There was always the fear that she was doing something dangerous by loving Anya.
Chun-Yan couldn't help herself however after years of partnership and alliance despite it's difficulties, she craved being near the other.
She wanted so much more than locked away moments alone with just themselves hidden from the world and potentially judging eyes.
Chun-Yan wanted to hold Anya's hand in public with out being afraid of the Russian female's brother attacking Chun-Yan.
She longed to kiss the other female in public.
Couldn't Russia and China's alliance take on a romantic aspect?
Chun-Yan desperately wanted to be so much more than whatever she was in Anya's eyes.
She wanted the romance, the connection, that they didn't have yet or possibly would never have as it came by means of talking to each other and breathing each other in in silent moments as they let themselves be silently heard and quietly known.
China clung on to her hope that they could be more in the future than they are now.