here?

culprit?

...Kreacher. Of course. Shouldn't he be dead by now? Sometimes I want to kick him - just for fun - to see if his head will topple off his shoulders. But I'd rather not touch him if I can't help it. You don't know where he's been. Actually, I do know where he's been - mucking about in the basement, cackling madly to himself. Mum calls him 'adorable'. I keep reminding her to take her medication...but does she listen? No.

finally.
Kreacher gave me back my stuff after some persuasion...which involved kicking. And I'm sorry to say that his head does, in fact, not roll off his shoulders. I was very disappointed. But for some reason, when I told Mum that, she sent me to my room. These people I call my parents? They say I'm a very troubled child. I beg to differ.

ergh.

My wand has goop on it. And I don't know what kind of goop it is or where it came from. All I know is that Kreacher had it at one point...

well.

Time for a new wand.

letters.

Finally got a bloody letter from Prongs - thank God. His life is so boring. I'd rather not hear about his woeful attempts to woo Lily. I swear, the boy is stalking her. He says he just 'ran into her' one day...lies. All lies. I'm trying to decide whether to write back or not. I'd better, or he'll keep sending me more letters rambling about Red - aka Lily. So then, a letter...hhm...

Dear Insane prat,

dad.

Just came in my room. I'm rather amused at the moment. When he stared in horror at my Kreacher-poisoned wand, the look on his face sent me into a laughing fit. He found nothing funny...

...he thinks that I did that to my own wand? I do admit, these Voldy-servers have rather dirty minds, don't you think?

When I told him it was Kreachers fault, he got even more disturbed. I'm no arse-bandit, if that's what he's thinking. Kreacher and I have no romantic involvement whatsoever, thank God.

reggy.

Accused me of romantically attacking Kreacher. I think I just threw up a little inside my mouth...how interesting. I didn't know that was possible. When I told Reggy - politely, of course - to sod off, he went off to Mum, whining. What a git.

Hm.

Poor Kreacher has thrown himself down the stairs. Mum says it was an unfortunate accident. She's fluttering about, trying to figure out whether to just get a new house elf or keep Kreacher. Dad's about somewhere...I'm not sure he cares. Reggy is practically devastated - he'll start sobbing any minute, I expect.

Me? I say suicide. Poor thing.

the jig is up!

Father has accused me - of all the people - of throwing dear, beloved Kreacher down the stairs.

"But Father," I said sweetly, "You, of all people, should know that I love Kreacher with every fiber of my being. How could I possibly throw such a lovely creature down the stairs? How violent!"

Reggy started laughing after I spoke the words 'I love Kreacher'. I politely reminded him that I'm not the one going down to the basement for regular snog-fests with our little dying house elf. That shut him up.

grounded.

So I threw Kreacher down the stairs, so what? It's not like anyone will miss him. I told Mum that I'm sad about it, and I am. Kreacher's head didn't topple off. And he's still alive.

And I tried so hard. I'm very disappointed in myself.