It's Always Been You
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. If I did, the finale would have been so different. Well, there wouldn't be a finale.
Summary: Just a little post ep for the Finale! Trying to get my feelings out. SPOILERS so be warned!
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst and relationships I guess! My speciality.
xxx
As soon as she knew what was in the envelope, she decided she didn't want to know what it said. She was already struggling to keep herself held together; knowing what he said to her before he left would break her for sure.
He talked to her. He always had. It was probably the one reason she hated Heather the most. She had been trying to get him to talk to her for over sixteen years, and it was always a constant battle.
He talked to Heather, with no rhymes, riddles or deflections.
She was never one to get jealous of the other woman, but in this particular relationship, that's who she was. She was the other woman, compared to Heather.
She refocused her attention on the paperwork sitting in front of her. Only an hour into the job and her desk was already filling up with all of these reports she had to sign off on.
She hadn't given this side of the job much thought before she applied. She was probably going to spend most of her time sitting behind the desk pushing paper. Only getting to hand out assignments and work on high profile cases when they needed her. She would play the role of mentor and teacher, rather than investigator.
Years ago, almost from another lifetime, she remembered Grissom sitting in his office in their home, late into the night trying to get caught up with paperwork. Sometimes she'd help him, just so he'd come to bed sooner. Other times she'd sit and read while he worked.
If only she had known all those years ago how things would change. Of course, she had dreams of being lab director back then, but not like this. Not alone.
Her eyes kept flicking back and forth between the report she was trying to fill out, and the envelope she had pushed to the corner of her desk.
She wasn't used to sitting on this side of the desk. All of her memories of this office were of her sitting on the opposite side.
Feeling a little overwhelmed with the echoes of past conversations filling her head, she stood and made her way towards the door.
As much as she wanted to just walk away from it, she needed to know what was on that tape. It was the only way she could let him go. She needed to give herself closure.
She felt deep down she would be very sad when she watched it, when she watched him with Heather. She had this job to keep her occupied now, she could throw herself into it, and not worry about her personal life.
She grabbed the envelope and made her way to an empty AV lab, closing the door behind her.
With a deep breath, she loaded the video into the computer. The mouse hovered on the play button, taunting her.
"Come on, Sidle." And with that little push, she pressed play, watching the interview unfold.
Minutes ticked by, just a normal debriefing interview. As soon as it was just the two of them in the room, and he slid into the chair opposite Heather, her breath hitched in her throat.
"When we first met I had a shell around my heart. I'd lost my belief in humanity. The only truth I knew was empirical science. I just wanted to thank you for opening my heart. Through you, I learned to love someone."
She had to stop it there. She couldn't see the screen anymore. Her eyes burned with tears, her breathing was coming in sharp, short breaths, ripping through her. There it was. He said it. The one thing she had feared for the last ten years.
Heather had opened his heart. It wasn't her. Something inside her broke, and she didn't know if she would ever be able to reclaim that part.
Seeing him again had brought back everything that she had tried to bury for the last two years. She never fooled herself into thinking she didn't love him. She knew she always would, but she at least thought she was better at hiding it than she turned out to be.
He came to clear Heather's name. If she had told him about Basderic, would he have come for her?
She swiped away at the tear that rolled down her cheek.
It was better this way. Now, she knew the truth, she could move on with her life. She could lock her feelings for Gil Grissom back up into that box they had spent so long trying to break free from, and she could get on with her life.
Shit happened, that was the story of her life. But, she got on with it.
There was still a minute left on the tape, proving to be as self-destructive as ever, she pressed play, and this time she couldn't stop the tears.
Jumping to her feet, she wiped the tears from her face as she power walked through the lab. She didn't even bother to knock on the Sherriff's door, walking straight in.
"Conrad, I need a word."
xxx
Grissom busied himself getting ready to sail out. He uncoiled a rope from the moorings.
He moved slowly, lost in his own thoughts. He left her, again, but this time he knew she was so much better off. She was the director of the lab, and she would do such an amazing job.
His heart had almost burst with pride, watching her accept the badge. She had worked so hard for so long, and he was glad that her abilities were finally being acknowledged.
When Catherine told him that she was coming home, she told him he could too; he could come back to Vegas and be home again.
Vegas would always be his home, but only while she was there. When he thought of home, he didn't think of a house, or a town, or a neighbourhood. He thought of her.
He would miss her with every beat of his heart, for as long as he would live. But he knew she would be okay.
His shoulders sag as he uncoils the rope from the mooring, and the motor springs to life, ready to move out for good.
"Wait, Gil!"
His head whips around, and there she is. Breathless and beautiful, after running from the cab towards the man she loved.
He could see it in her eyes. She was here for him. There was something else though, burning deep inside of her. She was uncertain.
He instantly reverses the boat, backing it up to the dock and held his hand out to her without a second thought.
She holds it tight, and he helps her on board. His hands stayed on her waist, her arms around his neck. He didn't think he'd ever let go.
"I saw the interview… I thought you meant.. I didn't think it was me." Her voice was raw with emotion, choking her words out.
"Sara. It's always been you. You have always had my heart." He corrected himself, "You are my heart, my home."
Her smile made his heart skip several beats, and he brushed the tears from her cheek.
She was giving up so much for him again, just like she had before. "Sara, the directorship… You can't give that up…"
"Gil. I came to Vegas for you, not the job. Now, I'm leaving Vegas for you."
They stood side by side, her head on his shoulder, as Ishmael sailed out to open sea. The possibilities for them were endless; their love was perpetual; immortal.
xxx
A/N:I haven't wrote anything in a long, long, long time! Trust GSR to get me out of this funk. Very rusty, and I'm writing this while running on two hours of sleep in the last 40 hours. I'd love to hear your thoughts!