*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*What True Love Really Is*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Every one of her nerve endings screamed for more of his touch. They seemed to do that more and more now a days. She loved the way his feather light touches caressing her skin made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. And his gaze made her knees weak. Just looking into his ocean blue orbs made the entire world melt away. The way his lips enveloped hers, she always pulls him deeper in. They both have to breathe, she knows that, but every time that he pulls away from their passionate kiss and heated embrace she lets out a whine of protest and then pulls him back in, deeper than before.
It was different now, not like it was before, before he got his soul. Before he got his soul, it was just sex. Pure, raw, animalistic. It was just passion and lust, nothing more. But now it is… more. He was tenderer. He showered her with affection.
He did love her before, of course, but not like this. Maybe he didn't because he couldn't, because she wouldn't let him in. She needed it to hurt. She wanted to, but she didn't. Maybe it's because she didn't want to admit her feelings for him, not even to herself. The closest thing she did to admitting it was that look. That look she got in her eyes the first time they had sex.
"I know I shouldn't love you. I know I shouldn't want you, but I can't resist"
She gave in. She let him take her over, but it wasn't for just that night. It was all through their relationship, and even after she left him. But she couldn't let him know that, that's why she acted the way she did the morning after. Like she didn't want him, like he was beneath her. But she did, she did want him, and now she wants him even more, now that she knows what he did for her. How he got his soul for her, how he died for her, and how her came back for her. It was like everything he did, he did for her. Now that she knows what he did, she doesn't care if anyone sees her love for him, not her friends, not her sister, and least of all him.
She never felt this way for anyone, not this much. Not for Riley, or even Angel. She loved Angel, she still does, but never like this. Every guy she's ever been involved with left, even the ones that didn't have much impact on her life. Jeffery, Scott, Parker, hell, even her own dad! They all left. But not him. He promised her, he didn't say anything, but she knew, he promised that no matter how bad it gets, he'll always love her, always be there. He looked into her eyes and silently told her that he will love her eternally, even if he wasn't anymore, eternal. He told her that with his last, dying breath he will love her, and he will never love another woman as much as he loves her.
She can still hear his words to her:
"I love what you are, what you do… how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're the one, Buffy."
That was the best night of her life, and his. She loved it when he said her name. The way it just seemed to roll off of his tongue. "Buffy…"
She'd say his name all the time, but it wasn't until recently, when she began calling him by his real name: William. But she was the only one who called him that, and she only did it when they were alone. He didn't like it when she called him that in front of the others, she learned that quickly. She didn't mind calling him by his nickname, though. It just made it all the more fun to call him William when they were alone.
She had a sudden realization, epiphany if you will, that night when he told her he was human. She had just realized how much she had felt for him, how much she didn't want to feel for him. Her own voice echoed in her mind from that night in the bathroom.
"I have feelings for you, I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love!" Of course that night followed by many bruises and an almost broken back from being pushed into the tub. He didn't have his soul then, and he apologized for it, many times, and she forgave him.
So, she thought to herself as she stood there hugging the man with whom she was undeniably, inevitably, irrevocably, completely and absolutely in love. He was her lover, her confidant, and soon-to-be father of her children. This is what it felt like? To be taken under by love, to let it just wash over you? That feeling like you've been split in half, one part of you feeling as if you might jump out of your own skin, the other, feeling totally at ease, like nothing could touch you. It didn't matter, the fact that he had his arms wrapped around her was enough to comfort her and lull her off to sleep.
With him, she knows what true affection, what true love really is.
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